Triangular theory of love
Encyclopedia
The triangular theory of love is a theory of love
developed by psychologist
Robert Sternberg
. In the context of interpersonal relationship
s, 'the three components of love, according to the triangular theory, are an intimacy component, a passion component, and a decision/commitment component'.
'The amount of love one experiences depends on the absolute strength of these three components, and the type of love one experiences depends on their strengths relative to each other'. Different stages and types of love can be explained as different combinations of these three elements; for example, the relative emphasis of each component changes over time as an adult romantic relationship develops. A relationship based on a single element is less likely to survive than one based on two or three elements.
The three components, pictorially labeled on the vertices of a triangle, interact with each other and with the actions they produce so as to form seven different kinds of love experiences (nonlove is not represented). The size of the triangle functions to represent the "amount" of love - the bigger the triangle, the greater the love. The shape of the triangle functions to represent the "style" of love, which may vary over the course of the relationship:
: 'compulsive thinking is abstract thinking...general, directed towards systematization and categorization; it is theoretical instead of real'. Its protagonists' need 'to try to dominate with the intellect, to keep control - to "overstand" - is the very thing which prevents these folks from allowing themselves..to grow in all those directions connected with feeling, where they're not so developed'.
Love, actually, may be one of those areas of life where 'success depends upon "tacit knowledge," i.e., upon knowledge that is acquired through practice and that cannot be articulated explicitly'. Nevertheless, 'the strength of Sternberg's triangular theory of love is that it is elegantly simple and flexible'.
Love
Love is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. In philosophical context, love is a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection. Love is central to many religions, as in the Christian phrase, "God is love" or Agape in the Canonical gospels...
developed by psychologist
Psychologist
Psychologist is a professional or academic title used by individuals who are either:* Clinical professionals who work with patients in a variety of therapeutic contexts .* Scientists conducting psychological research or teaching psychology in a college...
Robert Sternberg
Robert Sternberg
Robert Jeffrey Sternberg , is an American psychologist and psychometrician and Provost at Oklahoma State University. He was formerly the Dean of Arts and Sciences at Tufts University, IBM Professor of Psychology and Education at Yale University and the President of the American Psychological...
. In the context of interpersonal relationship
Interpersonal relationship
An interpersonal relationship is an association between two or more people that may range from fleeting to enduring. This association may be based on limerence, love, solidarity, regular business interactions, or some other type of social commitment. Interpersonal relationships are formed in the...
s, 'the three components of love, according to the triangular theory, are an intimacy component, a passion component, and a decision/commitment component'.
- IntimacyEmotional intimacyEmotional intimacy is an aspect of interpersonal relationships that varies in intensity from one relationship to another and varies from one time to another, much like physical intimacy. Affect, emotion and feeling may refer to different phenomena...
– Which encompasses feelings of attachmentAttachment theoryAttachment theory describes the dynamics of long-term relationships between humans. Its most important tenet is that an infant needs to develop a relationship with at least one primary caregiver for social and emotional development to occur normally. Attachment theory is an interdisciplinary study...
, closeness, connectedness, and bondedness. - PassionPassion (emotion)Passion is a term applied to a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is an intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for something....
– Which encompasses drives connected to both limerenceLimerenceLimerence is a term coined c. 1977 by the psychologist Dorothy Tennov to describe an involuntary state of mind which seems to result from a romantic attraction to another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one's feelings reciprocated...
and sexual attractionSexual attractionSexual attractiveness or sex appeal refers to an individual's ability to attract the sexual or erotic interest of another person, and is a factor in sexual selection or mate choice. The attraction can be to the physical or other qualities or traits of a person, or to such qualities in the context...
. - CommitmentCommitmentCommitment may refer to:*Promise, or personal commitment*Contract, a legally binding exchange of promises*Brand commitment*Involuntary commitment, the use of legal means or forms to commit a person to a mental hospital, insane asylum or psychiatric ward...
– Which encompasses, in the short term, the decision to remain with another, and in the long term, the shared achievements and plans made with that other.
'The amount of love one experiences depends on the absolute strength of these three components, and the type of love one experiences depends on their strengths relative to each other'. Different stages and types of love can be explained as different combinations of these three elements; for example, the relative emphasis of each component changes over time as an adult romantic relationship develops. A relationship based on a single element is less likely to survive than one based on two or three elements.
Forms of love
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The three components, pictorially labeled on the vertices of a triangle, interact with each other and with the actions they produce so as to form seven different kinds of love experiences (nonlove is not represented). The size of the triangle functions to represent the "amount" of love - the bigger the triangle, the greater the love. The shape of the triangle functions to represent the "style" of love, which may vary over the course of the relationship:
- Nonlove 'refers simply to the absence of all three components of love. Nonlove characterizes the large majority of our personal relationships, which are simply casual interactions'.
- Liking/friendship is 'used here in a nontrivial sense. Rather, it refers to the set of feelings one experiences in relationships that can truly be characterized as friendshipFriendshipFriendship is a form of interpersonal relationship generally considered to be closer than association, although there is a range of degrees of intimacy in both friendships and associations. Friendship and association are often thought of as spanning across the same continuum...
. One feels closeness, bondedness, and warmth toward the other, without feelings of intense passion or long-term commitment'.
- Infatuated love: 'infatuationInfatuationInfatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love: 'expresses the headlong libidinal attraction' of addictive love...
results from the experiencing of passionate arousal in the absence of intimacy and decision/commitment...like Tennov's limerance'. Romantic relationships often start out as infatuated love and become romantic love as intimacy develops over time. Without developing intimacy or commitment, infatuated love may disappear suddenly.
- Empty love is characterized by commitment without intimacy or passion. A stronger love may deteriorate into empty love. In an arranged marriageArranged marriageAn arranged marriage is a practice in which someone other than the couple getting married makes the selection of the persons to be wed, meanwhile curtailing or avoiding the process of courtship. Such marriages had deep roots in royal and aristocratic families around the world...
, the spouses' relationship may begin as empty love and develop into another form, indicating 'how empty love need not be the terminal state of a long-term relationship...[but] the beginning rather than the end'.
- Romantic love 'derives from a combination of the intimate and passionate components of love...romantic lovers are not only drawn physically to each other but are also bonded emotionally' - bonded both intimately and passionately, but without sustaining commitment.
- Companionate love is an intimate, non-passionate type of love that is stronger than friendship because of the element of long-term commitment. 'This type of love is observed in long-term marriages where passion is no longer present' but where a deep affection and commitment remain. The love ideally shared between family members is a form of companionate love, as is the love between close friends who have a platonicPlatonic lovePlatonic love is a chaste and strong type of love that is non-sexual.-Amor Platonicus:The term amor platonicus was coined as early as the 15th century by the Florentine scholar Marsilio Ficino. Platonic love in this original sense of the term is examined in Plato's dialogue the Symposium, which has...
but strong friendship.
- Fatuous love can be exemplified by a whirlwind courtship and marriage - 'fatuous in the sense that a commitment is made on the basis of passion without the stabilizing influence of intimate involvement'.
- Consummate love is the complete form of love, representing an ideal relationship toward which people strive. Of the seven varieties of love, consummate love is theorized to be that love associated with the “perfect couple.” According to Sternberg, these couples will continue to have great sex fifteen years or more into the relationship, they cannot imagine themselves happier over the long-term with anyone else, they overcome their few difficulties gracefully, and each delight in the relationship with one other. However, Sternberg cautions that maintaining a consummate love may be even harder than achieving it. He stresses the importance of translating the components of love into action. "Without expression," he warns, "even the greatest of loves can die". Thus, consummate love may not be permanent. If passion is lost over time, it may change into companionate love.
Criticism
Sternberg's triangular theory has been placed within the context of 'a broader interest in taxonomising that has now become a major feature of the field' of personal relationships. The danger is perhaps that (at its worst) such an approach may verge on compulsive thinkingObsessive-compulsive disorder
Obsessive–compulsive disorder is an anxiety disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce uneasiness, apprehension, fear, or worry, by repetitive behaviors aimed at reducing the associated anxiety, or by a combination of such obsessions and compulsions...
: 'compulsive thinking is abstract thinking...general, directed towards systematization and categorization; it is theoretical instead of real'. Its protagonists' need 'to try to dominate with the intellect, to keep control - to "overstand" - is the very thing which prevents these folks from allowing themselves..to grow in all those directions connected with feeling, where they're not so developed'.
Love, actually, may be one of those areas of life where 'success depends upon "tacit knowledge," i.e., upon knowledge that is acquired through practice and that cannot be articulated explicitly'. Nevertheless, 'the strength of Sternberg's triangular theory of love is that it is elegantly simple and flexible'.