Orgasm control
Encyclopedia
Orgasm control, also known as "edging", "peaking", "surfing", and by other terms, is a sexual technique which involves the maintenance of a high level of sexual arousal
for an extended period of time without reaching orgasm, although orgasm can be reached eventually. If orgasm is not reached after the extended period of arousal, it is referred to as erotic sexual denial
. If the partner whose orgasm is being controlled, sometimes referred to as the submissive partner, is put into physical restraints
, it may better control the orgasm (the activity is sometimes called tie and tease
and if orgasm is denied it is tease and denial
). Another possibility is for one partner to subject the other to multiple orgasms.
Orgasm control can involve either one sex partner being in control of the other partner's orgasm
, or a person delaying their own orgasm during either sexual intercourse
or masturbation
. To experience orgasm control, any method of sexual stimulation
can be used - for example, manual, oral
, intercourse, or with sex toys - either alone or by means of one or more active partners.
Orgasm control is called "slow masturbation" in Alex Comfort
's The New Joy of Sex (1993) and "extended massive orgasm" in Vera and Steve Bodansky's 2000 book of the same name, and is similar to the Venus Butterfly
technique used in the volume The One Hour Orgasm (1988) by Leah and Bob Schwartz.
In a two-person sexual activity, one partner would stimulate the other, gradually bringing them up to the point high in the plateau phase where an orgasm is actually building, and will then reduce the level of stimulation to just below that needed to trigger the orgasm. By carefully varying the intensity and speed of stimulation, and by practicing with the same partner to learn their responses, a person can be held in the highly-aroused state near orgasm. This process may be repeated as desired, but at some point repetition may cause the urge to orgasm to become overwhelming. When a partner eventually provides enough stimulation to achieve an orgasm, it may be stronger than usual due to the increased tension and arousal
that builds up during the extended stimulation.
Since orgasm control prolongs the experience of powerful sexual sensations occurring during the final build-up to orgasm, the physical demands of being kept or keeping oneself in this highly-excited state for an extended time can induce a pleasurable, almost euphoric state, and at times creates changes within an individual's perceived consciousness.
Familiarity and daily routine
are often catalogued as the two main factors that breed boredom
and contempt
in a long term relationship. Although these particular factors are thought to be responsible for most problems that arise in time in the couples' sex lives, it has been brought to attention that individuals are more likely to be able to control their orgasm with a person they are emotionally connected to and familiar with rather than with an individual who does not play an important role in their lives.
Familiarity with one's partner
is thought to play an important role in helping individuals better understand their limits in what concerns sexual stimulation and its intensity. This aspect of orgasm control is mainly based on the idea that the entire practice is an acquired skill
. This skill can only be developed through practice. Generally, individuals who practice the technique of orgasm control try it with the same person and discover their own limits. Knowing one's limits in this matter is mandatory to be able to control the amount and intensity of the sexual stimulation so one can postpone the orgasm as much as possible. Moreover, practicing orgasm control with the same partner for longer periods of time is more likely to be more successful in achieving the goal. The reason behind this is perhaps the fact that the communication
is more open between partners that are familiar with one another. Nonetheless, as orgasm control is an acquired skill, the technique is usually successful if both partners are aware of the others' limits.
On the other hand, familiarity in this matter can be regarded from another perspective. In order to be able to control one's orgasm, individuals must have a solid knowledge of their own body and how their body reacts at different levels of sexual arousal. Therefore, orgasm control is also closely connected with the familiarity between an individual and his/her own body. Being aware of the body's limits in what concerns the intensity and duration of sexual stimulation is mandatory in order to be able to postpone climaxing. However, this is a technique that is learned by every person with time and which requires consistent practice. In the end, orgasm control is all about knowing one's own body and it is not so much about the skills of the partner. This is in fact one of the most popular orgasm myths there is.
Most individuals agree that orgasm control is more often possible with masturbation
. This is a direct result of the fact that one is then able to control the intensity and duration of stimulation without having to rely on the partner on stopping or changing the type of stimulation in order to postpone the orgasm. Masturbation is then the easy way to learn one's limits and could also be seen as the starting point in the technique of orgasm control.
The techniques practiced by individuals to control their orgasm while masturbating vary with every person. Masturbation provides however the freedom to try out different techniques until the goal is achieved.
Orgasm control is most easily learned through solitary masturbation, although many individuals enjoy working with a partner. Masturbation provides the individual with the opportunity of learning about their bodies and the amount of pleasure they can experience without reaching orgasm. Self-stimulation can help both men and women acknowledge the limits of their body and the techniques that may help them controlling their orgasms.
As it has been described by Steve Bodansky and Vera Bodansky in "Extended Massive Orgasm: How You Can Give and Receive Intense Sexual Pleasure", masturbation practiced with the aim of orgasm control must be carried on with the purpose of making every stroke feeling exquisite and not to relieve tension, like "simple" masturbation does. In order to practice this other type of masturbation, the same authors suggest gradual stimulation of the genitals and then making connections between the primary area (penis
or clitoris
) and the secondary area (lip
s, nipple
or other part of the body that is an erogenous zone
). The connection between the two areas is established once the individual stimulates them with exactly the same moves of the same intensity.
Sexual arousal
Sexual arousal, or sexual excitement, is the arousal of sexual desire, during or in anticipation of sexual activity. Things that precipitate human sexual arousal are called erotic stimuli, or colloquially known as turn-ons. There are many potential stimuli, both physical or mental, which can cause...
for an extended period of time without reaching orgasm, although orgasm can be reached eventually. If orgasm is not reached after the extended period of arousal, it is referred to as erotic sexual denial
Erotic sexual denial
Erotic sexual denial, also known as orgasm denial, is a sexual practice in which a heightened state of sexual arousal is maintained for an extended length of time without orgasm, and is commonly practiced in association with BDSM and sexual bondage. Erotic sexual denial can be another name for or...
. If the partner whose orgasm is being controlled, sometimes referred to as the submissive partner, is put into physical restraints
Bondage (sexual)
Bondage is the use of restraints for the sexual pleasure of the parties involved. It may be used in its own right, as in the case of rope bondage and breast bondage, or as part of sexual activity or BDSM activity.- Private bondage :...
, it may better control the orgasm (the activity is sometimes called tie and tease
Tie and tease
Tie and tease refers to the BDSM sexual activity that involves tying up a partner and bringing him or her to a heightened state of sexual arousal but controlling whether and when to allow them to orgasm, which might or might not be decided in advance...
and if orgasm is denied it is tease and denial
Tease and denial
Tease and denial is a general term used to describe any technique that involves the sexual stimulation of a person to cause intense arousal without climax...
). Another possibility is for one partner to subject the other to multiple orgasms.
Orgasm control can involve either one sex partner being in control of the other partner's orgasm
Orgasm
Orgasm is the peak of the plateau phase of the sexual response cycle, characterized by an intense sensation of pleasure...
, or a person delaying their own orgasm during either sexual intercourse
Sexual intercourse
Sexual intercourse, also known as copulation or coitus, commonly refers to the act in which a male's penis enters a female's vagina for the purposes of sexual pleasure or reproduction. The entities may be of opposite sexes, or they may be hermaphroditic, as is the case with snails...
or masturbation
Masturbation
Masturbation refers to sexual stimulation of a person's own genitals, usually to the point of orgasm. The stimulation can be performed manually, by use of objects or tools, or by some combination of these methods. Masturbation is a common form of autoeroticism...
. To experience orgasm control, any method of sexual stimulation
Sexual stimulation
Sexual stimulation is any stimulus that leads to, enhances and maintains sexual arousal, and may lead to ejaculation and/or orgasm...
can be used - for example, manual, oral
Oral sex
Oral sex is sexual activity involving the stimulation of the genitalia of a sex partner by the use of the mouth, tongue, teeth or throat. Cunnilingus refers to oral sex performed on females while fellatio refer to oral sex performed on males. Anilingus refers to oral stimulation of a person's anus...
, intercourse, or with sex toys - either alone or by means of one or more active partners.
Orgasm control is called "slow masturbation" in Alex Comfort
Alex Comfort
Alexander Comfort, MB BChir, PhD, DSc was a medical professional, gerontologist, anarchist, pacifist, conscientious objector and writer, best known for The Joy of Sex, which played a part in what is often called the sexual revolution...
's The New Joy of Sex (1993) and "extended massive orgasm" in Vera and Steve Bodansky's 2000 book of the same name, and is similar to the Venus Butterfly
Venus Butterfly
The Venus Butterfly is a term used for various sexual techniques, one of which being the subject of the 1988 book The One Hour Orgasm. It was first publicly mentioned in a 1986 episode of the American television drama L.A. Law, although a technique of the same name appears in the book The Sensuous...
technique used in the volume The One Hour Orgasm (1988) by Leah and Bob Schwartz.
In a two-person sexual activity, one partner would stimulate the other, gradually bringing them up to the point high in the plateau phase where an orgasm is actually building, and will then reduce the level of stimulation to just below that needed to trigger the orgasm. By carefully varying the intensity and speed of stimulation, and by practicing with the same partner to learn their responses, a person can be held in the highly-aroused state near orgasm. This process may be repeated as desired, but at some point repetition may cause the urge to orgasm to become overwhelming. When a partner eventually provides enough stimulation to achieve an orgasm, it may be stronger than usual due to the increased tension and arousal
Sexual arousal
Sexual arousal, or sexual excitement, is the arousal of sexual desire, during or in anticipation of sexual activity. Things that precipitate human sexual arousal are called erotic stimuli, or colloquially known as turn-ons. There are many potential stimuli, both physical or mental, which can cause...
that builds up during the extended stimulation.
Since orgasm control prolongs the experience of powerful sexual sensations occurring during the final build-up to orgasm, the physical demands of being kept or keeping oneself in this highly-excited state for an extended time can induce a pleasurable, almost euphoric state, and at times creates changes within an individual's perceived consciousness.
An aspect of familiarity
Orgasm control requires a degree of skill. It requires enough familiarity with either a partner or one's own responses to be able to vary the intensity and the timing of the stimulation accurately. If there is too little stimulation, or if it is reduced too soon, the experience is not as intense as it could have been. If there is too much stimulation, or it goes on for too long, a person may pass the point of no return and orgasm will inevitably occur.Familiarity and daily routine
Routine
Routine may refer to:*Subroutine in computer science*Choreographed routine, orchestrated dance involving several performers*Comedy routine, comedic act or part of an act*Visual routine, visual cognitive means of extracting information from a scene...
are often catalogued as the two main factors that breed boredom
Boredom
Boredom is an emotional state experienced when an individual is without any activity or is not interested in their surroundings. The first recorded use of the word boredom is in the novel Bleak House by Charles Dickens, written in 1852, in which it appears six times, although the expression to be a...
and contempt
Contempt
Contempt is an intensely negative emotion regarding a person or group of people as inferior, base, or worthless—it is similar to scorn. It is also used when people are being sarcastic. Contempt is also defined as the state of being despised or dishonored; disgrace, and an open disrespect or willful...
in a long term relationship. Although these particular factors are thought to be responsible for most problems that arise in time in the couples' sex lives, it has been brought to attention that individuals are more likely to be able to control their orgasm with a person they are emotionally connected to and familiar with rather than with an individual who does not play an important role in their lives.
Familiarity with one's partner
Significant other
Significant other is colloquially used as a gender-blind term for a person's partner in an intimate relationship without disclosing or presuming anything about marital status, relationship status, or sexual orientation, as it is vague enough to avoid offense by using a term that an individual...
is thought to play an important role in helping individuals better understand their limits in what concerns sexual stimulation and its intensity. This aspect of orgasm control is mainly based on the idea that the entire practice is an acquired skill
Skill
A skill is the learned capacity to carry out pre-determined results often with the minimum outlay of time, energy, or both. Skills can often be divided into domain-general and domain-specific skills...
. This skill can only be developed through practice. Generally, individuals who practice the technique of orgasm control try it with the same person and discover their own limits. Knowing one's limits in this matter is mandatory to be able to control the amount and intensity of the sexual stimulation so one can postpone the orgasm as much as possible. Moreover, practicing orgasm control with the same partner for longer periods of time is more likely to be more successful in achieving the goal. The reason behind this is perhaps the fact that the communication
Communication
Communication is the activity of conveying meaningful information. Communication requires a sender, a message, and an intended recipient, although the receiver need not be present or aware of the sender's intent to communicate at the time of communication; thus communication can occur across vast...
is more open between partners that are familiar with one another. Nonetheless, as orgasm control is an acquired skill, the technique is usually successful if both partners are aware of the others' limits.
On the other hand, familiarity in this matter can be regarded from another perspective. In order to be able to control one's orgasm, individuals must have a solid knowledge of their own body and how their body reacts at different levels of sexual arousal. Therefore, orgasm control is also closely connected with the familiarity between an individual and his/her own body. Being aware of the body's limits in what concerns the intensity and duration of sexual stimulation is mandatory in order to be able to postpone climaxing. However, this is a technique that is learned by every person with time and which requires consistent practice. In the end, orgasm control is all about knowing one's own body and it is not so much about the skills of the partner. This is in fact one of the most popular orgasm myths there is.
Practiced by individuals
Because solo masturbation allows for precise control over the feelings, the timing, and the speed of stimulation, many people practice orgasmic control by themselves. One technique is where one will masturbate up until the moment before reaching the plateau phase just before orgasm occurs, and then stop suddenly before experiencing a climax. Another technique is to slow down the stimulation while still in the plateau phase, and "surfing" that for an extended time. Repeating either of these techniques many times during a single masturbation may result in a stronger, more intense orgasm.Most individuals agree that orgasm control is more often possible with masturbation
Masturbation
Masturbation refers to sexual stimulation of a person's own genitals, usually to the point of orgasm. The stimulation can be performed manually, by use of objects or tools, or by some combination of these methods. Masturbation is a common form of autoeroticism...
. This is a direct result of the fact that one is then able to control the intensity and duration of stimulation without having to rely on the partner on stopping or changing the type of stimulation in order to postpone the orgasm. Masturbation is then the easy way to learn one's limits and could also be seen as the starting point in the technique of orgasm control.
The techniques practiced by individuals to control their orgasm while masturbating vary with every person. Masturbation provides however the freedom to try out different techniques until the goal is achieved.
Orgasm control is most easily learned through solitary masturbation, although many individuals enjoy working with a partner. Masturbation provides the individual with the opportunity of learning about their bodies and the amount of pleasure they can experience without reaching orgasm. Self-stimulation can help both men and women acknowledge the limits of their body and the techniques that may help them controlling their orgasms.
As it has been described by Steve Bodansky and Vera Bodansky in "Extended Massive Orgasm: How You Can Give and Receive Intense Sexual Pleasure", masturbation practiced with the aim of orgasm control must be carried on with the purpose of making every stroke feeling exquisite and not to relieve tension, like "simple" masturbation does. In order to practice this other type of masturbation, the same authors suggest gradual stimulation of the genitals and then making connections between the primary area (penis
Penis
The penis is a biological feature of male animals including both vertebrates and invertebrates...
or clitoris
Clitoris
The clitoris is a sexual organ that is present only in female mammals. In humans, the visible button-like portion is located near the anterior junction of the labia minora, above the opening of the urethra and vagina. Unlike the penis, which is homologous to the clitoris, the clitoris does not...
) and the secondary area (lip
Lip
Lips are a visible body part at the mouth of humans and many animals. Lips are soft, movable, and serve as the opening for food intake and in the articulation of sound and speech...
s, nipple
Nipple
In its most general form, a nipple is a structure from which a fluid emanates. More specifically, it is the projection on the breasts or udder of a mammal by which breast milk is delivered to a mother's young. In this sense, it is often called a teat, especially when referring to non-humans, and...
or other part of the body that is an erogenous zone
Erogenous zone
An erogenous zone is an area of the human body that has heightened sensitivity, the stimulation of which may result in the production of erotic sensations or sexual excitement.People have erogenous zones all over their bodies, but which areas are more sensitive than others vary...
). The connection between the two areas is established once the individual stimulates them with exactly the same moves of the same intensity.
See also
- Coitus reservatusCoitus reservatusCoitus reservatus , also known as sexual continence, is commonly thought of as a form of sexual intercourse in which the penetrative partner does not attempt to ejaculate within the receptive partner, but instead attempts to remain at the plateau phase of intercourse for as long as possible...
, a practice where orgasm is withheld for weeks or months at a time. - Eroto-comatose lucidityEroto-comatose lucidityEroto-comatose lucidity is a technique of sex magic known best by its formulation by English author and occultist Aleister Crowley, but which has several variations and is used in a number of ways by different spiritual communities...
- Tantric sex
- Erotic sexual denialErotic sexual denialErotic sexual denial, also known as orgasm denial, is a sexual practice in which a heightened state of sexual arousal is maintained for an extended length of time without orgasm, and is commonly practiced in association with BDSM and sexual bondage. Erotic sexual denial can be another name for or...
- Blue BallsBlue ballsBlue balls is a slang term for the condition of temporary fluid congestion in the testicles and prostate region, accompanied by acute testicular pain, caused by prolonged and unsatisfied sexual arousal in the human male. The term is thought to have originated in the United States, first appearing...