Child discipline
Encyclopedia
Child discipline is the set of rules, rewards and punishments administered to teach self control, increase desirable behaviors and decrease undesirable behaviors in children. In its most general sense, discipline
refers to systematic instruction given to a disciple. To discipline thus means to instruct a person to follow a particular code of conduct. While the purpose of child discipline is to develop and entrench desirable social habits
in children, the ultimate goal is to foster sound judgement and morals
so the child develops and maintains self discipline throughout the rest of his/her life.
Child discipline is a topic that draws from a wide range of interested fields, such as parents, the professional practice of behavior analysis, developmental psychology
, social work
, and various religious perspectives
. Because the values, beliefs, education, customs and culture
s of people vary so widely, along with the age and temperament of the child, methods of child discipline vary widely.
In western society, there has been debate in recent years over the use of corporal punishment
for child
ren in general, and increased attention has been given to the concept of "positive parenting" where good behaviour is encouraged and rewarded.
from the Bible
mention the importance of disciplining children, as opposed to leaving them neglected or unruly, in several verses. Interpretation of these verses varies, as do many passages from the Bible, from literal to metaphorical. The most often paraphrased is from Proverbs 13:24 "He that spareth his rod
hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." (King James Version) Other passages that mention the 'rod' are Proverbs 23:14, "Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell," and Proverbs 29:15, "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame."
Although the Bible's lessons have been paraphrased for hundreds of years, the modern phrase, "Spare the rod and spoil the child," was coined by Samuel Butler
, in Hudibras
, a mock heroic narrative poem, published in 1663. The Contemporary English Version
of Proverbs 13:24 is: 'If you love your children you will correct them; if you don't love them, you won't correct them'.
The primary guidelines followed by medieval parents in training their children were from the Bible. Scolding was considered ineffectual, and cursing a child was a terrible thing. In general, the use of corporal punishment was as a disciplinary action taken to shape behavior, not a pervasive dispensing of beatings for no reason. Corporal punishment was undoubtedly the norm. The medieval world was a dangerous place, and it could take harsh measures to prepare a child to live in it. Pain was the medieval way of illustrating that actions had consequences.
and philosopher John Locke
argued that the child resembled a blank tablet (tabula rasa
) at birth, and was not inherently full of sin
. In his 1693 Some Thoughts Concerning Education
he suggested that the task of the parent was to build in the child the strong body and habits
of mind that would allow the capacity of reason
to develop, and that parents could reward good behavior with their esteem and punish bad behavior with disgrace – the withdrawal of parental approval and affection - as opposed to beatings.
's 1924 Behaviorism argued that parents could train malleable children by rewarding good behavior and punishing bad, and by following precise schedules for food, sleep, and other bodily functions.
Although such principles began to be rejected as early as the 1930s, they were firmly renounced in the 1946 best-seller Baby and Child Care
, by pediatrician Benjamin Spock
, which told parents to trust their own instincts and to view the child as a reasonable, friendly human being. Dr. Spock revised his first edition to urge more parent-centered discipline in 1957, but critics blamed his popular book for its permissive attitude during the youth rebellions of the 1960s and 1970s.
American psychiatrist
Rudolf Dreikurs
developed a pragmatic method for understanding the purposes of reprehensible behaviour in children and for stimulating cooperative behaviour without punishment or reward. He suggested that human misbehavior is the result of feeling a lack of belonging to one's social group. When this happens the child acts from one of four "mistaken goals": attention, power, revenge or avoidance (inadequacy). His model predicts that children would learn to cooperate reasonably without being penalized or rewarded if they feel that they are valuable contributors.
Christian
James Dobson
sought the return of a more conservative society and aimed to promote Biblical
parenting. In 1977 he published the first of several parenting books, Dare to Discipline, which advocated spanking
of children up to age eight and promoted discipline which would allow "the God of our fathers to be introduced to our beloved children."
Dobson's position is controversial. As early as 1985 The New York Times stated that "most child-care experts today disapprove of physical punishment."
As of 2011 there are hundreds of books, websites, and articles giving varying parenting advice and opinions. While opinion-givers may not agree on the best way to rear children or the best methods of discipline, some recommend consistency for effective discipline. Many also discourage spanking and other physical methods of punishment.
In North America, Britain and much of the rest of the English-speaking world, corporal punishment remains highly controversial. In the United States, corporal punishment of children by their parents remains lawful in all 50 states.
The effectiveness of corporal punishment is disputed. Those opposed to spanking argue that other methods of child discipline are both more humane and more effective than physical punishment such as spanking
. Some studies have suggested that spanking may lead to more misbehaviour in the long run, and some researchers have linked what they describe as "authoritarian" child-rearing practices with children who withdraw, lack spontaneity, and have lesser evidence of conscience
.
A 2006 retrospective report study in New Zealand showed that physical punishment of children was quite common in the 1970s and 80s, with 80% of the sample reporting some kind of corporal punishment from parents, at some time during childhood. Among this sample, 29% reported being hit with an empty hand, 45% with an object, and 6% were subjected to serious physical abuse. The study noted that abusive physical punishment tended to be given by fathers and often involved striking the child's head or torso instead of the buttocks or limbs.
, such as murga punishment
in South Asia
or forced prolonged kneeling
(sometimes on beans or salt to increase discomfort), are used as punishment for children.
call habituation
. Thus, no single method is considered to be for exclusive use.
A time-out
involves isolating or separating a child for a few minutes, and is intended to give an over-excited child time to calm down.
Alternatively, time-outs have been recommended as a time for parents to separate feelings of anger toward the child for their behavior and to develop a plan for discipline.
Time-outs are also frequently used as a punishment
, however, many experts (such as Alfie Kohn) do not advocate this.
Non-punitive discipline also excludes systems of "manipulative" rewards. Instead, a child's behaviour is shaped by "democratic interaction" and by deepening parent-child communication. The reasoning behind it is that while punitive measures may stop the problem behavior in the short term, by themselves they do not provide a learning opportunity that allows children the autonomy to change their own behaviour. Although limits are set and rules enforced, the methods of discipline involved are based on whether it strengthens or weakens a parent’s relationship with the child. Many studies show that punishment makes children feel worse about themselves, undermines the relationship with the child and sets up power struggles, which all contribute to make the children act worse. Punishments such as time-outs may be seen as banishment and humiliation. Consequences as a form of punishment are not recommended, but natural consequences are considered to be possibly worthwhile learning experiences provided there is no risk of lasting harm.
Positive discipline is a general term that refers to both non-violent discipline and non-punitive discipline. Criticizing, discouraging, creating obstacles and barriers, blaming, shaming, using sarcastic or cruel humor, or using physical punishment are some negative disciplinary methods used with young children. Any parent may occasionally do any of these things, but doing them more than once in a while may lead to low self-esteem becoming a permanent part of the child's personality.
Authors in this field include Aletha Solter
, Alfie Kohn
, Pam Leo, Haim Ginott
, Thomas Gordon
, Lawrence J. Cohen, and John Gottman
.
It is very common for children who are otherwise ignored by their parents to turn to misbehaviour as a way of seeking attention. An example is a child screaming for attention. Parents often inadvertently reward the bad behavior by immediately giving them the attention, thereby reinforcing it. On the other hand, parents may wait until the child calms down and speaks politely, then reward the more polite behavior with the attention.
Sudbury model
democratic schools, attended by children ages 4 to 19, claim that popularly-based authority can maintain order more effectively than dictatorial authority for governments and schools alike.
Furthermore they emphasize that much more important than the externals of order is the question of the sources of internal discipline: how does an individual come to develop the inner strength and character that endows his life with order and coherence, an independent person appropriate to a free republic of co-equal citizens, capable of making decisions within a rational, self-consistent framework—a person treating and being treated with respect?
They affirm that the hallmark of the independent person is the ability to bear responsibility and since there is no way of teaching or training another person for self-sufficiency, there is no technique for obtaining or transmitting these traits. Hence, the only way a person becomes responsible for himself is for him to be responsible for himself, with no reservation or qualifications. Thence the need to permit children, at home and school, freedom of choice, freedom of action, and freedom to bear the results of action—the three great freedoms that constitute personal responsibility.
Proponents of non-punitive discipline argue that children who misbehave often do it not out of malice, but out of ignorance, boredom or frustration, and simply need to be taught, listened to, or redirected. They argue that a close and loving relationship is vital and if there is such a relationship, the child will want to please the parent and will better accept rules and listen to reason. They also feel that punishments and smacks weaken the relationship which will lead to more problem behavior.
Discipline
In its original sense, discipline is referred to systematic instruction given to disciples to train them as students in a craft or trade, or to follow a particular code of conduct or "order". Often, the phrase "to discipline" carries a negative connotation. This is because enforcement of order –...
refers to systematic instruction given to a disciple. To discipline thus means to instruct a person to follow a particular code of conduct. While the purpose of child discipline is to develop and entrench desirable social habits
Habituation
Habituation can be defined as a process or as a procedure. As a process it is defined as a decrease in an elicited behavior resulting from the repeated presentation of an eliciting stimulus...
in children, the ultimate goal is to foster sound judgement and morals
Morality
Morality is the differentiation among intentions, decisions, and actions between those that are good and bad . A moral code is a system of morality and a moral is any one practice or teaching within a moral code...
so the child develops and maintains self discipline throughout the rest of his/her life.
Child discipline is a topic that draws from a wide range of interested fields, such as parents, the professional practice of behavior analysis, developmental psychology
Developmental psychology
Developmental psychology, also known as human development, is the scientific study of systematic psychological changes, emotional changes, and perception changes that occur in human beings over the course of their life span. Originally concerned with infants and children, the field has expanded to...
, social work
Social work
Social Work is a professional and academic discipline that seeks to improve the quality of life and wellbeing of an individual, group, or community by intervening through research, policy, community organizing, direct practice, and teaching on behalf of those afflicted with poverty or any real or...
, and various religious perspectives
Religion
Religion is a collection of cultural systems, belief systems, and worldviews that establishes symbols that relate humanity to spirituality and, sometimes, to moral values. Many religions have narratives, symbols, traditions and sacred histories that are intended to give meaning to life or to...
. Because the values, beliefs, education, customs and culture
Culture
Culture is a term that has many different inter-related meanings. For example, in 1952, Alfred Kroeber and Clyde Kluckhohn compiled a list of 164 definitions of "culture" in Culture: A Critical Review of Concepts and Definitions...
s of people vary so widely, along with the age and temperament of the child, methods of child discipline vary widely.
In western society, there has been debate in recent years over the use of corporal punishment
Corporal punishment in the home
Domestic corporal punishment typically involves the corporal punishment of a child by a parent or guardian in the home—normally the spanking or slapping of a child with the parent's open hand, but occasionally with an implement such as a belt, slipper, cane or paddle.In many cultures,...
for child
Child
Biologically, a child is generally a human between the stages of birth and puberty. Some vernacular definitions of a child include the fetus, as being an unborn child. The legal definition of "child" generally refers to a minor, otherwise known as a person younger than the age of majority...
ren in general, and increased attention has been given to the concept of "positive parenting" where good behaviour is encouraged and rewarded.
Historical perspectives
Historical research suggests that there has always a been a great deal of individual variation in methods of discipline and thus no century was notably cruel or kind.Biblical views
The Book of ProverbsBook of Proverbs
The Book of Proverbs , commonly referred to simply as Proverbs, is a book of the Hebrew Bible.The original Hebrew title of the book of Proverbs is "Míshlê Shlomoh" . When translated into Greek and Latin, the title took on different forms. In the Greek Septuagint the title became "paroimai paroimiae"...
from the Bible
Bible
The Bible refers to any one of the collections of the primary religious texts of Judaism and Christianity. There is no common version of the Bible, as the individual books , their contents and their order vary among denominations...
mention the importance of disciplining children, as opposed to leaving them neglected or unruly, in several verses. Interpretation of these verses varies, as do many passages from the Bible, from literal to metaphorical. The most often paraphrased is from Proverbs 13:24 "He that spareth his rod
Switch (rod)
A switch is a flexible rod, typically used for corporal punishment of the birching type, called switching after it, especially when using a single branch: multiple branches are rather called a rod, a less flexible single rod is rather called a cane, an inflexible one a stick; a paddle is broader...
hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." (King James Version) Other passages that mention the 'rod' are Proverbs 23:14, "Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell," and Proverbs 29:15, "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame."
Although the Bible's lessons have been paraphrased for hundreds of years, the modern phrase, "Spare the rod and spoil the child," was coined by Samuel Butler
Samuel Butler
Samuel Butler may refer to:*Samuel Butler , author of Hudibras*Samuel Butler , classical scholar, schoolmaster at Shrewsbury, Bishop of Lichfield...
, in Hudibras
Hudibras
Hudibras is an English mock heroic narrative poem from the 17th century written by Samuel Butler.-Purpose:The work is a satirical polemic upon Roundheads, Puritans, Presbyterians and many of the other factions involved in the English Civil War...
, a mock heroic narrative poem, published in 1663. The Contemporary English Version
Contemporary English Version
The Contemporary English Version or CEV is a translation of the Bible into English,published by the American Bible Society...
of Proverbs 13:24 is: 'If you love your children you will correct them; if you don't love them, you won't correct them'.
Medieval views
Influence of John Locke
In his 1690 Essay Concerning Human Understanding English physicianPhysician
A physician is a health care provider who practices the profession of medicine, which is concerned with promoting, maintaining or restoring human health through the study, diagnosis, and treatment of disease, injury and other physical and mental impairments...
and philosopher John Locke
John Locke
John Locke FRS , widely known as the Father of Liberalism, was an English philosopher and physician regarded as one of the most influential of Enlightenment thinkers. Considered one of the first of the British empiricists, following the tradition of Francis Bacon, he is equally important to social...
argued that the child resembled a blank tablet (tabula rasa
Tabula rasa
Tabula rasa is the epistemological theory that individuals are born without built-in mental content and that their knowledge comes from experience and perception. Generally proponents of the tabula rasa thesis favour the "nurture" side of the nature versus nurture debate, when it comes to aspects...
) at birth, and was not inherently full of sin
Sin
In religion, sin is the violation or deviation of an eternal divine law or standard. The term sin may also refer to the state of having committed such a violation. Christians believe the moral code of conduct is decreed by God In religion, sin (also called peccancy) is the violation or deviation...
. In his 1693 Some Thoughts Concerning Education
Some Thoughts Concerning Education
Some Thoughts Concerning Education is a 1693 treatise on the education of gentlemen written by the English philosopher John Locke. For over a century, it was the most important philosophical work on education in England...
he suggested that the task of the parent was to build in the child the strong body and habits
Habit (psychology)
Habits are routines of behavior that are repeated regularly and tend to occur subconsciously. Habitual behavior often goes unnoticed in persons exhibiting it, because a person does not need to engage in self-analysis when undertaking routine tasks...
of mind that would allow the capacity of reason
Reason
Reason is a term that refers to the capacity human beings have to make sense of things, to establish and verify facts, and to change or justify practices, institutions, and beliefs. It is closely associated with such characteristically human activities as philosophy, science, language, ...
to develop, and that parents could reward good behavior with their esteem and punish bad behavior with disgrace – the withdrawal of parental approval and affection - as opposed to beatings.
The twentieth century
In the early twentieth century, child-rearing experts abandoned a romantic view of childhood and advocated formation of proper habits to discipline children. A 1914 U.S. Children's Bureau pamphlet, Infant Care, urged a strict schedule and admonished parents not to play with their babies. John B. WatsonJohn B. Watson
John Broadus Watson was an American psychologist who established the psychological school of behaviorism. Watson promoted a change in psychology through his address Psychology as the Behaviorist Views it which was given at Columbia University in 1913...
's 1924 Behaviorism argued that parents could train malleable children by rewarding good behavior and punishing bad, and by following precise schedules for food, sleep, and other bodily functions.
Although such principles began to be rejected as early as the 1930s, they were firmly renounced in the 1946 best-seller Baby and Child Care
The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care
-External links:...
, by pediatrician Benjamin Spock
Benjamin Spock
Benjamin McLane Spock was an American pediatrician whose book Baby and Child Care, published in 1946, is one of the biggest best-sellers of all time. Its message to mothers is that "you know more than you think you do."Spock was the first pediatrician to study psychoanalysis to try to understand...
, which told parents to trust their own instincts and to view the child as a reasonable, friendly human being. Dr. Spock revised his first edition to urge more parent-centered discipline in 1957, but critics blamed his popular book for its permissive attitude during the youth rebellions of the 1960s and 1970s.
American psychiatrist
Psychiatrist
A psychiatrist is a physician who specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of mental disorders. All psychiatrists are trained in diagnostic evaluation and in psychotherapy...
Rudolf Dreikurs
Rudolf Dreikurs
Rudolf Dreikurs was an American psychiatrist and educator who developed psychologist Alfred Adler's system of individual psychology into a pragmatic method for understanding the purposes of reprehensible behaviour in children and for stimulating cooperative behaviour without punishment or...
developed a pragmatic method for understanding the purposes of reprehensible behaviour in children and for stimulating cooperative behaviour without punishment or reward. He suggested that human misbehavior is the result of feeling a lack of belonging to one's social group. When this happens the child acts from one of four "mistaken goals": attention, power, revenge or avoidance (inadequacy). His model predicts that children would learn to cooperate reasonably without being penalized or rewarded if they feel that they are valuable contributors.
The return of the rod
Following the turbulent and permissive era of the 1960s and early 1970s, American evangelicalEvangelicalism
Evangelicalism is a Protestant Christian movement which began in Great Britain in the 1730s and gained popularity in the United States during the series of Great Awakenings of the 18th and 19th century.Its key commitments are:...
Christian
Christian
A Christian is a person who adheres to Christianity, an Abrahamic, monotheistic religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus of Nazareth as recorded in the Canonical gospels and the letters of the New Testament...
James Dobson
James Dobson
James Clayton "Jim" Dobson, Jr. is an American evangelical Christian author, psychologist, and founder in 1977 of Focus on the Family , which he led until 2003. In the 1980s he was ranked as one of the most influential spokesman for conservative social positions in American public life...
sought the return of a more conservative society and aimed to promote Biblical
Bible
The Bible refers to any one of the collections of the primary religious texts of Judaism and Christianity. There is no common version of the Bible, as the individual books , their contents and their order vary among denominations...
parenting. In 1977 he published the first of several parenting books, Dare to Discipline, which advocated spanking
Spanking
Spanking refers to the act of striking the buttocks of another person to cause temporary pain without producing physical injury. It generally involves one person striking the buttocks of another person with an open hand. When an open hand is used, spanking is referred to in some countries as...
of children up to age eight and promoted discipline which would allow "the God of our fathers to be introduced to our beloved children."
Dobson's position is controversial. As early as 1985 The New York Times stated that "most child-care experts today disapprove of physical punishment."
As of 2011 there are hundreds of books, websites, and articles giving varying parenting advice and opinions. While opinion-givers may not agree on the best way to rear children or the best methods of discipline, some recommend consistency for effective discipline. Many also discourage spanking and other physical methods of punishment.
Corporal punishment
In many cultures, parents have historically had the right to spank their children when appropriate. Attitudes and legislation in some countries have changed in recent years, particularly in continental Europe. Domestic corporal punishment has now (2009) been outlawed in 24 countries around the world, most of them in Europe or Latin America, beginning with Sweden in 1979. Thirty years after Sweden's ban, official figures show that just 10 percent of Swedish children are spanked or otherwise struck by their parents today. More than 90 percent of Swedish children were smacked prior to the ban. The Swedish law does not actually lay down any legal punishment for smacking but requires social workers to support families with problems.In North America, Britain and much of the rest of the English-speaking world, corporal punishment remains highly controversial. In the United States, corporal punishment of children by their parents remains lawful in all 50 states.
The effectiveness of corporal punishment is disputed. Those opposed to spanking argue that other methods of child discipline are both more humane and more effective than physical punishment such as spanking
Spanking
Spanking refers to the act of striking the buttocks of another person to cause temporary pain without producing physical injury. It generally involves one person striking the buttocks of another person with an open hand. When an open hand is used, spanking is referred to in some countries as...
. Some studies have suggested that spanking may lead to more misbehaviour in the long run, and some researchers have linked what they describe as "authoritarian" child-rearing practices with children who withdraw, lack spontaneity, and have lesser evidence of conscience
Conscience
Conscience is an aptitude, faculty, intuition or judgment of the intellect that distinguishes right from wrong. Moral judgement may derive from values or norms...
.
A 2006 retrospective report study in New Zealand showed that physical punishment of children was quite common in the 1970s and 80s, with 80% of the sample reporting some kind of corporal punishment from parents, at some time during childhood. Among this sample, 29% reported being hit with an empty hand, 45% with an object, and 6% were subjected to serious physical abuse. The study noted that abusive physical punishment tended to be given by fathers and often involved striking the child's head or torso instead of the buttocks or limbs.
Stress positions
Stress positionsStress positions
A stress position, also known as a submission position, places the human body in such a way that a great amount of weight is placed on just one or two muscles. For example, a subject may be forced to stand on the balls of his feet, then squat so that his thighs are parallel to the ground...
, such as murga punishment
Murga Punishment
Murgha ; is a stress position used as a punishment in parts of South Asia, primarily in educational institutions, and by the police who use it as a punishment for petty crimes and eve teasing , usually administered in public-view.Murgh or Murgha means Rooster Murgha (also spelled murga) ; is...
in South Asia
South Asia
South Asia, also known as Southern Asia, is the southern region of the Asian continent, which comprises the sub-Himalayan countries and, for some authorities , also includes the adjoining countries to the west and the east...
or forced prolonged kneeling
Kneeling
Kneeling is a human position in which the weight is distributed on the knees and feet on a surface close to horizontal.The position of kneeling may be assumed for practical reasons and for reasons of social or religious custom.- Practical reasons :...
(sometimes on beans or salt to increase discomfort), are used as punishment for children.
Non-physical discipline
Non-physical discipline consists of both punitive and non-punitive methods, but does not include any forms of corporal punishment such as smacking or spanking. There is an active effort on the part of parenting professionals and organizations to shift traditional parental use of corporal punishment to non-physical methods. The regular use of any single form of discipline becomes less effective when used too often, a process psychologistsPsychology
Psychology is the study of the mind and behavior. Its immediate goal is to understand individuals and groups by both establishing general principles and researching specific cases. For many, the ultimate goal of psychology is to benefit society...
call habituation
Habituation
Habituation can be defined as a process or as a procedure. As a process it is defined as a decrease in an elicited behavior resulting from the repeated presentation of an eliciting stimulus...
. Thus, no single method is considered to be for exclusive use.
Time-outs
A common method of child discipline is sending the child away from the family or group after misbehavior. Children may be told to stand in the corner ("corner time") or may be sent to their rooms for a period of time.A time-out
Child time-out
A time-out involves temporarily separating a child from an environment where inappropriate behavior has occurred, and is intended to give an over-excited child time to calm down and thereby discouraging such behavior. It is an educational and parenting technique recommended by some pediatricians...
involves isolating or separating a child for a few minutes, and is intended to give an over-excited child time to calm down.
Alternatively, time-outs have been recommended as a time for parents to separate feelings of anger toward the child for their behavior and to develop a plan for discipline.
Time-outs are also frequently used as a punishment
Punishment
Punishment is the authoritative imposition of something negative or unpleasant on a person or animal in response to behavior deemed wrong by an individual or group....
, however, many experts (such as Alfie Kohn) do not advocate this.
Grounding
Grounding is a form of punishment, usually for older children, preteens and teenagers, that restricts their movement outside of the home, such as visiting friends or using the car. Sometimes it is combined with the withdrawal of privileges.Scolding
Scolding involves reproving or criticizing a child's negative behavior and/or actions. Just as verbal praise may be a powerful reinforcer for most children, verbal scolding may be a sufficient punishment on its own.Non-punitive discipline
While punishments may be of limited value in consistently influencing rule-related behavior, non-punitive discipline techniques have been found to have greater impact on children who have begun to master their native language. Non-punitive discipline (also known as empathic discipline and positive discipline) is an approach to child-rearing that does not use any form of punishment. It is about loving guidance, and requires parents to have a strong relationship with their child so that the child responds to gentle guidance as opposed to threats and punishment. According to Dr. Laura Markham, the most effective discipline strategy is to make sure your child wants to please you.Non-punitive discipline also excludes systems of "manipulative" rewards. Instead, a child's behaviour is shaped by "democratic interaction" and by deepening parent-child communication. The reasoning behind it is that while punitive measures may stop the problem behavior in the short term, by themselves they do not provide a learning opportunity that allows children the autonomy to change their own behaviour. Although limits are set and rules enforced, the methods of discipline involved are based on whether it strengthens or weakens a parent’s relationship with the child. Many studies show that punishment makes children feel worse about themselves, undermines the relationship with the child and sets up power struggles, which all contribute to make the children act worse. Punishments such as time-outs may be seen as banishment and humiliation. Consequences as a form of punishment are not recommended, but natural consequences are considered to be possibly worthwhile learning experiences provided there is no risk of lasting harm.
Positive discipline is a general term that refers to both non-violent discipline and non-punitive discipline. Criticizing, discouraging, creating obstacles and barriers, blaming, shaming, using sarcastic or cruel humor, or using physical punishment are some negative disciplinary methods used with young children. Any parent may occasionally do any of these things, but doing them more than once in a while may lead to low self-esteem becoming a permanent part of the child's personality.
Authors in this field include Aletha Solter
Aletha Solter
Aletha Jauch Solter, PhD is a Swiss/American developmental psychologist who studied with Jean Piaget. Her specialist areas are attachment, psychological trauma, and non-punitive discipline....
, Alfie Kohn
Alfie Kohn
Alfie Kohn is an American author and lecturer who has explored a number of topics in education, parenting, and human behavior...
, Pam Leo, Haim Ginott
Haim Ginott
Haim G. Ginott was a school teacher in Israel, a child psychologist and psychotherapist and a parent educator. He pioneered techniques for conversing with children that are still taught today. His book, Between Parent and Child, stayed on the best seller list for over a year and is still...
, Thomas Gordon
Thomas Gordon (psychologist)
Dr. Thomas Gordon was an American clinical psychologist, colleague of Carl Rogers. He is widely recognized as a pioneer in teaching communication skills and conflict resolution methods to parents, teachers, leaders, women, youth and salespeople...
, Lawrence J. Cohen, and John Gottman
John Gottman
John Mordecai Gottman is a Ph.D. psychologist known for his work on marital stability and relationship analysis through scientific direct observations published in peer-reviewed literature...
.
Essential aspects
Positive discipline is just a part of the positive parenting concept and is based on minimizing the child's frustrations and misbehavior rather than giving punishments. The foundation of this style of discipline is encouraging children to feel good about themselves and building the parent's relationship with the child so the child wants to please the parent. To achieve this, children need some time with parents every day that they can enjoy and feel good about. Children recognize a parent's love through the time spent with them. Discipline and teaching work best within such positive relationships. Other important aspects are reasonable and age-appropriate expectations, feeding healthy foods and providing enough rest, giving clear instructions which may need to be repeated, looking for the causes of any misbehavior and making adjustments, and building routines. Children are helped by knowing what is happening in their lives. Having some predictability about their day without necessarily being regimental will help reduce frustration and misbehavior.Praise and rewards
Praise (encouraging words) and intangible rewards (hugs, time with the child, etc.) is an effective method of encouraging good behavior. Simply giving the child spontaneous expressions of appreciation or acknowledgement when they are not misbehaving will act as a reinforcer for good behaviour.It is very common for children who are otherwise ignored by their parents to turn to misbehaviour as a way of seeking attention. An example is a child screaming for attention. Parents often inadvertently reward the bad behavior by immediately giving them the attention, thereby reinforcing it. On the other hand, parents may wait until the child calms down and speaks politely, then reward the more polite behavior with the attention.
Natural consequences
Natural consequences involve children learning from their own mistakes. For instance, if a child forgets to bring his lunch to school, he will find himself hungry later. A variation on this is offering controlled choices, either of which the parent must be agreeable to. For example, a child may be given a choice to have a nap now and stay up later, or play now and go to bed early.Reason
Children who are punished without further reasoning are more likely to repeat the offense and may simply make more of an effort not to get caught.Internal discipline and democracy
- Main articles: Discipline in Sudbury Model Democratic Schools and Sudbury Valley SchoolSudbury Valley SchoolThe Sudbury Valley School was founded in 1968 in Framingham, Massachusetts, United States. There are now over 30 schools based on the Sudbury Model in the United States, Denmark, Israel, Japan, Netherlands, Belgium and Germany. The model has two basic tenets: educational freedom and democratic...
Sudbury model
Sudbury Valley School
The Sudbury Valley School was founded in 1968 in Framingham, Massachusetts, United States. There are now over 30 schools based on the Sudbury Model in the United States, Denmark, Israel, Japan, Netherlands, Belgium and Germany. The model has two basic tenets: educational freedom and democratic...
democratic schools, attended by children ages 4 to 19, claim that popularly-based authority can maintain order more effectively than dictatorial authority for governments and schools alike.
Furthermore they emphasize that much more important than the externals of order is the question of the sources of internal discipline: how does an individual come to develop the inner strength and character that endows his life with order and coherence, an independent person appropriate to a free republic of co-equal citizens, capable of making decisions within a rational, self-consistent framework—a person treating and being treated with respect?
They affirm that the hallmark of the independent person is the ability to bear responsibility and since there is no way of teaching or training another person for self-sufficiency, there is no technique for obtaining or transmitting these traits. Hence, the only way a person becomes responsible for himself is for him to be responsible for himself, with no reservation or qualifications. Thence the need to permit children, at home and school, freedom of choice, freedom of action, and freedom to bear the results of action—the three great freedoms that constitute personal responsibility.
Controversy
Parents may feel that positive parenting and non-punitive discipline is too permissive and will lead to unruly and disrespectful children. They also argue that there is no recourse for parents of misbehaving children to effectively control their misbehavior. Deliberate misbehavior, they say, must be firmly punished to prevent its recurrence.Proponents of non-punitive discipline argue that children who misbehave often do it not out of malice, but out of ignorance, boredom or frustration, and simply need to be taught, listened to, or redirected. They argue that a close and loving relationship is vital and if there is such a relationship, the child will want to please the parent and will better accept rules and listen to reason. They also feel that punishments and smacks weaken the relationship which will lead to more problem behavior.
See also
- ChastisementChastisement-Minors:English common law allowed parents and others who have “lawful control or charge” of a child to use “moderate and reasonable” chastisement or correction. A ruling in 1860 by Chief Justice Cockburn stated: “By the law of England, a parent .....
- Behavior analysis of child developmentBehavior analysis of child developmentChild development in behavior analytic theory has origins in John B. Watson's behaviorism. Watson wrote extensively on child development and conducted research . Watson was instrumental in the modification of William James' stream of consciousness approach to construct a stream of behavior theory...
- Blanket trainingBlanket trainingBlanket training is an approach used to train toddlers and pre-schoolers to attain self-discipline. Proponents believe that with consistent training, the child will acquire an ability to play contentedly and quietly by him/herself for an extended period of time.A parent designates a certain amount...
- Bullying
- Nanny 911Nanny 911Nanny 911 is a reality television show in the United States, which originally aired on FOX ....
- PindownPindownPindown was a method of punishment used in children's homes in Staffordshire, England in the 1980s. It involved locking children in rooms called "pindown rooms", sometimes for periods of weeks or months, similar to a lockdown in prisons...
- Poisonous pedagogyPoisonous pedagogyPoisonous pedagogy, also called black pedagogy, from the original German name Schwarze Pädagogik, is a term used by some present-day psychologists and sociologists to describe a subset of traditional child-raising methods which they regard as repressive and harmful...
- School disciplineSchool disciplineSchool discipline is the system of rules, punishments and behavioral strategies appropriate to the regulation of children and the maintenance of order in schools. Its aim is to control the students actions and behavior....
- Spoiled child
- SupernannySupernannySupernanny is a reality TV programme which originated in the United Kingdom about parents struggling with their children's behaviour. The UK version has aired on Channel 4 with E4 showing repeats since 2004. The program returned in 2010...
- Tactical ignoringTactical ignoringTactical ignoring, also known as planned ignoring, is a behavioral management strategy used in response to challenging behavior that seeks to receive attention or to gain a reaction from others. It is a commonly used strategy when the person displaying the attention-seeking behavior still feels...
- TantrumTantrumA tantrum is an emotional outburst, usually associated with children or those in emotional distress, that is typically characterized by stubbornness, crying, screaming, yelling, shrieking, defiance, angry ranting, a resistance to attempts at pacification and, in some cases, violence...
- Washing out mouth with soapWashing out mouth with soapWashing out mouth with soap is a form of physical punishment. It is most commonly administered to children for actions such as cursing, lying, or talking back. It is considered symbolic of cleansing out a dirty mouth but is used primarily because some people feel that the foul taste of soap is an...
- Child Discipline ActChild Discipline ActThe Crimes Amendment Act 2007 is an amendment to the New Zealand's Crimes Act 1961 which removed the legal defence of "reasonable force" for parents prosecuted for assault on their children...
- Child abuseChild abuseChild abuse is the physical, sexual, emotional mistreatment, or neglect of a child. In the United States, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the Department of Children And Families define child maltreatment as any act or series of acts of commission or omission by a parent or...
Further reading
- Miller, Alice (1983) For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence ISBN 0-374-52269-3 (available on line at no cost)
- Miller, Alice The Untouched Key: Tracing Childhood Trauma in Creativity and Destructiveness ISBN 0-385-26764-9
- Yilu Zhao. Cultural Divide Over Parental Discipline, The New York Times, 29 May 2002