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  • If you give a man a hammer, he thinks he can solve all problems by pounding. Well, God gave men penises....
    • Jacob Appel in The Mistress of Wholesome (2007)

  • "Natural" is a very dangerous word to use about sexuality ... Our society's notions of normality are completely fake and meta-trendy, since they rely on the changing standards of superstition, religion, Christianity and gender bias to define themselves. Americans, in particular, exhibit very childish reactions to sexual practices that are new to them, much like little kids who are offered a vegetable they haven't seen before: "That's disgusting!" "But darling, you haven't even tried it!" "I don't care, I hate it, I hate it!"

  • Once you've gotten two hands up somebody's ass, you aren't likely to feel jealous of a penis.

  • Coition is a slight attack of apoplexy. For man gushes forth from man, and is separated by being torn apart with a kind of blow.

  • "Can a woman not keep her lover without she study to always please him with pleasure? Pew! then let her give up the game. Or shall my lover think with pleasing of me to win me indeed? Faugh! he payeth me then; doth he think I am for hire?"

  • When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.

  • Give pleasure. Accept pleasure. It's that easy.
    • Kenneth Hanes, The Gay Guy's Guide to Life

  • In my service as Governor, I've never had anyone complain to me that their kids are not learning enough about sex in school. However, a number of people have asked me why it is that we do not speak more about abstinence as a safe and preventive health practice. ... Abstinence education gives young people the support they need in making the decision to postpone sexual activity until they are mature enough to handle the emotional, moral and financial responsibilities of parenthood. ... This is more than teaching kids to say no — it will help them preserve self-esteem and build character.
    • Mitt Romney, from a http://myclob.pbwiki.com/04-20-2006 04-20-2006 Press Release

  • Happy family: The existence and maintenance of [this] is thought to make a politician fit for public office. According to this theory, the public are less concerned by whether or not they are effectively represented than by the need to be assured that the penises and hairy vaginas of public officials are only used in legally sanctioned circumstances.

  • Venereal: From Venus, the goddess of love, this word refers to the reality of desire. With the rise of Protestantism and science, the word "disease" was tacked on in a revealing combination of categorization and moralizing. "Which disease?" "The disease of love."

  • "I honestly don't understand the big fuss made over nudity and sex in films. It's silly. On TV, the children can watch people murdering each other, which is a very unnatural thing, but they can't watch two people in the very natural process of making love. Now, really, that doesn't make any sense, does it?"
    • Sharon Tate as quoted in Sharon Tate and the Manson Murders (2000) by Greg King

  • All this fuss about sleeping together. For physical pleasure I'd sooner go to my dentist any day.

  • There are two kinds of sex, classical and baroque. Classical sex is romantic, profound, serious, emotional, moral, mysterious, spontaneous, abandoned, focused on a particular person, and stereotypically feminine. Baroque sex is pop, playful, funny, experimental, conscious, deliberate, amoral, anonymous, focused on sensation for sensation's sake, and stereotypically masculine. The classical mentality taken to an extreme is sentimental and finally puritanical; the baroque mentality taken to an extreme is pornographic and finally obscene. Ideally, a sexual relation ought to create a satisfying tension between the two modes (a baroque idea, particularly if the tension is ironic) or else blend them so well that the distinction disappears (a classical aspiration).
    • Ellen Willis, "Classical and Baroque Sex in Everyday Life" (1979), Beginning To See the Light: Pieces of a Decade (1981)

  • Nothing is better than sex and anyone who says so has never had a good woman.
    • Roger Daltry, The Mirror, Saturday 15th July 2000

  • Yes, I haven't had enough sex.
    • Sir John Betjeman, British poet laureate. He had been asked whether he had any regrets, in an interview for the television documentary Time With Betjeman (February 1983).

  • I'm saving myself for marriage. Or at least consent.
    • Xavier from Xavier: Renegade Angel, episode "Escape From Squatopian Freedom" by John Lee and Vernon Chatman, 2007.

Dialogue

Lucia DeLury: Honey, I don't understand sex. I don't get it, get it? It's just, it seems like, uh… a lot of trouble for not much. Am I the only one that thinks this?
Bill Truit: I don't think you're the tip of an iceberg, frankly.
Lucia DeLury: Well, I- I would rather have a bathrobe. You know, it lasts longer, and there's no fluids. You know, what's so great about that? That's like, "Hi! I'd like to blow my nose on your face."
— The Opposite of Sex (1998), with Lisa Kudrow (Lucia) and Martin Donovan (Bill)

Verse



A-C

  • A hooker is like a really good date, only cheaper and without the 3 hours of bullshit before the sex. ~ Richard Kohut

  • A lover always thinks of his mistress first and himself second; with a husband it runs the other way. ~ Honore de Balzac

  • A promiscuous person is someone who is getting more sex than you are. ~ Victor Lownes

  • A woman makes a guy come, it's standard. A guy makes a woman come, it's talent. ~ Dante Hicks

  • An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away. ~ Mae West


  • Chastity always takes its toll. In some it produces pimples; in others, sex laws. ~ Karl Kraus

  • Chastity...the most unnatural of all the sexual perversions. ~ Aldous Huxley

  • Civilized people cannot fully satisfy their sexual instinct without love. ~ Bertrand Russell

D-H

  • Don't knock masturbation — it's sex with someone I love. ~ Woody Allen

  • Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life. ~ Dorothy Parker

  • Fifty percent of the women in this country are not having orgasms. If that were true of the male population, it would be declared a national emergency. ~ Margo St. James

  • Fuckin' is good for you, Jack. Gettin some pussy beats having a war. ~ Richard Pryor


I

  • I found the fountain of youth and it was between a woman's legs. ~ Thomas Geraghty

  • I consider sex a misdemeanor; the more I miss, de meaner I get. ~ Mae West

  • I do all my best work in bed. ~ Mae West

  • I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do. ~ Art Buchwald

  • I feel like a million tonight. But one at a time. ~ Mae West

  • I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. ~ Mae West

  • I need sex for a clear complexion, but I'd rather do it for love. ~ Joan Crawford

  • I would like to outlaw contraception...contraception is disgusting — people using each other for pleasure. ~ Joseph Scheidler, Pro-Life Action League

  • If our sex life were determined by our first youthful experiments, most of the world would be doomed to celibacy. In no area of human experience are human beings more convinced that something better can be had if only they persevere. ~ P. D. James

  • If they laid all the coeds from Yale end to end...I wouldn't be surprised. ~ Dorothy Parker

  • In America sex is an obsession; in other parts of the world it is a fact. ~ Marlene Dietrich

  • Is it not life? Is it not the thing? ~ Lord Byron

  • It doesn't matter if you fuck someone or get fucked - the main thing is to have sex. ~ Bulgarian proverb

  • It is essential that we realize once and for all that man is much more of a sex creature than a moral creature. The former is inherent, the other is grafted on. ~ Emma Goldman

  • It is not sex that gives us pleasure, but the lover. ~ Marge Piercy

  • It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue. ~ Voltaire

  • It is significant that whenever the public mind is to be diverted from great social wrong, a crusade is inaugurated against indecency. ~ Emma Goldman

  • It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. ~ George Burns

  • It's just that it's been my experience in having sex with some straight men that the sex is over when he gets off. And I don't accept that. I want to have an orgasm. ...Not right now! This is the Isaac Stern Auditorium!... No. I want to have one. I will put a chalk board over the bed. One... one. ~ Margaret Cho

  • It's not the men in my life, but the life in my men. ~ Mae West

  • It's not true that the more sex that you have, the more it interferes with your work. I find that the more sex you have, the better work you do. ~ H. G. Wells

  • I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin. ~ George Burns

  • I've been in more laps than a napkin. ~ Mae West


J-L

  • Joan is as good as my lady in the dark. ~ English proverb (17th Century)

  • Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you’re going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love. ~Butch Hancock

  • Life without sex might be safer but it would be unbearably dull. ~ H. L. Mencken

  • Looking for sex can lead to misfortune, and if you get "lucky" and find it, it can leave you maimed, infected, or dead. Other than that, it's swell. ~ Edna Buchanan

  • Lord, grant me chastity and continence... but not yet. ~ St. Augustine


  • Love and sex are the things that give life some value, some zest. Miserable as flesh and blood is, it is still the best you can get. ~ Unknown

  • Love and sex can go together, and sex and unlove can go together, and love and unsex can go together. But personal love and personal sex is bad. ~ Andy Warhol

  • Love is just a system for getting someone to call you "darling" after sex. ~ Julian Barnes

  • Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin, it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring. ~ S. J. Perelman

  • Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions. ~ Woody Allen

  • Love is the name, sex is the game, forget the name and play the game! ~ Unknown

M-R

  • Men ought to be more conscious of their bodies as an object of delight. ~ Germaine Greer

  • Much more genius is needed to make love than to command armies. ~ Ninon de Lenclos

  • Never have sex for a relationship and never have a relationship for sex; let the two seperate paths intertwine as they may. ~ Anonymous


  • Nobody dies from lack of sex. It's lack of love we die from. ~ Margaret Atwood

  • Of all the sexual aberrations, perhaps the most peculiar is chastity. ~ Remy de Gourmont

  • One should never be sexually involved with anyone one genuinely cares for. A sexual relationship guarantees a loss. ~ Mary Gordon

  • Our sexual self is a complex combination of our social, cultural, and biological inheritance. ~ Pepper Schwartz

  • People are supposed to fuck. It is our main purpose in life, and all those other activities—playing the trumpet, vacuuming carpets, reading mystery novels, eating chocolate mousse—are just ways of passing the time until you can fuck again. ~ Cynthia Heimel

  • Physics is like sex. Sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it. ~ Richard Feynman


  • Men always pay for sex. The only question is how much and in what currency. John Pritchard

S

  • Sex is pretty sweet, until you get herpes. ~ Brady Blomberg

  • Sex, is a thing that everyone has on their mind, whether they like it or not. ~ Unknown

  • Sex, a great and mysterious motive force in human life, has indisputably been a subject of absorbing interest to mankind through the ages. ~ William J. Brennan Jr.

  • Sex? Aah fucking hippie crap! ~ Johnny Rotten


  • Sex and laughter do go very well together, and I wondered — and still do — which is the more important. ~ Hermione Gingold

  • Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; between 5 it's fantastic ... ~ Woody Allen

  • Sex education classes in our public schools are promoting incest. ~ Jimmy Swaggart

  • Sex is a conversation carried out by other means. ~ Peter Ustinov

  • Sex is a game, a weapon, a toy, a joy, a trance, an enlightenment, a loss, a hope. ~ Sallie Tisdale


  • Sex is an emotion in motion. ~ Mae West

  • "Sex" is as important as eating or drinking and we ought to allow the one appetite to be satisfied with as little restraint or false modesty as the other. ~ Marquis De Sade

  • Sex is hardly ever just about sex. ~ Shirley MacLane

  • Sex is like air: it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. -Unknown

  • Sex is like the game of bridge: if you don't have a good partner, you need a good hand. ~ Woody Allen


  • Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets. ~ Andy Warhol



  • Sex lashes out against counterfeit emotion, and is ruthless, devastating against false love. ~ D. H. Lawrence

  • Sex stops when you pull up your pants, love never lets you go. ~ Kingsley Amis


  • Sex with love is the greatest thing in life. But sex without love — that's not so bad either. ~ Mae West

  • Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best. ~ Woody Allen




  • Sexuality is lovely, there cannot be too much of it, it is self-limiting if satisfactory, and satisfaction diminishes tension and clears the mind for attention and learning. ~ Paul Goodman

  • Satisfying sex is like a game of chess. Its hard to win, but the feeling afterwards is the greatest thing known to man ~ Unknown

  • Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it. ~ W. C. Fields

T

  • There are two things that rise in the morning and one is the sun. ~ Thomas Geraghty

  • Take off all your clothes and walk down the street waving a machete and firing an Uzi, and terrified citizens will phone the police and report: "There's a naked person outside!" ~ Mike Nichols

  • The Christian view that all intercourse outside marriage is immoral was, as we see in the above passages from St. Paul, based upon the view that all sexual intercourse, even within marriage, is regrettable. A view of this sort, which goes against biological facts, can only be regarded by sane people as a morbid aberration. The fact that it is embedded in Christian ethics has made Christianity throughout its whole history a force tending towards mental disorders and unwholesome views of life. ~ Bertrand Russell

  • The difference between love and sex is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. ~ Dan Rather

  • The difference between men and women, as regards to sex, is like the relationship between the candlestick and the candleholder—the candleholder is always there. - Mark Twain



  • The only thing more fun than sex is spending someone else's money. ~ George F. Will

  • The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform. ~ Dr. Alfred Kinsey


  • The pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable. ~ Lord Chesterfield


  • The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right. ~ Woody Allen


  • The safeword is the word you use in S/M sex that means "stop"; ... it's something innocuous, like "red", "blue", "tree", "table", whatever, so I said to my friend Bucky, who was teaching me about safewords, "But Bucky, what happens if you forget the safeword? Red, blue, green, yellow, onomatopoeia, front-loading dishwasher, what?!" She said, "Maggie, you say 'I forgot the safeword, you idiot!'" ~ Maggie Cassella

  • The sex relation is not personal relation. It can be irresistibly desired and rapturously consummated between persons who could not endure one another for a day in any other relation. ~ George Bernard Shaw


  • There's no place for the state in the bedrooms of the nation. ~ Pierre Trudeau


  • Thunder and lightning is crazy sex between Heaven and Earth. - Leonid S. Sukhorukov

U-Z

  • Very few lasting relationships are made in bed. Fantasies may begin and end there; true love does not. ~ Dr. Harold Bessell

  • We may eventually come to realize that chastity is no more a virtue than malnutrition. ~ Alexander Comfort

  • What about love? It's defective! It's always breaking in half. What about sex? It's defective! It's never built to really last.
    • Jim Steinman, "Life Is a Lemon and I Want My Money Back"
    • sung by Meat Loaf, from Bat out of Hell II: Back Into Hell (1993)

  • When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better. ~ Mae West

  • When things don't work well in the bedroom, they don't work well in the living room, either. ~ Dr. William H. Masters


  • When women go wrong, men go right after them. ~ Mae West

  • You have to be brave in this culture to say, "This turns me on." ~ Rufus Wainwright

  • You may think you're in love when the passions of sex get hold of you, but if you didn't love the man before, you won't love him after. Like him, maybe—but not love him. ~ Mae West

  • You mustn't force sex to do the work of love or love to do the work of sex. ~ Mary McCarthy

  • Your general subject love is minimal, it's sex for profit. ~ Chuck D

Verse

  • Sex contains all, bodies, souls
    Meanings, proofs, purities, delicacies, results,
    promulgations,
    Songs, commands, health, pride, the maternal
    mystery, the seminal milk,
    All hopes, benefactions, bestowals, all the
    passions, loves, beauties,
    delights of the earth.

  • The path of true love isn't smooth,
    the ruffled feathers sex can soothe,
    soon ruffle again—for couples never
    spend all their lives in bed together.
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