entertainer and comedian
born in the Chicago
suburb of Downers Grove. Much of his standup comedy stems from the use of paraprosdokian
s and garden path sentence
s spoken in a wandering falsetto
tone of voice and a confused, childlike delivery of his material to produce the intended comic timing
in a manner invoking the 'wisdom of children' or the idiot savant.
Philips has recorded three comedy albums. His album E=mo², recorded live at Caroline's
in New York City, won the 1985 New Music Award
for best comedy album.
Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: "A truck!"
How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.
I was walking down Fifth Avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: "Well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?" And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.
People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce.
When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, "Emo, don't go near the cellar door!" One day when they were away, I went to the door and opened it... and I saw birds and trees...
When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord, in his wisdom, doesn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked him to forgive me!
When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.
You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
You know, at parties, people always ask, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi!