Savage Love is a syndicated sex-advice column

Advice column

An advice column is a column in a magazine or newspaper written by an advice columnist . The image presented was originally of an older woman providing comforting advice and maternal wisdom, hence the name "aunt"...

 by Dan Savage

Dan Savage

Daniel Keenan "Dan" Savage is an American author, media pundit, journalist and newspaper editor. Savage writes the internationally syndicated relationship and sex advice column Savage Love. Its tone is frank in its discussion of sexuality, often humorous, and hostile to social conservatives, as in...

. The column appears weekly in several dozen newspapers, mainly free newspapers in the US and Canada, but also newspapers in Europe and Asia. It started in 1991 with the first issue of the Seattle

Seattle, Washington

Seattle is the county seat of King County, Washington. With 608,660 residents as of the 2010 Census, Seattle is the largest city in the Northwestern United States. The Seattle metropolitan area of about 3.4 million inhabitants is the 15th largest metropolitan area in the country...

 weekly newspaper The Stranger

The Stranger (newspaper)

The Stranger is an alternative weekly newspaper in Seattle, Washington, USA. It runs a blog known as Slog.-History:The Stranger was founded by Tim Keck, who had previously co-founded the satirical newspaper The Onion, and cartoonist James Sturm. Its first issue came out on September 23, 1991...

.

Since October 2006, Savage has also recorded the "Savage Lovecast", a weekly podcast

Podcast

A podcast is a series of digital media files that are released episodically and often downloaded through web syndication...

 version of the column, featuring telephone advice sessions. Podcasts are released every Tuesday.

The openly gay

Homosexuality

Homosexuality is romantic or sexual attraction or behavior between members of the same sex or gender. As a sexual orientation, homosexuality refers to "an enduring pattern of or disposition to experience sexual, affectional, or romantic attractions" primarily or exclusively to people of the same...

 author uses the column as a forum for his strong opinions that reject conservative views on love, sex, and family. He generally encourages advice-seekers to pursue their fetishes

Fetishism

A fetish is an object believed to have supernatural powers, or in particular, a man-made object that has power over others...

, so long as activities are legal, consensual, safe, and respectful. The tone of the column is humorous, and Savage does not shy away from using profanity. The cornerstone of his sexual ethics

Sexual ethics

Sexual ethics refers to those aspects of ethics that deal with issues arising from all aspects of sexuality and human sexual behavior...

 is consent; he is thus strongly opposed to bestiality

Zoophilia

Zoophilia, from the Greek ζῷον and φιλία is the practice of sex between humans and non-human animals , or a preference or fixation on such practice...

, child molestation, and rape. He speaks out against incest

Incest

Incest is sexual intercourse between close relatives that is usually illegal in the jurisdiction where it takes place and/or is conventionally considered a taboo. The term may apply to sexual activities between: individuals of close "blood relationship"; members of the same household; step...

 and social inequality

Social inequality

Social inequality refers to a situation in which individual groups in a society do not have equal social status. Areas of potential social inequality include voting rights, freedom of speech and assembly, the extent of property rights and access to education, health care, quality housing and other...

, too. Though Savage encourages sexual experimentation, he does not encourage carelessness. He frequently uses his position to promote safer sex and awareness of AIDS. In political matters, Savage occasionally shows a libertarian

Libertarianism

Libertarianism, in the strictest sense, is the political philosophy that holds individual liberty as the basic moral principle of society. In the broadest sense, it is any political philosophy which approximates this view...

 bent. He does however vote Democratic

Democratic Party (United States)

The Democratic Party is one of two major contemporary political parties in the United States, along with the Republican Party. The party's socially liberal and progressive platform is largely considered center-left in the U.S. political spectrum. The party has the lengthiest record of continuous...

 because he believes that voting for minority parties

Third party (United States)

The term third party is used in the United States for any and all political parties in the United States other than one of the two major parties . The term can also refer to independent politicians not affiliated with any party at all and to write-in candidates.The United States has had a...

 gives votes to the Republicans

Republican Party (United States)

The Republican Party is one of the two major contemporary political parties in the United States, along with the Democratic Party. Founded by anti-slavery expansion activists in 1854, it is often called the GOP . The party's platform generally reflects American conservatism in the U.S...

.

For the first six years of the column, Savage had his readers address him with "Hey faggot", as a comment on previous efforts to recapture offensive words. He was criticized for this by some gay activists. Savage has also been criticized by bisexual activists for what they perceive as biphobia

Biphobia

Biphobia is a term used to describe aversion felt toward bisexuality and bisexuals as a social group or as individuals. People of any sexual orientation can experience such feelings of aversion...

. Since 2002, he has written the column at Eppie Lederer

Eppie Lederer

Esther Pauline "Eppie" Lederer , better known by the pseudonym Ann Landers, was an American advice columnist and eventually a nationwide media celebrity who began her career writing the 'Ask Ann Landers' column in 1955, soon after the death of its creator, Ruth Crowley...

's desk, which he, a "lifelong fan" of her Ann Landers column, bought at auction after the noted advice columnist died.

"Campsite rule"

With regard to readers who are in relationships with a large age disparity

Age disparity in sexual relationships

Age disparity in sexual relationships refers to sexual relations between people with a significant difference in age. Whether these relationships are accepted and the question of what counts as a significant difference in age has varied over time; and varies over cultures, different legal systems,...

, Savage promotes his "campsite rule": at the end of the relationship, the elder partner should leave the younger in "better shape than they found them". This includes no diseases, no fertilized eggs, no undue emotional trauma, and whatever education that can be provided.

Shortly after a 2009 scandal in Portland, Oregon involving openly gay mayor Sam Adams and Beau Breedlove, who had allegedly turned 18 almost immediately before the two began a sexual relationship, Savage created a companion rule to the "campsite rule", now known as the Tea and Sympathy rule. The rule is a reference to a line in the play

Tea and Sympathy

Tea and Sympathy is a 1953 stage play in three acts by Robert Anderson.-Broadway premiere:It received its premiere on Broadway at the Ethel Barrymore Theatre on September 30, 1953 in a production by The Playwrights' Company, directed by Elia Kazan and designed by Jo Mielziner. The play starred...

 of the same name, in which a much older woman states to a high-school-age boy, right before having sex with him: "Years from now, when you talk about this – and you will – be kind." Savage claimed in an article in The Portland Mercury

The Portland Mercury

The Portland Mercury is an alternative weekly newspaper published in Portland, Oregon. It serves to chronicle the ever-changing Portland music scene, and generally includes interviews, commentaries, reviews, and concert dates...

that, while Adams followed the "campsite rule" – Breedlove did not claim that Adams had given him any diseases or caused him emotional trauma, and in fact still refers to Adams as a friend – Breedlove violated the Tea and Sympathy rule by making public statements that he knew could ruin Adams' career.

DTMFA and ITMFA

For years, Savage has told his readers in bad relationships to "DTMFA", or "Dump the Motherfucker Already". In March 2006, Savage launched a new website to popularize "ITMFA", or "Impeach the Motherfucker Already" (a reference to the movement to impeach George W. Bush

Movement to impeach George W. Bush

During the presidency of George W. Bush, several American politicians sought to either investigate Bush for allegedly impeachable offenses, or to bring actual impeachment charges on the floor of the United States House of Representatives Judiciary Committee...

), which one of his readers suggested that he popularize. The ITMFA site is set up as a blog, with Savage as the main writer, showcasing how people have applied the term to homemade t-shirts, signs, buttons, and license plates. , the domain ITMFA.com is registered with no website, but impeachthemotherfuckeralready.com is still valid (albeit not having been updated since August 2006).

GGG

Dan Savage and his readers often use the abbreviation GGG. In his March 1, 2007 column, Savage summarized: "GGG stands for 'good, giving, and game,' which is what we should all strive to be for our sex partners. Think 'good in bed,' 'giving equal time and equal pleasure,' and 'game for anything—within reason.'"

Leotard

In the April 30, 2009 column, a reader urged Savage to stop using the word retarded and its variants. In response, Savage agreed to stop using the words retard and retarded and to use in their place leotard and leotarded, respectively, stating that he would then be insulting the physically fit rather than those with disabilities.

Pegging

In 2001 Savage challenged readers of his column to coin a name for the sex act in which a woman uses a strap-on dildo

Dildo

A dildo is a sex toy, often explicitly phallic in appearance, intended for bodily penetration during masturbation or sex with partners.- Description and uses :...

 to perform anal sex

Anal sex

Anal sex is the sex act in which the penis is inserted into the anus of a sexual partner. The term can also include other sexual acts involving the anus, including pegging, anilingus , fingering, and object insertion.Common misconception describes anal sex as practiced almost exclusively by gay men...

 on her male partner. After multiple nominations and a reader vote, the verb "peg

Pegging (sexual practice)

Pegging is a sexual practice in which a woman penetrates a man's anus with a strap-on dildo. The neologism "pegging" was popularized when it became the winning entry in a contest in Dan Savage's Savage Love sex advice column, held after an observation was made that there was no common name for the...

" was chosen (despite Savage's aunt bearing the name Peg) with a 43% plurality over runners up "bob" and "punt".

Saddlebacking

In 2008–2009, as a response to then President-elect Barack Obama

Barack Obama

Barack Hussein Obama II is the 44th and current President of the United States. He is the first African American to hold the office. Obama previously served as a United States Senator from Illinois, from January 2005 until he resigned following his victory in the 2008 presidential election.Born in...

's choice of Rick Warren

Rick Warren

Richard Duane "Rick" Warren is an American evangelical Christian minister and author. He is the founder and senior pastor of Saddleback Church, an evangelical megachurch located in Lake Forest, California, currently the eighth-largest church in the United States...

 to give the invocation at Obama's inauguration – and in response to Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert

Stephen Tyrone Colbert is an American political satirist, writer, comedian, television host, and actor. He is the host of Comedy Central's The Colbert Report, a satirical news show in which Colbert portrays a caricatured version of conservative political pundits.Colbert originally studied to be an...

's comment that saddleback sounded like a sex act – Savage Love readers were encouraged to vote to define the neologism saddlebacking in reference to Warren's role as pastor of Saddleback Church

Saddleback Church

Saddleback Church is an evangelical Christian megachurch located in Lake Forest, California, situated in southern Orange County, affiliated with the Southern Baptist Convention. The church was founded in 1980 by pastor Rick Warren...

. Warren and the church supported the 2008 California constitutional amendment Proposition 8

California Proposition 8 (2008)

Proposition 8 was a ballot proposition and constitutional amendment passed in the November 2008 state elections...

, which required the state to recognize only marriage between a man and a woman. The winning definition for saddlebacking was "the phenomenon of Christian teens engaging in unprotected anal sex in order to preserve their virginities".

Santorum

Savage reacted strongly to statements made about homosexuality by former United States Senator

United States Senate

The United States Senate is the upper house of the bicameral legislature of the United States, and together with the United States House of Representatives comprises the United States Congress. The composition and powers of the Senate are established in Article One of the U.S. Constitution. Each...

 Rick Santorum

Rick Santorum

Richard John "Rick" Santorum is a lawyer and a former United States Senator from the commonwealth of Pennsylvania. Santorum was the chairman of the Senate Republican Conference -making him the third-ranking Senate Republican from 2001 until his leave in 2007. Santorum is considered both a social...

 in an April 2003 interview with the Associated Press

Associated Press

The Associated Press is an American news agency. The AP is a cooperative owned by its contributing newspapers, radio and television stations in the United States, which both contribute stories to the AP and use material written by its staff journalists...

. Santorum included gay sex as a form of deviant sexual behavior, along with incest, polygamy

Polygamy

Polygamy is a marriage which includes more than two partners...

, and bestiality, that he said threatens society and the family; he said he believed consenting adults do not have a constitution

United States Constitution

The Constitution of the United States is the supreme law of the United States of America. It is the framework for the organization of the United States government and for the relationship of the federal government with the states, citizens, and all people within the United States.The first three...

al right to privacy with respect to sexual acts. Savage invited his readers to create a sex-related definition for "santorum" to "memorialize the Santorum scandal […] by attaching his name to a sex act that would make his big, white teeth fall out of his big, empty head." The winning definition was "the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex." Savage set up a website to spread the term, inviting bloggers and others to link to it, which caused it to rise to the top of a Google search for Santorum's name.

Lifting Luggage

Following the "rent boy" allegations regarding George Rekers, who has widely promoted aversion therapy

Aversion therapy

Aversion therapy is a form of psychological treatment in which the patient is exposed to a stimulus while simultaneously being subjected to some form of discomfort...

, Dan Savage, along with others including Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert

Stephen Tyrone Colbert is an American political satirist, writer, comedian, television host, and actor. He is the host of Comedy Central's The Colbert Report, a satirical news show in which Colbert portrays a caricatured version of conservative political pundits.Colbert originally studied to be an...

, promoted the use of the idiom "to lift one's luggage", meaning to supply one's partner with sexual pleasure. When outed, Rekers insisted he had hired the escort only to assist him with lifting his luggage. Rekers also claimed he "spent a great deal of time sharing scientific information on the desirability of abandoning homosexual intercourse" and "shared the gospel of Jesus Christ with him in great detail."

Originally Dan Savage suggested that "lifting my luggage" refer to listening to the speaker expound on the "desirability" of converting oneself from homosexual to heterosexual. Later, after several political humorists started employing "lifting your luggage" as an implicit or explicit reference to various sexual acts, Savage suggested that "Whatever lifts your luggage" supplant "whatever floats your boat" in common parlance.

In following weeks and months many calls and letters directed to Savage Love employed various forms of "lifting one's luggage" to refer to a sexual act performed to the preference of the recipient. Such usage continues among writers and callers to Savage Love.

Cornerstone, Fear the Turtle, & Diamondbacking

During February 2009, Dan Savage "dropped by four large universities... University of Lethbridge, State University of New York–Albany, University of Maryland, and University of Alaska-Anchorage—to do "Savage Love Live," the college-speaking-gig version of his sex-advice column." The students of University of Maryland asked Dan Savage to "Please assign new salacious definitions to the following terms: cornerstone, fear the turtle and diamondbacking."

According to Dan Savage, Cornerstone means when you get high in order to break through a sexual inhibition—like when pot helps you "turn a corner" sexually. An example: "Sue wanted to peg her boyfriend Drew, but he just couldn't do it until he got cornerstoned."

Fear the Turtle is what a woman experiences when she realizes halfway through vaginal intercourse that her bowels are full and her enjoyment of the sex has been superseded by her fear of crapping the bed. An example: "Sue had to ask Drew to stop fucking her because she feared the turtle. She got on the can for a minute, then hopped back in bed, and no longer feared the turtle."

Diamondbacking means consenting to anal sex in the hopes that doing so will inspire a boyfriend to propose. An example: "Sue knew that Drew was totally into anal sex, so she let him diamondback her. Now they're engaged."

External links

• Savage Love at The Stranger
  The Stranger (newspaper)
  The Stranger is an alternative weekly newspaper in Seattle, Washington, USA. It runs a blog known as Slog.-History:The Stranger was founded by Tim Keck, who had previously co-founded the satirical newspaper The Onion, and cartoonist James Sturm. Its first issue came out on September 23, 1991...