Erotic sexual denial
Encyclopedia
Erotic sexual denial, also known as orgasm denial, is a sexual practice in which a heightened state of sexual arousal
is maintained for an extended length of time without orgasm
, and is commonly practiced in association with BDSM
and sexual bondage. Erotic sexual denial can be another name for or variant of orgasm control
. Erotic sexual denial is a form of sexual play.
One form of erotic sexual denial is the reduction or deprivation of all genital stimulation. To ensure a complete absence of genital stimulation, a chastity device may be used as a physical barrier to genital touch and/or full erection.
until he/she is close to the point at which orgasm would normally be inevitable. At that point, direct stimulation of the genitals is reduced or stopped, so as to keep the recipient on the very brink or "edge" of orgasm (as with orgasm control
) but without the promise of orgasm at the end.
If orgasm still occurs after removal of stimulation, it typically brings less pleasure than usual, and is considered a "ruined orgasm", as opposed to being a "denied orgasm" (sometimes known as "blue balls
"). Alternatively (for men), the release of semen during the emission phase of ejaculation might be prevented by some sort of constriction ("blocked orgasm"). Depending on the relationship, subjects might be repeatedly teased to the point of orgasm several times, but without actual orgasm, causing feelings of intense arousal and psychological need.
are commonly used. Situations involving bondage are typically called tie and tease
and can be thought of as extended tease and denial games. This practice is often an integral part of erotic denial. It is notable that in discussions between BDSM
partners, negotiation
usually focuses on the activities which may or may not be agreed to, rather than the emotions generated by said activities (unless at an unacceptable level). Tie and tease activities are physically as well as psychologically intense, because the strong feelings of sexual frustration are escalated by the sensation of helplessness induced by bondage.
is determined by many factors, e.g., one's resistance to sexual tension
, hormone
levels influencing sexual arousal
, sexual habits
, peer influences, health and one's attitude to masturbation formed by culture. Medical causes have also been associated with masturbation.
Different studies have found that masturbation is frequent in humans. Alfred Kinsey
's studies throughout the 1940s showed that 92% of men and 62% of women have masturbated during their lifespan. Similar results have been found in British national probability survey. It was found that 95% of men and 71% of women masturbated at some point in their lives. 73% of men and 37% of women reported masturbating in the four weeks before their interview, while 53% of men and 18% of women reported masturbating in previous seven days.
Polls indicate that 24% of men in chastity belts are locked up for a month at a time, and 58% are released once every week.
It is widely believed that abstaining from orgasm via masturbation or sexual activities will induce a sleeping orgasm
. However the frequency of one's nocturnal emissions has not been conclusively linked to frequency of masturbation
. Widely-known sex researcher Alfred Kinsey
found "There may be some correlation between the frequencies of masturbation and the frequencies of nocturnal dreams. In general the males who have the highest frequencies of nocturnal emissions may have somewhat lower rates of masturbation. Some of these males credit the frequent emissions to the fact that they do not masturbate; but it is just as likely that the reverse relationship is true, namely, that they do not masturbate because they have frequent emissions." For women the correlation is also short of conclusive; "According to Kinsey's findings, women who suddenly lost the opportunity for several coital orgasms per week had only a few more orgasms in their sleep per year."
Subjects can be kept in denial using chastity devices indefinitely. Many, however, suggest that this is very subjective, and often informally suggest a shorter period such as three days or a week between release instead, especially when starting.
Beyond that, the long term consequences for denial are unclear, although there are negative effects implied by a recent Australian study, which found that men who ejaculated frequently also had lower levels of prostate cancer, although no causal link was established.
Normally, during sexual arousal
, ejaculatory fluid
accumulates in the male accessory sex glands—the seminal vesicle
s, the prostate, and the bulbourethral gland
s (or Cowper's gland)—backing up behind valves in the ejaculatory duct
s. When fluid pressure reaches a high enough threshold, the valves open and the urethral bulb fills, triggering the ejaculatory reflex and muscular contractions of orgasm, which empties the glands.
Without orgasm, prostate milking may be used to help evacuate fluids which accumulate within the prostate gland. This can be done by allowing ejaculation without orgasm. As most men need penile stimulation to reach the latter, this milking can be achieved effectively without resulting in an orgasm.
or bottoming
during the practice of sexual orgasm denial. The object of orgasm denial is to refrain from orgasm over a long period of time, or for one or more partners to experience orgasms which are unsatisfactory, awkward or painful.
This practice allows the physical release of sexual climax while denying or minimizing the satisfaction and pleasure associated with orgasm. Stimulation is provided to the moment orgasm is inevitable, and then stopped by breaking all physical contact with the genitals just as orgasm begins (i.e. past the "edge"). Non-erotic or nonsexual distractions may also be introduced at this point, which can include undesirable pain or unpleasant smells or discussion of prosaic, unrelated topics.
Constriction, thumbing, palming, dictating, thwacking and other practices are additional ways to reduce, disrupt, or otherwise "ruin" the pleasure of orgasm. Many of these methods can include disruptive physical actions or psychological or emotional trickery. Deception can play a key role in the effectiveness of a ruined orgasm.
For men in particular, ruined orgasms can also contribute to the possibility of continued sexual activity, desire and arousal after ejaculation. A ruined orgasm lacks the satisfying and relaxing feelings
present after a normal male orgasm which usually prevent further sexual desire. After a ruined orgasm the man can still feel sexual desire and arousal, and this allows continued enjoyment of sexual stimulation after a very brief recovery period. This is why ruined orgasm allows a man to release seminal fluid and still maintain his sexual arousal afterwards. Furthermore, because the recipient of the stimulation knows or suspects that his orgasm is going to lack certain features that would usually form part of a sexual interaction, and indeed that his orgasm will eventually be ruined, anecdotal evidence is that these frustrations are likely to lead to more cravings for vigorous and/or invasive forms of stimulation to be administered.
When performed on a woman, the effect is similar, but without the ejaculation typical of the male response. The woman experiences orgasmic contractions (though typically less intense than with continued stimulation), but because pleasurable stimulation was disrupted and sexual pleasure significantly reduced, the orgasm is considered ruined, with similar effects of continued sexual desire and arousal afterwards. Because of the relatively short refractory period in most women compared to that of most men, this practice can often be done many times over a short period of time. If the woman is afterward given a "full" orgasm with stimulation continuing into the orgasmic contractions (and gently afterward, depending on the specific woman), the resulting orgasm is generally very powerful and lasts longer than would be typical.
Orgasm denial practices can allow topping partners to exercise control and training over highly intimate and psychologically significant aspects of their bottoming partners' lives. This can extend to tolerance of increased stimulation, and training both to hold back orgasm, or to orgasm on command. Topping partners can use this practice to experience enjoyable and sometimes intensely craved feelings of sexual control and erotic power. Bottoming partners can use this practice to help them experience enjoyable and sometimes intensely craved feelings of erotic submission, sexualised objectification, and erotic loss of control.
Orgasm denial as a means of orgasm control
is widely practiced activity within erotic feminization
. The top will often deny the bottom
(the male bottom) sexual release to maintain his heightened state of sexual arousal, as a means to satisfy his desires for emasculation or erotic humiliation, or as a means to satisfy the top's own desires to emasculate and erotically humiliate.
Sexual arousal
Sexual arousal, or sexual excitement, is the arousal of sexual desire, during or in anticipation of sexual activity. Things that precipitate human sexual arousal are called erotic stimuli, or colloquially known as turn-ons. There are many potential stimuli, both physical or mental, which can cause...
is maintained for an extended length of time without orgasm
Orgasm
Orgasm is the peak of the plateau phase of the sexual response cycle, characterized by an intense sensation of pleasure...
, and is commonly practiced in association with BDSM
BDSM
BDSM is an erotic preference and a form of sexual expression involving the consensual use of restraint, intense sensory stimulation, and fantasy power role-play. The compound acronym BDSM is derived from the terms bondage and discipline , dominance and submission , and sadism and masochism...
and sexual bondage. Erotic sexual denial can be another name for or variant of orgasm control
Orgasm control
Orgasm control, also known as "edging", "peaking", "surfing", and by other terms, is a sexual technique which involves the maintenance of a high level of sexual arousal for an extended period of time without reaching orgasm, although orgasm can be reached eventually. If orgasm is not reached after...
. Erotic sexual denial is a form of sexual play.
One form of erotic sexual denial is the reduction or deprivation of all genital stimulation. To ensure a complete absence of genital stimulation, a chastity device may be used as a physical barrier to genital touch and/or full erection.
Tease and denial
Tease and denial describes a situation where a person's genitals are stimulatedSexual stimulation
Sexual stimulation is any stimulus that leads to, enhances and maintains sexual arousal, and may lead to ejaculation and/or orgasm...
until he/she is close to the point at which orgasm would normally be inevitable. At that point, direct stimulation of the genitals is reduced or stopped, so as to keep the recipient on the very brink or "edge" of orgasm (as with orgasm control
Orgasm control
Orgasm control, also known as "edging", "peaking", "surfing", and by other terms, is a sexual technique which involves the maintenance of a high level of sexual arousal for an extended period of time without reaching orgasm, although orgasm can be reached eventually. If orgasm is not reached after...
) but without the promise of orgasm at the end.
If orgasm still occurs after removal of stimulation, it typically brings less pleasure than usual, and is considered a "ruined orgasm", as opposed to being a "denied orgasm" (sometimes known as "blue balls
Blue balls
Blue balls is a slang term for the condition of temporary fluid congestion in the testicles and prostate region, accompanied by acute testicular pain, caused by prolonged and unsatisfied sexual arousal in the human male. The term is thought to have originated in the United States, first appearing...
"). Alternatively (for men), the release of semen during the emission phase of ejaculation might be prevented by some sort of constriction ("blocked orgasm"). Depending on the relationship, subjects might be repeatedly teased to the point of orgasm several times, but without actual orgasm, causing feelings of intense arousal and psychological need.
Tie and tease
To be able to control an orgasm of a partner in such sex games, physical restraintsBondage (BDSM)
Bondage is the use of restraints for the sexual pleasure of the parties involved. It may be used in its own right, as in the case of rope bondage and breast bondage, or as part of sexual activity or BDSM activity.- Private bondage :...
are commonly used. Situations involving bondage are typically called tie and tease
Tie and tease
Tie and tease refers to the BDSM sexual activity that involves tying up a partner and bringing him or her to a heightened state of sexual arousal but controlling whether and when to allow them to orgasm, which might or might not be decided in advance...
and can be thought of as extended tease and denial games. This practice is often an integral part of erotic denial. It is notable that in discussions between BDSM
BDSM
BDSM is an erotic preference and a form of sexual expression involving the consensual use of restraint, intense sensory stimulation, and fantasy power role-play. The compound acronym BDSM is derived from the terms bondage and discipline , dominance and submission , and sadism and masochism...
partners, negotiation
Negotiation (BDSM)
In the BDSM community, negotiation is a form of communication where participants make arrangements on each others' requirements, responsibilities, and limits to find the best possible agreement....
usually focuses on the activities which may or may not be agreed to, rather than the emotions generated by said activities (unless at an unacceptable level). Tie and tease activities are physically as well as psychologically intense, because the strong feelings of sexual frustration are escalated by the sensation of helplessness induced by bondage.
Total denial
The practice of total sexual denial usually includes avoidance of genital stimulation. This may involve the use of a physical barrier or device such as a chastity belt. Chastity belts or similar locking devices are available for both men and women. Depending on the situation, sexual arousal may still be achieved regardless of physical barriers to genital stimulation.Deconstructed orgasm
A related practice is that of the deconstructed orgasm, in which stimulation and arousal is conducted at a very slow pace, allowing the 'stimulator' to obtain feedback from the 'stimulatee' (generally spoken, but conceivably obtained by means of body language or measuring certain bodily responses and functions). Depending upon the accuracy of the feedback, the progress towards eventual release can be judged more accurately than would be the case in an unfettered encounter, allowing the possibility of the orgasm to be delivered (whereupon observations and measurements may be continued) or of stimulation to be withdrawn or decreased in the closing stages, leading to a ruined orgasm as described below.Long-term denial
Frequency of masturbationMasturbation
Masturbation refers to sexual stimulation of a person's own genitals, usually to the point of orgasm. The stimulation can be performed manually, by use of objects or tools, or by some combination of these methods. Masturbation is a common form of autoeroticism...
is determined by many factors, e.g., one's resistance to sexual tension
Sexual tension
Sexual tension is a social phenomenon that occurs when two people interact and one or both feel sexual desire, but the consummation is postponed or never happens....
, hormone
Hormone
A hormone is a chemical released by a cell or a gland in one part of the body that sends out messages that affect cells in other parts of the organism. Only a small amount of hormone is required to alter cell metabolism. In essence, it is a chemical messenger that transports a signal from one...
levels influencing sexual arousal
Sexual arousal
Sexual arousal, or sexual excitement, is the arousal of sexual desire, during or in anticipation of sexual activity. Things that precipitate human sexual arousal are called erotic stimuli, or colloquially known as turn-ons. There are many potential stimuli, both physical or mental, which can cause...
, sexual habits
Habit (psychology)
Habits are routines of behavior that are repeated regularly and tend to occur subconsciously. Habitual behavior often goes unnoticed in persons exhibiting it, because a person does not need to engage in self-analysis when undertaking routine tasks...
, peer influences, health and one's attitude to masturbation formed by culture. Medical causes have also been associated with masturbation.
Different studies have found that masturbation is frequent in humans. Alfred Kinsey
Alfred Kinsey
Alfred Charles Kinsey was an American biologist and professor of entomology and zoology, who in 1947 founded the Institute for Sex Research at Indiana University, now known as the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction, as well as producing the Kinsey Reports and the Kinsey...
's studies throughout the 1940s showed that 92% of men and 62% of women have masturbated during their lifespan. Similar results have been found in British national probability survey. It was found that 95% of men and 71% of women masturbated at some point in their lives. 73% of men and 37% of women reported masturbating in the four weeks before their interview, while 53% of men and 18% of women reported masturbating in previous seven days.
Polls indicate that 24% of men in chastity belts are locked up for a month at a time, and 58% are released once every week.
It is widely believed that abstaining from orgasm via masturbation or sexual activities will induce a sleeping orgasm
Nocturnal emission
A nocturnal emission involves either ejaculation during sleep for a male, or lubrication of the vagina for a female. It is also called a wet dream, and is sometimes considered a type of spontaneous orgasm....
. However the frequency of one's nocturnal emissions has not been conclusively linked to frequency of masturbation
Masturbation
Masturbation refers to sexual stimulation of a person's own genitals, usually to the point of orgasm. The stimulation can be performed manually, by use of objects or tools, or by some combination of these methods. Masturbation is a common form of autoeroticism...
. Widely-known sex researcher Alfred Kinsey
Alfred Kinsey
Alfred Charles Kinsey was an American biologist and professor of entomology and zoology, who in 1947 founded the Institute for Sex Research at Indiana University, now known as the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction, as well as producing the Kinsey Reports and the Kinsey...
found "There may be some correlation between the frequencies of masturbation and the frequencies of nocturnal dreams. In general the males who have the highest frequencies of nocturnal emissions may have somewhat lower rates of masturbation. Some of these males credit the frequent emissions to the fact that they do not masturbate; but it is just as likely that the reverse relationship is true, namely, that they do not masturbate because they have frequent emissions." For women the correlation is also short of conclusive; "According to Kinsey's findings, women who suddenly lost the opportunity for several coital orgasms per week had only a few more orgasms in their sleep per year."
Subjects can be kept in denial using chastity devices indefinitely. Many, however, suggest that this is very subjective, and often informally suggest a shorter period such as three days or a week between release instead, especially when starting.
Beyond that, the long term consequences for denial are unclear, although there are negative effects implied by a recent Australian study, which found that men who ejaculated frequently also had lower levels of prostate cancer, although no causal link was established.
Normally, during sexual arousal
Sexual arousal
Sexual arousal, or sexual excitement, is the arousal of sexual desire, during or in anticipation of sexual activity. Things that precipitate human sexual arousal are called erotic stimuli, or colloquially known as turn-ons. There are many potential stimuli, both physical or mental, which can cause...
, ejaculatory fluid
Semen
Semen is an organic fluid, also known as seminal fluid, that may contain spermatozoa. It is secreted by the gonads and other sexual organs of male or hermaphroditic animals and can fertilize female ova...
accumulates in the male accessory sex glands—the seminal vesicle
Seminal vesicle
The seminal vesicles or vesicular glands are a pair of simple tubular glands posteroinferior to the urinary bladder of male mammals...
s, the prostate, and the bulbourethral gland
Bulbourethral gland
A bulbourethral gland, also called a Cowper's gland for anatomist William Cowper, is one of two small exocrine glands present in the reproductive system of human males...
s (or Cowper's gland)—backing up behind valves in the ejaculatory duct
Ejaculatory duct
-Anatomy:The ejaculatory ducts are paired structures in male anatomy. Each ejaculatory duct is formed by the union of the vas deferens with the duct of the seminal vesicle. They pass through the prostate, and open into the urethra at the Colliculus seminalis...
s. When fluid pressure reaches a high enough threshold, the valves open and the urethral bulb fills, triggering the ejaculatory reflex and muscular contractions of orgasm, which empties the glands.
Without orgasm, prostate milking may be used to help evacuate fluids which accumulate within the prostate gland. This can be done by allowing ejaculation without orgasm. As most men need penile stimulation to reach the latter, this milking can be achieved effectively without resulting in an orgasm.
Ruined orgasm
A ruined orgasm can be done solo or with a partner. Partnerships which practice this can also involve toppingTop (BDSM)
In BDSM, a top or dominant is the partner in a BDSM relationship or in a BDSM scene who takes the active or controlling role over that of the bottom or submissive partner....
or bottoming
Bottom (BDSM)
In BDSM, a bottom or submissive is the partner in a BDSM relationship or a BDSM scene who takes the passive, receiving, or obedient role, to that of the top or dominant....
during the practice of sexual orgasm denial. The object of orgasm denial is to refrain from orgasm over a long period of time, or for one or more partners to experience orgasms which are unsatisfactory, awkward or painful.
This practice allows the physical release of sexual climax while denying or minimizing the satisfaction and pleasure associated with orgasm. Stimulation is provided to the moment orgasm is inevitable, and then stopped by breaking all physical contact with the genitals just as orgasm begins (i.e. past the "edge"). Non-erotic or nonsexual distractions may also be introduced at this point, which can include undesirable pain or unpleasant smells or discussion of prosaic, unrelated topics.
Constriction, thumbing, palming, dictating, thwacking and other practices are additional ways to reduce, disrupt, or otherwise "ruin" the pleasure of orgasm. Many of these methods can include disruptive physical actions or psychological or emotional trickery. Deception can play a key role in the effectiveness of a ruined orgasm.
For men in particular, ruined orgasms can also contribute to the possibility of continued sexual activity, desire and arousal after ejaculation. A ruined orgasm lacks the satisfying and relaxing feelings
Refractory period (sex)
In sexuality, the refractory period is the recovery phase after orgasm during which it is physiologically impossible for an individual to have additional orgasms. Most men are unable to maintain or achieve an erection during this time, and many perceive a psychological feeling of "satiation" and...
present after a normal male orgasm which usually prevent further sexual desire. After a ruined orgasm the man can still feel sexual desire and arousal, and this allows continued enjoyment of sexual stimulation after a very brief recovery period. This is why ruined orgasm allows a man to release seminal fluid and still maintain his sexual arousal afterwards. Furthermore, because the recipient of the stimulation knows or suspects that his orgasm is going to lack certain features that would usually form part of a sexual interaction, and indeed that his orgasm will eventually be ruined, anecdotal evidence is that these frustrations are likely to lead to more cravings for vigorous and/or invasive forms of stimulation to be administered.
When performed on a woman, the effect is similar, but without the ejaculation typical of the male response. The woman experiences orgasmic contractions (though typically less intense than with continued stimulation), but because pleasurable stimulation was disrupted and sexual pleasure significantly reduced, the orgasm is considered ruined, with similar effects of continued sexual desire and arousal afterwards. Because of the relatively short refractory period in most women compared to that of most men, this practice can often be done many times over a short period of time. If the woman is afterward given a "full" orgasm with stimulation continuing into the orgasmic contractions (and gently afterward, depending on the specific woman), the resulting orgasm is generally very powerful and lasts longer than would be typical.
Erotic denial as a form of control
Erotic sexual denial, in various forms, is sometimes associated with creating a state of sexual need leading to a more pliable or agreeable outlook by the denied party.Orgasm denial practices can allow topping partners to exercise control and training over highly intimate and psychologically significant aspects of their bottoming partners' lives. This can extend to tolerance of increased stimulation, and training both to hold back orgasm, or to orgasm on command. Topping partners can use this practice to experience enjoyable and sometimes intensely craved feelings of sexual control and erotic power. Bottoming partners can use this practice to help them experience enjoyable and sometimes intensely craved feelings of erotic submission, sexualised objectification, and erotic loss of control.
Orgasm denial as a means of orgasm control
Orgasm control
Orgasm control, also known as "edging", "peaking", "surfing", and by other terms, is a sexual technique which involves the maintenance of a high level of sexual arousal for an extended period of time without reaching orgasm, although orgasm can be reached eventually. If orgasm is not reached after...
is widely practiced activity within erotic feminization
Feminization (activity)
Feminization is used to describe the practice, especially in female dominance, of switching the gender role of a male submissive. It is usually achieved through cross-dressing, where the male is dressed in female attire, ranging from just wearing female undergarments to being fully dressed in very...
. The top will often deny the bottom
Bottom (BDSM)
In BDSM, a bottom or submissive is the partner in a BDSM relationship or a BDSM scene who takes the passive, receiving, or obedient role, to that of the top or dominant....
(the male bottom) sexual release to maintain his heightened state of sexual arousal, as a means to satisfy his desires for emasculation or erotic humiliation, or as a means to satisfy the top's own desires to emasculate and erotically humiliate.
See also
- Chastity beltChastity beltA chastity belt is a locking item of clothing designed to prevent sexual intercourse. They may be used to protect the wearer from rape or temptation. Some devices have been designed with additional features to prevent masturbation...
- Erotic asphyxiationErotic asphyxiationErotic asphyxiation or breath control play is the intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for sexual arousal. The sexual preference for that behavior is variously called asphyxiophilia, autoerotic asphyxia, hypoxyphilia. Colloquially, a person engaging in the activity is sometimes called a...
- Eroto-comatose lucidityEroto-comatose lucidityEroto-comatose lucidity is a technique of sex magic known best by its formulation by English author and occultist Aleister Crowley, but which has several variations and is used in a number of ways by different spiritual communities...
– a form of erotic sexual denial - Orgasm controlOrgasm controlOrgasm control, also known as "edging", "peaking", "surfing", and by other terms, is a sexual technique which involves the maintenance of a high level of sexual arousal for an extended period of time without reaching orgasm, although orgasm can be reached eventually. If orgasm is not reached after...