Codependent No More
Encyclopedia
Codependent No More was the debut book of self-help
author Melody Beattie
. It was originally published in 1987 by the publishing division of the Hazelden Foundation, and became a phenomenon of the self-help movement, going on to sell over eight million copies, six million copies of them in the United States
.
Melody Beattie popularized the phenomenon of codependency with her bestseller Codependent No More. The subtitle of the book offers a hint at the apparent contradiction that accompanies codependency: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself.
, part of a dawning realization that the problem was not solely the addict, but also the family and friends who constitute a network for the alcoholic'. Codependents often end up in relationships with drug (including alcohol) addicted spouses or lovers. In the book, Beattie explains that a codependent is a person who believes their happiness is derived from other people or one person in particular, and eventually the codependent becomes obsessed with controlling the behavior of the people/person that they believe is making them happy.
Similar to Bill Wilson's Alcoholics Anonymous five decades earlier, Beattie's early work took the previously complex object relations theory
and interpersonal theories of psychoanalysts like Heinz Kohut
, Wilfred Bion
and Otto Kernberg and put them in language the average reader could easily grasp. The book also re-phrased many of the notions expressed in the Al-Anon Twelve-step program
movement into more modern language, and made the notion of addiction
to a person (who was addicted to a substance or a behavioral process) part of the western cultural lexicon.
. "CoDA" has a conference-approved, AA-like, "big book" of its own. Beattie's works continue to be staples in the CoDA meeting rooms.
Co-Dependents Anonymous has influenced over a million people, and is increasingly "prescribed" by members of the professional mental health community as a self-help adjunct treatment for marital, family of origin and other relationship difficulties well beyond involvement with practicing substance or process abusers.
...a destructive form of helping'. Building on Transactional Analysis
, and on the Karpman drama triangle
in particular, she highlighted how 'Co-dependents are care-takers - rescuers. They rescue, then they persecute, then they end up victimized'.
The answer, for Beattie, is ' Detachment...We mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically disengage ourselves from unhealthy (and frequently painful) entanglements with another person's life and responsibilities'. Promoting the motto - 'Practice non-rescuing behaviours' - she urged that 'detachment...is not detaching from the person we care about, but from the agony of involvement'.
To disentangle successfully from toxic enmeshments meant a concern for personal boundaries
. 'Codependents need boundaries. We need to set limits on what we shall do to and for people', and to recognise in addition that 'we will probably be tested more than once on every boundary we set. People do that to see if we're serious, especially if we haven't meant what we said in the past'.
publications, Codependent No More is open to the charge of being 'a kind of contemporary version of nineteenth-century amateurism or enthusiasm in which self-examination and very general social observations are enough to draw rather large conclusions', and in which, 'although a veneer of scientism permeates the work, there is also an underlying armature of moralizing'.
Critics claim indeed that what is in fact at stake 'is a way of constituting a moral self' that is less responsive to the claims of others: 'The path to normality in co-dependency...is paved with the self's progressive emancipation from social control...autonomy from external demands'. In what can been seen as part of a wider 'cultural shift from the ethic of self-denial to the ethic of self-actualization...as Beattie says, detachment from others implies a concomitant "focus on" self'
Conversely, however, others claim that, as women are 'still generally perceived as being responsible for maintaining healthy relationships', Beattie's concept of 'Codependency blames women for adhering to society's definition of the appropriate feminine role'.
Self-help
Self-help, or self-improvement, is a self-guided improvement—economically, intellectually, or emotionally—often with a substantial psychological basis. There are many different self-help movements and each has its own focus, techniques, associated beliefs, proponents and in some cases, leaders...
author Melody Beattie
Melody Beattie
Melody Beattie is the author of Codependent No More, published in 1987 by the Hazelden Foundation. The book was successful and influential within the self-help movement, selling over eight million copies and introducing the word codependent to the general public.Following the success of Codependent...
. It was originally published in 1987 by the publishing division of the Hazelden Foundation, and became a phenomenon of the self-help movement, going on to sell over eight million copies, six million copies of them in the United States
United States
The United States of America is a federal constitutional republic comprising fifty states and a federal district...
.
Melody Beattie popularized the phenomenon of codependency with her bestseller Codependent No More. The subtitle of the book offers a hint at the apparent contradiction that accompanies codependency: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself.
History of term
The term codependent originated as a way to describe people who use relationships with others as their sole source of value and identity. It 'comes directly out of Alcoholics AnonymousAlcoholics Anonymous
Alcoholics Anonymous is an international mutual aid movement which says its "primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety." Now claiming more than 2 million members, AA was founded in 1935 by Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith in Akron, Ohio...
, part of a dawning realization that the problem was not solely the addict, but also the family and friends who constitute a network for the alcoholic'. Codependents often end up in relationships with drug (including alcohol) addicted spouses or lovers. In the book, Beattie explains that a codependent is a person who believes their happiness is derived from other people or one person in particular, and eventually the codependent becomes obsessed with controlling the behavior of the people/person that they believe is making them happy.
Similar to Bill Wilson's Alcoholics Anonymous five decades earlier, Beattie's early work took the previously complex object relations theory
Object relations theory
Object relations theory is a psychodynamic theory within psychoanalytic psychology. The theory describes the process of developing a mind as one grows in relation to others in the environment....
and interpersonal theories of psychoanalysts like Heinz Kohut
Heinz Kohut
Heinz Kohut was an Austrian-born American psychoanalyst best known for his development of Self psychology, an influential school of thought within psychodynamic/psychoanalytic theory which helped transform the modern practice of analytic and dynamic treatment approaches.-Early life:Kohut was born...
, Wilfred Bion
Wilfred Bion
Wilfred Ruprecht Bion DSO was an influential British psychoanalyst, who became president of the British Psychoanalytical Society from 1962 to 1965....
and Otto Kernberg and put them in language the average reader could easily grasp. The book also re-phrased many of the notions expressed in the Al-Anon Twelve-step program
Twelve-step program
A Twelve-Step Program is a set of guiding principles outlining a course of action for recovery from addiction, compulsion, or other behavioral problems...
movement into more modern language, and made the notion of addiction
Behavioral addiction
Behavioral addiction is a form of addiction which does not rely on drugs or alcohol. Increasingly referred to as process addiction or non-substance-related addiction ) behavioral addiction includes a compulsion to repeatedly engage in an action until said action causes serious negative consequences...
to a person (who was addicted to a substance or a behavioral process) part of the western cultural lexicon.
Influence of Melody Beattie's work
Codependent No More was preceded by professional literature like Timmen Cermak's Diagnosing and Treating Co-Dependence, but Beattie's book was the first "big book", on the subject, and paved the way for a new Twelve-step take-off program, called Co-Dependents AnonymousCo-Dependents Anonymous
Co-Dependents Anonymous is a twelve-step program for people who share a common desire to develop functional and healthy relationships. CoDA was founded in 1986 in Phoenix, Arizona...
. "CoDA" has a conference-approved, AA-like, "big book" of its own. Beattie's works continue to be staples in the CoDA meeting rooms.
Co-Dependents Anonymous has influenced over a million people, and is increasingly "prescribed" by members of the professional mental health community as a self-help adjunct treatment for marital, family of origin and other relationship difficulties well beyond involvement with practicing substance or process abusers.
Some key elements: rescuing, detachment, boundaries
A key element in Beattie's explication of codependency is that the process of "Rescuing" someone, i.e. 'solving people's problems for them...looks a much friendlier act than it is'. She was concerned to distinguish a genuine process of helping from what she termed EnablingEnabling
Enabling is a term with a double meaning.As a positive term, it references patterns of interaction which allow individuals to develop and grow...
...a destructive form of helping'. Building on Transactional Analysis
Transactional analysis
Transactional analysis, commonly known as TA to its adherents, is an integrative approach to the theory of psychology and psychotherapy. It is described as integrative because it has elements of psychoanalytic, humanist and cognitive approaches...
, and on the Karpman drama triangle
Karpman drama triangle
The drama triangle is a psychological and social model of human interaction in transactional analysis first described by Stephen Karpman, in his 1968 article Fairy Tales and Script Drama Analysis...
in particular, she highlighted how 'Co-dependents are care-takers - rescuers. They rescue, then they persecute, then they end up victimized'.
The answer, for Beattie, is ' Detachment...We mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically disengage ourselves from unhealthy (and frequently painful) entanglements with another person's life and responsibilities'. Promoting the motto - 'Practice non-rescuing behaviours' - she urged that 'detachment...is not detaching from the person we care about, but from the agony of involvement'.
To disentangle successfully from toxic enmeshments meant a concern for personal boundaries
Personal boundaries
Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for him- or herself what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around him or her and how he or she will respond when someone steps outside those limits.'Personal boundaries define...
. 'Codependents need boundaries. We need to set limits on what we shall do to and for people', and to recognise in addition that 'we will probably be tested more than once on every boundary we set. People do that to see if we're serious, especially if we haven't meant what we said in the past'.
Criticism
Like most or all Self-helpSelf-help
Self-help, or self-improvement, is a self-guided improvement—economically, intellectually, or emotionally—often with a substantial psychological basis. There are many different self-help movements and each has its own focus, techniques, associated beliefs, proponents and in some cases, leaders...
publications, Codependent No More is open to the charge of being 'a kind of contemporary version of nineteenth-century amateurism or enthusiasm in which self-examination and very general social observations are enough to draw rather large conclusions', and in which, 'although a veneer of scientism permeates the work, there is also an underlying armature of moralizing'.
Critics claim indeed that what is in fact at stake 'is a way of constituting a moral self' that is less responsive to the claims of others: 'The path to normality in co-dependency...is paved with the self's progressive emancipation from social control...autonomy from external demands'. In what can been seen as part of a wider 'cultural shift from the ethic of self-denial to the ethic of self-actualization...as Beattie says, detachment from others implies a concomitant "focus on" self'
Conversely, however, others claim that, as women are 'still generally perceived as being responsible for maintaining healthy relationships', Beattie's concept of 'Codependency blames women for adhering to society's definition of the appropriate feminine role'.