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Alan Harper (Two and a Half Men)
Encyclopedia
Dr. Alan Jerome Harper, DC, is a fictional character
from the CBS
situation comedy
Two and a Half Men
. Jon Cryer
has played the role since the series began in 2003; after being nominated for an Emmy Award
for his depiction of the character in 2006
, 2007
, and 2008
, Cryer received an Emmy in 2009
for his portrayal.
Alan is a chiropractor
, the hapless father of Jake Harper, and the younger brother of Charlie Harper
. He may also be the father of Milly Melnick.
According to Eric Tannenbaum, executive producer on the show, Alan Harper is loosely based on his real life friend Stephen Deane.
house." This theory was proven when Charlie was afraid of his attraction to Chelsea's gorgeous friend Gail, and falsely told Alan he had a shot with her; after Alan flirted with Gail, she fled the house in horror and Charlie's temptation was gone.
As a child Alan was often the victim of bullying and got no help from Charlie since his brother participated in much of it. Not much is known about his relationship with their father since he died from food poisoning when they were young, after Evelyn served him spoiled fish that had been stored in a drawer.
Alan used to be married to Judith (Marin Hinkle
), the mother of their son Jake; after they divorced Alan got stuck with paying her $3875 monthly alimony, thus forcing Alan to move in with brother Charlie at the onset of the series. Judith lived a luxurious life on Alan's alimony
until she married Dr. Herb Melnick (Ryan Stiles
), Jake's pediatrician (also known as Greg Melnick in earlier episodes). Alan was so overjoyed at the end of his alimony requirement that he had a large cardboard check made for her for the last payment. Following the wedding, he only had to pay child support
, which Judith does not need but gladly takes from Alan to keep him miserable.
Alan's second wife Kandi (April Bowlby
) was one of Charlie's former girlfriends. She was so incredibly stupid she made Jake look like an intellectual. In the divorce, she received the condominium they bought with casino winnings after their impromptu Las Vegas
wedding.
Alan went to California State University at Long Beach
, but failed to get into medical school
. He studied chiropractic medicine in Guadalajara
with almost no Spanish language
skill. Alan had wanted to be a doctor, but he could not afford a decent medical school, and Evelyn did not help him because she did not think he was worth it. While he is often made fun of for not being a "real" [medical] doctor, he does hold a doctoral degree that legally allows him to be called a "doctor" in both academic and medical settings.
While he loves his brother and son, Alan resents Charlie somewhat, mostly because everything (money, women) just seems to fall into Charlie's lap, while Alan has worked hard his whole life only to remain a failure and has yet to reap such rewards. (Alan notes at the beginning of Season 8 that just one of Charlie's monthly royalty checks for his children's songs is more than he makes in a year.) Although he and his brother do have a sometimes tense relationship, they remain loyal to one another with Charlie able to cheer Alan up when he needs it, or Alan having to control Charlie's free spending ways when it damages his finances. He has little confidence in Jake, mostly because of the boy's lazy, unmotivated attitude, but he does love his son.
Alan also gets little sympathy even when he's had terrible misfortunes befall him. When he fell off the roof while fixing a satellite dish and was severely injured, he got little sympathy from Charlie, Judith, or Evelyn. He has also had to suffer torments caused by Charlie's behavior. He also got no sympathy after his second divorce.
Generally a nice guy, Alan has displayed some bad behavior and sneaky motives. When Charlie was going to couples-counseling with Chelsea, he fed Charlie a bunch of false information from conversations with her, and Charlie ended up looking like a fool. He has also hidden money from Charlie and once held off on telling Chelsea he was not Charlie when she snuggled next to him on the couch (she thought Charlie had fallen asleep there, but Charlie had forced Alan to give up the guest room and sleep in the TV room instead). Alan hit his low point when his above-board idea to solicit money from all his "family and Friends" in order to finance an ad campaign for his floundering chiropractic clinic slowly turned into a Ponzi Scheme
. This encouraged him to let his dark side out, although he ended up giving everyone back their original investment and returning to square one.
Because of his cheapness, neurotic nature, and inept social skills, many find Alan annoying, even insufferable—-particularly Charlie, Evelyn, and Berta, who calls him "Zippy." On his 40th birthday, instead of saying nice things about him, everybody pointed out all his faults. Also, Jake seems to have little respect for him, though Jake is not particularly respectful of Charlie or Judith either, and is not generally rude when he talks to his dad. Though Evelyn has called him the good child, she added that Charlie had not set that bar very high. She also once seriously suggested he accept some prison time after an assault charge because she wanted to save money instead of using it to hire a lawyer; also, would a brief stay in prison really be worse than his normal, pathetic life? This leaves Alan with very few (If any) friends
Alan is also seen as pitiful when he tries activities such as model car building and puppetry, because it highlights how anemic his social life is.
Alan drives a Volvo V70
station wagon, runs his own chiropractic-care clinic in the San Fernando Valley
, and gets irritated when people point out that he's not a "real" doctor. He lives in the guest room of Charlie's house, for which he paid no rent during his first 5 years, 2 months, and 11 days there because all his money went toward alimony and care of Jake. When Evelyn said she would pay for Jake's college education, Alan had no incentive to go to work and felt aimless. He then agreed to pay rent to Charlie every month, though the amount that would earn him a say in the household's operations was too high for him. Alan has also had to endure whatever inconvenience Charlie throws his way, and the fact that Charlie really, really wants him to move out permanently. Alan has also sometimes fantasized about killing Charlie in his sleep.
Alan is also a terrible liar, as proven in several episodes where he hastily creates a lie to get out of doing something, and Charlie always asks him for more detail to torture him and expose the lie.
, only to change her mind again later. While she sees herself as lonely and long suffering, Judith is actually quite cruel, spiteful, vindictive, irrational, unfriendly and selfish. According to Alan, Judith was a thin, scared, needy and neurotic mess with a strange eating disorder when he met her, and lived in the shadow of her more attractive popular sister. This could explain why she grew into such a bitter, angry, hate-filled person.
Alan and Judith met as teenagers and married young, though Charlie and "everybody else" advised Alan against marrying Judith. He lost his virginity to her during an Aerosmith
song (from the episode "Who Is This Vod Kanockers?"). During the separation, Alan desperately tried to reunite with Judith, not realizing that the real reason she kept calling him and asking him to rush over was simply to keep him doing the chores he always did around their home. Judith clearly depises him and takes every chance to make his life miserable, even though it is sometimes clear that Alan and Judith still have feelings for each other. Once she said: "I disliked you when we were married, I resented you when we were divorced, but I only started hating you when you started sleeping with a girl half your age." Judith also felt sorry for Alan after his second divorce to Kandi, though she made it clear that she would not give him any breaks on alimony even if he had to pay that to Kandi as well. (She also arranged for the lawyer who decimated Alan in their divorce settlement to represent Kandi, though it appeared that Alan's financial losses there occurred before Kandi left him.) In a Season 5 episode, Alan begins dating a divorced woman who is friends with him and Judith, but keeps having visions of Judith and Herb having sexual intercourse
, leading his date to say that he's not over Judith. Alan and Judith tried dating again in Season 3, which was after the divorce, but their attempts at intimacy were always interrupted by Jake approaching and Alan having to hide. Then when they finally had some uninterrupted time alone, Alan got upset because Judith had learned some "new moves." As they fight about this, Jake approaches and Alan jumps out the second-story window and lands in a thorny bush. At home, he finally realizes that he and Judith do not belong together.
One time (though it might have been intended as a joke to the audience), it was strongly implied that Jake might not be Alan's son, since he bears a strong resemblance to three long time acquaintances of Judith and Alan who were all in dead-end jobs (exterminator, water man and postman). While it was probably a joke, given Judith's attitude towards Alan, it's not an unlikely scenario.
At times Alan has tried to stand up to Judith but he usually regrets it at the time or later. In "Smooth as a Ken Doll," he orders Judith to "Stop nagging me!" over the phone and slams the phone down; immediately he says, "Boy, I'm gonna pay for that one later." In a season 5 episode while explaining Jake's comment "Uncle Charlie is so great!" to Judith he sarcastically says "Uncle Charlie is great because he did not get married!" and then slams the door in her face. He immediately exclaims to himself though"Boy that one's gonna bite me back in the ass."
Alan has even tried to be friends with Judith, However it was extremely difficult for him to be happy for the woman who ruined his life.
Judith has accused Alan of being controlling, but it's clear that she dominated the marriage while Alan bent over backwards trying to make her happy. Her relationships with her parents and sister are not much better; her mother is a longtime alcoholic and prescription
pill abuser; she's called both parents "poison"; and she argues with her sister constantly. Judith has little tolerance for people she does not like; she was cruel to her future sister-in-law; and her first words whenever Alan comes to her house are either "What are you doing here?" or "I swear to God, you're worthless."
During the divorce proceedings, Alan nearly lost all of his possessions after Charlie slept with his attorney (Heather Locklear
), then broke up with her, forcing him to fire her before the settlement could be finalized. When Judith hires her, she does everything in her power to crush Alan in the settlement (why Alan was bound to the grossly unfair terms that the attorney inflicted on him due to Charlie's behavior was never explained). Even after the divorce, Alan is constantly at Judith's mercy because of her powerful lawyer. Judith gets remarried in "Smooth As A Ken Doll" to Dr. Herb Melnick, Jake's pediatrician. Since that day, Alan may only be paying alimony to his second wife Kandi, a relief since there was some time before Judith remarried that he had to pay it to both Judith and Kandi. It is possible Alan does not pay Kandi alimony because she now makes much more money than he does, and that she signed divorce papers because she wanted to safeguard her earnings from Alan.
While Judith blames Alan and Charlie for a lot of Jake's shortcomings, she herself seems to have little faith in him and far less patience, as she takes any chance she can to drop him with Alan at Charlie's house.
In Season 6, Judith threw Herb out of their house and later slept with Alan, but their reconciliation ended when Alan realized Judith was the same angry, irrational person who had divorced him. Judith later told Alan that she and Herb were expecting a child, leaving a horrified Alan to think he might be the biological father. His fears were assuaged when Judith stated that Herb was the father and threatened to kill Alan if he revealed their affair. Judith does not like the fact that her daughter looks just like Alan, but Alan seems to enjoy pointing it out to her.
Despite saying she loves Herb, Judith seems to treat him in the same cruel and unfair way she treated Alan. Judith's parents seem to prefer Alan to Herb although Herb is a "real" doctor — but they also prefer Alan over Judith. Herb and Alan are great friends, but Judith disapproves, so Herb has to lie to her in order to hang out with Alan and/or Charlie. Over the course of the show, Alan and Judith's mutual hatred increases to the point that one will do anything to upset the other. When he could not afford a nice birthday present for his girlfriend Lyndsey, Alan stole earrings from Judith's house that he'd gotten for her when they were married, and after getting away with it, he decided to steal a nice necklace from Judith as well.
) was one of Charlie's former girlfriends, whom Charlie originally dated as a backup in case something went wrong between him and his girlfriend Mia. When Kandi came looking for Charlie, who was now more serious about Mia, she met Alan and they fell in love. They married in Las Vegas, shortly before Alan won $500,000. They divorced later, initially because Alan did not want children.
When Alan changed his mind and decided that he wanted to have children with Kandi, they had not officially signed their divorce papers. Kandi then heard that she had a main role on the TV series Stiffs and said that "nobody wants to see a pregnant 'fornesic' investigator" before signing the papers that ended their marriage. Their married life was never shown in episodes, inferred to have lasted only between the end of the third season and beginning of the fourth. Early in Season 4 Alan noted that after they bought a condominium, Kandi squandered their remaining Vegas winnings on clothes and shoes. She was not seen or mentioned in Seasons 5-8. When Alan is given the opportunity to talk about his two divorces to Charlie in Season 7's "Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair," he only mentioned his life with Judith. Since Charlie is upset about learning he has not been satisfying Chelsea like he thought he was, and is asking for Alan's advice since Alan is an expert at not satisfying women, it can be inferred that Alan at least had a very happy sex life with Kandi.
) is Alan's former receptionist. She served as his receptionist for most of season 6 and is shown to have a perky demeanor. Before she dated Alan, she had dated Charlie in "The Flavin And The Mavin," which ended disastrously with her driving angrily and fast in a heavy rainstorm on the way to Alan's office and Alan being forced to give her a raise and health insurance. After recovering from her breakdown, Melissa starts to fall for Alan, but he is also introduced to her mother, which complicates things---especially after Melissa catches them in bed together in "David Copperfield Slipped Me A Roofie."
Since then, Melissa has been working in the hospital where Judith gave birth in "Baseball Was Better with Steroids" to try to forget about him. However, her feelings for Alan return while Judith is giving birth, and they end up making out in the storage closet. In the season 7 premiere "818-jklpuzo," Melissa appears to have moved into the Harpers' beach house; when Charlie reminds Alan, he is quick to deny it. In "Whipped Unto The Third Generation," Chelsea forces Charlie to let Melissa stay. When Alan and Melissa take advantage of Charlie's generosity, Charlie stays the night at a hotel. Alan is quick to join him when Chelsea and Melissa do not obey his commands. Alan and Charlie turn to Evelyn, who reveals that Melissa and Charlie slept together, making Chelsea and Melissa end their friendship, and Melissa moves out, promising never to return to Charlie's house again.
In the episode "Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator," Melissa is tired of Alan's cheapness and lack of his own place, so Alan tries to earn some money as Evelyn's assistant. When showing a particularly nice house, Evelyn informs Alan that the couple that own the place have houses all over the country and probably do not even remember this one. Alan promptly invites Melissa to the house that night, telling her he has rented it—but he insists that they have sex on a beach towel on the living-room floor. Inevitably, they spill wine on the floor and Alan makes a fuss because they were not supposed to be there. They are then forced to flee in their underwear when Evelyn arrives with potential buyers, and when the cops catch them, Melissa abandons Alan to deal with them. It is implied that this incident broke them up; in Alan's words: "You could say I dumped Melissa, and decided she never wants to see me again for as long as she lives."
Alan has since gone on other dates, including one with a grossly overweight woman whom he takes to an L.A. Dodgers game; another ended with him boring his date, then punching out the rude jerk who was successfully getting her to go off with him. Near Season 7's end, he begins dating Lyndsey (Courtney Thorne-Smith
), the divorced mother of Jake's best friend. Hours after moving in with Lyndsey, however, Alan bumps into Melissa at a liquor store and the two dash back to his old bedroom at Charlie's house. Alan tells Charlie that he still wants to live with Lyndsey, but that he and Melissa have "so much chemistry" he wants to keep Melissa on the side. After a few days of vigorous sex with Melissa which tends to leave Alan unable to perform with Lyndsey, Melissa discovers that Alan is two-timing and she leaves him again.
). She lives across the street from Judith and Herb; the neighborhood men are happily aware that she was once featured in a soft-core pornographic movie. Thanks to Herb, Charlie has also enjoyed the film, although Alan remains oblivious. Her son Eldridge (Graham Patrick Martin
) is Jake's classmate and friend and appears to be his intellectual equal. Lyndsey and Alan have at least two Alan-Harper-style sexual encounters: one in the bathroom of a local bar, and the other at a hotel where she suffers through a bad menstrual period. During the interim between seasons 7 and 8, their relationship grows significantly. Alan moves in with Lyndsey at her insistence, although he's reluctant to lose his freedom and Jake resents losing his (uncle's) weekend beach house; after Charlie's repeated attempts to make Alan "uncomfortable" after he says "My relationship with Lyndsey is fine the way it is is." But Charlie wants him to move out so his first try is sticking a Parrot named "Larry Bird" in his room. The next morning Alan claims the bird tried to recircumcise him. (it bites penises and Charlie did it because Alan has to urinate at night and the Bird went in after him) the following day Alan is taking a shower and Charlie gets in behind him to creep him out; but once Judith rants about how furious she'd be if Alan became her new neighbor, Alan decides "So I'm moving in with Lyndsday". Lyndsey appears to be notoriously difficult to please sexually, and Alan finds his cunnilingus
skills are usually inadequate to bring her to orgasm
. At the end of "A Pudding Filled Cactus", Alan's failure to extinguish Lyndsey's late grandfather's tobacco pipe causes him to burn down her house - the second time in the series that Alan's carelessness has caused a fire, after a mishap with a candle in "That Special Tug". This forces the couple and their sons to return to Charlie's house, leaving Lyndsey replete with disgust and resentment toward Alan. Intending to retrieve a drunken and sorrowful Alan from the charred remains of their home, Lyndsey is reunited with her ex-husband, Eldridge's father, Chris MacElroy (Judd Nelson
); Chris convinces her to join him for coffee and talk about giving their relationship one more try. But in the episode "A Good Time in Central Africa," Alan gets a call from Lyndsey: she and Chris were unable to reconcile, so she wants to date Alan again. This earns Alan his very own veiled-threat-making stalker in Chris. Then Lyndsey started getting friendly with Charlie, so Alan jealously started spying on them and seemed to have destroyed their relationship anew, although the premature end of Season 8 left this story unresolved. (It was later revealed
that an upcoming story of Season 8 would have been Charlie waking up in bed with a man who was a friend of Lyndsey's, hinting that she may have returned.) Lyndsey reappeared in Season 9, and dated Alan for a few more episodes until she broke up with him after learning that he'd partied while high with a group of girls in bikinis.
In Season 7's "Mmm, fish. Yum.", Alan took care of Milly (and her intoxicated grandmother) while Judith and Herb took a "romantic getaway." Since this episode, Milly has not been mentioned by Alan, Charlie or Jake. Alan has not been seen thinking about the possibility of Milly being his daughter, nor has he asked any questions about her to Judith and Herb.
While not being mentioned at all in season 8, the topic of a possible daughter is revisited during season 9. In "A Giant Cat Holding a Churro," Alan and Lyndsey tell each other their secrets, with this being one of them. Four episodes later, during "Frodo's Headshots," Walden notes that Judith and Herb's baby looks like Alan, with Herb agreeing and looking puzzled. Herb later meets Alan and says that he did a DNA test which proved that he (Herb) was not the father and that Alan was. Herb then shoots Alan, which causes Alan to wake up in hospital realizing the whole thing had been a dream.
In a subtly sentimental moment, Alan sadly speaks to Charlie's ashes and tells him how much he loves him and will truly miss him. He also thanks him for allowing him and Jake to move in with him when they had no place else to go. However, Alan accidentally spills the ashes after being frightened by the sight of Walden Schmidt, who was peeping through the window.
Following this Alan listens to Walden talking to his ex-wife Bridget Schmidt (Judy Greer
) on the phone when it is revealed that he is heart broken and tried to drown himself over her but the water was too cold. Alan learns that Walden is a billionaire and figures out that he can (in Charlie's words) "sponge" off of him, so he takes Walden for a drink.
At the bar, Walden reveals that he made $1.3 billion after selling his website to Microsoft
. He and Alan pick up two girls and take them home, but both girls end up having sex with Walden. The following morning, Walden tells Alan the he intends to buy the house and ends up doing so. After Alan reluctantly moves back in with his mother, a lonely Walden drops by her house to drop off a book Alan left behind and the two end up going out. Alan ends up staying at the Charlie's old house with Walden and covers for him when Bridget stops by while Walden is flirting with a girl. A grateful Walden lets Alan stay at the house temporarily, although Alan intends for it to be permanent. However, when Sylvia (Jenny McCarthy
), a former flame of Charlie's and nemesis to Evelyn, tries to con Walden out of his money, an aware Alan calls Bridget and manages to expose her to Walden as being a sociopathic outlaw. Because of this, Walden tells Alan he wants him to stay at the house, as he's watched his back twice now, their friendship significantly grows in later episodes when Walden at first considers moving to New York stays at the Beach house in Mailibu because as Walden states "How could I leave behind my best friend".
. He finds out in the same episode that Alan's constant scrounging was a result of him saving every spare dollar he had for his lonely future as "Old Alan," and he had accumulated over $5,000 in cash.
In later seasons his extreme tightness becomes even more apparent, despite the fact that his financial situation has improved slightly because he no longer pays Judith alimony, and the jokes about his stinginess become more frequent. In season 7 when Alan pays for a meal for himself, Jake and Charlie, Charlie is so astonished that he photographs the event on his iPhone
and comments on Alan's wallet opening for the first time.
In one episode, while at the movies, Alan orders $25 worth of food for Jake, only to tell Charlie, that he "forgot" his wallet. This leads to an argument where Charlie complains that Alan said he would pay for parking, which he is unable to do, because he does not have his wallet. After a line builds up because of their arguing, Charlie agrees to pay the bill, as soon as Charlie brings out his wallet, Alan orders a bagel-dog to "make it an even 30.". In season 9 Alan does the exactly the same thing to Walden when they go to the movies.
When Melissa refuses to return to Charlie's house after Chelsea calls her a tramp for sleeping with Charlie, Alan resorts to dogging
as he refuses to pay for a hotel. Melissa leaves angrily to walk home, commenting that it was not far considering Alan did not want to waste gasoline. (Alan revealed in "I Found Your Mustache" that he fuels up with $3 worth of gas at a time.)
In the episode "Pie Hole, Herb" Charlie borrowed 38 dollars from Alan. Alan is so intent on getting every penny back that he resorts to stealing gasoline from Charlie's car. But since there was not enough gas in the tank, Alan points out that Charlie still owes him 24 dollars and 78 cents.
Another reason for Alan's cheapness is that his chiroparactic practice does not do too well.
If Alan sees that anything is on offer for free he is usually very quick to be interested. When Chelsea's father takes Charlie out for drinks and exclaims that he's buying within earshot of Alan he joins them despite not being invited initially. He also asks for Charlie to pay for drinks on his behalf when trying to charm a woman.
In Season 5's "Our Leather Gear is in the Guest Room," the episode begins with Alan and Jake coming home from clothes shopping, revealing that Alan buys Jake clothes that are far too big for him, saying that he will grow into them (believing that with Jake growing so much, regular clothes are a waste of money). Later in the episode, Alan and Charlie have a fight, resulting in Alan and Jake moving out. When they ask Evelyn if they can move in temporarily, Jake begins to say that Alan was too cheap for a hotel, before being interrupted by Alan.
In Season 8's "Lookin' for Japanese Subs," Jake attempts to produce a volcano effect in his mouth by swallowing a Mentos
candy after drinking a can of Diet Coke
. Jake's friend, Eldridge, points out that the drink is not the official Coca-Cola brand, with Jake replying, "Yeah, my dad did the shopping."
In Season 9's "Thank You for the Intercourse" when Alan begins behaving like Charlie he tells Jake to take his girlfriend out to dinner as his treat, but only gives Jake one dollar. Later in that episode Jake tells Walden that his Alan is behaving so much like Charlie that the only thing left of him is his cheapness.
throughout the series that Alan might be gay.
Although he is more conscientious than Charlie regarding sex, Alan does display some sexual deviance. His pregnancy fetish is revealed in the Season 4 episode, "Repeated Blows to his Unformed Head," when Berta's pregnant daughter Naomi (Sara Rue
) visits and delivers. In that same episode, he tells Charlie that the best sex he and Judith ever had was while she was pregnant with Jake. In the Season 6 episode, "She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime," he confesses that he likes feet (see foot fetish
).
movies in his bedroom naked when Charlie walked in and was immediately grossed out. Later, Charlie finds Alan watching movies again naked, this time in his living room. Alan finally tells Charlie he has been masturbating because he wanted to use his prescription
sexual enhancement pills before they expired (a nod to Alan's reputation for being cheap). The next day, Charlie came home from a date with Michelle, and Alan was in his car listening to Mariachi
music while masturbating. Later that night, Alan went to the movie theater and masturbated, which led to an arrest for exposing himself in public, and Charlie for once came across as correct when he disgustedly ignored his brother's phone call begging to be bailed out of jail. In "Humiliation is a Visual Medium", when asked by Charlie how he copes with a lack of sex he responds "take up hobbies, work hard and yank it like a monkey in a mango tree." He also uses Viagra, which his son Jake accidentally took in season 3 episode 16: "Ergo, the Booty Call." In episode 14 of season 8, "Lookin' for Japanese Subs," Charlie states that Alan threw his back out trying to pleasure himself. In the opening episode of season 9, in season 8 one morning when Michelle asked Charlie about a noise she heard he answered that it was Alan masturbating and trying to fall asleep, this is also mentioned in the episode "Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
," Alan admitted he "masturbated and cried myself to sleep" while Walden was having sex with two women in Charlie's old bedroom.
Fictional character
A character is the representation of a person in a narrative work of art . Derived from the ancient Greek word kharaktêr , the earliest use in English, in this sense, dates from the Restoration, although it became widely used after its appearance in Tom Jones in 1749. From this, the sense of...
from the CBS
CBS
CBS Broadcasting Inc. is a major US commercial broadcasting television network, which started as a radio network. The name is derived from the initials of the network's former name, Columbia Broadcasting System. The network is sometimes referred to as the "Eye Network" in reference to the shape of...
situation comedy
Situation comedy
A situation comedy, often shortened to sitcom, is a genre of comedy that features characters sharing the same common environment, such as a home or workplace, accompanied with jokes as part of the dialogue...
Two and a Half Men
Two and a Half Men
Two and a Half Men is an American television sitcom that premiered on CBS on September 22, 2003. Starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer, and Angus T. Jones, the show was originally about a hedonistic jingle writer, Charlie Harper; his uptight brother, Alan; and Alan's growing son, Jake...
. Jon Cryer
Jon Cryer
Jonathan Niven "Jon" Cryer is an American actor, screenwriter and film producer. He is the son of actress–singer Gretchen Cryer. He made his motion picture debut in the 1984 romantic comedy No Small Affair, but gained greater fame as "Duckie" in the 1986 John Hughes-scripted film Pretty in Pink...
has played the role since the series began in 2003; after being nominated for an Emmy Award
Emmy Award
An Emmy Award, often referred to simply as the Emmy, is a television production award, similar in nature to the Peabody Awards but more focused on entertainment, and is considered the television equivalent to the Academy Awards and the Grammy Awards .A majority of Emmys are presented in various...
for his depiction of the character in 2006
58th Primetime Emmy Awards
The 58th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards were held at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, California on Sunday, August 27, 2006 on NBC at 8:00pm ET with Conan O'Brien hosting the show...
, 2007
59th Primetime Emmy Awards
The 59th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards were held at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, California on September 16, 2007 and were televised live on Fox at 8:00 p.m. EDT for the first time in high definition...
, and 2008
60th Primetime Emmy Awards
The 60th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards was held on Sunday, September 21, 2008, at the newly opened Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles, California. They were hosted by Tom Bergeron, Heidi Klum, Howie Mandel, Jeff Probst, and Ryan Seacrest and televised in the United States on ABC.The Creative Arts Awards...
, Cryer received an Emmy in 2009
61st Primetime Emmy Awards
The 61st Annual Primetime Emmy Awards took place on September 20, 2009. CBS broadcast the Primetime event and E! the Creative Arts event; both take place at Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles, California. The nominations for the Awards were announced on July 16....
for his portrayal.
Alan is a chiropractor
Chiropractor
A Chiropractor, according to the Association of Chiropractic Colleges , "focuses on the relationship between the body's main structures – the skeleton, the muscles and the nerves – and the patient's health. Chiropractors believe that health can be improved and preserved by making adjustments to...
, the hapless father of Jake Harper, and the younger brother of Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper (Two and a Half Men)
Charles Francis "Charlie" Harper is a fictional character in the CBS sitcom Two and a Half Men from seasons 1–8. Played by actor Charlie Sheen, the character has garnered him three Emmy Award nominations for Outstanding Lead Actor and two Golden Globe nominations for Best Performance by an Actor in...
. He may also be the father of Milly Melnick.
According to Eric Tannenbaum, executive producer on the show, Alan Harper is loosely based on his real life friend Stephen Deane.
Relationships
A main theme of the show is Charlie's brothers' contrasting abilities and success in dating. Alan is very shy when it comes to women, and he has had several long-term relationships end badly. This makes him the polar opposite of his brother Charlie, who can get any girl he wants but rarely sees women after he sleeps with them (though he also had some longer relationships conclude in a rather unhappy fashion). Charlie's housekeeper, Berta, described Alan as "the only man who can drive any woman out of Charlie'sCharlie Harper (Two and a Half Men)
Charles Francis "Charlie" Harper is a fictional character in the CBS sitcom Two and a Half Men from seasons 1–8. Played by actor Charlie Sheen, the character has garnered him three Emmy Award nominations for Outstanding Lead Actor and two Golden Globe nominations for Best Performance by an Actor in...
house." This theory was proven when Charlie was afraid of his attraction to Chelsea's gorgeous friend Gail, and falsely told Alan he had a shot with her; after Alan flirted with Gail, she fled the house in horror and Charlie's temptation was gone.
As a child Alan was often the victim of bullying and got no help from Charlie since his brother participated in much of it. Not much is known about his relationship with their father since he died from food poisoning when they were young, after Evelyn served him spoiled fish that had been stored in a drawer.
Alan used to be married to Judith (Marin Hinkle
Marin Hinkle
Marin Elizabeth Hinkle is an American actress, perhaps best known for playing the role of Judith Harper-Melnick, Alan Harper's ex-wife on the hit series Two and a Half Men and her role as Judy Brooks the sister of the series lead Lily Manning on Once and Again.-Career:Hinkle started her career on...
), the mother of their son Jake; after they divorced Alan got stuck with paying her $3875 monthly alimony, thus forcing Alan to move in with brother Charlie at the onset of the series. Judith lived a luxurious life on Alan's alimony
Alimony
Alimony is a U.S. term denoting a legal obligation to provide financial support to one's spouse from the other spouse after marital separation or from the ex-spouse upon divorce...
until she married Dr. Herb Melnick (Ryan Stiles
Ryan Stiles
Ryan Lee Stiles is an American actor, comedian, director, and voice actor whose work is often associated with improvisational comedy. He is best known for his improv and co-production work on the American and British versions of Whose Line Is It Anyway? and the role of Lewis Kiniski on The Drew...
), Jake's pediatrician (also known as Greg Melnick in earlier episodes). Alan was so overjoyed at the end of his alimony requirement that he had a large cardboard check made for her for the last payment. Following the wedding, he only had to pay child support
Child support
In family law and public policy, child support is an ongoing, periodic payment made by a parent for the financial benefit of a child following the end of a marriage or other relationship...
, which Judith does not need but gladly takes from Alan to keep him miserable.
Alan's second wife Kandi (April Bowlby
April Bowlby
April Michelle Bowlby is an American actress, best known for her role as Stacy on Drop Dead Diva, and also for the supporting role as Kandi, Alan's dim witted girlfriend and subsequently ex-wife on the CBS sitcom Two and a Half Men....
) was one of Charlie's former girlfriends. She was so incredibly stupid she made Jake look like an intellectual. In the divorce, she received the condominium they bought with casino winnings after their impromptu Las Vegas
Las Vegas metropolitan area
The Las Vegas Valley is the heart of the Las Vegas-Paradise, NV MSA also known as the Las Vegas–Paradise–Henderson MSA which includes all of Clark County, Nevada, and is a metropolitan area in the southern part of the U.S. state of Nevada. The Valley is defined by the Las Vegas Valley landform, a ...
wedding.
Alan went to California State University at Long Beach
California State University, Long Beach
California State University, Long Beach is the second largest campus of the California State University system and the third largest university in the state of California by enrollment...
, but failed to get into medical school
Medical school
A medical school is a tertiary educational institution—or part of such an institution—that teaches medicine. Degree programs offered at medical schools often include Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine, Bachelor/Doctor of Medicine, Doctor of Philosophy, master's degree, or other post-secondary...
. He studied chiropractic medicine in Guadalajara
Guadalajara
Guadalajara may refer to:In Mexico:*Guadalajara, Jalisco, the capital of the state of Jalisco and second largest city in Mexico**Guadalajara Metropolitan Area*University of Guadalajara, a public university in Guadalajara, Jalisco...
with almost no Spanish language
Spanish language
Spanish , also known as Castilian , is a Romance language in the Ibero-Romance group that evolved from several languages and dialects in central-northern Iberia around the 9th century and gradually spread with the expansion of the Kingdom of Castile into central and southern Iberia during the...
skill. Alan had wanted to be a doctor, but he could not afford a decent medical school, and Evelyn did not help him because she did not think he was worth it. While he is often made fun of for not being a "real" [medical] doctor, he does hold a doctoral degree that legally allows him to be called a "doctor" in both academic and medical settings.
While he loves his brother and son, Alan resents Charlie somewhat, mostly because everything (money, women) just seems to fall into Charlie's lap, while Alan has worked hard his whole life only to remain a failure and has yet to reap such rewards. (Alan notes at the beginning of Season 8 that just one of Charlie's monthly royalty checks for his children's songs is more than he makes in a year.) Although he and his brother do have a sometimes tense relationship, they remain loyal to one another with Charlie able to cheer Alan up when he needs it, or Alan having to control Charlie's free spending ways when it damages his finances. He has little confidence in Jake, mostly because of the boy's lazy, unmotivated attitude, but he does love his son.
Alan also gets little sympathy even when he's had terrible misfortunes befall him. When he fell off the roof while fixing a satellite dish and was severely injured, he got little sympathy from Charlie, Judith, or Evelyn. He has also had to suffer torments caused by Charlie's behavior. He also got no sympathy after his second divorce.
Generally a nice guy, Alan has displayed some bad behavior and sneaky motives. When Charlie was going to couples-counseling with Chelsea, he fed Charlie a bunch of false information from conversations with her, and Charlie ended up looking like a fool. He has also hidden money from Charlie and once held off on telling Chelsea he was not Charlie when she snuggled next to him on the couch (she thought Charlie had fallen asleep there, but Charlie had forced Alan to give up the guest room and sleep in the TV room instead). Alan hit his low point when his above-board idea to solicit money from all his "family and Friends" in order to finance an ad campaign for his floundering chiropractic clinic slowly turned into a Ponzi Scheme
Ponzi scheme
A Ponzi scheme is a fraudulent investment operation that pays returns to its investors from their own money or the money paid by subsequent investors, rather than from any actual profit earned by the individual or organization running the operation...
. This encouraged him to let his dark side out, although he ended up giving everyone back their original investment and returning to square one.
Because of his cheapness, neurotic nature, and inept social skills, many find Alan annoying, even insufferable—-particularly Charlie, Evelyn, and Berta, who calls him "Zippy." On his 40th birthday, instead of saying nice things about him, everybody pointed out all his faults. Also, Jake seems to have little respect for him, though Jake is not particularly respectful of Charlie or Judith either, and is not generally rude when he talks to his dad. Though Evelyn has called him the good child, she added that Charlie had not set that bar very high. She also once seriously suggested he accept some prison time after an assault charge because she wanted to save money instead of using it to hire a lawyer; also, would a brief stay in prison really be worse than his normal, pathetic life? This leaves Alan with very few (If any) friends
Alan is also seen as pitiful when he tries activities such as model car building and puppetry, because it highlights how anemic his social life is.
Alan drives a Volvo V70
Volvo V70
The Volvo V70 is a mid-size five-door estate car / station wagon manufactured by Volvo Cars since 2000. It is closely related to the S70, S60 and S80 saloons, as well as the four-wheel drive Cross Country and XC70....
station wagon, runs his own chiropractic-care clinic in the San Fernando Valley
San Fernando Valley
The San Fernando Valley is an urbanized valley located in the Los Angeles metropolitan area of southern California, United States, defined by the dramatic mountains of the Transverse Ranges circling it...
, and gets irritated when people point out that he's not a "real" doctor. He lives in the guest room of Charlie's house, for which he paid no rent during his first 5 years, 2 months, and 11 days there because all his money went toward alimony and care of Jake. When Evelyn said she would pay for Jake's college education, Alan had no incentive to go to work and felt aimless. He then agreed to pay rent to Charlie every month, though the amount that would earn him a say in the household's operations was too high for him. Alan has also had to endure whatever inconvenience Charlie throws his way, and the fact that Charlie really, really wants him to move out permanently. Alan has also sometimes fantasized about killing Charlie in his sleep.
Alan is also a terrible liar, as proven in several episodes where he hastily creates a lie to get out of doing something, and Charlie always asks him for more detail to torture him and expose the lie.
Judith
Judith is Alan's first wife and Jake's mother. She is generally portrayed as humorless, bitter, and hypocritical. Judith told Alan that the reason they were separating was because it was not working out, but then later told Alan that she had realized she was a lesbianLesbian
Lesbian is a term most widely used in the English language to describe sexual and romantic desire between females. The word may be used as a noun, to refer to women who identify themselves or who are characterized by others as having the primary attribute of female homosexuality, or as an...
, only to change her mind again later. While she sees herself as lonely and long suffering, Judith is actually quite cruel, spiteful, vindictive, irrational, unfriendly and selfish. According to Alan, Judith was a thin, scared, needy and neurotic mess with a strange eating disorder when he met her, and lived in the shadow of her more attractive popular sister. This could explain why she grew into such a bitter, angry, hate-filled person.
Alan and Judith met as teenagers and married young, though Charlie and "everybody else" advised Alan against marrying Judith. He lost his virginity to her during an Aerosmith
Aerosmith
Aerosmith is an American rock band, sometimes referred to as "The Bad Boys from Boston" and "America's Greatest Rock and Roll Band". Their style, which is rooted in blues-based hard rock, has come to also incorporate elements of pop, heavy metal, and rhythm and blues, and has inspired many...
song (from the episode "Who Is This Vod Kanockers?"). During the separation, Alan desperately tried to reunite with Judith, not realizing that the real reason she kept calling him and asking him to rush over was simply to keep him doing the chores he always did around their home. Judith clearly depises him and takes every chance to make his life miserable, even though it is sometimes clear that Alan and Judith still have feelings for each other. Once she said: "I disliked you when we were married, I resented you when we were divorced, but I only started hating you when you started sleeping with a girl half your age." Judith also felt sorry for Alan after his second divorce to Kandi, though she made it clear that she would not give him any breaks on alimony even if he had to pay that to Kandi as well. (She also arranged for the lawyer who decimated Alan in their divorce settlement to represent Kandi, though it appeared that Alan's financial losses there occurred before Kandi left him.) In a Season 5 episode, Alan begins dating a divorced woman who is friends with him and Judith, but keeps having visions of Judith and Herb having sexual intercourse
Sexual intercourse
Sexual intercourse, also known as copulation or coitus, commonly refers to the act in which a male's penis enters a female's vagina for the purposes of sexual pleasure or reproduction. The entities may be of opposite sexes, or they may be hermaphroditic, as is the case with snails...
, leading his date to say that he's not over Judith. Alan and Judith tried dating again in Season 3, which was after the divorce, but their attempts at intimacy were always interrupted by Jake approaching and Alan having to hide. Then when they finally had some uninterrupted time alone, Alan got upset because Judith had learned some "new moves." As they fight about this, Jake approaches and Alan jumps out the second-story window and lands in a thorny bush. At home, he finally realizes that he and Judith do not belong together.
One time (though it might have been intended as a joke to the audience), it was strongly implied that Jake might not be Alan's son, since he bears a strong resemblance to three long time acquaintances of Judith and Alan who were all in dead-end jobs (exterminator, water man and postman). While it was probably a joke, given Judith's attitude towards Alan, it's not an unlikely scenario.
At times Alan has tried to stand up to Judith but he usually regrets it at the time or later. In "Smooth as a Ken Doll," he orders Judith to "Stop nagging me!" over the phone and slams the phone down; immediately he says, "Boy, I'm gonna pay for that one later." In a season 5 episode while explaining Jake's comment "Uncle Charlie is so great!" to Judith he sarcastically says "Uncle Charlie is great because he did not get married!" and then slams the door in her face. He immediately exclaims to himself though"Boy that one's gonna bite me back in the ass."
Alan has even tried to be friends with Judith, However it was extremely difficult for him to be happy for the woman who ruined his life.
Judith has accused Alan of being controlling, but it's clear that she dominated the marriage while Alan bent over backwards trying to make her happy. Her relationships with her parents and sister are not much better; her mother is a longtime alcoholic and prescription
Prescription
Prescription may refer to:Health care*Prescription drug, a drug available only by a medical prescription*Medical prescription, a plan of care written by a physician or other health care professional...
pill abuser; she's called both parents "poison"; and she argues with her sister constantly. Judith has little tolerance for people she does not like; she was cruel to her future sister-in-law; and her first words whenever Alan comes to her house are either "What are you doing here?" or "I swear to God, you're worthless."
During the divorce proceedings, Alan nearly lost all of his possessions after Charlie slept with his attorney (Heather Locklear
Heather Locklear
Heather Deen Locklear is an American actress best known for her television roles as Sammy Jo Carrington on Dynasty, Officer Stacy Sheridan on T.J...
), then broke up with her, forcing him to fire her before the settlement could be finalized. When Judith hires her, she does everything in her power to crush Alan in the settlement (why Alan was bound to the grossly unfair terms that the attorney inflicted on him due to Charlie's behavior was never explained). Even after the divorce, Alan is constantly at Judith's mercy because of her powerful lawyer. Judith gets remarried in "Smooth As A Ken Doll" to Dr. Herb Melnick, Jake's pediatrician. Since that day, Alan may only be paying alimony to his second wife Kandi, a relief since there was some time before Judith remarried that he had to pay it to both Judith and Kandi. It is possible Alan does not pay Kandi alimony because she now makes much more money than he does, and that she signed divorce papers because she wanted to safeguard her earnings from Alan.
While Judith blames Alan and Charlie for a lot of Jake's shortcomings, she herself seems to have little faith in him and far less patience, as she takes any chance she can to drop him with Alan at Charlie's house.
In Season 6, Judith threw Herb out of their house and later slept with Alan, but their reconciliation ended when Alan realized Judith was the same angry, irrational person who had divorced him. Judith later told Alan that she and Herb were expecting a child, leaving a horrified Alan to think he might be the biological father. His fears were assuaged when Judith stated that Herb was the father and threatened to kill Alan if he revealed their affair. Judith does not like the fact that her daughter looks just like Alan, but Alan seems to enjoy pointing it out to her.
Despite saying she loves Herb, Judith seems to treat him in the same cruel and unfair way she treated Alan. Judith's parents seem to prefer Alan to Herb although Herb is a "real" doctor — but they also prefer Alan over Judith. Herb and Alan are great friends, but Judith disapproves, so Herb has to lie to her in order to hang out with Alan and/or Charlie. Over the course of the show, Alan and Judith's mutual hatred increases to the point that one will do anything to upset the other. When he could not afford a nice birthday present for his girlfriend Lyndsey, Alan stole earrings from Judith's house that he'd gotten for her when they were married, and after getting away with it, he decided to steal a nice necklace from Judith as well.
Kandi
Alan's second ex-wife Kandi (April BowlbyApril Bowlby
April Michelle Bowlby is an American actress, best known for her role as Stacy on Drop Dead Diva, and also for the supporting role as Kandi, Alan's dim witted girlfriend and subsequently ex-wife on the CBS sitcom Two and a Half Men....
) was one of Charlie's former girlfriends, whom Charlie originally dated as a backup in case something went wrong between him and his girlfriend Mia. When Kandi came looking for Charlie, who was now more serious about Mia, she met Alan and they fell in love. They married in Las Vegas, shortly before Alan won $500,000. They divorced later, initially because Alan did not want children.
When Alan changed his mind and decided that he wanted to have children with Kandi, they had not officially signed their divorce papers. Kandi then heard that she had a main role on the TV series Stiffs and said that "nobody wants to see a pregnant 'fornesic' investigator" before signing the papers that ended their marriage. Their married life was never shown in episodes, inferred to have lasted only between the end of the third season and beginning of the fourth. Early in Season 4 Alan noted that after they bought a condominium, Kandi squandered their remaining Vegas winnings on clothes and shoes. She was not seen or mentioned in Seasons 5-8. When Alan is given the opportunity to talk about his two divorces to Charlie in Season 7's "Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair," he only mentioned his life with Judith. Since Charlie is upset about learning he has not been satisfying Chelsea like he thought he was, and is asking for Alan's advice since Alan is an expert at not satisfying women, it can be inferred that Alan at least had a very happy sex life with Kandi.
Melissa
Melissa (Kelly StablesKelly Stables
Kelly Michelle Stables is an American actress known for both stage and film acting.-Personal life:Stables was born in metropolitan St. Louis, Missouri. She was a well-known cheerleader in her high school years, a fact which would be commemorated in an article in the magazine American Cheerleader...
) is Alan's former receptionist. She served as his receptionist for most of season 6 and is shown to have a perky demeanor. Before she dated Alan, she had dated Charlie in "The Flavin And The Mavin," which ended disastrously with her driving angrily and fast in a heavy rainstorm on the way to Alan's office and Alan being forced to give her a raise and health insurance. After recovering from her breakdown, Melissa starts to fall for Alan, but he is also introduced to her mother, which complicates things---especially after Melissa catches them in bed together in "David Copperfield Slipped Me A Roofie."
Since then, Melissa has been working in the hospital where Judith gave birth in "Baseball Was Better with Steroids" to try to forget about him. However, her feelings for Alan return while Judith is giving birth, and they end up making out in the storage closet. In the season 7 premiere "818-jklpuzo," Melissa appears to have moved into the Harpers' beach house; when Charlie reminds Alan, he is quick to deny it. In "Whipped Unto The Third Generation," Chelsea forces Charlie to let Melissa stay. When Alan and Melissa take advantage of Charlie's generosity, Charlie stays the night at a hotel. Alan is quick to join him when Chelsea and Melissa do not obey his commands. Alan and Charlie turn to Evelyn, who reveals that Melissa and Charlie slept together, making Chelsea and Melissa end their friendship, and Melissa moves out, promising never to return to Charlie's house again.
In the episode "Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator," Melissa is tired of Alan's cheapness and lack of his own place, so Alan tries to earn some money as Evelyn's assistant. When showing a particularly nice house, Evelyn informs Alan that the couple that own the place have houses all over the country and probably do not even remember this one. Alan promptly invites Melissa to the house that night, telling her he has rented it—but he insists that they have sex on a beach towel on the living-room floor. Inevitably, they spill wine on the floor and Alan makes a fuss because they were not supposed to be there. They are then forced to flee in their underwear when Evelyn arrives with potential buyers, and when the cops catch them, Melissa abandons Alan to deal with them. It is implied that this incident broke them up; in Alan's words: "You could say I dumped Melissa, and decided she never wants to see me again for as long as she lives."
Alan has since gone on other dates, including one with a grossly overweight woman whom he takes to an L.A. Dodgers game; another ended with him boring his date, then punching out the rude jerk who was successfully getting her to go off with him. Near Season 7's end, he begins dating Lyndsey (Courtney Thorne-Smith
Courtney Thorne-Smith
Courtney Thorne-Smith is an American actress. She is best known for her roles as Alison Parker on Melrose Place, Georgia Thomas on Ally McBeal, and Cheryl Mabel in According to Jim, as well as her recurring role in Two and a Half Men as Lyndsey McElroy.-Early life:She was born in San Francisco,...
), the divorced mother of Jake's best friend. Hours after moving in with Lyndsey, however, Alan bumps into Melissa at a liquor store and the two dash back to his old bedroom at Charlie's house. Alan tells Charlie that he still wants to live with Lyndsey, but that he and Melissa have "so much chemistry" he wants to keep Melissa on the side. After a few days of vigorous sex with Melissa which tends to leave Alan unable to perform with Lyndsey, Melissa discovers that Alan is two-timing and she leaves him again.
Lyndsey MacElroy
Near the seventh season's end, Alan meets a personable divorced mother named Lyndsey MacElroy (Courtney Thorne-SmithCourtney Thorne-Smith
Courtney Thorne-Smith is an American actress. She is best known for her roles as Alison Parker on Melrose Place, Georgia Thomas on Ally McBeal, and Cheryl Mabel in According to Jim, as well as her recurring role in Two and a Half Men as Lyndsey McElroy.-Early life:She was born in San Francisco,...
). She lives across the street from Judith and Herb; the neighborhood men are happily aware that she was once featured in a soft-core pornographic movie. Thanks to Herb, Charlie has also enjoyed the film, although Alan remains oblivious. Her son Eldridge (Graham Patrick Martin
Graham Patrick Martin
Graham Patrick Martin is an American film and television actor. He played the older son of Bill Engvall in the comedy The Bill Engvall Show, which played from 2007-2009. He played Willie Chandler, Jr., in Jack Ketchum's The Girl Next Door and also appeared in an episode of Law and Order:...
) is Jake's classmate and friend and appears to be his intellectual equal. Lyndsey and Alan have at least two Alan-Harper-style sexual encounters: one in the bathroom of a local bar, and the other at a hotel where she suffers through a bad menstrual period. During the interim between seasons 7 and 8, their relationship grows significantly. Alan moves in with Lyndsey at her insistence, although he's reluctant to lose his freedom and Jake resents losing his (uncle's) weekend beach house; after Charlie's repeated attempts to make Alan "uncomfortable" after he says "My relationship with Lyndsey is fine the way it is is." But Charlie wants him to move out so his first try is sticking a Parrot named "Larry Bird" in his room. The next morning Alan claims the bird tried to recircumcise him. (it bites penises and Charlie did it because Alan has to urinate at night and the Bird went in after him) the following day Alan is taking a shower and Charlie gets in behind him to creep him out; but once Judith rants about how furious she'd be if Alan became her new neighbor, Alan decides "So I'm moving in with Lyndsday". Lyndsey appears to be notoriously difficult to please sexually, and Alan finds his cunnilingus
Cunnilingus
Cunnilingus is an oral sex act performed on a female. It involves the use by a sex partner of the mouth, lips and tongue to stimulate the female's clitoris, vulva, or vagina...
skills are usually inadequate to bring her to orgasm
Orgasm
Orgasm is the peak of the plateau phase of the sexual response cycle, characterized by an intense sensation of pleasure...
. At the end of "A Pudding Filled Cactus", Alan's failure to extinguish Lyndsey's late grandfather's tobacco pipe causes him to burn down her house - the second time in the series that Alan's carelessness has caused a fire, after a mishap with a candle in "That Special Tug". This forces the couple and their sons to return to Charlie's house, leaving Lyndsey replete with disgust and resentment toward Alan. Intending to retrieve a drunken and sorrowful Alan from the charred remains of their home, Lyndsey is reunited with her ex-husband, Eldridge's father, Chris MacElroy (Judd Nelson
Judd Nelson
Judd Asher Nelson is an American actor. He is best known for being a member of the "Brat Pack" in the mid-1980s; and for his roles as John Bender in The Breakfast Club, Alec Newbary in St...
); Chris convinces her to join him for coffee and talk about giving their relationship one more try. But in the episode "A Good Time in Central Africa," Alan gets a call from Lyndsey: she and Chris were unable to reconcile, so she wants to date Alan again. This earns Alan his very own veiled-threat-making stalker in Chris. Then Lyndsey started getting friendly with Charlie, so Alan jealously started spying on them and seemed to have destroyed their relationship anew, although the premature end of Season 8 left this story unresolved. (It was later revealed
that an upcoming story of Season 8 would have been Charlie waking up in bed with a man who was a friend of Lyndsey's, hinting that she may have returned.) Lyndsey reappeared in Season 9, and dated Alan for a few more episodes until she broke up with him after learning that he'd partied while high with a group of girls in bikinis.
Poor Luck and Misfortunes
Another recurring theme for Alan is that he is constantly stricken with terrible luck and extreme misfortunes, Mostly caused by himself and/or Charlie's behavior.Possible second child
In Season 6, much like she did with Alan, Judith kicked Herb out, which delighted Alan because for years she blamed everything wrong with their marriage on him. Alan went to go see Judith, who started crying because Herb had moved out (though in reality she kicked him out) and Alan (understandably) took great joy in basking in her misery, much in the way she enjoyed his. However in trying to cheer her up, Alan and Judith wound up having sex. While it seemed they might patch things up, their mutual disdain for one another came to light again and Judith kicked Alan out and took Herb back. Six weeks later Judith and Herb announced they were having a baby, leaving a horrified Alan to ponder the fact that HE might be the father. Alan tried to talk to Judith about it, but she cruelly and irrationally denied they ever had sex, and said she'd kill Alan if he ever told Herb, leaving Alan at a loss of what to do about it. Judith gave birth to a baby girl named Milly (with Charlie at her side). While it remains unconfirmed, it seems clear to most people (Charlie, Berta, Jake), but not Herb, that Alan is in fact the father because of Milly's likeness to him. Because of Judith's hatred of Alan, she refuses to let him have anything to do with her. Alan's mother Evelyn does not know Milly could be her granddaughter, nor does Alan want her to know, as she will most likely try to stick her nose into and further complicate the matter. Charlie tells Alan not to get involved because it will most likely cause further hate and discontent between him and Judith and ruin Milly's life.In Season 7's "Mmm, fish. Yum.", Alan took care of Milly (and her intoxicated grandmother) while Judith and Herb took a "romantic getaway." Since this episode, Milly has not been mentioned by Alan, Charlie or Jake. Alan has not been seen thinking about the possibility of Milly being his daughter, nor has he asked any questions about her to Judith and Herb.
While not being mentioned at all in season 8, the topic of a possible daughter is revisited during season 9. In "A Giant Cat Holding a Churro," Alan and Lyndsey tell each other their secrets, with this being one of them. Four episodes later, during "Frodo's Headshots," Walden notes that Judith and Herb's baby looks like Alan, with Herb agreeing and looking puzzled. Herb later meets Alan and says that he did a DNA test which proved that he (Herb) was not the father and that Alan was. Herb then shoots Alan, which causes Alan to wake up in hospital realizing the whole thing had been a dream.
Charlie's death and friendship with Walden Schmidt
At Charlie's funeral, Alan is the only person who tries to say something positive about the deceased. Alan, Evelyn, and Berta are shown to be the only people saddened over Charlie's death, though Evelyn continuously mentions how she intends on making money off of selling his house. Alan expected to get the house, as it was left to him in Charlie's will. However, continuing on the theme that nothing goes right for Alan, it is revealed that Charlie took out three mortgages on the home and it must be sold to pay them off (with anything left going to Evelyn as a commission).In a subtly sentimental moment, Alan sadly speaks to Charlie's ashes and tells him how much he loves him and will truly miss him. He also thanks him for allowing him and Jake to move in with him when they had no place else to go. However, Alan accidentally spills the ashes after being frightened by the sight of Walden Schmidt, who was peeping through the window.
Following this Alan listens to Walden talking to his ex-wife Bridget Schmidt (Judy Greer
Judy Greer
Judy Greer is an American actress, known for portraying a string of supporting female characters, including Kitty Sanchez on the Fox series Arrested Development and Cheryl on the animated comedy series Archer...
) on the phone when it is revealed that he is heart broken and tried to drown himself over her but the water was too cold. Alan learns that Walden is a billionaire and figures out that he can (in Charlie's words) "sponge" off of him, so he takes Walden for a drink.
At the bar, Walden reveals that he made $1.3 billion after selling his website to Microsoft
Microsoft
Microsoft Corporation is an American public multinational corporation headquartered in Redmond, Washington, USA that develops, manufactures, licenses, and supports a wide range of products and services predominantly related to computing through its various product divisions...
. He and Alan pick up two girls and take them home, but both girls end up having sex with Walden. The following morning, Walden tells Alan the he intends to buy the house and ends up doing so. After Alan reluctantly moves back in with his mother, a lonely Walden drops by her house to drop off a book Alan left behind and the two end up going out. Alan ends up staying at the Charlie's old house with Walden and covers for him when Bridget stops by while Walden is flirting with a girl. A grateful Walden lets Alan stay at the house temporarily, although Alan intends for it to be permanent. However, when Sylvia (Jenny McCarthy
Jenny McCarthy
Jennifer Ann "Jenny" McCarthy is an American model, comedian, actress, author, activist, and game show host. She began her career in 1993 as a nude model for Playboy magazine and was later named their Playmate of the Year. McCarthy then parlayed her Playboy fame into a successful television and...
), a former flame of Charlie's and nemesis to Evelyn, tries to con Walden out of his money, an aware Alan calls Bridget and manages to expose her to Walden as being a sociopathic outlaw. Because of this, Walden tells Alan he wants him to stay at the house, as he's watched his back twice now, their friendship significantly grows in later episodes when Walden at first considers moving to New York stays at the Beach house in Mailibu because as Walden states "How could I leave behind my best friend".
Cheapness
A major point of humor regarding Alan in the series is that he is notoriously cheap. Many of Charlie's insults and jibes at Alan are usually reference to his incredible unwillingness to make the slightest expenditure. He gets his hair cut at a barber college, sneaks deviled eggs into the movies (which Charlie describes as "a big box of ass"), and constantly tries to avoid checks in restaurants by going to the bathroom when it arrives, leading Charlie to call it "the little cheap bastard's room". In one episode Charlie joins him in the men's room to make sure he returns and pays his half of a check; Alan procrastinates for so long that their ladies and the check are picked up by Geraldo RiveraGeraldo Rivera
Geraldo Rivera is an American attorney, journalist, author, reporter, and former talk show host...
. He finds out in the same episode that Alan's constant scrounging was a result of him saving every spare dollar he had for his lonely future as "Old Alan," and he had accumulated over $5,000 in cash.
In later seasons his extreme tightness becomes even more apparent, despite the fact that his financial situation has improved slightly because he no longer pays Judith alimony, and the jokes about his stinginess become more frequent. In season 7 when Alan pays for a meal for himself, Jake and Charlie, Charlie is so astonished that he photographs the event on his iPhone
IPhone
The iPhone is a line of Internet and multimedia-enabled smartphones marketed by Apple Inc. The first iPhone was unveiled by Steve Jobs, then CEO of Apple, on January 9, 2007, and released on June 29, 2007...
and comments on Alan's wallet opening for the first time.
In one episode, while at the movies, Alan orders $25 worth of food for Jake, only to tell Charlie, that he "forgot" his wallet. This leads to an argument where Charlie complains that Alan said he would pay for parking, which he is unable to do, because he does not have his wallet. After a line builds up because of their arguing, Charlie agrees to pay the bill, as soon as Charlie brings out his wallet, Alan orders a bagel-dog to "make it an even 30.". In season 9 Alan does the exactly the same thing to Walden when they go to the movies.
When Melissa refuses to return to Charlie's house after Chelsea calls her a tramp for sleeping with Charlie, Alan resorts to dogging
Dogging (sexual slang)
Dogging is a British English euphemism for engaging in sexual acts in a public or semi-public place or watching others doing so. There may be more than two participants; both group sex and gang banging can be included. As observation is encouraged, voyeurism and exhibitionism are closely associated...
as he refuses to pay for a hotel. Melissa leaves angrily to walk home, commenting that it was not far considering Alan did not want to waste gasoline. (Alan revealed in "I Found Your Mustache" that he fuels up with $3 worth of gas at a time.)
In the episode "Pie Hole, Herb" Charlie borrowed 38 dollars from Alan. Alan is so intent on getting every penny back that he resorts to stealing gasoline from Charlie's car. But since there was not enough gas in the tank, Alan points out that Charlie still owes him 24 dollars and 78 cents.
Another reason for Alan's cheapness is that his chiroparactic practice does not do too well.
If Alan sees that anything is on offer for free he is usually very quick to be interested. When Chelsea's father takes Charlie out for drinks and exclaims that he's buying within earshot of Alan he joins them despite not being invited initially. He also asks for Charlie to pay for drinks on his behalf when trying to charm a woman.
In Season 5's "Our Leather Gear is in the Guest Room," the episode begins with Alan and Jake coming home from clothes shopping, revealing that Alan buys Jake clothes that are far too big for him, saying that he will grow into them (believing that with Jake growing so much, regular clothes are a waste of money). Later in the episode, Alan and Charlie have a fight, resulting in Alan and Jake moving out. When they ask Evelyn if they can move in temporarily, Jake begins to say that Alan was too cheap for a hotel, before being interrupted by Alan.
In Season 8's "Lookin' for Japanese Subs," Jake attempts to produce a volcano effect in his mouth by swallowing a Mentos
Mentos
Mentos is a brand of mints, of the "scotch mint" type, sold in many markets across the world by the Perfetti Van Melle corporation. Mentos was first produced in the Netherlands during the 1950s. The mints are small oblate spheroids, with a slightly hard exterior and a soft, chewy interior...
candy after drinking a can of Diet Coke
Diet Coke
Diet Coke is a sugar-free soft drink produced and distributed by The Coca-Cola Company. It was first introduced in the United States on August 9, 1982, as the first new brand since 1886 to use the Coca-Cola trademark...
. Jake's friend, Eldridge, points out that the drink is not the official Coca-Cola brand, with Jake replying, "Yeah, my dad did the shopping."
In Season 9's "Thank You for the Intercourse" when Alan begins behaving like Charlie he tells Jake to take his girlfriend out to dinner as his treat, but only gives Jake one dollar. Later in that episode Jake tells Walden that his Alan is behaving so much like Charlie that the only thing left of him is his cheapness.
Sexuality
While he is a confirmed heterosexual, it was implied multiple timesRunning gag
A running gag, or running joke, is a literary device that takes the form of an amusing joke or a comical reference and appears repeatedly throughout a work of literature or other form of storytelling....
throughout the series that Alan might be gay.
- In "Tucked, Taped And Gorgeous," Alan started to think about being gay himself after meeting a gay man named Greg in his single-parent support groupSupport groupIn a support group, members provide each other with various types of help, usually nonprofessional and nonmaterial, for a particular shared, usually burdensome, characteristic...
. After meeting the man a couple of times, Alan got congratulated by most of his loved ones for finally "coming out." Alan found himself thinking this could be the reason he's had so many failed female relationships. Alan decides to kiss Greg to check if he is gay. When he tried to kiss Greg, however, Greg told him that Alan was definitely not gay, as he said he knows gay men... and that even if he was, "which you're not" he would state again, he does not find Alan attractive at all but finds Charlie "pretty." Alan jealously told Greg to get out of his car and drove away. Though relieved that he was not gay, Alan mentioned that he felt that "I was letting a lot of people down."
- In season 7, episode 5 "For The Sake Of The Child", when a drunken Alan and Charlie are reading a relationship help book and get to a section where they must list things they have in common. Alan says that they both fight homosexual panic, but a furious look from Charlie says that only Alan does.
- While packing Alan's belongings in season 8, episode 2, "A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer," Charlie sings a modified version of "Happy Days are Here AgainHappy Days Are Here Again"Happy Days Are Here Again" is a song copyrighted in 1929 by Milton Ager and Jack Yellen and published by EMI Robbins Catalog, Inc./Advanced Music Corp...
" into which he inserts the line, "I'm getting rid of the queer again," although this could be just a simple case of classic name-calling.
- In season 8, episode 12, "Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead", Charlie and Alan decide to eat ribs together and watch a movie. Alan says that they do not have to watch a movie because he had recorded GleeGlee (TV series)Glee is an American musical comedy-drama television series that airs on Fox in the United States, and on GlobalTV in Canada. It focuses on the high school glee club New Directions competing on the show choir competition circuit, while its members deal with relationships, sexuality and social issues...
, leading Charlie to accuse him of being homosexual.
- In Season 9,episode 6, Walden and Alan kiss (pretending to be Gay) After Walden Make A Comment "He claims to be straight but his lips opened a little when I kissed him" Then Alan Was Seen Making Out With a Bi-sexual
Although he is more conscientious than Charlie regarding sex, Alan does display some sexual deviance. His pregnancy fetish is revealed in the Season 4 episode, "Repeated Blows to his Unformed Head," when Berta's pregnant daughter Naomi (Sara Rue
Sara Rue
Sara Rue is an American television actress. She is best known for the roles she played as Carmen Ferrara on the comedy-drama Popular and Claude Casey on the sitcom Less Than Perfect. She is also known as a spokesperson for Jenny Craig...
) visits and delivers. In that same episode, he tells Charlie that the best sex he and Judith ever had was while she was pregnant with Jake. In the Season 6 episode, "She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime," he confesses that he likes feet (see foot fetish
Foot Fetish
Foot Fetish is the first solo studio album by the Jackyl's lead singer, Jesse James Dupree.- Track listing :All songs written by Jesse James Dupree except where noted.# "Mainline" – 3:25 # "First Taste of Freedom" – 3:53...
).
Masturbation
Throughout the series, Alan has a history of masturbating. In season 7 episode 5 "For The Sake of the Child," Alan tells Charlie that he masturbates angrily when he has trouble sleeping. In one episode Charlie says that he caught Alan having sex with the vacuum, but Alan cites it as an "accident." Charlie says that accidents happen once, and he has caught Alan more than once. In season 8 episode 6 "Twanging Your Magic Clanger", Alan was watching pornPORN
Porn is a common short form for pornography. It may also refer to:* Progressive outer retinal necrosis, a disease of the retina* PORN, a French industrial rock band...
movies in his bedroom naked when Charlie walked in and was immediately grossed out. Later, Charlie finds Alan watching movies again naked, this time in his living room. Alan finally tells Charlie he has been masturbating because he wanted to use his prescription
Prescription drug
A prescription medication is a licensed medicine that is regulated by legislation to require a medical prescription before it can be obtained. The term is used to distinguish it from over-the-counter drugs which can be obtained without a prescription...
sexual enhancement pills before they expired (a nod to Alan's reputation for being cheap). The next day, Charlie came home from a date with Michelle, and Alan was in his car listening to Mariachi
Mariachi
Mariachi is a genre of music that originated in the State of Jalisco, in Mexico. It is an integration of stringed instruments highly influenced by the cultural impacts of the historical development of Western Mexico. Throughout the history of mariachi, musicians have experimented with brass, wind,...
music while masturbating. Later that night, Alan went to the movie theater and masturbated, which led to an arrest for exposing himself in public, and Charlie for once came across as correct when he disgustedly ignored his brother's phone call begging to be bailed out of jail. In "Humiliation is a Visual Medium", when asked by Charlie how he copes with a lack of sex he responds "take up hobbies, work hard and yank it like a monkey in a mango tree." He also uses Viagra, which his son Jake accidentally took in season 3 episode 16: "Ergo, the Booty Call." In episode 14 of season 8, "Lookin' for Japanese Subs," Charlie states that Alan threw his back out trying to pleasure himself. In the opening episode of season 9, in season 8 one morning when Michelle asked Charlie about a noise she heard he answered that it was Alan masturbating and trying to fall asleep, this is also mentioned in the episode "Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
"Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt" is the ninth season premiere of the comedy series Two and a Half Men and the first appearance of Ashton Kutcher as Walden Schmidt, "an internet billionaire with a broken heart". It is the 178th episode of the show, and the first episode without former lead...
," Alan admitted he "masturbated and cried myself to sleep" while Walden was having sex with two women in Charlie's old bedroom.