Cuckold
Encyclopedia
Cuckold is a historically derogatory term for a man who has an unfaithful wife. The word, which has been in recorded use since the 13th century, derives from the cuckoo
bird, some varieties of which lay their eggs in other birds' nests.
In modern usage, a cuckold can also mean a male fetishist who gains sexual gratification from his partner having intercourse with other people.
Cuckold is derived from an Old French
word that compounded coucou (cuckoo
), with the pejorative
suffix -old. The earliest written use of the Middle English derivation, cokewold, occurs in 1250, written by Jesse Conklin. The females of certain varieties of cuckoo lay their eggs in other bird’s nests, freeing themselves from the need to nurture the eggs to hatching by tricking another bird into doing so. Since the cuckold cannot be certain of his parentage of the children he is raising, he is said to be like the cuckoo. The female equivalent cuckquean first appears in English literature in 1562, adding a female suffix to the "cuck"; Wittol, which substitutes "wete" (meaning witting or knowing) for the first part of the word, first appears in 1520 and means a man aware of and reconciled to his wife's infidelity (in contrast to a cuckold, who by definition has been deceived by his wife).
, the term is porter des cornes, which is used by Molière to describe someone whose consort has been unfaithful. Molière
's L'École des femmes
(1662) is the story of a man who mocks cuckolds and becomes one at the end. In Geoffrey Chaucer
's Canterbury Tales (c.1372-77), the Miller's Tale is a story that humorously examines the life of a cuckold. In Chinese
usage, an altogether different allusion is used, when the cuckold (or wittol) is said to be "戴绿帽子" (wearing the green hat), which derives from the sumptuary laws used in China from the 13th to the 18th century which required the males in households with prostitutes to wrap their heads in a green scarf (or later a hat).
In Vietnamese
, the word "bị cắm sừng" ("get attached with a horn") is used.
In Croatian
and Serbian
, the word "rogonja" has a similar meaning ("horned one"), and the phrase used is "nabiti rogove" ("to put horns on somebody").
In Czech
and Slovak
languages, the word "paroháč" ("antlered one") is used, along with the phrase "nasadit parohy" ("nasadiť parohy" in Slovak) — "to put antlers on somebody".
In Greek
, the term is "κερατάς" meaning "horned one".
In Hungarian
, the term is "felszarvazni", meaning "to put horns (on somebody)".
The Italian
equivalent is cornuto, sharing the same double entendre with the English word cornuted, asserting both featuring horns
and cuckolded. Its use is playful and lightheartedly derisive, with little or no particular efficacy in scorning someone during confrontations as it is lacking earnest damning credentials, potentially leading all parties to a chuckle and smothering the feud at its inception. A pervasive metaphor
parodies the use of cornuto to great effect: il bue che dà del cornuto all'asino, meaning the ox labelling the donkey cornute, equivalent to pot calling the kettle black.
The Japanese
slang term , often abbreviated with the letters NTR, is an common informal term used on Japanese websites.
In Polish
, the word "rogacz" ("horned one") is used, along with the phrase "przyprawiać rogi" ("to put horns on somebody").
In Portuguese
, the terms corno ("horn") and cornudo or chifrudo ("horned") are used to spite or mock the cheated male partner. The expression corno manso ("tame horned") is used to indicate those men who, although cheated by their partners, come to accept it as a fact of their lives.
In Romanian
, is încornorat, meaning "wearing horns".
In Russian
, the word used is рогоносец ("rogonosets"), literally "one who carries horns", and the act of being unfaithful is termed наставить рога ("nastavit' roga", lit. "to attach horns" [to smb]).
In Serbian
, the word is рогоња (rogonja, "rogonya"), literally "one who carries horns", and the act of being unfaithful is termed набити рогове ("nabiti rogove", lit. "to attach horns" [to smb]).
The Spanish
word cornudo is used in some areas to describe a male partner whose female partner is sexually unfaithful. The word cabrón which means "male goat" is also used to indicate those men who, although cheated by their partners, come to accept it as a fact of their lives.
In Trinidad and Tobago
and also Grenada
, the term "horn" is used in conjunction with cuckolds, or anyone of either sex who has a cheating spouse. Other uses include "to horn" (to sleep with someone else's spouse), "horning" (the act of cheating on your spouse), "horner-man" (a man who is sleeping with someone else's spouse) and "horner-woman" (a woman who is sleeping with someone else's spouse), "to get horn", "to take (a) horn". It is usually used in a pejorative sense. Numerous calypsoes have been written about the topic; the most famous being "Horn Me Sandra" by the calypsonian
known as Lord Kitchener
.
This horn analogy extends to Turkey
, where the cuckolded husband is termed boynuzlu, "horned one". But it also includes the females that are cheated on.
so the more familiar word is used. In the fetish cuckolding subculture, the female is typically sexually dominant, while the man takes on a submissive role, only becoming involved with her or her lover when she permits it—sometimes remaining altogether celibate. Other arrangements are certainly possible, however, as wives can have husbands who take female lovers with their full knowledge.
The wife who enjoys cuckolding her husband is sometimes referred to as a hotwife or cuckoldress.
advanced a Self Theory analysis that cuckolding (and other forms of sexual masochism) among otherwise mentally healthy people was a form of escapism. In this theory, cuckold fetishists are relieving themselves of the stress by relieving themselves of the burden of their social role and escaping into a simpler, less-expansive position.
, biologist Robin Baker speculated that the excitement and stimulation of the cuckolding fetish emerges from the biology of sexuality and the effects of sexual arousal
on the brain. According to his theory, when a man believes that his female mate may have been sexual with another man, the man mate is prompted by biological urges to copulate with the female, in an effort to "compete" with the other man's sperm. The effects of sperm competition
are well documented. Further, when initiating sex, the man mate thrusts harder, deeper and longer, in efforts to remove the sperm of the other man and is biologically driven to have sex multiple times. While he may be unable to have sex more than once under usual circumstances, the cuckolded man is prone to repeated sexual efforts. Meanwhile, the wife enjoys greater sexual stimulation, first by her other lover and second by her cuckolded husband. In addition, the wife enjoys the neurochemical
"highs" triggered by entering into a romantic or physical relationship with another lover. These highs include the effects of oxytocin
, other neurochemicals which trigger excitement, euphoria and other feelings common to the beginnings of romantic relationships. The effect from this gives the female a natural high, which can offset the negative physical symptoms like body pain, headache, and anxiety. These neurochemicals change over time and as a relationship persists, with neurochemicals changing to ones that promote bonding, planning and nurturing. When a new lover is taken, it triggers the neurochemicals of a new relationship, bringing home excitement to her husband.
The above exposition conflicts with the hypothesized foundations for jealousy in evolutionary psychology, which is rooted in the idea that men specifically will react jealously to sexual infidelity on the parts of their mates.
Cuckoo
The cuckoos are a family, Cuculidae, of near passerine birds. The order Cuculiformes, in addition to the cuckoos, also includes the turacos . Some zoologists and taxonomists have also included the unique Hoatzin in the Cuculiformes, but its taxonomy remains in dispute...
bird, some varieties of which lay their eggs in other birds' nests.
In modern usage, a cuckold can also mean a male fetishist who gains sexual gratification from his partner having intercourse with other people.
History of the term
Old French
Old French was the Romance dialect continuum spoken in territories that span roughly the northern half of modern France and parts of modern Belgium and Switzerland from the 9th century to the 14th century...
word that compounded coucou (cuckoo
Cuckoo
The cuckoos are a family, Cuculidae, of near passerine birds. The order Cuculiformes, in addition to the cuckoos, also includes the turacos . Some zoologists and taxonomists have also included the unique Hoatzin in the Cuculiformes, but its taxonomy remains in dispute...
), with the pejorative
Pejorative
Pejoratives , including name slurs, are words or grammatical forms that connote negativity and express contempt or distaste. A term can be regarded as pejorative in some social groups but not in others, e.g., hacker is a term used for computer criminals as well as quick and clever computer experts...
suffix -old. The earliest written use of the Middle English derivation, cokewold, occurs in 1250, written by Jesse Conklin. The females of certain varieties of cuckoo lay their eggs in other bird’s nests, freeing themselves from the need to nurture the eggs to hatching by tricking another bird into doing so. Since the cuckold cannot be certain of his parentage of the children he is raising, he is said to be like the cuckoo. The female equivalent cuckquean first appears in English literature in 1562, adding a female suffix to the "cuck"; Wittol, which substitutes "wete" (meaning witting or knowing) for the first part of the word, first appears in 1520 and means a man aware of and reconciled to his wife's infidelity (in contrast to a cuckold, who by definition has been deceived by his wife).
Metaphor and symbolism
In Western traditions, cuckolds have sometimes been described as "wearing the horns of a cuckold" or just "wearing the horns". This is an allusion to the mating habits of stags, who forfeit their mates when they are defeated by another male. (See the Italian insult cornuto). In FrenchFrench language
French is a Romance language spoken as a first language in France, the Romandy region in Switzerland, Wallonia and Brussels in Belgium, Monaco, the regions of Quebec and Acadia in Canada, and by various communities elsewhere. Second-language speakers of French are distributed throughout many parts...
, the term is porter des cornes, which is used by Molière to describe someone whose consort has been unfaithful. Molière
Molière
Jean-Baptiste Poquelin, known by his stage name Molière, was a French playwright and actor who is considered to be one of the greatest masters of comedy in Western literature...
's L'École des femmes
The School for Wives
The School for Wives is a theatrical comedy written by the seventeenth century French playwright Molière and considered by some critics to be one of his finest achievements. It was first staged at the Palais Royal theatre on 26 December 1662 for the brother of the King...
(1662) is the story of a man who mocks cuckolds and becomes one at the end. In Geoffrey Chaucer
Geoffrey Chaucer
Geoffrey Chaucer , known as the Father of English literature, is widely considered the greatest English poet of the Middle Ages and was the first poet to have been buried in Poet's Corner of Westminster Abbey...
's Canterbury Tales (c.1372-77), the Miller's Tale is a story that humorously examines the life of a cuckold. In Chinese
Chinese language
The Chinese language is a language or language family consisting of varieties which are mutually intelligible to varying degrees. Originally the indigenous languages spoken by the Han Chinese in China, it forms one of the branches of Sino-Tibetan family of languages...
usage, an altogether different allusion is used, when the cuckold (or wittol) is said to be "戴绿帽子" (wearing the green hat), which derives from the sumptuary laws used in China from the 13th to the 18th century which required the males in households with prostitutes to wrap their heads in a green scarf (or later a hat).
Cultural usage of horn metaphor
In many countries "horns" are a metaphor for suffering the infidelity of a partner, not limited to husbands in modern usage. The gesture of the horned hand can be used to insult the cuckold.In Vietnamese
Vietnamese language
Vietnamese is the national and official language of Vietnam. It is the mother tongue of 86% of Vietnam's population, and of about three million overseas Vietnamese. It is also spoken as a second language by many ethnic minorities of Vietnam...
, the word "bị cắm sừng" ("get attached with a horn") is used.
In Croatian
Croatian language
Croatian is the collective name for the standard language and dialects spoken by Croats, principally in Croatia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, the Serbian province of Vojvodina and other neighbouring countries...
and Serbian
Serbian language
Serbian is a form of Serbo-Croatian, a South Slavic language, spoken by Serbs in Serbia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Montenegro, Croatia and neighbouring countries....
, the word "rogonja" has a similar meaning ("horned one"), and the phrase used is "nabiti rogove" ("to put horns on somebody").
In Czech
Czech language
Czech is a West Slavic language with about 12 million native speakers; it is the majority language in the Czech Republic and spoken by Czechs worldwide. The language was known as Bohemian in English until the late 19th century...
and Slovak
Slovak language
Slovak , is an Indo-European language that belongs to the West Slavic languages .Slovak is the official language of Slovakia, where it is spoken by 5 million people...
languages, the word "paroháč" ("antlered one") is used, along with the phrase "nasadit parohy" ("nasadiť parohy" in Slovak) — "to put antlers on somebody".
In Greek
Greek language
Greek is an independent branch of the Indo-European family of languages. Native to the southern Balkans, it has the longest documented history of any Indo-European language, spanning 34 centuries of written records. Its writing system has been the Greek alphabet for the majority of its history;...
, the term is "κερατάς" meaning "horned one".
In Hungarian
Hungarian language
Hungarian is a Uralic language, part of the Ugric group. With some 14 million speakers, it is one of the most widely spoken non-Indo-European languages in Europe....
, the term is "felszarvazni", meaning "to put horns (on somebody)".
The Italian
Italian language
Italian is a Romance language spoken mainly in Europe: Italy, Switzerland, San Marino, Vatican City, by minorities in Malta, Monaco, Croatia, Slovenia, France, Libya, Eritrea, and Somalia, and by immigrant communities in the Americas and Australia...
equivalent is cornuto, sharing the same double entendre with the English word cornuted, asserting both featuring horns
Horn (anatomy)
A horn is a pointed projection of the skin on the head of various animals, consisting of a covering of horn surrounding a core of living bone. True horns are found mainly among the ruminant artiodactyls, in the families Antilocapridae and Bovidae...
and cuckolded. Its use is playful and lightheartedly derisive, with little or no particular efficacy in scorning someone during confrontations as it is lacking earnest damning credentials, potentially leading all parties to a chuckle and smothering the feud at its inception. A pervasive metaphor
Metaphor
A metaphor is a literary figure of speech that uses an image, story or tangible thing to represent a less tangible thing or some intangible quality or idea; e.g., "Her eyes were glistening jewels." Metaphor may also be used for any rhetorical figures of speech that achieve their effects via...
parodies the use of cornuto to great effect: il bue che dà del cornuto all'asino, meaning the ox labelling the donkey cornute, equivalent to pot calling the kettle black.
The Japanese
Japanese language
is a language spoken by over 130 million people in Japan and in Japanese emigrant communities. It is a member of the Japonic language family, which has a number of proposed relationships with other languages, none of which has gained wide acceptance among historical linguists .Japanese is an...
slang term , often abbreviated with the letters NTR, is an common informal term used on Japanese websites.
In Polish
Polish language
Polish is a language of the Lechitic subgroup of West Slavic languages, used throughout Poland and by Polish minorities in other countries...
, the word "rogacz" ("horned one") is used, along with the phrase "przyprawiać rogi" ("to put horns on somebody").
In Portuguese
Portuguese language
Portuguese is a Romance language that arose in the medieval Kingdom of Galicia, nowadays Galicia and Northern Portugal. The southern part of the Kingdom of Galicia became independent as the County of Portugal in 1095...
, the terms corno ("horn") and cornudo or chifrudo ("horned") are used to spite or mock the cheated male partner. The expression corno manso ("tame horned") is used to indicate those men who, although cheated by their partners, come to accept it as a fact of their lives.
In Romanian
Romanian language
Romanian Romanian Romanian (or Daco-Romanian; obsolete spellings Rumanian, Roumanian; self-designation: română, limba română ("the Romanian language") or românește (lit. "in Romanian") is a Romance language spoken by around 24 to 28 million people, primarily in Romania and Moldova...
, is încornorat, meaning "wearing horns".
In Russian
Russian language
Russian is a Slavic language used primarily in Russia, Belarus, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, Tajikistan and Kyrgyzstan. It is an unofficial but widely spoken language in Ukraine, Moldova, Latvia, Turkmenistan and Estonia and, to a lesser extent, the other countries that were once constituent republics...
, the word used is рогоносец ("rogonosets"), literally "one who carries horns", and the act of being unfaithful is termed наставить рога ("nastavit' roga", lit. "to attach horns" [to smb]).
In Serbian
Serbian language
Serbian is a form of Serbo-Croatian, a South Slavic language, spoken by Serbs in Serbia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Montenegro, Croatia and neighbouring countries....
, the word is рогоња (rogonja, "rogonya"), literally "one who carries horns", and the act of being unfaithful is termed набити рогове ("nabiti rogove", lit. "to attach horns" [to smb]).
The Spanish
Spanish language
Spanish , also known as Castilian , is a Romance language in the Ibero-Romance group that evolved from several languages and dialects in central-northern Iberia around the 9th century and gradually spread with the expansion of the Kingdom of Castile into central and southern Iberia during the...
word cornudo is used in some areas to describe a male partner whose female partner is sexually unfaithful. The word cabrón which means "male goat" is also used to indicate those men who, although cheated by their partners, come to accept it as a fact of their lives.
In Trinidad and Tobago
Trinidad and Tobago
Trinidad and Tobago officially the Republic of Trinidad and Tobago is an archipelagic state in the southern Caribbean, lying just off the coast of northeastern Venezuela and south of Grenada in the Lesser Antilles...
and also Grenada
Grenada
Grenada is an island country and Commonwealth Realm consisting of the island of Grenada and six smaller islands at the southern end of the Grenadines in the southeastern Caribbean Sea...
, the term "horn" is used in conjunction with cuckolds, or anyone of either sex who has a cheating spouse. Other uses include "to horn" (to sleep with someone else's spouse), "horning" (the act of cheating on your spouse), "horner-man" (a man who is sleeping with someone else's spouse) and "horner-woman" (a woman who is sleeping with someone else's spouse), "to get horn", "to take (a) horn". It is usually used in a pejorative sense. Numerous calypsoes have been written about the topic; the most famous being "Horn Me Sandra" by the calypsonian
Calypsonian
A calypsonian , originally known as the chantwell is a musician, from the Anglophone Caribbean, who sings songs called calypso. Calypsos are musical renditions having their origins in the West African griot tradition...
known as Lord Kitchener
Lord Kitchener (calypsonian)
Aldwyn Roberts , better known by the stage name Lord Kitchener , was one of the most internationally famous calypsonians. He was the son of a blacksmith, Stephen, and homemaker, Albertha.-Life:...
.
This horn analogy extends to Turkey
Turkey
Turkey , known officially as the Republic of Turkey , is a Eurasian country located in Western Asia and in East Thrace in Southeastern Europe...
, where the cuckolded husband is termed boynuzlu, "horned one". But it also includes the females that are cheated on.
Cuckoldry as a fetish
A cuckold fetishist is aware of the spouse's activity and derives sexual pleasure from it. This knowledge and tolerance of the spouse's activities makes the person in such relationships a wittol, properly speaking. But among fetishists the pose of reluctance—the victimization of the cuckold—is a major element of the kinkKink (sexual)
In human sexuality, kinkiness and kinky are terms used to refer to a playful usage of sexual concepts in an accentuated, and unambiguously expressive form....
so the more familiar word is used. In the fetish cuckolding subculture, the female is typically sexually dominant, while the man takes on a submissive role, only becoming involved with her or her lover when she permits it—sometimes remaining altogether celibate. Other arrangements are certainly possible, however, as wives can have husbands who take female lovers with their full knowledge.
The wife who enjoys cuckolding her husband is sometimes referred to as a hotwife or cuckoldress.
Theories in psychology
Psychology regards cuckold fetishism as a variant of masochism. In Freudian analysis, cuckold fetishism is the eroticization of the fears of infidelity and of failure in the male competition for procreation and the affection of females. In his book Masochism and the Self, psychologist Roy BaumeisterRoy Baumeister
Roy F. Baumeister is Francis Eppes Professor of Psychology at Florida State University in Tallahassee, Florida. He is a social psychologist who is known for his work on the self, social rejection, belongingness, sexuality, self-control, self-esteem, self-defeating behaviors, motivation, and...
advanced a Self Theory analysis that cuckolding (and other forms of sexual masochism) among otherwise mentally healthy people was a form of escapism. In this theory, cuckold fetishists are relieving themselves of the stress by relieving themselves of the burden of their social role and escaping into a simpler, less-expansive position.
Theories in evolutionary psychology
In his book Sperm WarsSperm Wars
Sperm Wars is a primarily nonfiction book by evolutionary biologist Robin Baker. Originally published in English in 1996, it has since appeared in 25 languages and in 2006 a 10th anniversary edition was published in the United States...
, biologist Robin Baker speculated that the excitement and stimulation of the cuckolding fetish emerges from the biology of sexuality and the effects of sexual arousal
Sexual arousal
Sexual arousal, or sexual excitement, is the arousal of sexual desire, during or in anticipation of sexual activity. Things that precipitate human sexual arousal are called erotic stimuli, or colloquially known as turn-ons. There are many potential stimuli, both physical or mental, which can cause...
on the brain. According to his theory, when a man believes that his female mate may have been sexual with another man, the man mate is prompted by biological urges to copulate with the female, in an effort to "compete" with the other man's sperm. The effects of sperm competition
Sperm competition
Sperm competition is a term used to refer to the competitive process between spermatozoa of two different males to fertilize an egg of a lone female. Competition occurs whenever females engage in promiscuous mating to increase their chances in producing more viable offspring...
are well documented. Further, when initiating sex, the man mate thrusts harder, deeper and longer, in efforts to remove the sperm of the other man and is biologically driven to have sex multiple times. While he may be unable to have sex more than once under usual circumstances, the cuckolded man is prone to repeated sexual efforts. Meanwhile, the wife enjoys greater sexual stimulation, first by her other lover and second by her cuckolded husband. In addition, the wife enjoys the neurochemical
Neurochemical
A neurochemical is an organic molecule, such as serotonin, dopamine, or nerve growth factor, that participates in neural activity. The science of neurochemistry studies the functions of neurochemicals.-Prominent neurochemicals:...
"highs" triggered by entering into a romantic or physical relationship with another lover. These highs include the effects of oxytocin
Oxytocin
Oxytocin is a mammalian hormone that acts primarily as a neuromodulator in the brain.Oxytocin is best known for its roles in sexual reproduction, in particular during and after childbirth...
, other neurochemicals which trigger excitement, euphoria and other feelings common to the beginnings of romantic relationships. The effect from this gives the female a natural high, which can offset the negative physical symptoms like body pain, headache, and anxiety. These neurochemicals change over time and as a relationship persists, with neurochemicals changing to ones that promote bonding, planning and nurturing. When a new lover is taken, it triggers the neurochemicals of a new relationship, bringing home excitement to her husband.
The above exposition conflicts with the hypothesized foundations for jealousy in evolutionary psychology, which is rooted in the idea that men specifically will react jealously to sexual infidelity on the parts of their mates.
See also
- AdulteryAdulteryAdultery is sexual infidelity to one's spouse, and is a form of extramarital sex. It originally referred only to sex between a woman who was married and a person other than her spouse. Even in cases of separation from one's spouse, an extramarital affair is still considered adultery.Adultery is...
- CandaulismCandaulismCandaulism is a sexual practice or fantasy in which a man exposes his female partner, or images of her, to other people for their voyeuristic pleasure. According to Gugitz, the term is derived from ancient King Candaules who made a plot to show his unaware naked wife to his servant Gyges of Lydia...
- Crime of passionCrime of passionA crime of passion, or crime passionnel, in popular usage, refers to a crime in which the perpetrator commits a crime, especially assault or murder, against someone because of sudden strong impulse such as sudden rage or heartbreak rather than as a premeditated crime...
- Cuckoldry in fish
- CuckooCuckooThe cuckoos are a family, Cuculidae, of near passerine birds. The order Cuculiformes, in addition to the cuckoos, also includes the turacos . Some zoologists and taxonomists have also included the unique Hoatzin in the Cuculiformes, but its taxonomy remains in dispute...
- Erotic humiliationErotic humiliationErotic humiliation is the consensual use of psychological humiliation in a sexual context, whereby one person gains arousal or erotic excitement from the powerful emotions of being humiliated and demeaned, or of humiliating another; often in conjunction with sexual stimulation of one or both...
- Female dominanceFemale dominanceFemale dominance is those BDSM relationships and BDSM scenes in which the dominant partner is female. Often a dominant woman, she may prefer to be called a Domme , Femdomme, Domina, or Dominatrix, depending on context or personal preference...
- Open marriageOpen marriageOpen marriage typically refers to a marriage in which the partners agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual relationships, without this being regarded as infidelity. There are many different styles of open marriage, with the partners having varying levels of input on their spouse's...
- Paternity fraudPaternity fraudPaternity fraud refers to a paternal discrepancy or a non-paternity event, in which a mother names a man to be the biological father of a child, particularly for self-interest, when she knows or suspects that he is not the biological father. The term entered into common use in the late 1990s. It...
- Paternity test
- PolyamoryPolyamoryPolyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved....
- Pregnancy fetishismPregnancy fetishismPregnancy fetishism is a term used to describe the contexts in which pregnancy is seen by individuals and cultures as an erotic phenomenon...
- SwingingSwingingSwinging or partner swapping is a non-monogamous behavior, in which both partners in a committed relationship agree, as a couple, for both partners to engage in sexual activities with other couples as a recreational or social activity...