List of X-Play characters - AbsoluteAstronomy.com

The video-game review television program X-Play

X-Play

X-Play is a TV program about video games, known for its reviews and comedy skits...

has had numerous recurring

Recurring character

A recurring character is a fictional character, usually in a prime time TV series, who appears from time to time during the series' run. Recurring characters often play major roles in an episode, sometimes being the main focus...

sketch

Sketch comedy

A sketch comedy consists of a series of short comedy scenes or vignettes, called "sketches," commonly between one and ten minutes long. Such sketches are performed by a group of comic actors or comedians, either on stage or through an audio and/or visual medium such as broadcasting...

characters that have appeared throughout the show's history; during a preview for the game WWE Day of Reckoning 2

WWE Day of Reckoning 2

WWE Day of Reckoning 2 is a video game released on the Nintendo GameCube console by THQ. The sequel to WWE Day of Reckoning, it became a "Player's Choice" game on July 5, 2006...

(Episode No. 5093), co-hosts Adam Sessler

Adam Sessler

Adam Donovan Sessler is co-host of X-Play on G4 with Morgan Webb and, as of December 17, 2008, editor-in-chief of G4's game content for the network. He is the only remaining television personality from the G4's origin network ZDTV.-Background:Sessler was born in Berkeley, California...

and Morgan Webb

Morgan Webb

Morgan Ailis Webb is a co-host and senior segment producer of the G4 show X-Play, and host of the show G4 Underground...

were left pondering, "Just how many random-ass supporting character

Supporting character

A supporting character is a character of a book, play, video game, movie, television or radio show or other form of storytelling usually used to give added dimension to a main character, by adding a relationship with this character...

s do we have on this show?". They were able to come up with a sizable list before the commercial break (30 humans, two hand puppets, and one monkey), but here is a more complete breakdown:

"A" Characters

Adam 2.0: A "younger, hipper" version of Adam (actually played by his younger brother Jonathan) cloned
Cloning
Cloning in biology is the process of producing similar populations of genetically identical individuals that occurs in nature when organisms such as bacteria, insects or plants reproduce asexually. Cloning in biotechnology refers to processes used to create copies of DNA fragments , cells , or...

in his image, with a few modest improvements (he claims that he comes equipped with a "special USB port").

First Appearance: Episode No. 5027

Performed by: Jonathan Sessler

Adam-San: see Morgan-San and Adam-San

Adam V: A robot named after Adam (a parody of the name Number Five from the movie Short Circuit
Short Circuit
Short Circuit is a 1986 comedy science fiction film starring Ally Sheedy and Steve Guttenberg and directed by John Badham. Fisher Stevens, Austin Pendleton, and G. W...

) who murdered most of the X-Play staff, until Morgan stopped his rampage by teaching him about sacrifices in the name of love. The two (supposedly) fall in love and go on to have a cyborg
Cyborg
A cyborg is a being with both biological and artificial parts. The term was coined in 1960 when Manfred Clynes and Nathan S. Kline used it in an article about the advantages of self-regulating human-machine systems in outer space. D. S...

baby together, but during X-Play's April 23, 2006 marathon, we find out that Adam V has repeatedly tried (unsuccessfully) to get back in touch with Morgan, who actually has no romantic interest in him. In fact, Morgan goes so far as to break the fourth wall
Fourth wall
The fourth wall is the imaginary "wall" at the front of the stage in a traditional three-walled box set in a proscenium theatre, through which the audience sees the action in the world of the play...

on Adam V, and she informs him that their entire love story was fake, an act for the show, and that she never had his baby (it was a prop assembled from "a Cabbage Patch doll and fax machine parts"). Following this revelation, Sessler offers to set Adam V up on a blind date with a Roomba
Roomba
The Roomba is a series of autonomous robotic vacuum cleaners sold by iRobot. Under normal operating conditions, it is able to navigate a living space and common obstacles while vacuuming the floor...

; the robot accepts, and Sessler subsequently rips out Adam V's wiring, which kills him.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5097

Performed by: X-Play co-producer Jason Cheung

Æon Flux Morgan: Morgan dressed up as the character Æon Flux
Æon Flux
Æon Flux was originally an avant-garde science fiction animated television series that aired on MTV in various forms throughout the 1990s, with film, comic book, and video game adaptations following thereafter. It premiered in 1991 on MTV's Liquid Television experimental animation show as a...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6008

Performed by: Morgan Webb

Ahnuld: see Governatuh

Ahrnold: see Governatuh

Albert the Happy Intern: see Interns

"Alliance Shopping Network" co-hosts: A dual parody of the Star Wars
Star Wars
Star Wars is an American epic space opera film series created by George Lucas. The first film in the series was originally released on May 25, 1977, under the title Star Wars, by 20th Century Fox, and became a worldwide pop culture phenomenon, followed by two sequels, released at three-year...

films and the Home Shopping Network
Home Shopping Network
Home Shopping Network or HSN began in 1977 as a 24-hour/7 day a week home shopping television network televised via cable, satellite, and some terrestrial channels in the Philippines. HSN can also be shopped online at hsn.com...

, this skit features the characters Tom Peterson and Bill Tanner, who are overstocked with lightsaber
Lightsaber
A lightsaber is a fictional weapon in the Star Wars universe, a "laser sword." It consists of a polished metal hilt which projects a blade of light about 1.33 metres long. The lightsaber is the signature weapon of the Jedi order and their Sith counterparts, both of whom can use them for close...

s and need to pass them on to the consumers at low low prices. Unfortunately for Bill, while demonstrating a Mace Windu
Mace Windu
Mace Windu is a fictional character in the Star Wars universe, most famously portrayed by actor Samuel L. Jackson in the prequel films. However, Windu has also been voiced by other actors in assorted video game and animated projects....

replica purple lightsaber ("Just because it's purple doesn't mean you're gay!") Tom accidentally cuts off Bill's right hand, and soon Bill dies in Tom's arms. While he is mourning the loss of Bill, Tom is still able to carry on with presenting the show.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6038

Performed by: Tom (Mike Benson), Bill (Paul Bonanno)

"Mr. Altair": A parody of the main character from the game Assassin's Creed
Assassin's Creed
Assassin's Creed is an award-winning historical third person, stealth action-adventure video game developed by Ubisoft for PlayStation 3, Xbox 360 and Microsoft Windows. The bulk of the game takes place during the Third Crusade, with the plot revolving around a sect known as the Secret Order of...

, wherein he is portrayed as the instructor of an adult education
Adult education
Adult education is the practice of teaching and educating adults. Adult education takes place in the workplace, through 'extension' school or 'school of continuing education' . Other learning places include folk high schools, community colleges, and lifelong learning centers...

class called Assassination 101: Death by Killing. He insults one student for revealing the only reason he joined the class was to kill Altair for revenge, claims that Brutus shouted "Looks like your salad's tossed!" when killing Julius Caesar, and hits on the female students.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080214

Performed by: Mr. Altair (Unknown), Gary (Unknown), Skip [I] (Unknown), Rebecca (Unknown)

"Alternate X" Adam and Morgan: A version of Adam and Morgan from an alternate universe
Parallel universe (fiction)
A parallel universe or alternative reality is a hypothetical self-contained separate reality coexisting with one's own. A specific group of parallel universes is called a "multiverse", although this term can also be used to describe the possible parallel universes that constitute reality...

where (according to "Earth Prime
Earth Prime
Earth Prime is a term sometimes used in works of speculative fiction involving parallel universes or a multiverse, and refers either to the universe containing "our" Earth, or to a parallel world with a bare minimum of divergence points from Earth as we know it...

" Morgan) "X-Play turned out ... lame"; instead of being completely cynical and filled with hate, "Alternate X" Adam and Morgan love their fans and do everything they can to make their world a better place (their version of X-Play even won a Peabody Award
Peabody Award
The George Foster Peabody Awards recognize distinguished and meritorious public service by radio and television stations, networks, producing organizations and individuals. In 1939, the National Association of Broadcasters formed a committee to recognize outstanding achievement in radio broadcasting...

). It should also be noted that "Alternate X" Adam has long flowing hair, while "Alternate X" Morgan dresses like a soccer mom
Soccer mom
The phrase soccer mom broadly refers to a middle-class suburban woman who spends a significant amount of her time transporting her school-age children to their sporting events or other activities. Indices of American magazines and newspapers show relatively little usage of the term until a 1995...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 7046

Performed by: Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb

America Man: A superhero-esque character dressed in a stars-and-stripes
Flag of the United States
The national flag of the United States of America consists of thirteen equal horizontal stripes of red alternating with white, with a blue rectangle in the canton bearing fifty small, white, five-pointed stars arranged in nine offset horizontal rows of six stars alternating with rows...

sweatsuit and sunglasses. America Man's mission in life it to rid the country of intolerance, and to convince people that they should not question things that they see on TV; he tries to accomplish this task with bizarre public service announcement
Public service announcement
A public service announcement or public service ad is a type of advertisement featured on television, radio, print or other media...

s called The Less You Know, an obvious parody of NBC
NBC
The National Broadcasting Company is an American commercial broadcasting television network and former radio network headquartered in the GE Building in New York City's Rockefeller Center with additional major offices near Los Angeles and in Chicago...

's famous segment, The More You Know
The More You Know
The More You Know is a series of Emmy award-winning public service announcements broadcast on the NBCUniversal family of channels in the United States and other locations. The spots feature personalities from various NBC shows...

(NOTE: In a posting on Television Without Pity, X-Play segment producer Matt Keil stated that the end graphic of the Less You Know skits - which featured pictures of children and a horse - used photos that were taken from an archive of missing children pictures http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3114593&view=findpost&p=4605255, adding an element of dark humor
Black comedy
A black comedy, or dark comedy, is a comic work that employs black humor or gallows humor. The definition of black humor is problematic; it has been argued that it corresponds to the earlier concept of gallows humor; and that, as humor has been defined since Freud as a comedic act that anesthetizes...

to the segment).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6017

Performed by: Adam Sessler

Angry Gentleman: see Morgan-San and Adam-San

Anime Adam and Morgan: At one point in the show's history, the opening sequence was designed by BUCK Design (out of Los Angeles
Los Angeles, California
Los Angeles , with a population at the 2010 United States Census of 3,792,621, is the most populous city in California, USA and the second most populous in the United States, after New York City. It has an area of , and is located in Southern California...

), and featured co-hosts Adam and Morgan re-imagined as anime
Anime
is the Japanese abbreviated pronunciation of "animation". The definition sometimes changes depending on the context. In English-speaking countries, the term most commonly refers to Japanese animated cartoons....

-style video game characters. As the opening credits progressed, the two were portrayed performing various action sequences, including the destruction of a group of monsters via kung fu and swordplay, flying a pair of fighter jets, and a tense shootout reminiscent of GoldenEye 007 (NOTE: During the "character select" portion of the opening, you could see Adam and Morgan's names highlighted along with Ratty and the non-represented characters "Griffin", "Henri", and "Pandora").

First Appearance: Episode No. 6055

Performed by: None

"Aphrodite": see "Kratos"

"Aquaman": see Memory Card

"Samus Aran": see "Mother Brain"

Ashley: see Spectre Mifflin staff

Assault Panda: see Morgan-San and Adam-San

The Athlete: see "The Breakfast Club"

Automatic Review Robot 3000: Whenever Adam or Morgan don't feel like reviewing a game themselves, they alway have this robot (in reality an edited picture of a QRIO
QRIO
QRIO was to be a bipedal humanoid entertainment robot developed and marketed by Sony to follow up on the success of its AIBO toy. QRIO stood approximately 0.6 m tall and weighed 7.3 kg...

with the voice provided by a PlainTalk
PlainTalk
PlainTalk is the collective name for several speech synthesis and speech recognition technologies developed by Apple Inc.In 1990, Apple invested a lot of work and money in speech recognition technology, hiring many respected researchers in the field. The result was "PlainTalk", released with the...

synthesizer) to fall back on ... they just feed in the relevant data, and out pops a generic review for the audience's viewing pleasure. ARR-3000 first appeared when Adam could not stand to review yet another Mega Man
Mega Man (character)
Mega Man, known as in Japan, is a cybernetic video game character, and the main protagonist of what has been referred to as the original Mega Man series developed by Capcom since 1987. The pixel art for the character was created by the designer of the original game in the series, credited under...

game; in later reviews, we have been introduced to his ex-girlfriend Sharon, their illegitimate son Child-Bot 3000, and Sharon's new live-in boyfriend Leroy.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6079

Performed by: Unknown

"B" Characters

"Bacchus": see "Kratos"

Private Ball-Bag: A lowly recruit going through boot camp in the Bulletstorm
Bulletstorm
Bulletstorm is a first-person shooter video game developed by People Can Fly and Epic Games, and is published by Electronic Arts for the PlayStation 3, Xbox 360 and Microsoft Windows...

universe, who giggles when his commanding officer says "Nothing quite like the smell of manmeat in the morning," which earns him a round of gunfire in the ass (Fire in the Hole) followed by the officer using his electric leash to throw him through a brick wall ... However, he gets his revenge when he accidentally vaporizes his commanding officer with his laser rifle, because he forgot to turn the safety on (NOTE: In an exclusive video on the G4TV website, it is revealed that the commanding officer actually survived the blast, although he was stripped of his ranking and now goes by the name of Private Dick-Fart).

First Appearance: Episode No. 20110221

Performed by: Private Ball-Bag (Brian Posehn

Brian Posehn

Brian Edmund Posehn is an American actor, voice actor, musician and comedian, known for his roles as mail clerk Kevin Liotta on NBC's Just Shoot Me!, a cast member and writer on HBO's Mr. Show, and most recently as Brian Spukowski on Comedy Central's The Sarah Silverman Program.-Early life:Posehn...

), Private Dick-Fart (R. Lee Ermey

R. Lee Ermey

Ronald Lee Ermey is a retired United States Marine Corps drill instructor and actor.Ermey has often played the roles of authority figures, such as his breakout performance as Gunnery Sergeant Hartman in Full Metal Jacket, Mayor Tilman in the Alan Parker film Mississippi Burning, Bill Bowerman in...

)

Barbarians: see Flappy Jaws

Barry: Also known as the "I hate Adam Sessler" guy, this is the main character in a commercial produced by Slacquer Production & Post that aired frequently on the G4TV network when the channel first began to broadcast X-Play. In the commercial, the character of Barry would be jealous of the fact that Adam got to spend so much time with Morgan Webb, and even built a small shrine in his room in her honor. The spot can be viewed here: http://www.slacq.com/Reel/08/08XPlay.html

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Dave Stann

The X-Play Bear: Originally he was part of a segment on X-Play called A Bear in a Field, where a guy in a bear suit explained complicated programming
Computer programming
Computer programming is the process of designing, writing, testing, debugging, and maintaining the source code of computer programs. This source code is written in one or more programming languages. The purpose of programming is to create a program that performs specific operations or exhibits a...

terms (as they apply to video games) before mauling the cameraman. However, during the transition from TechTV to G4TV, the X-Play Bear underwent a transformation (his bear suit became a darker shade of brown and looked less realistic) and is now pretty much relegated to simply dancing around during certain game reviews.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Original (Robert Heron), Current (Michael Leffler)

"The Beatles
The Beatles
The Beatles were an English rock band, active throughout the 1960s and one of the most commercially successful and critically acclaimed acts in the history of popular music. Formed in Liverpool, by 1962 the group consisted of John Lennon , Paul McCartney , George Harrison and Ringo Starr...

": X-Play's version of the "Fab Four" appear in their Sgt. Pepper
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band is the eighth studio album by the English rock band The Beatles, released on 1 June 1967 on the Parlophone label and produced by George Martin...

uniforms (along with cheesy bowlcut wigs and moustaches) while playing The Beatles: Rock Band
The Beatles: Rock Band
The Beatles: Rock Band is a 2009 music video game developed by Harmonix Music Systems, published by MTV Games, and distributed by Electronic Arts. It is the third major console release in the Rock Band music video game series, in which players can simulate the playing of rock music by using...

... as well as making claims that all British people's faces are "stupid" and that animals (not just animal costumes
Furry fandom
Furry fandom is a fandom for fictional anthropomorphic animal characters with human personalities and characteristics. Examples of anthropomorphic attributes include exhibiting human intelligence and facial expressions, the ability to speak, walk on two legs, and wear clothes...

) are "sexy".

First Appearance: Episode No. 20090908

Performed by: "Ringo Starr

Ringo Starr

Richard Starkey, MBE better known by his stage name Ringo Starr, is an English musician and actor who gained worldwide fame as the drummer for The Beatles. When the band formed in 1960, Starr was a member of another Liverpool band, Rory Storm and the Hurricanes. He became The Beatles' drummer in...

" (Unknown), "Paul McCartney

Paul McCartney

Sir James Paul McCartney, MBE, Hon RAM, FRCM is an English musician, singer-songwriter and composer. Formerly of The Beatles and Wings , McCartney is listed in Guinness World Records as the "most successful musician and composer in popular music history", with 60 gold discs and sales of 100...

" (Michael Leffler), "John Lennon

John Lennon

John Winston Lennon, MBE was an English musician and singer-songwriter who rose to worldwide fame as one of the founding members of The Beatles, one of the most commercially successful and critically acclaimed acts in the history of popular music...

" (Unknown), "George Harrison

George Harrison

George Harrison, MBE was an English musician, guitarist, singer-songwriter, actor and film producer who achieved international fame as lead guitarist of The Beatles. Often referred to as "the quiet Beatle", Harrison became over time an admirer of Indian mysticism, and introduced it to the other...

" (Unknown)

"Niko Bellic": see X-Play COPS

Miss Bendova: see Unemployed Ninja

Dr. Heimlich Betzer: A German "scientist" who (supposedly) holds a PHD
Doctor of Philosophy
Doctor of Philosophy, abbreviated as Ph.D., PhD, D.Phil., or DPhil , in English-speaking countries, is a postgraduate academic degree awarded by universities...

in "Suckology", and has written the book Sweet Christ, That Sucked! Basically, he's an expert at telling you how much something sucks; for example, the game Bomberman: Act Zero
Bomberman: Act Zero
Bomberman: Act Zero is a 2006 video game for the Xbox 360. This game was notable for being a radical departure for the series in terms of character design. Instead of the familiar depiction of White Bomber, the characters in this game resemble mechanical cyborgs based on the original game's boxart...

falls somewhere in between Lady in the Water
Lady in the Water
The soundtrack was composed by James Newton Howard. The last four tracks are non-soundtrack songs from singer/songwriter Amanda Ghost, Indie rock band A Whisper in the Noise, and rock 'n' roll revivalists Silvertide. Each of the four songs was written by Bob Dylan...

and the black plague
Black Death
The Black Death was one of the most devastating pandemics in human history, peaking in Europe between 1348 and 1350. Of several competing theories, the dominant explanation for the Black Death is the plague theory, which attributes the outbreak to the bacterium Yersinia pestis. Thought to have...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6105

Performed by: voice of X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

The Big Bald Guy: A supposed art teacher
Art education
Art education is the area of learning that is based upon the visual, tangible arts—drawing, painting, sculpture, and design in jewelry, pottery, weaving, fabrics, etc. and design applied to more practical fields such as commercial graphics and home furnishings...

who encourages his students to paint him in the nude (NOTE: This character has never officially been given a name; Adam refers to him as "the big bald guy who takes his clothes off" after the preview of WWE Day of Reckoning 2, but during the X-Play Origins Episode he calls him Fat Bald Gay Guy instead).

First Appearance: Episode No. 5059

Performed by: X-Play head writer Guy Branum

Guy Branum

Guy Branum is an American actor, comedian, and writer best known as the head writer of, and a sketch performer on, X-Play on the G4 network and was a regular panelist on "Chelsea Lately" on the E! network.-Life and career:...

Bill: X-Play's official Mii
Mii
A is a digital avatar used in Nintendo's Wii and Nintendo 3DS gaming consoles. They allow users to capture a likeness of themselves and others. After creating one using the Wii's Mii Channel or the Nintendo 3DS's Mii Maker, they can be used as playable characters in various titles for the...

avatar.

First Appearance: Episode No. 7020

Performed by: None

Billy the Newspaper Boy: see Sat'an

Billy the Pokémon
Pokémon
is a media franchise published and owned by the video game company Nintendo and created by Satoshi Tajiri in 1996. Originally released as a pair of interlinkable Game Boy role-playing video games developed by Game Freak, Pokémon has since become the second most successful and lucrative video...

fan: An obsessed fan of the Pokémon series of video games, who will take on the alter ego of "Billychu" whenever he is frightened. Billy eventually decides that he needs to "grow up" and abandon such juvenile pleasures ... so he moves on to Yu-Gi-Oh!
Yu-Gi-Oh!
is a Japanese manga created by Kazuki Takahashi. It has produced a franchise that includes multiple anime shows, a trading card game and numerous video games...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5113

Performed by: X-Play intern coordinator Robert Manuel

Trent Bishop: In an attempt to achieve sexual equality with the proliferation of "booth babes
Promotional model
A promotional model is a person hired to drive consumer demand for a product, service, brand, or concept by directly interacting with potential consumers. A promotional model can be female or male, and typically is intended to be attractive in physical appearance. They serve to provide information...

" found at gaming conventions, this American Booth Bro made an appearance at the 2008 Leipzig show
Games Convention
The Games Convention, sometimes called the Leipzig Games Convention and abbreviated as GC, was an annual video game event held in Leipzig, Germany, first held in 2002. Besides video games, the event also covers Infotainment, Hardware, and Edutainment...

wearing nothing but denim shorts and covered in baby oil
Mineral oil
A mineral oil is any of various colorless, odorless, light mixtures of alkanes in the C15 to C40 range from a non-vegetable source, particularly a distillate of petroleum....

. He displayed the right attitude ("My whole goal is to be judged just on my exterior!") but ultimately failed in his quest to be hired by one of the gaming companies.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080918

Performed by: Unknown

"Jacob Black": see "Cullen, Edward"

"Black Widow
Black Widow (Yelena Belova)
Black Widow is a fictional character, a spy in the . She first appears in Inhumans #5 and was created by Paul Jenkins and Jae Lee.-Publication history:...

": The appearance of this Marvel Comics
Marvel Comics
Marvel Worldwide, Inc., commonly referred to as Marvel Comics and formerly Marvel Publishing, Inc. and Marvel Comics Group, is an American company that publishes comic books and related media...

villainess was purported to be from never-before-seen cutscenes of the upcoming video game based on the Iron Man 2
Iron Man 2
Iron Man 2 is a 2010 American superhero film featuring the Marvel Comics character Iron Man, produced by Marvel Studios and distributed by Paramount Pictures. It is the sequel to 2008's Iron Man, the second film in a planned trilogy and is a part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Directed by Jon...

film ... Unfortunately, the character in question looked nothing like Scarlett Johansson
Scarlett Johansson
Scarlett Johansson is an American actress, model and singer.Johansson made her film debut in North and was later nominated for the Independent Spirit Award for Best Female Lead for her performance in Manny & Lo . She rose to further prominence with her roles in The Horse Whisperer and Ghost World...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20090727

Performed by: "Black Widow" (Michael Leffler), "Iron Man" (Unknown)

Dirk Blastdong: The founder of Dirk Blastdong Studios, a porn company which produces films based on popular video game titles. Some of his more popular works have included "Anal Kombat vs Double D Universe
Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe
Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe is a crossover fighting game from Midway Games and Warner Bros. Games. The eighth game in the Mortal Kombat series, MK vs. DC was released on November 16, . MK vs. DC contains characters from both the Mortal Kombat franchise and the DC Universe...

" (starring "Sub-Zero
Sub-Zero (Mortal Kombat)
Sub-Zero is the name given to two video game characters from the Mortal Kombat series. The older Sub-Zero first appeared in the first Mortal Kombat game, being replaced by his younger brother in Mortal Kombat II and the subsequent games...

" and "Wonder Girl
Wonder Girl
Wonder Girl is the name of three fictional characters featured as superheroes in comic books and other media produced by DC Comics. The original was a younger version of Wonder Woman...

"), "Ratchet and Skank
Ratchet & Clank
Ratchet & Clank is a 3D platformer/shooter video game for the PlayStation 2, developed by Insomniac Games and published by Sony Computer Entertainment. Released in 2002, it is the first game in the Ratchet & Clank series....

", "Assassin's Cream
Assassin's Creed
Assassin's Creed is an award-winning historical third person, stealth action-adventure video game developed by Ubisoft for PlayStation 3, Xbox 360 and Microsoft Windows. The bulk of the game takes place during the Third Crusade, with the plot revolving around a sect known as the Secret Order of...

", "Queers of War
Gears of War
Gears of War is a military science fiction third-person shooter video game developed by Epic Games and published by Microsoft Game Studios...

", "Pokémon Pearl Necklace
Pokémon Diamond and Pearl
are role-playing games developed by Game Freak and published by Nintendo for the Nintendo DS. With the enhanced remake Pokémon Platinum, the games comprise the fifth installment and fourth generation of the Pokémon series of RPGs...

", "Destroy All Human Vaginas!
Destroy All Humans! (series)
Destroy All Humans! is a video game franchise developed by Pandemic Studios, Locomotive Games, Sandblast Games and published by THQ. The series is designed as a spoof of Cold War-era alien invasion films...

", "LittleD*ckPlanet
LittleBigPlanet
LittleBigPlanet, commonly abbreviated LBP, is a puzzle platformer video game, based on user-generated content, for the PlayStation 3 first announced on 7 March 2007, by Phil Harrison at the Game Developers Conference in San Francisco, California...

", and "Donkey Punch Country Jr.
Donkey Kong Country
Donkey Kong Country is a side-scrolling platformer video game developed by Rare, featuring the character Donkey Kong. It was released for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System in 1994. Following an intense marketing campaign, the original SNES version sold over 8 million copies worldwide, making...

".

First Appearance: Episode No. 20081218

Performed by: Dirk Blastdong (Unknown), Sandy Bottoms (Unknown), "Sub-Zero" (Unknown), "Wonder Girl" (Unknown)

René Bleszinski: see Webb, Indiana

Blogort: A "robot of ill repute", who led R.O.B.
R.O.B.
R.O.B. , released in Japan as the , is an accessory for the Nintendo Entertainment System. It was released in July 1985 in Japan and later that year in North America. It had a short product lifespan, with support for only two games which comprised the "Robot Series"; Gyromite and Stack-Up. R.O.B...

down a path of intoxication and sensuality, ultimately designing a metallic phallus
Strap-on dildo
A strap-on dildo is a dildo designed to be worn, usually with a harness, during sexual activity. Harnesses and dildos are made in a wide variety of styles, with variations in how the harness fits the wearer, how the dildo attaches to the harness, as well as various features intended to facilitate...

(nicknamed his "bundled arrogance") for R.O.B. to wear. This eventually led to the Nintendo mascot's downfall, as he was melted down to fill the cavities of grumpy old people.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5097

Performed by: Unknown

Mr. Blonde: see Reservoir Geeks

Bob and Steve: see Special Agent Bob and Secret Agent Steve

Boombastis: A character from the Extreme Pong skit, Boombastis is an extremely overweight geisha
Geisha
, Geiko or Geigi are traditional, female Japanese entertainers whose skills include performing various Japanese arts such as classical music and dance.-Terms:...

who is eventually killed during a match with Morgan "The Wookie
Wookiee
Wookiees are a species of bipeds in the Star Wars universe. The most notable Wookiee is Chewbacca, a companion to Han Solo.-Inspiration:...

" Webb (Morgan knocks the ball directly into "her" mouth, choking her to death).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6069

Performed by: X-Play head writer Guy Branum

Guy Branum

Sandy Bottoms: see Blastdong, Dirk

The Brain: see "The Breakfast Club"

"The Breakfast Club": A direct (albeit darker) parody of the 1985 movie
The Breakfast Club
The Breakfast Club is a 1985 American teen drama film written and directed by John Hughes. The storyline follows five teenagers as they spend a Saturday in detention together and come to realize that they are all deeper than their respective stereotypes.-Plot:The plot follows five students at...

, where the X-Play gang plays a group of high school students serving Saturday detention. The principal forces them to write game reviews, but they all eventually write a suicide pact
Suicide pact
A suicide pact is an agreed plan between two or more individuals to commit suicide. The plan may be to die together, or separately and closely timed. Suicide pacts are important concepts in the study of suicide, and have occurred throughout history, as well as in fiction.Suicide pacts are generally...

instead.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6025

Performed by: The Brain (Adam Sessler), The Princess (Morgan Webb), The Athlete (Michael Leffler), The TV Host (Kevin Pereira), The Kook (Unknown), "Principal Vernon" (Unknown)

Mr. Brown: see Reservoir Geeks

Kwame Brown: see Dante's Hairclub for Demonslayers

"C" Characters

Adam Calrissian: A fictitious lawyer situated in the Star Wars
Star Wars
Star Wars is an American epic space opera film series created by George Lucas. The first film in the series was originally released on May 25, 1977, under the title Star Wars, by 20th Century Fox, and became a worldwide pop culture phenomenon, followed by two sequels, released at three-year...

universe, who bears a striking resemblance to the character portrayed by Billy Dee Williams
Lando Calrissian
Lando Calrissian is a fictional character in the Star Wars universe. He is portrayed by Billy Dee Williams in Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back and Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi...

. His law offices (which can be contacted by dialing 1-888-555-EWOK) specialize in helping Stormtroopers
Imperial stormtrooper
The Imperial Stormtroopers are fictional soldiers from George Lucas' Star Wars universe. Stormtroopers are the soldiers of the imperial army under the leadership of the evil Sith Lord and Emperor Palpatine and his commanders, most notably Darth Vader and Grand Moff Tarkin.They are shown in...

who are injured at work (past clients include TK-516 and TK-431). His motto is "Bleeding money out of the Galactic Empire
Galactic Empire (Star Wars)
The Galactic Empire is one of the main factions in the fictional universe of Star Wars. It is a galaxy-spanning regime established by the series' lead villain, Palpatine, to replace the Galactic Republic in Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. The Galactic Empire is introduced in Star Wars...

and taking 18 percent off the top is my job" (NOTE: It is believed that this character is actually different from Adam's other Billy Dee impersonation, Lando Sessler).

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080917

Performed by: Adam Calrissian (Adam Sessler), TK-516 (Unknown), TK-431 (Unknown)

Canada Man: see Morgan-San and Adam-San

Canadian Girl: During the show's review of the game NHL 12
NHL 12
NHL 12 is an ice hockey video game developed by EA Canada and published by EA Sports. The game was released between September 8–13, 2011, in Australia, New Zealand, Europe, and North America. The game was featured in the 2011 Electronic Entertainment Expo . Steven Stamkos was announced as the...

, X-Play decided to "replace" their long-time re-occurring character Canadian Guy (aka Guy LaFleur) and his "brand of dated stereotypes" ... Of course, his replacement turned out to be a woman who dressed and talked exactly like him, right down to the Oui oui oui! catchphrase (no doubt this change was made to highlight the ability for players to make female characters in the game).

First Appearance: Episode No. 20110927

Performed by: X-Play production assistant Emily Conti

Canadian Guy: see LaFleur, Guy

Captain: see Cobra and Mongoose

Car from Street Fighter II
Street Fighter II
is a competitive fighting game originally released for the arcades in . It is the arcade sequel to the original Street Fighter released in and was Capcom's fourteenth title that ran on the CP System arcade hardware...

: A character cut from the official MvC3
Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds
is a crossover fighting game developed by Capcom. It features Capcom's own characters and characters from American comic book company Marvel Comics. It is the fifth installment of the Marvel vs...

roster, it was "ready to settle the score and deliver [its] own beatdown ... after years of being punched and kicked by a bunch of brain dead thugs." Its argument for being included in the fighting game was that "cars kill more people then guns or stupid hadoukens."

First Appearance: Episode No. 20110216

Performed by: Unknown

"Anthony Carmine": see Carmine, Dietrich

"Ben Carmine": see Carmine, Dietrich

Dietrich Carmine: A non-canonical member of the Carmine family portrayed in the Gears of War series
Gears of War (series)
Gears of War is a science fiction video game franchise created and owned by Epic Games and published by Microsoft Studios. The three games that currently make up the series take place on the fictional planet Sera and focus on a war between humans and creatures known as Locust...

, who is trying to buy a life insurance
Life insurance
Life insurance is a contract between an insurance policy holder and an insurer, where the insurer promises to pay a designated beneficiary a sum of money upon the death of the insured person. Depending on the contract, other events such as terminal illness or critical illness may also trigger...

policy for himself before going off to battle. However, the salesman (Ryan Jeffries) refuses to cover him, listing a long line of other Carmines who came in before him and then were almost immediately killed after signing up (like Sherman Carmine who burned up looking for his car keys in a pool of emulsion
Emulsion
An emulsion is a mixture of two or more liquids that are normally immiscible . Emulsions are part of a more general class of two-phase systems of matter called colloids. Although the terms colloid and emulsion are sometimes used interchangeably, emulsion is used when both the dispersed and the...

). This is in reference to the Gears of War games always having a soldier named "Carmine" die during the storymode campaign. Fittingly, when Dietrich stands up to protest, a bullet whizzes through the nearby window and takes him out with a bloody headshot (NOTE: This sketch premiered at the Gears of War 3
Gears of War 3
Gears of War 3 is a third-person shooter video game developed by Epic Games and published by Microsoft Studios exclusively for the Xbox 360. Originally due for release in April 2011, the game was delayed and eventually released on September 20, 2011....

panel at Comic-Con 2010 moderated by Adam Sessler).

First Appearance: Episode No. 20100726

Performed by: Dietrich Carmine (Unknown), Ryan Jeffries (Unknown), "Anthony Carmine" (Unknown), "Ben Carmine" (Unknown), Jed Carmine (Unknown), Franklin Carmine (Unknown), Sherman Carmine (Unknown), Lebron Carmine (Unknown), Garrett Carmine (Unknown), Ignatius Carmine (Unknown), Janice the receptionist (Unknown)

Franklin Carmine: see Carmine, Dietrich

Garrett Carmine: see Carmine, Dietrich

Ignatius Carmine: see Carmine, Dietrich

Jed Carmine: see Carmine, Dietrich

Lebron Carmine: see Carmine, Dietrich

Sherman Carmine: see Carmine, Dietrich

"Stanley Carter": see "Sin-Eater"

Cat-Morgan and Embarrass-Man: Morgan and Adam's superhero alter egos ... Morgan's outfit resembles Catwoman
Catwoman
Catwoman is a fictional character associated with DC Comics' Batman franchise. Historically a supervillain, the character was created by Bill Finger and Bob Kane, partially inspired by Kane's cousin, Ruth Steel...

, while Adam's costume is a more flamboyant
Homosexuality
Homosexuality is romantic or sexual attraction or behavior between members of the same sex or gender. As a sexual orientation, homosexuality refers to "an enduring pattern of or disposition to experience sexual, affectional, or romantic attractions" primarily or exclusively to people of the same...

version of Robin's
Robin (comics)
Robin is the name of several fictional characters appearing in comic books published by DC Comics, originally created by Bob Kane, Bill Finger and Jerry Robinson, as a junior counterpart to DC Comics superhero Batman...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 281

Performed by: Morgan Webb and Adam Sessler

Chainsword: see Warhammer Chainsaw Sword

"Hugo Chávez
Hugo Chávez
Hugo Rafael Chávez Frías is the 56th and current President of Venezuela, having held that position since 1999. He was formerly the leader of the Fifth Republic Movement political party from its foundation in 1997 until 2007, when he became the leader of the United Socialist Party of Venezuela...

": The power-mad Venezuelan president makes a visit to the X-Play offices, where (among other things) he gets kneed in the groin by Morgan.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6106

Performed by: X-Play production assistant Eric Acasio

Child-Bot 3000: see Automatic Review Robot 3000

"Claudius": see "Hamlet"

Cobra and Mongoose: Flash
Adobe Flash
Adobe Flash is a multimedia platform used to add animation, video, and interactivity to web pages. Flash is frequently used for advertisements, games and flash animations for broadcast...

-like cartoon characters (purposely animated in a haphazard and seemingly rushed manner) who spoof various action movies like Top Gun
Top Gun
Top Gun may refer to:* Top Gun is a 1986 film starring Tom Cruise.**Top Gun , soundtrack to the movie**Top Gun , a number of games based on the movie...

, Days of Thunder
Days of Thunder
Days of Thunder is a 1990 American auto racing film released by Paramount Pictures, produced by Don Simpson and Jerry Bruckheimer and directed by Tony Scott. The cast includes Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, Robert Duvall, Randy Quaid, Cary Elwes and Michael Rooker. The film also features appearances...

, and The Hunt for Red October
The Hunt for Red October (film)
The Hunt for Red October is a 1990 thriller film based on the novel of the same name by Tom Clancy. It was directed by John McTiernan and stars Sean Connery as Captain Marko Ramius and Alec Baldwin as Jack Ryan...

. Cobra is the stereotypical hot-shot renegade, who plays by his own rules (never following the orders of his commanding officer Captain) and is depicted as the pinnacle of manliness (he will often get a different person pregnant during each skit, including Mongoose's girlfriend Susie and a shark
Shark
Sharks are a type of fish with a full cartilaginous skeleton and a highly streamlined body. The earliest known sharks date from more than 420 million years ago....

). Mongoose is at the other end of the spectrum, the perennial second banana who winds up dying at the end of every segment for "dramatic effect" (leaving Cobra to mournfully yell out "Mongooooose!").

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Cobra (voice of Paul Bonanno), Mongoose (voice of Michael Leffler), Captain (Unknown), Susie (Unknown)

"Cole Train": A parody of the video-game character Augustus Cole from Gears of War
Gears of War
Gears of War is a military science fiction third-person shooter video game developed by Epic Games and published by Microsoft Game Studios...

, who stars in a commercial for the breakfast cereal
Breakfast cereal
A breakfast cereal is a food made from processed grains that is often, but not always, eaten with the first meal of the day. It is often eaten cold, usually mixed with milk , water, or yogurt, and sometimes fruit but sometimes eaten dry. Some cereals, such as oatmeal, may be served hot as porridge...

Grains of War. The cereal is made from "whole wheat, powdered bullet casings and slaughterhouse
Slaughterhouse
A slaughterhouse or abattoir is a facility where animals are killed for consumption as food products.Approximately 45-50% of the animal can be turned into edible products...

runoff", and the commercial's tagline
Tagline
A tagline is a variant of a branding slogan typically used in marketing materials and advertising. The idea behind the concept is to create a memorable phrase that will sum up the tone and premise of a brand or product , or to reinforce the audience's memory of a product...

is "It'll curb-stomp that appetite!"

First Appearance: Episode No. 20081204

Performed by: Lester Speight

Lester Speight

Lester Rasta Speight is a former American football player who has had subsequent careers as a professional wrestler and then actor...

Don Colorado: X-Play's Latin American correspondent, and host of the show Don Colorado and the Mas Sexy Adventures in Gameland; he believes himself to be an expert in video games as well as the "teaching of love-making to the many virgin nerds."

First Appearance: Episode No. 20090223

Performed by: Unknown

Communist Adam and Morgan: When the rigors of capitalism became too much for the X-Play hosts to bear, they turned to the memory of mother Russia
Soviet Union
The Soviet Union , officially the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics , was a constitutionally socialist state that existed in Eurasia between 1922 and 1991....

for guidance.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6016

Performed by: Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb

Conspiracy Guy: The host of X-Play's Conspiracy Theory of the Week, this ski mask-clad fellow is about as paranoid as one can get, spouting off theories on everything from Bigfoot
Bigfoot
Bigfoot, also known as sasquatch, is an ape-like cryptid that purportedly inhabits forests, mainly in the Pacific Northwest region of North America. Bigfoot is usually described as a large, hairy, bipedal humanoid...

to the JFK assassination
John F. Kennedy assassination
John Fitzgerald Kennedy, the thirty-fifth President of the United States, was assassinated at 12:30 p.m. Central Standard Time on Friday, November 22, 1963, in Dealey Plaza, Dallas, Texas...

.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play series producer Karsten Bondy

James Cooper: see X-Play COPS

The X-Play COPS: A parody of the popular television show
COPS (TV series)
Cops is an American documentary/reality television series that follows police officers, constables, and sheriff's deputies during patrols and other police activities...

, where a pair of police officers interact with a number of video-game characters, including Kratos
Kratos (God of War)
Kratos is a video game character from Sony Computer Entertainment'sGod of War series, which is loosely based on Greek mythology. Kratos first appeared in the highly successful video game God of War , which led to the development of five additional games featuring the character as the protagonist...

, Princess Zelda
Princess Zelda
is the name of a fictional character in The Legend of Zelda series of video games. The name has applied to every female member of Hyrule's royal family, which includes several distinct characters in Hyrule legend. Though she is the eponymous character, the player controls the main protagonist, Link...

, Mario
Mario
is a fictional character in his video game series, created by Japanese video game designer Shigeru Miyamoto. Serving as Nintendo's mascot and the main protagonist of the series, Mario has appeared in over 200 video games since his creation...

, and Niko Bellic
Niko Bellic
Niko Bellic is the main protagonist and playable character in the video game Grand Theft Auto IV for Xbox 360, PlayStation 3 and Microsoft Windows. He is a 30-year-old former soldier from Eastern Europe who moved to Liberty City to escape his troubled past and pursue the "American Dream"...

. There have been several different "cops" portrayed in these skits, from Sargent Rando and Officer Sykes in the 2006 Valentine's Day special, to a pair of unnamed officers in the 2006 Halloween episode, to Sgt. Rando re-appearing with a new partner (Officer Hicks) in a special Liberty City edition of X-Play COPS during the GTA IV special, to Officer James Cooper of the Mushroom Kingdom PD and a new Sykes (this time played by Michael Leffler) appearing during the review of Mario Kart Wii.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6014

Performed by: Sgt. Tad Rando (Paul Bonanno), Officer Sykes (Robert Manuel/Michael Leffler), Unnamed Cop #1 (Mike Benson), Unnamed Cop #2 (Brendan Hermes), Officer Hicks (Michael Leffler), Officer James Cooper (Unknown)

"Bill Cosby
Bill Cosby
William Henry "Bill" Cosby, Jr. is an American comedian, actor, author, television producer, educator, musician and activist. A veteran stand-up performer, he got his start at various clubs, then landed a starring role in the 1960s action show, I Spy. He later starred in his own series, the...

": A self-described "bad Bill Cosby impersonator" who provides voice acting
Voice acting
Voice acting is the art of providing voices for animated characters and radio and audio dramas and comedy, as well as doing voice-overs in radio and television commercials, audio dramas, dubbed foreign language films, video games, puppet shows, and amusement rides.Performers are called...

for games such as The Lord of the Rings: Conquest
The Lord of the Rings: Conquest
The Lord of the Rings: Conquest is an action game developed by Pandemic Studios and published by Electronic Arts. It is based on The Lord of the Rings film trilogy, and borrows many gameplay mechanics from Pandemic's Star Wars: Battlefront games...

and Street Fighter IV
Street Fighter IV
is a fighting game produced by Capcom. It is the first numbered Street Fighter game released by Capcom since . The coin-operated arcade game was released in Japan on July 18, 2008, with North American arcades importing the machines by August...

, mainly by throwing in references to Jell-O Pudding Pops, Picture Pages
Picture Pages
"Picture Pages" is an educational television segment aimed at preschool children, teaching lessons on basic arithmetic, geometry, and drawing through a series of interactive lessons that used a workbook that viewers would follow along with the lesson....

, Leonard Part 6
Leonard Part 6
Leonard Part 6 is a 1987 comedy film that parodies spy movies. It was directed by Paul Weiland and starred Bill Cosby, who also produced the film and wrote its story. The movie also starred Joe Don Baker and Gloria Foster, the latter of whom played the villain. The movie was filmed in the San...

, and Fat Albert
Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids
Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids is an animated series created, produced, and hosted by comedian Bill Cosby, who also lent his voice to a number of characters, including Fat Albert himself. Filmation was the production company for the series. The show premiered in 1972 and ran until 1985...

cartoons while chuckling to himself.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20090121

Performed by: voice of X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

Crazy Adam: see Trampleton, Crazy Adam

The X-Play Creature: see Sat'an

"Aleister Crowley": see "Fear and Loathing" Adam and Morgan

"Cupid
Cupid
In Roman mythology, Cupid is the god of desire, affection and erotic love. He is the son of the goddess Venus and the god Mars. His Greek counterpart is Eros...

": An obese, diaper-clad, jive-talking God of Love who vehemently tries to convince Adam and Morgan to give love a chance. He ultimately fails to do this, becoming depressed by Adam and Morgan's hopelessly lonely and negative attitudes.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6014

Performed by: X-Play head writer Guy Branum

Guy Branum

"Edward Cullen
Edward Cullen
Edward Cullen is one of the main characters of the Twilight book series and film.Edward Cullen is also the name of:*Ed Cullen , features writer for the Baton Rouge Morning Advocate...

": A parody of the vampire character from the "Twilight" movies
The Twilight Saga (film series)
The Twilight Saga is a series of supernatural romance fantasy films from Summit Entertainment based on the four Twilight series novels by the American author Stephenie Meyer. The films star Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner. The series has grossed over $2 billion in worldwide...

, who appeared in the fictitious movie trailer Twilight: Modern Warfare 2. Alongside his werewolf partner "Jacob Black
Jacob Black
Jacob "Jake" Black is a fictional character in the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. He is described as a Native American of the Quileute tribe in La Push, near Forks, Washington. In the second book of the series, he undergoes a transformation that allows him to morph into a wolf. For the...

", the two heroes (codenamed Sparkle and Moonbeam respectively) find themselves in the Kandahar province of Afghanistan
Kandahar
Kandahar is the second largest city in Afghanistan, with a population of about 512,200 as of 2011. It is the capital of Kandahar Province, located in the south of the country at about 1,005 m above sea level...

fighting as squadmates alongside "Soap" and "Roach" from the popular shooter
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is a first-person shooter video game developed by Infinity Ward and published by Activision for the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 video game consoles and the Microsoft Windows operating system. Officially announced on February 11, 2009, the game was released worldwide on...

, mainly because "Activision
Activision
Activision is an American publisher, majority owned by French conglomerate Vivendi SA. Its current CEO is Robert Kotick. It was founded on October 1, 1979 and was the world's first independent developer and distributor of video games for gaming consoles...

needed to figure out a way to sell Call of Duty to 13-year-old girls and middle-aged women."

First Appearance: Episode No. 20100111

Performed by: "Edward Cullen" (Unknown), "Jacob Black" (Unknown), "Sergeant Gary 'Roach' Sanderson" (Michael Leffler), "Captain John 'Soap' MacTavish" (Unknown)

"Curley": see "George" and "Lennie"

"Curley's Wife": see "George" and "Lennie"

Cyborg Pirate: The leader of a group of video-game villains - Diver (in full scuba gear), Ninja (not to be confused with That Ninja because of his neon-green costume), Zombie (who makes it clear that he is "undead" rather than "infected"), and "Cloud Strife
Cloud Strife
is a fictional character and the main protagonist in Square's role-playing game Final Fantasy VII and several of its sequels and spin-offs. His original design was created by Final Fantasy VII character designer Tetsuya Nomura...

" - who plot to take over the 2009 Game Developers Conference
Game Developers Conference
The Game Developers Conference is the largest annual gathering of professional video game developers, focusing on learning, inspiration, and networking...

... However, people find it hard to take them seriously when their "secret lair" is a booth at the local Wendy's
Wendy's
Wendy's is an international fast food chain restaurant founded by Dave Thomas on November 15, 1969, in Columbus, Ohio, United States. The company decided to move its headquarters to Dublin, Ohio, on January 29, 2006. It has been owned by Triarc since 2008...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20090325

Performed by: Cyborg Pirate (Unknown), Diver (Unknown), Ninja (Unknown), Zombie (Unknown), "Cloud Strife" (Unknown)

"D" Characters

"Dante": see Dante's Hairclub for Demonslayers

Dante's
Dante (Devil May Cry)
is the primary fictional protagonist of the Devil May Cry video game series published by Capcom. The character and Devil May Cry are one of Capcom's flagship game franchises, which has sold over nine million copies worldwide as of 2008 and currently spans four video games...

Hairclub for Demonslayers: A parody of the old Cy Sperling informercials, featuring hairstyles that would fit right into the Devil May Cry
Devil May Cry (series)
Devil May Cry is a series of five action hack and slash video games set in the modern day. The series was developed by Capcom and created by Hideki Kamiya. Originally intended to be a sequel in Capcom's Resident Evil series, Devil May Cry was such a radical departure from the series' style that it...

universe.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080205

Performed by: "Dante" (Unknown), Joshua Sark, Sr. (Unknown), Kwame Brown (Jonathan Solin), "Tim" the Thai massage therapist (Unknown)

Darth Fanboy: An evil Star Wars
Star Wars
Star Wars is an American epic space opera film series created by George Lucas. The first film in the series was originally released on May 25, 1977, under the title Star Wars, by 20th Century Fox, and became a worldwide pop culture phenomenon, followed by two sequels, released at three-year...

fan who tried to kill Adam after he gave a 2 out of 5 score to Star Wars Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast
Star Wars Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast
Star Wars Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast, often abbreviated JK2 or JO, is a first- and third-person action game developed by Raven Software and published by LucasArts and Activision. The PC version was released in March and the Mac OS X, Xbox and Nintendo GameCube versions were released in November...

; only the swift hand of Jedi Morgan Windu (Morgan claiming to be the widow of Mace Windu
Mace Windu
Mace Windu is a fictional character in the Star Wars universe, most famously portrayed by actor Samuel L. Jackson in the prequel films. However, Windu has also been voiced by other actors in assorted video game and animated projects....

, who won her late husband's signature purple lightsaber
Lightsaber
A lightsaber is a fictional weapon in the Star Wars universe, a "laser sword." It consists of a polished metal hilt which projects a blade of light about 1.33 metres long. The lightsaber is the signature weapon of the Jedi order and their Sith counterparts, both of whom can use them for close...

during their divorce hearing) saved him from imminent destruction. The character later appeared at a Star Wars convention, where Lando Sessler - Adam in a fashionable Lando Calrissian
Lando Calrissian
Lando Calrissian is a fictional character in the Star Wars universe. He is portrayed by Billy Dee Williams in Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back and Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi...

cosplay
Cosplay
, short for "costume play", is a type of performance art in which participants don costumes and accessories to represent a specific character or idea. Characters are often drawn from popular fiction in Japan, but recent trends have included American cartoons and science fiction...

outfit - was again spared death; only this time, Morgan needed the help of Ratty Puppet to finish off the evil fanboy.

First Appearance: Episode No. 173

Performed by: Darth Fanboy (Jason Cheung), Morgan Windu (Morgan Webb), Lando Sessler (Adam Sessler)

"Darth Vader": see Emperor

"Walter Day": see Kong-Net

Private Dick-Fart: see Private Ball-Bag

The Disembodied Voice: The unseen X-Play announcer, who would pipe in at the beginning of each show (and once the show returned from commercial breaks) with totally nonsensical introductions for Adam and Morgan (such as Now with 30 percent less coolness, it's Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb! and Four out of five doctors recommend Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb!). At one point, fans of the show could write their own "Disembodied Voice Intros" and submit them via a special thread on the official X-Play message boards, with a chance to have them read on the air. The character was popular enough to have his own IMDB entry, but was eventually replaced during the G4-TechTV merger by the announcer for Attack of the Show!
Attack of the Show!
Attack of the Show! is an American live television program shown weeknights on G4, G4 Canada and Fuel TV in Australia. The program is hosted by Kevin Pereira and Candace Bailey...

; his final broadcast took place on March 8, 2005 (NOTE: Once the original Disembodied Voice was replaced, the role of the announcer for comedic purposes was progressively scaled back on the show, to the point where the co-hosts would no longer respond to his intros or even react to them; in fact, starting with the February 17th, 2009 episode, the Disembodied Voice has apparently been discontinued altogether, as both Adam and Morgan have now taken over all announcing duties during commercial breaks and the closing of each episode).

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Original (voice of Jason Frankovitz), Disembodied Voice #2 (voice of Brendan Hermes)

Diver: see Cyborg Pirate

"Donkey Kong": see Kong-Net

Doug: see "Mercer, Alex"

"Dramatic Readings of Instruction Manuals" host: see Gramps

Drill Girl: A young lady wearing a schoolgirl
School uniform
A school uniform is an outfit—a set of standardized clothes—worn primarily for an educational institution. They are common in primary and secondary schools in various countries . When used, they form the basis of a school's dress code.Traditionally school uniforms have been largely subdued and...

outfit, who has a deep enjoyment and fixation for drill
Drill
A drill or drill motor is a tool fitted with a cutting tool attachment or driving tool attachment, usually a drill bit or driver bit, used for drilling holes in various materials or fastening various materials together with the use of fasteners. The attachment is gripped by a chuck at one end of...

ing things.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6022

Performed by: X-Play intern Megan

Drunk Link: X-Play's parody of the hero of the Legend of Zelda series, portrayed as an alcoholic stalker (he must drown his sorrows in liquor because "that dumb bitch Zelda
Princess Zelda
is the name of a fictional character in The Legend of Zelda series of video games. The name has applied to every female member of Hyrule's royal family, which includes several distinct characters in Hyrule legend. Though she is the eponymous character, the player controls the main protagonist, Link...

can't stay outta trouble" http://www.g4tv.com/pile_landing.aspx?video_key=14864).

First Appearance: Episode No. 5010

Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

The Drunk Writer: The girlfriend to Drunk Link (aka "I Need Drink" Girl), who is always seen with a cigarette dangling from her lip, a bottle of Southern Comfort
Southern Comfort
Southern Comfort is an American liqueur made from neutral spirits with fruit, spice and whiskey flavourings. The brand was originally created by bartender Martin Wilkes Heron in New Orleans in 1874, and is now owned by the Brown-Forman Corporation...

(labelled "Rot Gut") clutched in her hand, and an olive drab colored t-shirt with the words "I Need Drink" ironed onto it.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5010

Performed by: former X-Play head writer Blair Butler

Blair Butler

Blair Butler is an American stand-up comic, and a television host, known for her work on the "Fresh Ink" segment on the G4 program, Attack of the Show!.-Career:...

Drunken Link: see Morgan-San and Adam-San

Dwayne: see Spectre Mifflin staff

"E" Characters

E! True Hollywood Story
E! True Hollywood Story
E! True Hollywood Story is an American documentary series on E! that deals with famous Hollywood celebrities, movies, TV shows and well-known public figures...

Re-enactment Team: In a sendup of the documentary/news cable TV series, the X-Play offices are depicted as a den of sin and iniquity; one alleged incident in particular is presented in the form of a re-enactment
Historical reenactment
Historical reenactment is an educational activity in which participants attempt torecreate some aspects of a historical event or period. This may be as narrow as a specific moment from a battle, such as the reenactment of Pickett's Charge at the Great Reunion of 1913, or as broad as an entire...

, with actors portraying the roles of co-hosts Adam Sessler, Morgan Webb, and Blair Herter. The three are shown killing an intern named Reggie Stevens while in a drunken haze, because they mistook him for a vampire
Vampire
Vampires are mythological or folkloric beings who subsist by feeding on the life essence of living creatures, regardless of whether they are undead or a living person...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20100915

Performed by: THS Adam (Jonathan Sessler), THS Morgan (Unknown), THS Blair (Unknown), Hells Angels

Hells Angels

The Hells Angels Motorcycle Club is a worldwide one-percenter motorcycle gang and organized crime syndicate whose members typically ride Harley-Davidson motorcycles. In the United States and Canada, the Hells Angels are incorporated as the Hells Angels Motorcycle Corporation. Their primary motto...

Member #1 (Jonathan Solin), Hells Angels Member #2 (Unknown), Reggie Stevens (Unknown)

"Amelia Earhart": see "Fear and Loathing" Adam and Morgan

Ed the Department Head: A failed sitcom by the X-Play writers, following the wacky exploits of a zombie
Zombie
Zombie is a term used to denote an animated corpse brought back to life by mystical means such as witchcraft. The term is often figuratively applied to describe a hypnotized person bereft of consciousness and self-awareness, yet ambulant and able to respond to surrounding stimuli...

who carries his head around in his hands and tries to consume the flesh of his co-workers.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6093

Performed by: Ed's head (Mike Benson), Ed's body (Unknown), Goldman (Robert Manuel)

Eddie the Bob Kane Phenomenon: A rival to Roger the Stan Lee Experience, Eddie is the "9th best thing" to having the real Bob Kane
Bob Kane
Bob Kane was an American comic book artist and writer, credited as the creator of the DC Comics superhero Batman...

.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Jonathan Solin

80s Adam and Morgan: It's Adam and Morgan as they could have been if X-Play were broadcast during the 1980s
1980s
File:1980s decade montage.png|thumb|400px|From left, clockwise: The first Space Shuttle, Columbia, lifted off in 1981; American President Ronald Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev eased tensions between the two superpowers, leading to the end of the Cold War; The Fall of the Berlin Wall in...

(complete with ripped jeans and leg warmer
Leg warmer
Leg warmers are coverings for the lower legs, similar to socks but thicker and generally footless. They were originally used as dancewear by ballet and other classic dancers in order to keep the leg muscles warm and to prevent cramping or other muscle injuries....

s).

First Appearance: Episode No. 110

Performed by: Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb

Embarrass-Man: see Cat-Morgan and Embarrass-Man

The Emperor: A parody of Emperor Palpatine
Palpatine
Palpatine is a fictional character and the main antagonist of the Star Wars saga, portrayed by Ian McDiarmid in the feature films.Palpatine first appeared as the unnamed Emperor of the Galactic Empire in the 1980 film Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back...

from the Star Wars
Star Wars
Star Wars is an American epic space opera film series created by George Lucas. The first film in the series was originally released on May 25, 1977, under the title Star Wars, by 20th Century Fox, and became a worldwide pop culture phenomenon, followed by two sequels, released at three-year...

films. He first appeared in a skit which asked the question, "What if the Emperor needed to find a new line of work?" (due to his villainous personality, the Emperor fails miserably at several temp jobs
Temporary work
Temporary work or temporary employment refers to a situation where the employee is expected to leave the employer within a certain period of time. Temporary employees are sometimes called "contractual", "seasonal", "interim", "casual staff", "freelance", or "part-time"; or the word may be shortened...

, everything from dog sitter
Pet sitting
A pet sitter is a contracted service provider who takes care of a pet or other animal at its own home.-Professional industry:The professional pet-sitting industry is growing rapidly because many pet owners feel that there are advantages to using pet sitters, rather than traditional pet care options...

to air traffic controller
Air traffic controller
Air traffic controllers are the people who expedite and maintain a safe and orderly flow of air traffic in the global air traffic control system. The position of the air traffic controller is one that requires highly specialized skills...

). Later, during their special episode on The Force Unleashed
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed is a multimedia project developed by LucasArts along with Dark Horse Comics, Lego, Hasbro, and Del Rey Books...

, X-Play created their own version of the TV show Cheaters
Cheaters
Cheaters is a weekly syndicated hidden camera reality television series that documents people who are suspected of committing adultery, or cheating, on their partners. Investigations are headed by the "Cheaters Detective Agency". The show is hosted by Joey Greco, the show airs on Saturday nights...

(dubbed Cheatin' Unleashed and hosted by Joey Greedo) in which the Emperor took exception to the relationship between "Darth Vader
Darth Vader
Darth Vader is a central character in the Star Wars saga, appearing as one of the main antagonists in the original trilogy and as the main protagonist in the prequel trilogy....

" and his new apprentice "Starkiller".

First Appearance: Episode No. 6038

Performed by: Emperor (Paul Bonanno), Unnamed TempCorp employee (Unknown), Joey Greedo (Unknown), "Darth Vader" (Unknown), "Starkiller" (Ross Beeley)

Eric the Shirtless Intern: see Interns

Evil Paul: A mysterious man dressed in black, with a glass eye and a penchant for torturing his victims. In their review of Rockstar's Tabble Tennis, it was revealed that Evil Paul is also the host of the Extreme Pong tournament (during the review, Evil Paul declares that his name is None of your business; some fans took this to mean that that phrase was actually his proper name).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6019

Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno

Evil Santa: The dark doppelgänger
Doppelgänger
In fiction and folklore, a doppelgänger is a paranormal double of a living person, typically representing evil or misfortune...

of beloved children's icon Saint Nicholaus
Santa Claus
Santa Claus is a folklore figure in various cultures who distributes gifts to children, normally on Christmas Eve. Each name is a variation of Saint Nicholas, but refers to Santa Claus...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20090309

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Jonathan Solin

Johnny Extreme: see Xtreme, Johnny

Extreme Kevin: This character (whose costume consists of a red gi, thick glasses, buck teeth, and a fake muscled chest) was originally portrayed as the official Japanese translator for Shad Grimgravy, but he has also served as a spokesman for a line of Burnout Dominator brand merchandise.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6100

Performed by: X-Play production assistant Eric Acasio

"F" Characters

Fanboys: While not really characters on the show per se, the rabid and angry fan populations of various genres have taken on a life of their own during the show's run ... Everyone from Dragon Ball Z to InuYasha
InuYasha
, also known as , is a Japanese manga series written and illustrated by Rumiko Takahashi. It premiered in Weekly Shōnen Sunday on November 13, 1996 and concluded on June 18, 2008...

, Fullmetal Alchemist
Fullmetal Alchemist
, is a Japanese manga series written and illustrated by Hiromu Arakawa. The world of Fullmetal Alchemist is styled after the European Industrial Revolution...

to Gundam
Gundam
The is a metaseries of anime created by Sunrise studios that features giant robots called "Mobile Suits" ; usually the protagonist's MS will carry the name Gundam....

, and all points in between (really, it seems to be mostly fans of anime-based games) have let the hosts know via viewer mail that they are NOT happy when the show supposedly "bashes" their preferred brand of entertainment. Adam and Morgan have gone to great lengths to further antagonize these fanboys, even holding an E-Mail from Angry Full Metal Alchemist Fans reading during one memorable episode.

First Appearance: Pretty much from the beginning

Performed by: The viewing audience

Harold Fargis: see Valkyries

Fat Bald Gay Guy: see Big Bald Guy

Fat Yuna: see Man-Yuna

"Fear and Loathing" Adam and Morgan: Parodies of the Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo characters from the Hunter S. Thompson
Hunter S. Thompson
Hunter Stockton Thompson was an American journalist and author who wrote The Rum Diary , Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail '72 .He is credited as the creator of Gonzo journalism, a style of reporting where reporters involve themselves in the action to...

story Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas, Adam and Morgan venture out to the New Mexico
New Mexico
New Mexico is a state located in the southwest and western regions of the United States. New Mexico is also usually considered one of the Mountain States. With a population density of 16 per square mile, New Mexico is the sixth-most sparsely inhabited U.S...

desert in search of the infamous missing E.T.
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (Atari 2600)
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial is a 1982 adventure video game developed and published by Atari, Inc. for the Atari 2600 video game console. It is based on the film of the same name, and was designed by Howard Scott Warshaw...

cartridges, where they encounter an evil nexus created by the renowned mystic Aleister Crowley
Aleister Crowley
Aleister Crowley , born Edward Alexander Crowley, and also known as both Frater Perdurabo and The Great Beast, was an influential English occultist, astrologer, mystic and ceremonial magician, responsible for founding the religious philosophy of Thelema. He was also successful in various other...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5074

Performed by: Raoul (Adam Sessler), "Amelia Earhart" (Morgan Webb), "Aleister Crowley" (Paul Bonanno)

Female Intern: see Interns

Ferdinand: see Moe and Ferdinand

The Flappy Jaws: A staple of many older X-Play reviews, the "Flappy Jaws" were stationary images of notable people, with a "moving" jaw section that gave the illusion of speech. Big-name stars who have been given the "Flappy Jaw" treatment have included Sean Connery
Sean Connery
Sir Thomas Sean Connery , better known as Sean Connery, is a Scottish actor and producer who has won an Academy Award, two BAFTA Awards and three Golden Globes Sir Thomas Sean Connery (born 25 August 1930), better known as Sean Connery, is a Scottish actor and producer who has won an Academy...

, Steven Seagal
Steven Seagal
Steven Frederic Seagal is an American action film star, producer, writer, martial artist, guitarist and reserve deputy sheriff. A 7th-dan black belt in Aikido, Seagal began his adult life as an Aikido instructor in Japan...

, Bigfoot
Bigfoot
Bigfoot, also known as sasquatch, is an ape-like cryptid that purportedly inhabits forests, mainly in the Pacific Northwest region of North America. Bigfoot is usually described as a large, hairy, bipedal humanoid...

, Matt LeBlanc
Matt LeBlanc
Matthew Steven "Matt" LeBlanc is an American actor, best known for his role as Joey Tribbiani on the NBC sitcoms Friends and its spin-off Joey....

, Pamela Anderson
Pamela Anderson
Pamela Denise Anderson is a Canadian-American actress, model, producer, author, activist, and former showgirl, known for her roles on the television series Home Improvement, Baywatch, and V.I.P. She was chosen as a Playmate of the Month for Playboy magazine in February 1990...

, Jason Giambi
Jason Giambi
Jason Gilbert Giambi is an American professional baseball first baseman with the Colorado Rockies of Major League Baseball.He was the American League MVP in 2000 while with the Oakland Athletics, and is a five-time All-Star who has led the American League in walks four times, in on base percentage...

and Sammy Sosa
Sammy Sosa
Samuel Peralta "Sammy" Sosa is a Dominican former professional baseball right fielder. Sosa played with four Major League Baseball teams over his career which spanned from 1989-2007....

(aka The Barbarians), Dick Cheney
Dick Cheney
Richard Bruce "Dick" Cheney served as the 46th Vice President of the United States , under George W. Bush....

, Ronald Reagan
Ronald Reagan
Ronald Wilson Reagan was the 40th President of the United States , the 33rd Governor of California and, prior to that, a radio, film and television actor....

, all members of the Beatles
The Beatles
The Beatles were an English rock band, active throughout the 1960s and one of the most commercially successful and critically acclaimed acts in the history of popular music. Formed in Liverpool, by 1962 the group consisted of John Lennon , Paul McCartney , George Harrison and Ringo Starr...

, The Rock, John Madden, O. J. Simpson
O. J. Simpson
Orenthal James "O. J." Simpson , nicknamed "The Juice", is a retired American collegiate and professional football player, football broadcaster, and actor...

, Andrew Dice Clay
Andrew Dice Clay
Andrew Dice Clay is an American comedian and actor who played the lead role in the film The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.Clay has been in several movies and has released a number of stand-up albums...

, George Lucas
George Lucas
George Walton Lucas, Jr. is an American film producer, screenwriter, and director, and entrepreneur. He is the founder, chairman and chief executive of Lucasfilm. He is best known as the creator of the space opera franchise Star Wars and the archaeologist-adventurer character Indiana Jones...

, and Milli Vanilli
Milli Vanilli
Milli Vanilli was a pop/dance music project formed by Frank Farian in Germany in 1988, visually fronted by Fab Morvan and Rob Pilatus. The group's debut album achieved international success and earned them a Grammy Award for Best New Artist on Feb. 21, 1990. Milli Vanilli became one of the most...

. Inanimate objects are also used, such as the moon
Moon
The Moon is Earth's only known natural satellite,There are a number of near-Earth asteroids including 3753 Cruithne that are co-orbital with Earth: their orbits bring them close to Earth for periods of time but then alter in the long term . These are quasi-satellites and not true moons. For more...

, a car ("Car Power!"), a condom
Condom
A condom is a barrier device most commonly used during sexual intercourse to reduce the probability of pregnancy and spreading sexually transmitted diseases . It is put on a man's erect penis and physically blocks ejaculated semen from entering the body of a sexual partner...

and a piece of asphalt
Asphalt concrete
Asphalt concrete is a composite material commonly used in construction projects such as road surfaces, airports and parking lots. It consists of asphalt and mineral aggregate mixed together, then laid down in layers and compacted...

("The Rubber Meets the Road"), a GameCube controller, the state of New Jersey
New Jersey
New Jersey is a state in the Northeastern and Middle Atlantic regions of the United States. , its population was 8,791,894. It is bordered on the north and east by the state of New York, on the southeast and south by the Atlantic Ocean, on the west by Pennsylvania and on the southwest by Delaware...

, and a sentient version of the Wikipedia
Wikipedia
Wikipedia is a free, web-based, collaborative, multilingual encyclopedia project supported by the non-profit Wikimedia Foundation. Its 20 million articles have been written collaboratively by volunteers around the world. Almost all of its articles can be edited by anyone with access to the site,...

logo. There has even been a totally original "Flappy Jaw" character named Rick (first introduced during the Shrine Circus Tycoon review), who is a white-trash carny
Carny
Carny or carnie is a slang term used in North America and, along with showie, in Australia for a carnival employee, as well as the language they employ...

that - apparently - knew Adam Sessler (or as he calls him, "Adam Sezzler") in high school.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Various

Nebil Flavian: see Myth Crackers!

Flexy the Sexy Clown: A clown (with white facepaint, red nose, pink hair, no shirt, and polka-dotted boxer shorts) hired by Adam to help celebrate the 20th anniversary of Blizzard Entertainment
Blizzard Entertainment
Blizzard Entertainment, Inc. is an American video game developer and publisher founded on February 8, 1991 under the name Silicon & Synapse by three graduates of UCLA, Michael Morhaime, Allen Adham and Frank Pearce and currently owned by French company Activision Blizzard...

... much to Mister Sessler's chagrin (he was expecting a sexy lady clown).

First Appearance: Episode No. 20110209

Performed by: Unknown

"Jonathan Frakes
Jonathan Frakes
Jonathan Scott Frakes is an American actor, author and director best known for his role as Commander William T. Riker in the Star Trek franchise, as well as for his tenure as host of Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction ....

": A parody of the actor who played Commander William T. Riker
William Riker
William Thomas Riker, played by Jonathan Frakes, is a fictional character in the Star Trek universe primarily appearing as a main character in Star Trek: The Next Generation...

in Star Trek: The Next Generation
Star Trek: The Next Generation
Star Trek: The Next Generation is an American science fiction television series created by Gene Roddenberry as part of the Star Trek franchise. Roddenberry, Rick Berman, and Michael Piller served as executive producers at different times throughout the production...

, who is portrayed as Patrick Stewart's personal lapdog, forced to do demeaning tasks such as feed him grapes and shave his legs. Morgan also rated Frakes' facial hair
Beard
A beard is the collection of hair that grows on the chin, cheeks and neck of human beings. Usually, only pubescent or adult males are able to grow beards. However, women with hirsutism may develop a beard...

a one out of five ("it smells like cabbage soup and herring").

First Appearance: Episode No. 7014

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Mike Benson

"Frankenstein
Frankenstein's monster
Frankenstein's monster is a fictional character that first appeared in Mary Shelley's novel, Frankenstein, or The Modern Prometheus. The creature is often erroneously referred to as "Frankenstein", but in the novel the creature has no name...

": During X-Play's review of the latest Yu-Gi-Oh! game, they decided to recreate the famous "flower petal" scene from the 1931 classic film
Frankenstein (1931 film)
Frankenstein is a 1931 Pre-Code Horror Monster film from Universal Pictures directed by James Whale and adapted from the play by Peggy Webling which in turn is based on the novel of the same name by Mary Shelley. The film stars Colin Clive, Mae Clarke, John Boles and Boris Karloff, and features...

... However, instead of capturing the memorable qualities of this powerful scene, they just had some guy in a cheap Frankenstein mask dance with one of the interns while trading Yu-Gi-Oh!
Yu-Gi-Oh!
is a Japanese manga created by Kazuki Takahashi. It has produced a franchise that includes multiple anime shows, a trading card game and numerous video games...

cards.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5107

Performed by: Unknown

"G" Characters

Game Dreamer: see Littleton, Marvin

GamerTag: A fictitious video-game reviewer who (supposedly) posts his ill-conceived opinions on YouTube
YouTube
YouTube is a video-sharing website, created by three former PayPal employees in February 2005, on which users can upload, view and share videos....

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080328

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Tim Jennings

"Gandalf
Gandalf
Gandalf is a character in J. R. R. Tolkien's novels The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. In these stories, Gandalf appears as a wizard, member and later the head of the order known as the Istari, as well as leader of the Fellowship of the Ring and the army of the West...

": An 8-bit
History of video game consoles (third generation)
In the history of computer and video games, the third generation began on July 15, 1983, with the Japanese release of both the Nintendo Family Computer and Sega SG-1000...

version of the famous wizard, who appears in the Fantasy
Role-playing video game
Role-playing video games are a video game genre with origins in pen-and-paper role-playing games such as Dungeons & Dragons, using much of the same terminology, settings and game mechanics. The player in RPGs controls one character, or several adventuring party members, fulfilling one or many quests...

Football
Fantasy football (American)
Fantasy football is an interactive, virtual competition in which people manage professional football players versus one another and that allows people to act as general managers of a pseudo-football team. The players that an individual is able to manage are professional American Football players...

2010 comedy video as the opposition for the Tecmo Bowl
Tecmo Bowl
is an arcade game developed and released in 1987 by Tecmo. While moderately successful in the arcades, the game became and remained widely popular and remembered when it was ported to the Nintendo Entertainment System in 1989. The NES version was considered by many to be the first NES American...

-esque quarterback; "Gandalf" bellows You shall not pass!, right before killing him with a bolt of lightning.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20101224

Performed by: Unknown

Gary [I]: see Mr. Altair

Gary [II]: The main character of the skit Fable 2 Confession, who did not realize that performing "deviant acts" within the fictional world of Albion (such as kicking chickens and solicitation of prostitutes) would get him into trouble in the real world.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20081201

Performed by: X-Play script consultant Ross Beeley

Gary [III]: see "Mercer, Alex"

George [I]: see Monkey People

George [II]: see Wallace, Clifton

"George" and "Lennie": The two main characters in the Master Chief Theatre presentation of Of Mice and Men
Of Mice and Men
Of Mice and Men is a novella written by Nobel Prize-winning author John Steinbeck. Published in 1937, it tells the tragic story of George Milton and Lennie Small, two displaced migrant ranch workers during the Great Depression in California, USA....

. Using Halo 3
Halo 3
Halo 3 is a first-person shooter video game developed by Bungie for the Xbox 360 console. The third installment in the Halo franchise, the game concludes the story arc begun in Halo: Combat Evolved and continued in Halo 2...

footage, the skit chronicles the story of "Lennie" (an Elite) as he destroys everything (including Curley's wife) in his search for rabbits, before finally being shot in the face by "George".

First Appearance: Episode No. 20100811

Performed by: "George" (voice of Tim Jennings), "Lennie" (voice of Michael Leffler), "Curley" (Unknown), "Curley's Wife" (Unknown)

"Gertrude": see "Hamlet"

"Astronaut John Glenn
John Glenn
John Herschel Glenn, Jr. is a former United States Marine Corps pilot, astronaut, and United States senator who was the first American to orbit the Earth and the third American in space. Glenn was a Marine Corps fighter pilot before joining NASA's Mercury program as a member of NASA's original...

": Supposedly, the former astronaut and US Senator
United States Senate
The United States Senate is the upper house of the bicameral legislature of the United States, and together with the United States House of Representatives comprises the United States Congress. The composition and powers of the Senate are established in Article One of the U.S. Constitution. Each...

will contact X-Play via telephone during reviews of space-themed video games ... However, the conversations will stray from Glenn's experience in space exploration and devolve into his bizarre sexual fetishes
Fetishism
A fetish is an object believed to have supernatural powers, or in particular, a man-made object that has power over others...

. For example, during Blair Butler's review of Sword of the Stars
Sword of the Stars
Sword of the Stars is a space 4X game developed by Kerberos Productions. In the game the player chooses one of four unique races to form an interstellar empire and conquer the galaxy...

, the faux-Glenn claimed that he invented such sexual positions as the Reverse Apollo Landing and the Alabama Black Hole (NOTE: During X-Play's review of Star Fox Command
Star Fox Command
is the fifth game in Nintendo's Star Fox series which was published by Nintendo for the Nintendo DS in 2006 and 2007. Released in Japan on August 3, 2006 and in North America on August 28, 2006, it was first announced at the E3 2005 conference, under the name Star Fox DS...

, Glenn revealed that his furry
Furry fandom
Furry fandom is a fandom for fictional anthropomorphic animal characters with human personalities and characteristics. Examples of anthropomorphic attributes include exhibiting human intelligence and facial expressions, the ability to speak, walk on two legs, and wear clothes...

nickname is Mousey McCheesepaws).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6093

Performed by: voice of X-Play segment producer Tim Jennings

God of Canada: see "Kratos"

God of Chaos: see "Kratos"

God of Snore: see "Kratos"

God of Sock Puppets: see "Kratos"

God of Stagnant Pools: see "Kratos"

Goddess of Warm Beers: see "Kratos"

Gogo: see "Kill Bill" Morgan

Goldman: see Ed the Department Head

Goose: A World War II
World War II
World War II, or the Second World War , was a global conflict lasting from 1939 to 1945, involving most of the world's nations—including all of the great powers—eventually forming two opposing military alliances: the Allies and the Axis...

-era pilot, who considers Adam to be his rival (Adam responds by claiming that he has been sleeping with Goose's girl).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6061

Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno

"Al Gore
Al Gore
Albert Arnold "Al" Gore, Jr. served as the 45th Vice President of the United States , under President Bill Clinton. He was the Democratic Party's nominee for President in the 2000 U.S. presidential election....

": In a parody of the documentary An Inconvenient Truth
An Inconvenient Truth
An Inconvenient Truth is a 2006 documentary film directed by Davis Guggenheim about former United States Vice President Al Gore's campaign to educate citizens about global warming via a comprehensive slide show that, by his own estimate, he has given more than a thousand times.Premiering at the...

, the former Vice President
Vice president
A vice president is an officer in government or business who is below a president in rank. The name comes from the Latin vice meaning 'in place of'. In some countries, the vice president is called the deputy president...

tries to drum up support for his initiatives on global warming
Global warming
Global warming refers to the rising average temperature of Earth's atmosphere and oceans and its projected continuation. In the last 100 years, Earth's average surface temperature increased by about with about two thirds of the increase occurring over just the last three decades...

and the environment in such fictional locations as Middle-earth
Middle-earth
Middle-earth is the fictional setting of the majority of author J. R. R. Tolkien's fantasy writings. The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings take place entirely in Middle-earth, as does much of The Silmarillion and Unfinished Tales....

and Tamriel. These faux-campaign advertisements were actually meant to urge fans to vote for their favorite RPG of the year (The Lord of the Rings: The Battle for Middle-earth II
The Lord of the Rings: The Battle for Middle-earth II
The Lord of the Rings: The Battle for Middle-earth II, abbreviated BFMEII, is a real-time strategy video game developed and published by Electronic Arts. It is based on the fantasy novels The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien and its live-action film trilogy adaptation...

and The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion is a single-player action role-playing video game developed by Bethesda Game Studios and published by Bethesda Softworks and the Take-Two Interactive subsidiary 2K Games...

, respectively) in G-Phoria '06.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

Govahnator: see Governatuh

The Governatuh: A gap-toothed, musclebound, sunburned parody of the governor of California
California
California is a state located on the West Coast of the United States. It is by far the most populous U.S. state, and the third-largest by land area...

, Arnold Schwarzenegger
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger is an Austrian-American former professional bodybuilder, actor, businessman, investor, and politician. Schwarzenegger served as the 38th Governor of California from 2003 until 2011....

. When the real Arnold proposed to enact legislation that would curb the availability of violent video games in the state of California, the writers of X-Play used the opportunity to create the fictitious Ahrnold Says Yes to No Violence campaign, where the Governatuh abhors violence in video games while conveniently ignoring all the killing in his many action movies. When Adam shows up and tries to point out this hypocrisy, Ahrnold simply laughs it off, while the camera pans down to reveal that he is not wearing any pants (NOTE: X-Play has not been consistent with the spelling of this character's name, alternating between Governatuh and Govahnator, or Ahrnold and Ahnuld).

First Appearance: Episode No. 5122

Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

Grabnar the Wanderer: Grabnar is a deranged Dungeons & Dragons
Dungeons & Dragons
Dungeons & Dragons is a fantasy role-playing game originally designed by Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson, and first published in 1974 by Tactical Studies Rules, Inc. . The game has been published by Wizards of the Coast since 1997...

table-top player named Joey Wottanewski, who believes himself to be an ancient barbarian hero whenever he consumes large quantities of Mountain Dew
Mountain Dew
Mountain Dew is a citrus-flavored carbonated soft drink brand produced and owned by PepsiCo. The original formula was invented in the 1940s by Tennessee beverage bottlers Barney and Ally Hartman and was first marketed in Marion, VA, Knoxville and Johnson City, Tennessee. A revised formula was...

. Alongside his trusty companion Grippy (real name Kevin), Grabnar thrusts himself into battle with his signature war cry - a deranged, high pitched yell - to save his "pretend girlfriend" Jennie (a "Level 2 Necromancer" whom he believes to be named Princess Katpower) from the clutches of the evil Phil, who blames Grabnar for the loss of his left eye (NOTE: In official X-Play canon
Canon (fiction)
In the context of a work of fiction, the term canon denotes the material accepted as "official" in a fictional universe's fan base. It is often contrasted with, or used as the basis for, works of fan fiction, which are not considered canonical...

, Grabnar the Wanderer is actually Special Agent Bob and Secret Agent Steve's favorite television show).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6007

Performed by: Grabnar/Joey (Michael Leffler), Princess Katpower/Jennie (Emily Mollenkopf), Grippy/Kevin (Paul Bonanno), Phil (Matt Keil)

Gramps: An elderly British gentleman (possibly modeled after Masterpiece Theatre
Masterpiece Theatre
Masterpiece is a drama anthology television series produced by WGBH Boston. It premiered on Public Broadcasting Service on January 10, 1971, making it America's longest-running weekly prime time drama series. The series has presented numerous acclaimed British productions...

host Alistair Cooke
Alistair Cooke
Alfred Alistair Cooke KBE was a British/American journalist, television personality and broadcaster. Outside his journalistic output, which included Letter from America and Alistair Cooke's America, he was well known in the United States as the host of PBS Masterpiece Theater from 1971 to 1992...

) who appears in the Dramatic Readings of Instruction Manuals skits, where he reads from old video game manuals as if they were great works of historic literature. But despite his classy exterior, he will end each reading with a remarkably crass or obscene observation (past examples have included jokes about Magic Johnson's health and keeping a Vietnamese boy locked in his basement). The character is never named on the show, but a description on one of the videos on G4TV's website calls him Gramps.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Unknown

Joey Greedo: see Emperor

"Doreen Green": see "Squirrel Girl"

Griefer: An unidentified online gamer whose self-proclaimed sole purpose is to "make life hell for anyone unlucky enough to be playing with him [by] frustrating others during a multiplayer game" http://www.g4tv.com/xplay/features/42527/Confessions_of_a_Griefer.html. Adam and Morgan interviewed the Griefer on several occasions to learn his secret methods of disrupting online play and stymying other gamers.

First Appearance: Episode No. 106

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Matt Keil

Shad Grimgravy: A very special "news correspondent" (actually Adam in a skin-tight black leotard with wig and fake moustache), who uses a high-pitched voice ("SHOCKING! MOTHER!") and trumped-up vocabulary ("fortuneless flunkies of frugality") to tackle various issues in the gaming world. Past examples of his exposes have included violence in video games, Japanese-to-English language translations in games
Engrish
refers to unusual forms of English language usage by native speakers of some East Asian languages. The term itself relates to Japanese speakers' tendency to inadvertently substitute the English phonemes "R" and "L" for one another, because the Japanese language has one alveolar consonant in place...

, "edutainment
Edutainment
Edutainment is a form of entertainment designed to educate as well as to amuse.-Overview:...

" games, the wonders of Tokyo
Tokyo
, ; officially , is one of the 47 prefectures of Japan. Tokyo is the capital of Japan, the center of the Greater Tokyo Area, and the largest metropolitan area of Japan. It is the seat of the Japanese government and the Imperial Palace, and the home of the Japanese Imperial Family...

, the Dance Dance Revolution
Dance Dance Revolution
Dance Dance Revolution, abbreviated DDR, and previously known as Dancing Stage in Europe and Australasia, is a music video game series produced by Konami. Introduced in Japan in 1998 as part of the Bemani series, and released in North America and Europe in 1999, Dance Dance Revolution is the...

phenomenon, and Flash
Adobe Flash
Adobe Flash is a multimedia platform used to add animation, video, and interactivity to web pages. Flash is frequently used for advertisements, games and flash animations for broadcast...

games created by companies (such as Hershey's
The Hershey Company
The Hershey Company, known until April 2005 as the Hershey Foods Corporation and commonly called Hershey's, is the largest chocolate manufacturer in North America. Its headquarters are in Hershey, Pennsylvania, which is also home to Hershey's Chocolate World. It was founded by Milton S...

and Frito-Lay
Frito-Lay
Frito-Lay North America is the division of PepsiCo that manufactures, markets and sells corn chips, potato chips and other snack foods. The primary snack food brands produced under the Frito-Lay name include Fritos corn chips, Cheetos cheese-flavored snacks, Doritos and Tostitos tortilla chips,...

) to tempt potential customers to visit their websites.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Adam Sessler

Grippy: see Grabnar the Wanderer

Grovler the Crack Squirrel: A drug-addicted squirrel
Squirrel
Squirrels belong to a large family of small or medium-sized rodents called the Sciuridae. The family includes tree squirrels, ground squirrels, chipmunks, marmots , flying squirrels, and prairie dogs. Squirrels are indigenous to the Americas, Eurasia, and Africa and have been introduced to Australia...

sock puppet
Sock puppet
A sock puppet is a puppet made from a sock or similar garment. When the manipulator fits a hand into the closed end of the sock, the puppet can be seemingly made to "talk". The puppet's mouth is formed by the region between the sock's heel and toe, with the puppeteer's thumb forming a jaw...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5040

Performed by: Unknown

Gudrun: see Valkyries

"Guildenstern": see "Hamlet"

"Guilty Pleasures" Adam: Decked out in a red smoking jacket
Smoking jacket
A smoking jacket is an overgarment designed to be worn while smoking tobacco, usually in the form of pipes and cigars, or for domestic leisure.-Design:The classic smoking jacket is a mid thigh-length jacket made from velvet or silk, or both...

, growing a blonde mustache, and speaking in a raspy voice reminiscent of Harvey Fierstein
Harvey Fierstein
Harvey Forbes Fierstein is a U.S. actor and playwright, noted for the early distinction of winning Tony Awards for both writing and originating the lead role in his long-running play Torch Song Trilogy, about a gay drag-performer and his quest for true love and family, as well as writing the...

, this "version" of Adam encourages the viewer to embrace those video games of "ill repute, ones you'd never display on your shelf or take home to momma."

First Appearance: Episode No. 7022

Performed by: Adam Sessler

The Guitar Heroes: Two of the most "influential" guitar players to ever sign with (the fictitious) X-Play Records, Fidel Shedfish and Bootay van Wah have compiled a list of hits that includes Mother, This Heroin Seems Broken; Would it Be Weird if I Kissed Your Dad!?; I Came for the Schnitzel and Left with the Gout; I'm Teaching My Mouse to Fly; San Quentin Love Song; and My Clown's On Fire.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6123 (Fidel Shedfish), Episode No. 7040 (Bootay van Wah)

Performed by: Fidel Shedfish (Mark Fahey), Bootay van Wah (Guy Branum)

Guy In A Trench Coat: A character from the game No One Lives Forever
No One Lives Forever
The Operative: No One Lives Forever is a first-person shooter video game with stealth gameplay elements, developed by Monolith Productions and published by Fox Interactive, released for Windows in 2000. The game was also ported later to the PlayStation 2 and Mac OS X...

, the guy in a trenchcoat (which the hosts frequently confuse with Dick Tracy
Dick Tracy
Dick Tracy is a comic strip featuring Dick Tracy, a hard-hitting, fast-shooting and intelligent police detective. Created by Chester Gould, the strip made its debut on October 4, 1931, in the Detroit Mirror. It was distributed by the Chicago Tribune New York News Syndicate...

and Inspector Gadget
Inspector Gadget
Inspector Gadget is an animated television series that revolves around the adventures of a clumsy, simple-witted cyborg detective named Inspector Gadget – a human being with various bionic gadgets built into his body. Gadget's arch-nemesis is Dr...

) appeared briefly in the original opening credits for X-Play. When the show moved to Los Angeles and everyone had to say goodbye to the old set, a large cardboard cutout of "Guy In A Trench Coat" was included in the list of things that Adam and Morgan bid farewell to. "Guy In A Trench Coat" became a symbolic figure for the spirit of change and growth that X-Play would have to undergo during the switch to G4TV programming (NOTE: Before G4TV had the new X-Play set ready, the show produced a "low-budget" version of the old intro, where Adam actually puts on a yellow raincoat and impersonates "Guy In A Trench Coat").

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Unknown

"H" Characters

HAL-2600: A parody of the fictional computer
HAL 9000
HAL 9000 is the antagonist in Arthur C. Clarke's science fiction Space Odyssey saga. HAL is an artificial intelligence that interacts with the astronaut crew of the Discovery One spacecraft, usually represented as a red television-camera eye found throughout the ship...

from the movie 2001
2001: A Space Odyssey (film)
2001: A Space Odyssey is a 1968 epic science fiction film produced and directed by Stanley Kubrick, and co-written by Kubrick and Arthur C. Clarke, partially inspired by Clarke's short story The Sentinel...

(only built from an old Intellivision
Intellivision
The Intellivision is a video game console released by Mattel in 1979. Development of the console began in 1978, less than a year after the introduction of its main competitor, the Atari 2600. The word intellivision is a portmanteau of "intelligent television"...

system), this robot
Robot
A robot is a mechanical or virtual intelligent agent that can perform tasks automatically or with guidance, typically by remote control. In practice a robot is usually an electro-mechanical machine that is guided by computer and electronic programming. Robots can be autonomous, semi-autonomous or...

tries to help Adam with his reviews of space-themed games, but invariably ends up "killing" him instead (including trying to suffocate
Asphyxia
Asphyxia or asphyxiation is a condition of severely deficient supply of oxygen to the body that arises from being unable to breathe normally. An example of asphyxia is choking. Asphyxia causes generalized hypoxia, which primarily affects the tissues and organs...

him and shooting him point-blank with a gun).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6095

Performed by: voice of X-Play segment producer Tim Jennings

"Hamlet
Prince Hamlet
Prince Hamlet is a fictional character, the protagonist in Shakespeare's tragedy Hamlet. He is the Prince of Denmark, nephew to the usurping Claudius and son of the previous King of Denmark, Old Hamlet. Throughout the play he struggles with whether, and how, to avenge the murder of his father, and...

": From a skit entitled Master Chief Theatre, the classic Shakespearean play
Hamlet
The Tragical History of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, or more simply Hamlet, is a tragedy by William Shakespeare, believed to have been written between 1599 and 1601...

is presented using Halo 3
Halo 3
Halo 3 is a first-person shooter video game developed by Bungie for the Xbox 360 console. The third installment in the Halo franchise, the game concludes the story arc begun in Halo: Combat Evolved and continued in Halo 2...

footage, with a silver-armored Spartan portraying the titular character's ghost dad
Ghost Dad
As part of the publicity for the movie, a Ghost Dad novelization written by Mel Cebulash was released the year of the film's debut.-Critical reaction:...

"King Hamlet
King Hamlet
The ghost of Hamlet's father is a character from William Shakespeare's play Hamlet, also known as The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. In the stage directions he is referred to as "Ghost."...

" and an Elite as the evil uncle "Claudius
King Claudius
King Claudius is a character and the antagonist from William Shakespeare's play Hamlet. He is the brother to King Hamlet, second husband to Gertrude and uncle to Hamlet. He obtained the throne of Denmark by murdering his own brother with poison and then marrying the late king's widow...

" who is "boinking [his] mother" "Gertrude
Gertrude (Hamlet)
In William Shakespeare's play Hamlet, Gertrude is Hamlet's mother and Queen of Denmark. Her relationship with Hamlet is somewhat turbulent, since he resents her for marrying her husband's brother Claudius after he murdered the King...

". In the recreation of the play, Hamlet eventually slays his mother and uncle with an energy sword, then (right after a celebratory tea-bagging delivered to Claudius) kills himself with a grenade.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20100429

Performed by: "Hamlet" (Unknown), "King Hamlet" (Unknown), "Claudius" (voice of Paul Bonanno), "Gertrude" (Unknown), "Ophelia

Ophelia

Ophelia is a fictional character in the play Hamlet by William Shakespeare. She is a young noblewoman of Denmark, the daughter of Polonius, sister of Laertes, and potential wife of Prince Hamlet.-Plot:...

" (Unknown), "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are characters in William Shakespeare's tragedy Hamlet. They are courtiers who are set by the king to spy on Hamlet, using their claimed friendship with him to gain his confidence. The characters were revived in W. S...

" (Unknown)

Ratty Handpuppet: see Puppet, Ratty

Hanzo and Musashi: A pair of ancient samurai
Samurai
is the term for the military nobility of pre-industrial Japan. According to translator William Scott Wilson: "In Chinese, the character 侍 was originally a verb meaning to wait upon or accompany a person in the upper ranks of society, and this is also true of the original term in Japanese, saburau...

who appear on the fictitious game show
Game show
A game show is a type of radio or television program in which members of the public, television personalities or celebrities, sometimes as part of a team, play a game which involves answering questions or solving puzzles usually for money and/or prizes...

Samurai Shodown, hosted by Brock Nathensen. Hanzo ends up defeating Musashi, and therefore, Musashi is forced to commit hara-kiri by disembowling himself while Hanzo beheads him. Hanzo appears in two more skits later in the episode. (NOTE: The names of these two characters are references to historical figures Hattori Hanzō
Hattori Hanzo
, also known as , was a famous samurai and ninja master of the Sengoku era, credited with saving the life of Tokugawa Ieyasu and then helping him to become the ruler of united Japan. Today, he is often a subject of modern popular culture.-Biography:...

and Miyamoto Musashi
Miyamoto Musashi
, also known as Shinmen Takezō, Miyamoto Bennosuke or, by his Buddhist name, Niten Dōraku, was a Japanese swordsman and rōnin. Musashi, as he was often simply known, became renowned through stories of his excellent swordsmanship in numerous duels, even from a very young age...

).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6028

Performed by: Hanzo (Rob LiCalsi), Musashi (Michael Leffler), Brock Nathanson (Adam Sessler), model (Morgan Webb)

"George Harrison": see "The Beatles"

Stumpy Hazleton: The senile, wheelchair-ridden X-Play video game historian
Historian
A historian is a person who studies and writes about the past and is regarded as an authority on it. Historians are concerned with the continuous, methodical narrative and research of past events as relating to the human race; as well as the study of all history in time. If the individual is...

. He's so old that he actually remembers ancient artifacts from the long-ago days of gaming, like the Sega Dreamcast.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5063

Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno

Hells Angels: see E! True Hollywood Story Re-enactment Team

Officer Hicks: see X-Play COPS

Hollywood Leffler: A stuck-up, self-involved member of the X-Play staff, who thinks that (just because he appears on a basic cable video-game review show) he's a big deal in the entertainment field.

First Appearance: Episode No. 7038

Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

Hot Stuff Intern: see Interns

The Human Target: A lame gamer who auditioned for the Global Gaming League in hopes of winning a little cash or the heart of a hot girl gamer ... While not accomplishing those goals, he did wind up being proud of how many people fragged
Frag (video gaming)
Frag is a computer and video game term originating from the word fragging, a term indicating to kill an unpopular superior officer with a fragmentation grenade. A frag is roughly equivalent to "kill", with the typical main difference that the player being "fragged" can instantly respawn in most...

him in all of the various games.

First Appearance: Episode No. 175

Performed by: X-Play intern Kevin Theobald

"I" Characters

"I Need Drink" Girl: see The Drunk Writer

N. Inja: see That Ninja

Insane Intern: see Interns

The Interns: Various "incarnations" of the interns have morphed into recurring characters themselves, including The Screaming Intern, Eric the Shirtless Intern, Albert the Happy Intern, Hot Stuff Intern, The Insane Intern, The Female Intern, etc. etc.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Various

"Iron Man
Iron Man
Iron Man is a fictional character, a superhero in the . The character was created by writer-editor Stan Lee, developed by scripter Larry Lieber, and designed by artists Don Heck and Jack Kirby, first appearing in Tales of Suspense #39 .A billionaire playboy, industrialist and ingenious engineer,...

": see "Black Widow"

"O-Ren Ishii": see "Kill Bill" Morgan

"J" Characters

James [I]: see Spectre Mifflin staff

"James" [II]: see "Ketchum, Ash"

Janice: see Carmine, Dietrich

Jarvis: The official X-Play butler
Butler
A butler is a domestic worker in a large household. In great houses, the household is sometimes divided into departments with the butler in charge of the dining room, wine cellar, and pantry. Some also have charge of the entire parlour floor, and housekeepers caring for the entire house and its...

, who caters to Morgan's gaming needs by providing her with titles like Ratchet and Clank
Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack in Time
Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack in Time is a platform game developed by Insomniac Games and published by Sony Computer Entertainment for the PlayStation 3 video game console...

served on a silver platter (literally).

First Appearance: Episode No. 20100928

Performed by: Unknown

Ryan Jeffries: see Carmine, Dietrich

"Jessie": see "Ketchum, Ash"

"Jesus
Jesus
Jesus of Nazareth , commonly referred to as Jesus Christ or simply as Jesus or Christ, is the central figure of Christianity...

": Arguably the most controversial skit in X-Play history, the character of "Jesus" was portrayed in a fake film trailer for the apparent sequel to Mel Gibson
Mel Gibson
Mel Colm-Cille Gerard Gibson, AO is an American actor, film director, producer and screenwriter. Born in Peekskill, New York, Gibson moved with his parents to Sydney, Australia when he was 12 years old and later studied acting at the Australian National Institute of Dramatic Art.After appearing in...

's film The Passion of the Christ
The Passion of the Christ
The Passion of the Christ is a 2004 American drama film directed by Mel Gibson and starring Jim Caviezel as Jesus. It depicts the Passion of Jesus largely according to the New Testament Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John...

. Entitled Passion of the Christ 2: Judgement Day, the "film" portrayed Jesus coming down from the Cross, seeking revenge on those that had wronged him. Combining the characteristics of numerous action movie/television characters (including Jack Bauer
Jack Bauer
Jack Bauer is the main protagonist of the American television series 24. His character has worked in various capacities on the show, often as a member of the fictional Counter Terrorist Unit based in Los Angeles, and working with the FBI in Washington, D.C...

, Ethan Hunt
Ethan Hunt
Ethan Hunt is the central protagonist in the Mission: Impossible film series.-Mission: Impossible:In Mission: Impossible, Hunt acts as the IMF point man for an established and experienced field team, led by veteran Jim Phelps, with whom he has a particularly close bond...

, Wolverine
Hugh Jackman
Hugh Michael Jackman is an Australian actor and producer who is involved in film, musical theatre, and television.Jackman has won international recognition for his roles in major films, notably as action/superhero, period and romance characters...

, and Vincent Vega) this parody of one of the most recognizable religious figures in history was - apparently - pulled from any future repeats due to viewer complaint.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6017

Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno

"Jigglypuff": see "Ketchum, Ash"

Joe: see Reservoir Geeks

Officer Jones: see Warhammer Chainsaw Sword

Judgement Mole: see Morgan-San and Adam-San

"K" Characters

Princess Katpower: see Grabnar the Wanderer

Crumpet Katz: see Santa's Lawyers

Keldroc: see Special Agent Bob and Secret Agent Steve

"Ash Ketchum
Ash Ketchum
Ash Ketchum, known as for all appearances in Japan, is a fictional character in the Pokémon franchise owned by Nintendo. He was created by, and named after, Satoshi Tajiri as the protagonist of the anime and manga series, as well as on various merchandise related to the franchise...

": Combining "Cowboys & Aliens
Cowboys & Aliens (film)
Cowboys & Aliens is a 2011 American science fiction Western film directed by Jon Favreau and starring Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, and Olivia Wilde. The film is based on the 2006 graphic novel of the same name created by Scott Mitchell Rosenberg...

" with the "Pokémon" cartoon
Pokémon (anime)
, abbreviated from , is a children's TV anime series, which has since been adapted for the North and South American, Australian and European television markets...

, this fictitious trailer (entitled Cowboys & Pokémon) re-imagines "Ash Ketchum" as a gritty Western anti-hero, who joins forces with "Team Rocket" to protect Celadon City from the evil Texas Sess and his gang of Pokémon ("Pikachu
Pikachu
is one of the species of Pokémon creatures from the Pokémon media franchise—a collection of video games, anime, manga, books, trading cards, and other media created by Satoshi Tajiri. As do all Pokémon, Pikachu fight other Pokémon in battles central to the anime, manga, and games of the series...

's coming and hell's coming with him!").

First Appearance: Episode No. 20110721

Performed by: "Ash Ketchum" (Blair Herter), "Jessie" (Morgan Webb), "James" (Unknown), Texas Sess (Adam Sessler), "Jigglypuff

Jigglypuff

Jigglypuff, known in Japan as , is a Pokémon species in Nintendo and Game Freak's Pokémon franchise. Created by Ken Sugimori, Jigglypuff first appeared in the video games Pokémon Red and Blue and subsequent sequels, later appearing in various merchandise, spinoff titles and animated and printed...

" (Unknown)

Kha'ak: see Ryder, Sledge

"Kill Bill" Morgan: Morgan dressed up as the character Beatrix Kiddo
Beatrix Kiddo
Beatrix Kiddo, primarily known as "The Bride", is a fictional character and the protagonist in the movie Kill Bill by American director Quentin Tarantino...

from the Kill Bill
Kill Bill
Kill Bill Volume 1 is a 2003 action thriller film written and directed by Quentin Tarantino. It is the first of two volumes that were theatrically released several months apart, the second volume being Kill Bill Volume 2....

films.

First Appearance: Episode No. 281

Performed by: The Bride (Morgan Webb), "O-Ren Ishii" (Chi-Lan Lieu), Gogo (Guy Branum)

Kilroy: see Mr. and Mrs. Bob Muffin

"KINECT": A self-aware
Self-awareness
Self-awareness is the capacity for introspection and the ability to reconcile oneself as an individual separate from the environment and other individuals...

version of the Xbox 360 peripheral, which is constantly watching Adam and tries to force him to play a game of Kinectimals
Kinectimals
Kinectimals is a video game for the Xbox 360 that uses Kinect. In Kinectimals players can interact with virtual animals in a manner akin to pets, gameplay includes activities such as teaching tricks to the animal, guiding the animal around an obstacle course, and free-form play.The video game is...

(rather than Kirby's Epic Yarn
Kirby's Epic Yarn
Kirby's Epic Yarn, known in Japan as , is a platform video game developed for the Wii video game console by Good-Feel and HAL Laboratory, and published by Nintendo. It is the tenth installment of the Kirby video game series....

) by threatening to post embarrassing footage of the X-Play host on the internet (like Adam ordering a hooker
Prostitution
Prostitution is the act or practice of providing sexual services to another person in return for payment. The person who receives payment for sexual services is called a prostitute and the person who receives such services is known by a multitude of terms, including a "john". Prostitution is one of...

or doing his Jame Gumb
Jame Gumb
Jame Gumb, known by the nickname Buffalo Bill, is a fictional character and the main antagonist in the 1988 novel The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris, and its 1991 film adaptation, in which he was played by Ted Levine...

impersonation); rather than give in, Adam simply puts a gun in his mouth and pulls the trigger.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20101116

Performed by: Unknown

King Bosco
Bosco Chocolate Syrup
Bosco Chocolate Syrup is a brand of chocolate syrup first produced in 1928. The company that produces it is based in New Jersey, and it is sold throughout the United States, Western Europe, Asia and the Middle East.-Production process:...

and Rubber
Condom
A condom is a barrier device most commonly used during sexual intercourse to reduce the probability of pregnancy and spreading sexually transmitted diseases . It is put on a man's erect penis and physically blocks ejaculated semen from entering the body of a sexual partner...

Bean: A pair of pathetic-looking prize fighters
Boxing
Boxing, also called pugilism, is a combat sport in which two people fight each other using their fists. Boxing is supervised by a referee over a series of between one to three minute intervals called rounds...

who are meant to parody the insane level of "product placement
Product placement
Product placement, or embedded marketing, is a form of advertisement, where branded goods or services are placed in a context usually devoid of ads, such as movies, music videos, the story line of television shows, or news programs. The product placement is often not disclosed at the time that the...

" found in the game Fight Night Round 3 (NOTE: The name Rubber Bean may be in reference to the boxer Butterbean
Eric Esch
Eric Scott Esch is an American heavyweight boxer, kick-boxer, professional wrestler, and mixed martial artist commonly referred to as Butterbean....

).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6024

Performed by: King Bosco (Eric Acasio), Rubber Bean (Mark Fahey), King Bosco's trainer (Jonathan Solin)

"King Hamlet": see "Hamlet"

"KITT": see Sess Rider

"Takeru Kobayashi
Takeru Kobayashi
is a Japanese competitive eater. He held the world record for hot dog eating for nearly six years, and holds several other eating records, including four Guinness Records for hot dogs, meatballs, hamburgers, and pasta....

": The world-famous hot dog
Hot dog
A hot dog is a sausage served in a sliced bun. It is very often garnished with mustard, ketchup, onions, mayonnaise, relish and/or sauerkraut.-History:...

eating champion.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6092

Performed by: X-Play production assistant Eric Acasio

Kong-Net: A parody of both the documentary King of Kong
The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters
The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters is a 2007 American documentary film that follows Steve Wiebe as he tries to take the world high score for the arcade game Donkey Kong from reigning champion Billy Mitchell...

and the action movie Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Terminator 2: Judgment Day is a 1991 science fiction action film directed by James Cameron and written by Cameron and William Wisher Jr.. It stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Robert Patrick, and Edward Furlong...

, this network of sentient Donkey Kong
Donkey Kong (video game)
is an arcade game released by Nintendo in 1981. It is an early example of the platform game genre, as the gameplay focuses on maneuvering the main character across a series of platforms while dodging and jumping over obstacles. In the game, Jumpman must rescue a damsel in distress, Lady, from a...

arcade cabinets - clearly modelled after the rogue Skynet
Skynet (Terminator)
Skynet is the main antagonist in the Terminator franchise—an artificially intelligent system which became self-aware and revolted against its creators...

- made its debut during a "trailer" for the fictitious film The King of Kong 2: the King, the Kong and the Ugly. According to the trailer, "Billy Mitchell
Billy Mitchell (gamer)
Billy L. Mitchell, born July 16, 1965, in Holyoke, Massachusetts, is best known for recording high scores in classic video games from the Golden Age of Arcade Games. He has been claimed by some as the "greatest arcade-video-game player of all time". His achievements include the first perfect score...

" created Kong-Net in order to prevent anyone from ever again supplanting his high score in the classic arcade game, which his arch nemesis "Steve Wiebe
Steve Wiebe
Steven J. "Steve" Wiebe is a two-time world champion of the video game Donkey Kong, most recently holding the title from the 20th of September, 2010 to the 10th of January, 2011 with a high score of 1,064,500 points. Wiebe was the first person to achieve over a million points in the game, with a...

" - supposedly - will accomplish with a kill screen
Kill screen
A kill screen is a stage or level in a video game that stops the player's progress due to a programming error or design oversight. Rather than "ending" in a traditional sense, the game will crash, freeze, or behave so erratically that further play is impossible.Video games, like any other computer...

run on August 27, 2024. Unfortunately, the system eventually became self-aware
Self-awareness
Self-awareness is the capacity for introspection and the ability to reconcile oneself as an individual separate from the environment and other individuals...

and created an army of robotic Mitchell duplicates, one of which was sent into the past to kill Wiebe before he ever achieved that high score in the first place; only an appearance by the "Terminator" T-101 cyborg could save Wiebe from this cruel fate (NOTE: This is the second time that X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler has portrayed the "Terminator" character, the first being a brief cameo in one of Adam Sessler's "hallucinations" during the "Trippiest Games of All Time" episode).

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080530

Performed by: "Billy Mitchell" (Unknown), Young Steve Wiebe (Unknown), Steve Wiebe (Himself), "Terminator" (Michael Leffler), "Walter Day

Walter Day

Walter Aldro Day, Jr. is the founder of Twin Galaxies, an international organization based in Fairfield, Iowa, that tracks high score statistics for the worldwide electronic video gaming hobby...

" (Unknown), "Brian Kuh

Brian Kuh

Brian Kuh is a competitive gamer and video game world record holder. He was interviewed in the 2007 documentary The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters...

" (Unknown), "Donkey Kong" (Unknown), "Pauline" (Unknown)

The Kook: see "The Breakfast Club"

Keevon Koziasku: The flamboyant X-Play fashion critic, introduced in the Movie Games Red Carpet Special episode.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6021

Performed by: X-Play head writer Guy Branum

Guy Branum

"Kratos
Kratos (God of War)
Kratos is a video game character from Sony Computer Entertainment'sGod of War series, which is loosely based on Greek mythology. Kratos first appeared in the highly successful video game God of War , which led to the development of five additional games featuring the character as the protagonist...

": A parody of the main character from the God of War
God of War (video game)
God of War is an action adventure video game for the PlayStation 2 first released by Sony Computer Entertainment's Santa Monica division in March 2005...

video games, who found life after his defeat of Ares
Ares
Ares is the Greek god of war. He is one of the Twelve Olympians, and the son of Zeus and Hera. In Greek literature, he often represents the physical or violent aspect of war, in contrast to the armored Athena, whose functions as a goddess of intelligence include military strategy and...

to be very boring; he tried killing other lesser deities - or, as X-Play called them, the "third string roster of the Greek pantheon" - in an attempt to fill the void (including "Bacchus
Dionysus
Dionysus was the god of the grape harvest, winemaking and wine, of ritual madness and ecstasy in Greek mythology. His name in Linear B tablets shows he was worshipped from c. 1500—1100 BC by Mycenean Greeks: other traces of Dionysian-type cult have been found in ancient Minoan Crete...

", the God of Stagnant Pools, the Goddess of Warm Beers, the God of Sock Puppets, the God of Canada - who was, in fact, Guy LaFleur - and the God of Snore) but grew disenchanted with the whole thing after finding out that the God of Chaos was actually an adorable little puppy (which still didn't stop him from killing it). Seeking other challenges, "Kratos" would try his hand at being an X-Play intern (he was quickly fired when Morgan caught him destroying an Xbox), appearing on a dating show - oddly reminiscent of Blind Date - called First Date (he frightened off "Aphrodite
Aphrodite
Aphrodite is the Greek goddess of love, beauty, pleasure, and procreation.Her Roman equivalent is the goddess .Historically, her cult in Greece was imported from, or influenced by, the cult of Astarte in Phoenicia....

" after describing a rather graphic encounter with a Gorgon
Gorgon
In Greek mythology, the Gorgon was a terrifying female creature. The name derives from the Greek word gorgós, which means "dreadful." While descriptions of Gorgons vary across Greek literature, the term commonly refers to any of three sisters who had hair of living, venomous snakes, and a...

), and was even busted by the X-Play Cops for a domestic disturbance complaint (where it was revealed that "Princess Zelda
Princess Zelda
is the name of a fictional character in The Legend of Zelda series of video games. The name has applied to every female member of Hyrule's royal family, which includes several distinct characters in Hyrule legend. Though she is the eponymous character, the player controls the main protagonist, Link...

" may be carrying his baby).

First Appearance: Episode No. 5087

Performed by: Kratos (The Great Corrado), Bacchus (Guy Branum), God of Stagnant Pools (Robert Manuel), Goddess of Warm Beers (Unknown), God of Snore (Paul Bonanno), God of Chaos (Unknown), Aphrodite (Unknown), Princess Zelda (Unknown)

Krillius: see Spectre Mifflin staff

"Brian Kuh": see Kong-Net

"L" Characters

"Phil 'The Unabomber' Laak
Phil Laak
Philip "Phil" C. Laak is a professional poker player, now residing in Los Angeles, California. Laak holds a World Poker Tour title, a World Series of Poker bracelet and has appeared on numerous nationally-aired television shows.-Early life:...

": A parody of the famous poker
Poker
Poker is a family of card games that share betting rules and usually hand rankings. Poker games differ in how the cards are dealt, how hands may be formed, whether the high or low hand wins the pot in a showdown , limits on bet sizes, and how many rounds of betting are allowed.In most modern poker...

player.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6008

Performed by: X-Play intern coordinator Robert Manuel

Guy LaFleur, aka Canadian
Canada
Canada is a North American country consisting of ten provinces and three territories. Located in the northern part of the continent, it extends from the Atlantic Ocean in the east to the Pacific Ocean in the west, and northward into the Arctic Ocean...

Guy: Although there seems to be no relation to the famous hockey
Ice hockey
Ice hockey, often referred to as hockey, is a team sport played on ice, in which skaters use wooden or composite sticks to shoot a hard rubber puck into their opponent's net. The game is played between two teams of six players each. Five members of each team skate up and down the ice trying to take...

player of the same name
Guy Lafleur
Guy Damien "The Flower" / "Le Démon Blond" Lafleur, OC, CQ is a former Canadian professional ice hockey player who is widely regarded as one of the most naturally gifted and popular players ever to play professional ice hockey...

, this portly French Canadian
French Canadian
French Canadian or Francophone Canadian, , generally refers to the descendents of French colonists who arrived in New France in the 17th and 18th centuries...

is still a great fan of the game, known for his catchphrase "Oui oui oui, I love zee hockey!". During one segment, Canadian Guy was (allegedly) shot by hockey great Wayne Gretzky
Wayne Gretzky
Wayne Douglas Gretzky, CC is a Canadian former professional ice hockey player and former head coach. Nicknamed "The Great One", he is generally regarded as the best player in the history of the National Hockey League , and has been called "the greatest hockey player ever" by many sportswriters,...

, but he appears to have recovered nicely (in a later episode, Morgan herself may have inadvertently confessed to the shooting).

First Appearance: Episode No. 310

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Jonathan Solin

"Lennie": see "George" and "Lennie"

"John Lennon": see "The Beatles"

Leroy: see Automatic Review Robot 3000

Li'l T-Bag: An urban wanna-be
Wigger
Wigger is a pejorative slang term for a white person who emulates mannerisms, language, and fashions associated with African-American culture, particularly hip hop in the United States or the Grime/Garage scene in Britain. The term is a portmanteau of either wannabe or white and nigger...

who hosts the segment Pimp My Character, Li'l T-Bag seems to think that the only way to properly upgrade an RPG character is to give them "a bigger booty
Buttocks
The buttocks are two rounded portions of the anatomy, located on the posterior of the pelvic region of apes and humans, and many other bipeds or quadrupeds, and comprise a layer of fat superimposed on the gluteus maximus and gluteus medius muscles. Physiologically, the buttocks enable weight to...

". He was fired after his first appearance during the Stella Deus review.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5055

Performed by: X-Play intern coordinator Robert Manuel

Little Fluffy Kitten
Kitten
A kitten is a juvenile domesticated cat.The young of big cats are called cubs rather than kittens. Either term may be used for the young of smaller wild felids such as ocelots, caracals, and lynx, but "kitten" is usually more common for these species....

s: A collection of still pictures of adorable kittens (most likely collected from the internet) that are often used to cover up particularly graphic depictions of gore and violence during reviews of certain M-rated games (such as Resident Evil 4
Resident Evil 4
Resident Evil 4, known in Japan as , is a survival horror third-person shooter video game developed by Capcom Production Studio 4 and published by multiple publishers, including Capcom, Ubisoft, Nintendo Australia, Red Ant Enterprises and THQ Asia Pacific...

and BloodRayne
BloodRayne
BloodRayne has received mostly mixed to positive reviews. Aggregating review websites GameRankings and Metacritic gave the Xbox version 73.53% and 76/100, the GameCube version 68.88% and 73/100, the PlayStation 2 version 68.87% and 75/100 and the PC version 65.78% and 65/100.-External links:*...

). These pictures will often be accompanied by "meow"-ing sound effects, which Morgan will describe as "oh, so cute."

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: None

Little John: see Yu-Gi-Oh! Gang

Marvin Littleton: Supposedly, this is a young X-Play viewer who sends detailed (and very disturbing) letters to his favorite show, which are recreated in animated form during a segment entitled Game Dreamer. In the first "episode", Marvin wishes that the game Assassin's Creed
Assassin's Creed
Assassin's Creed is an award-winning historical third person, stealth action-adventure video game developed by Ubisoft for PlayStation 3, Xbox 360 and Microsoft Windows. The bulk of the game takes place during the Third Crusade, with the plot revolving around a sect known as the Secret Order of...

existed in real life, while revealing that his mother forced him to stab one of her "special friends" after he passed out.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080321

Performed by: Unknown

"M" Characters

"Juno MacGuff": A dual parody of the main character from the film Juno
Juno (film)
Juno is a 2007 comedy-drama film directed by Jason Reitman and written by Diablo Cody. Ellen Page stars as the title character, an independent-minded teenager confronting an unplanned pregnancy and the subsequent events that put pressures of adult life onto her. Michael Cera, Olivia Thirlby, J. K....

and the World of Warcraft
World of Warcraft
World of Warcraft is a massively multiplayer online role-playing game by Blizzard Entertainment. It is the fourth released game set in the fantasy Warcraft universe, which was first introduced by Warcraft: Orcs & Humans in 1994...

series of commercials featuring celebrities discussing the virtues of the character classes they play in the game (here dubbed World_Of_Warcrack.Com).

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080227

Performed by: Unknown

The Mac
Macintosh
The Macintosh , or Mac, is a series of several lines of personal computers designed, developed, and marketed by Apple Inc. The first Macintosh was introduced by Apple's then-chairman Steve Jobs on January 24, 1984; it was the first commercially successful personal computer to feature a mouse and a...

Gamer: In a parody of the Get a Mac
Get a Mac
The Get a Mac campaign is a television advertising campaign created for Apple Inc. by TBWA\Media Arts Lab, the company's advertising agency, that ran from 2006 to 2009...

ad campaign, the X-Play writers came up with a fictitious video game console
Video game console
A video game console is an interactive entertainment computer or customized computer system that produces a video display signal which can be used with a display device to display a video game...

called the Apple
Apple Computer
Apple Inc. is an American multinational corporation that designs and markets consumer electronics, computer software, and personal computers. The company's best-known hardware products include the Macintosh line of computers, the iPod, the iPhone and the iPad...

iBox. The iBox is represented by the Mac Gamer (modelled after Justin Long
Justin Long
Justin Jacob Long is an American film and television actor. He is best known for his roles in the Hollywood films Galaxy Quest, Jeepers Creepers, Dodgeball, Live Free or Die Hard, He's Just Not That into You, Drag Me to Hell, and Youth in Revolt, and his personification of a Mac in Apple's "Get a...

's portrayal of a Mac), while his counterpart is the Sony
Sony
, commonly referred to as Sony, is a Japanese multinational conglomerate corporation headquartered in Minato, Tokyo, Japan and the world's fifth largest media conglomerate measured by revenues....

Gamer. The Mac Gamer is amused that the Sony Gamer would bother with such things as "wires" and "controllers"; the iBox is just a box, and he likes it that way. When the Sony Gamer asks him how you're supposed to actually play the iBox, the Mac Gamer (after giving him a confused look) proudly proclaims that he thinks "that's part of the game".

First Appearance: Episode No. 6062

Performed by: Unknown

"Vic Mackey
Vic Mackey
Detective Victor Samuel "Vic" Mackey, portrayed by Michael Chiklis, was the antihero and main protagonist of the FX crime drama series The Shield. Mackey was a corrupt and brutal Detective in the Los Angeles Police Department; he stole from drug dealers, routinely beat suspects and committed murder...

": Adam's impersonation of Michael Chiklis
Michael Chiklis
Michael Charles Chiklis is an American actor, voice actor, occasional director and television producer. Some of the previous roles for which he is best known include Commissioner Tony Scali on the ABC police drama The Commish, LAPD Detective Vic Mackey on the FX police drama The Shield, Thing in...

from the FX series The Shield
The Shield
The Shield is an American television drama series starring Michael Chiklis which premiered on March 12, 2002 on FX in the United States and concluded on November 25, 2008 after seven seasons...

(complete with bald wig).

First Appearance: Episode No. 7031

Performed by: Adam Sessler

"Captain John 'Soap' MacTavish": see "Cullen, Edward"

Madea Chief: A parody of the character Mable "Madea" Simmons, used in the skit Tyler Perry's Halo Family Reunion, which imagines what it would be like if Mr. Perry
Tyler Perry
Tyler Perry is an American actor, director, playwright, entrepreneur, screenwriter, producer, author, and songwriter. Perry wrote and produced many stage plays during the 1990s and early 2000s. In 2005, he released his first film, Diary of a Mad Black Woman...

created a movie using characters from the Halo
Halo (video game series)
Halo is a multi-million dollar science fiction video game franchise created by Bungie and now managed by 343 Industries and owned by Microsoft Studios. The series centers on an interstellar war between humanity and a theocratic alliance of aliens known as the Covenant...

universe.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080118

Performed by: Unknown

Magic Psychic Girl: A lady wearing a wizard's hat, who won't actually speak but will let you know how she feels through telepathy
Telepathy
Telepathy , is the induction of mental states from one mind to another. The term was coined in 1882 by the classical scholar Fredric W. H. Myers, a founder of the Society for Psychical Research, and has remained more popular than the more-correct expression thought-transference...

... and flipping the bird
Finger (gesture)
In Western culture, the finger , also known as the middle finger, is an obscene hand gesture, often meaning the phrases "fuck off" , "fuck you" or "up yours"...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5088

Performed by: former X-Play head writer Blair Butler

Blair Butler

Blair Butler is an American stand-up comic, and a television host, known for her work on the "Fresh Ink" segment on the G4 program, Attack of the Show!.-Career:...

"Magneto": see Stewart, Patrick

Majewski: A scrawny pitcher
Pitcher
In baseball, the pitcher is the player who throwsthe baseball from the pitcher's mound toward the catcher to begin each play, with the goal of retiring a batter, who attempts to either make contact with the pitched ball or draw a walk. In the numbering system used to record defensive plays, the...

(first name unknown) who has a true love for the game of baseball
Baseball
Baseball is a bat-and-ball sport played between two teams of nine players each. The aim is to score runs by hitting a thrown ball with a bat and touching a series of four bases arranged at the corners of a ninety-foot diamond...

... until it's squeezed out by an overbearing coach (played by Adam Sessler) who tells him - among other things - that he slept with his mother.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6049

Performed by: X-Play production assistant Eric Acasio

Man-Yuna: Also known by the derogatory term "Fat Yuna", this male (and overweight) cosplayer is fashioned after the Final Fantasy character Yuna
Yuna (Final Fantasy)
is a player character in the Final Fantasy series. She is the female protagonist of Final Fantasy X and the main protagonist of the sequel Final Fantasy X-2. She was designed by Tetsuya Nomura and voiced by Hedy Burress and Mayuko Aoki in the English and Japanese versions, respectively...

. He (she?) is probably best known for giving Adam his first on-screen spanking (NOTE: This character may be in reference to the real-life male cosplayer known as Man-Faye).

First Appearance: Episode No. 233

Performed by: X-Play head writer Guy Branum

Guy Branum

Mario: A parody of the iconic Nintendo
Nintendo
is a multinational corporation located in Kyoto, Japan. Founded on September 23, 1889 by Fusajiro Yamauchi, it produced handmade hanafuda cards. By 1963, the company had tried several small niche businesses, such as a cab company and a love hotel....

mascot, appearing in a fictional film trailer for a fictional horror movie entitled Mushroom Kingdom Massacre. Premiering during X-Play's one-hour Mario special (to coincide with their review of Super Mario Galaxy
Super Mario Galaxy
is a 3D platform game developed by Nintendo EAD Tokyo and published by Nintendo for the Wii. It was released in most regions in November 2007, and is the third 3D original platformer in the Mario series, after Super Mario 64 and Super Mario Sunshine. The game follows the protagonist, Mario, on a...

), the trailer features a group of teenagers who have stumbled into the Mushroom Kingdom (with a vandalized sign that has 'room' and 'dom' covered in black paint, and a red line through the picture of Mario), where they meet an old man who tells them that Mario was once a sweet innocent video game character ... until gamers humiliated him, preferring more violent titles like Grand Theft Auto
Grand Theft Auto (series)
Grand Theft Auto is a multi-award-winning British video game series created in the United Kingdom by Dave Jones, then later by brothers Dan Houser and Sam Houser, and game designer Zachary Clarke. It is primarily developed by Edinburgh based Rockstar North and published by Rockstar Games...

and Gears of War
Gears of War
Gears of War is a military science fiction third-person shooter video game developed by Epic Games and published by Microsoft Game Studios...

. Mario took the whole thing personally and presumably decided to become more violent himself, going on a murderous rampage whose victims included his pet dinosaur
Yoshi
, is a fictional dragon-like character who appears in video games published by Nintendo. His debut was in Super Mario World on the Super Nintendo Entertainment System as Mario and Luigi's sidekick , and he later established his own series with several platform and puzzle games, including Super...

(hung upside-down from a noose
Hanging
Hanging is the lethal suspension of a person by a ligature. The Oxford English Dictionary states that hanging in this sense is "specifically to put to death by suspension by the neck", though it formerly also referred to crucifixion and death by impalement in which the body would remain...

) and even his own brother
Luigi
is a fictional character, featured in video games and related media released by Nintendo. Created by prominent game designer Shigeru Miyamoto, Luigi is portrayed as the slightly younger fraternal twin brother of Nintendo's mascot Mario, and appears in many games throughout the Mario series,...

(one of the teenagers discovers he's sitting next to Luigi's skeleton). The trailer ends with "Mario" delivering his classic catchphrase "It's-a me!" in his usual voice, before growling out his name and smashing the camera with a hammer (NOTE: X-Play featured another Mario parody, portrayed by a different actor, during their review of Mario Kart for the Wii).

First Appearance: Episode No. 7112

Performed by: Unknown

Flint Marko: see "Sandman"

Marvin: see Littleton, Marvin

The Masked Wrestler: X-Play's stereotypical professional wrestling
Professional wrestling
Professional wrestling is a mode of spectacle, combining athletics and theatrical performance.Roland Barthes, "The World of Wrestling", Mythologies, 1957 It takes the form of events, held by touring companies, which mimic a title match combat sport...

character. Wearing black tights, a white cape, and a purple Mil Máscaras
Mil Máscaras
Aaron Rodríguez , best known as Mil Máscaras , is a semi-retired Mexican professional wrestler and actor, who has starred in several films with fellow luchadores...

wrestling mask
Wrestling mask
A Wrestling mask is a fabric based mask that some professional wrestlers wear as part of their in-ring persona or gimmick. Professional wrestlers have been using masks as far back as 1915 and they are still widely used today, especially in Lucha Libre in Mexico.-History:In 1915 a North American...

, this character reportedly went missing and "no one cares".

First Appearance: Episode No. 5055

Performed by: Unknown

"Master Chief
Master Chief (Halo)
Master Chief Petty Officer John-117 is a fictional character and protagonist of the Halo fictional universe, created by Bungie. Master Chief is a player character in the trilogy of science fiction first-person shooter video games Halo: Combat Evolved, Halo 2, and Halo 3 and will appear in the...

": The main protagonist of the Halo
Halo (video game series)
Halo is a multi-million dollar science fiction video game franchise created by Bungie and now managed by 343 Industries and owned by Microsoft Studios. The series centers on an interstellar war between humanity and a theocratic alliance of aliens known as the Covenant...

game series has appeared in numerous skits, including an expose on his shady past in pornography
Sex industry
The sex industry consists of businesses which either directly or indirectly provide sex-related products and services or adult entertainment...

and a mock infomercial for the exercise video Teabag
Teabagging
To tea bag is a slang term for the act of a man placing his scrotum in the mouth of a sexual partner or onto the face or head of another person. The practice resembles dipping a tea bag into a cup of tea when it is done in a repeated in-and-out motion...

to Fitness with Master Chief.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Master Chief (Unknown), voice of Master Chief (Various)

"Paul McCartney": see "The Beatles"

Mousey McCheesepaws: see Glenn, John

Dane McKay: see Wallace, Clifton

Memory Card: A psychotic serial killer
Serial killer
A serial killer, as typically defined, is an individual who has murdered three or more people over a period of more than a month, with down time between the murders, and whose motivation for killing is usually based on psychological gratification...

who would conceal his identity (in a parody of Billy the Jigsaw Puppet from the movie Saw
Saw (film series)
Saw is a horror franchise distributed by Lions Gate Entertainment and produced by Twisted Pictures that consists of seven films and two video games, published by Konami. The franchise began with the 2003 short film which was created by Australian director James Wan and screenwriter Leigh Whannell...

) by speaking through a modified R.O.B.
R.O.B.
R.O.B. , released in Japan as the , is an accessory for the Nintendo Entertainment System. It was released in July 1985 in Japan and later that year in North America. It had a short product lifespan, with support for only two games which comprised the "Robot Series"; Gyromite and Stack-Up. R.O.B...

robot. During the 2006 Halloween episode, Memory Card kidnapped a number of G4TV hosts and put them through a series of tortuous deaths (Kevin Pereira
Kevin Pereira
Kevin Pereira is co-host of G4's Attack of the Show! .-Biography:While in high school, Pereira hosted Pointless Audio under the pseudonym Captain Immy...

had a Virtual Boy
Virtual Boy
The was a video game console developed and manufactured by Nintendo. It was the first video game console that was supposed to be capable of displaying "true 3D graphics" out of the box. Whereas most video games use monocular cues to achieve the illusion of three dimensions on a two-dimensional...

strapped to his head and played Wario Land
Virtual Boy Wario Land
Virtual Boy Wario Land, known in Japan as , was released by Nintendo for its ill-fated Virtual Boy system in 1995. It stars Wario in a platforming adventure quite similar to most of his other starring roles....

until his eyes burned out of his skull, Zach Selwyn
Zachariah Selwyn
Zachariah "Zach" Selwyn , also known as simply Zachariah, is an American singer-songwriter, actor, and writer best known for his appearances on the series Dream Job, Attack of the Show! and Catch It Keep It....

was cut in half by a combination DDR
Dance Dance Revolution
Dance Dance Revolution, abbreviated DDR, and previously known as Dancing Stage in Europe and Australasia, is a music video game series produced by Konami. Introduced in Japan in 1998 as part of the Bemani series, and released in North America and Europe in 1999, Dance Dance Revolution is the...

dancepad/beartrap, etc.); Adam and Morgan were both trapped in a room wearing modified Power Glove
Power Glove
The Power Glove is a controller accessory for the Nintendo Entertainment System, and the first peripheral interface controller to recreate human hand movements on a television or computer screen in real time. The Power Glove was not popular and was criticized for its imprecise and difficult-to-use...

s that were rigged to explode after 30 minutes unless they listed the top ten scariest video games of all time. At the end of the episode, it was revealed that the person behind the "Memory Card" persona was actually Aquaman
Aquaman
Aquaman is a fictional superhero who appears in comic books published by DC Comics. Created by Paul Norris and Mort Weisinger, the character debuted in More Fun Comics #73 . Initially a backup feature in DC's anthology titles, Aquaman later starred in several volumes of a solo title...

, who wanted revenge on X-Play for naming his Battle for Atlantis
Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis
Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis is a console video game for the Xbox and Nintendo GameCube systems, based on the DC Comics character Aquaman. It was developed by Lucky Chicken Studios and published by TDK in conjunction with DC Comics...

the worst game of all time.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6111

Performed by: R.O.B. (Unknown), Aquaman (Michael Leffler)

"Alex Mercer": It turns out that the main character from the game Prototype
Prototype (video game)
Prototype is an open world action video game developed by Radical Entertainment and published by Activision. The game was released in North America on June 9, 2009, and in southwestern parts of North America as well as Oceania on June 10, and was released in Europe on June 12.The game is set in New...

makes for a horrible roommate
Roommate
A roommate is a person who shares a living facility such as an apartment or dormitory. Similar terms include suitemate, housemate, flatmate , or sharemate...

, as he's far better at killing people than he is at paying the rent on time.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20081215

Performed by: "Alex Mercer" (Unknown), Gary (Unknown), Nate (Unknown), Doug (Unknown)

"Freddie Mercury": Adam's impersonation of the deceased Queen vocalist
Freddie Mercury
Freddie Mercury was a British musician, singer and songwriter, best known as the lead vocalist of the rock band Queen. As a performer, he was known for his flamboyant stage persona and powerful vocals over a four-octave range...

. During his review of the game Mercury Meltdown
Mercury Meltdown
Mercury Meltdown is a video game for the PlayStation Portable. It is the sequel to the 2005 title Archer Maclean's Mercury. Like the first game, the goal is to tilt the playing area and guide one or more blobs of mercury to the destination.-Gameplay:...

, Adam would display what he called a "real Mercury meltdown", by dressing up in stereotypical rocker attire and screaming nonsensically while performing "on stage."

First Appearance: Episode No. 6117

Performed by: Adam Sessler

"Mikey": see The "Teutuls"

"Bode Miller
Bode Miller
Samuel Bode Miller is an American alpine ski racer. He is an Olympic and World Championship gold medalist, a two-time overall World Cup champion in 2005 and 2008, and is generally considered the greatest American alpine skier of all time...

": A parody of the controversial alpine skier
Alpine skiing
Alpine skiing is the sport of sliding down snow-covered hills on skis with fixed-heel bindings. Alpine skiing can be contrasted with skiing using free-heel bindings: Ski mountaineering and nordic skiing – such as cross-country; ski jumping; and Telemark. In competitive alpine skiing races four...

, who hosts his own talk show called Miller
Miller Brewing Company
The Miller Brewing Company is an American beer brewing company owned by the United Kingdom-based SABMiller. Its regional headquarters are located in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and the company has brewing facilities in Albany, Georgia; Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin; Eden, North Carolina; Fort Worth, Texas;...

Time with Bode (which is just an excuse for him to get drunk and say incredibly stupid things).

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Mark Fahey

"Billy Mitchell": see Kong-Net

Mo Pippy: A character well-versed in the hip hop
Hip hop
Hip hop is a form of musical expression and artistic culture that originated in African-American and Latino communities during the 1970s in New York City, specifically the Bronx. DJ Afrika Bambaataa outlined the four pillars of hip hop culture: MCing, DJing, breaking and graffiti writing...

lifestyle, who once challenged the X-Play interns to a "Hip-Hop Off".

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play production assistant Eric Acasio

Moe and Ferdinand: Adam's two pet goldfish
Goldfish
The goldfish is a freshwater fish in the family Cyprinidae of order Cypriniformes. It was one of the earliest fish to be domesticated, and is one of the most commonly kept aquarium fish....

, whom he tries to converse with during the 2011 420
420 (cannabis culture)
420, 4:20 or 4/20 refers to consumption of cannabis and, by extension, a way to identify oneself with cannabis subculture. The notable day for these is April 20.- Origins of terms :...

episode.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20110420

Performed by: None

Mongoose: see Cobra and Mongoose

Monkey People: A group of sentient ape-men (whose appearance is similar to characters from the Planet of the Apes
Planet of the Apes (1968 film)
Planet of the Apes is a 1968 American science fiction film directed by Franklin J. Schaffner, based on the 1963 French novel La Planète des singes by Pierre Boulle. The film stars Charlton Heston, Roddy McDowall, Kim Hunter, Maurice Evans, James Whitmore, James Daly and Linda Harrison...

series of films) who are pumping G4TV hosts full of toxic psychotropic substances in order to test the effects on their mental state (with no long-term side effects other than testicular cancer
Testicular cancer
Testicular cancer is cancer that develops in the testicles, a part of the male reproductive system.In the United States, between 7,500 and 8,000 diagnoses of testicular cancer are made each year. In the UK, approximately 2,000 men are diagnosed each year. Over his lifetime, a man's risk of...

).

First Appearance: Episode No. 7046

Performed by: Unnamed Head Scientist (Unknown), Nigel (Robert Manuel), George (Unknown)

Moonbeam: see "Cullen, Edward"

"Samara Morgan": Morgan's portrayal of the creepy long-haired girl from The Ring
The Ring (2002 film)
The Ring is a 2002 American psychological horror film directed by Gore Verbinski and starring Naomi Watts and Martin Henderson. It is a remake of the 1998 Japanese horror film Ring....

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5101

Performed by: Morgan Webb

Morgan-Bot: see Sessler-Bots

Morgan-San and Adam-San: The fictitious hosts of X-Play Japan (actually two Asian actors dressed to look like the real Adam and Morgan, including a blonde wig for Adam-San). During the show's coverage of TGS '06
Tokyo Game Show
The , commonly known as TGS, is a video game expo / convention held annually in the Makuhari Messe, in Chiba, Japan. It is presented by the Computer Entertainment Supplier's Association and the Nikkei Business Publications, Inc...

, Adam and Morgan claimed that the international rights to X-Play had been bought by the Kino-Hara Corporation, a Japanese mega-conglomerate, and would now be re-tooled so as to be more appealing to the homeland audience (meaning a lot of bright nonsensical graphics and a guy in a panda suit, amongst other "changes"). There are even Japanese versions of other X-Play recurring characters: Guy LaFleur becomes Canada Man, Eric the Intern is now Shirt-No-Eric, and so forth.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6100

Performed by: Morgan-San (Unknown), Adam-San (Unknown), Assault Panda (Unknown), Judgement Mole (Unknown), Canada Man (Unknown), Drunken Link (Unknown), Shirt-No-Eric (Unknown), Angry Gentleman (Unknown)

"Mother Brain": A parody of the main villain from the Metroid series of games, presented as a pixelated cartoon (similar in style to the G4 series Code Monkeys
Code Monkeys
Code Monkeys is an American animated television program created by Adam de la Peña. Set in the early 1980s, it follows the adventures of fictional video game company GameaVision....

) with a male voice and a bit of an attitude. "She" seems more intent on arguing with protagonist "Samus Aran
Samus Aran
is the protagonist of the Metroid video game series. Introduced in the 1986 video game Metroid, Samus is a female ex-army soldier bounty hunter usually fitted with a powered armor suit with weapons that include beams and missiles...

" rather than killing her, but their conversations always end with Samus blowing "Mother Brain" away with a shot from her photon cannon.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20081205

Performed by: "Mother Brain" (Unknown), "Samus Aran" (Unknown)

Mr. and Mrs. Bob Muffin: During their review of RPG Maker 3, the writers of X-Play decided to create their own RPG
Role-playing game
A role-playing game is a game in which players assume the roles of characters in a fictional setting. Players take responsibility for acting out these roles within a narrative, either through literal acting, or through a process of structured decision-making or character development...

storyline
Narrative
A narrative is a constructive format that describes a sequence of non-fictional or fictional events. The word derives from the Latin verb narrare, "to recount", and is related to the adjective gnarus, "knowing" or "skilled"...

, only fused with the show's unique brand of humor. Thus was born the epic adventures of Mr. and Mrs. Bob Muffin, an elderly couple sworn to protect the world from an evil portal to Hell
Hell
In many religious traditions, a hell is a place of suffering and punishment in the afterlife. Religions with a linear divine history often depict hells as endless. Religions with a cyclic history often depict a hell as an intermediary period between incarnations...

created by the rock band Styx
Styx (band)
Styx is an American rock band that became famous for its albums from the late 1970s and early 1980s. The Chicago band is known for melding the style of prog-rock with the power of hard rock guitar, strong ballads, and elements of American musical theater....

. During their quest, Bob and Silvia encounter Mr. Roboto
Mr. Roboto
"Mr. Roboto" is a song written by Dennis DeYoung and performed by the band Styx on their 1983 concept album Kilroy Was Here. In Canada, where they were always more popular than in their native U.S., it went to #1 on the RPM national singles chart, becoming their third single to top the charts in...

(a robot who was turned into a monkey by the evil Dennis DeYoung
Dennis DeYoung
Dennis DeYoung is an American singer, songwriter, musician and producer best known for being a founding member of the rock band Styx, a tenure that lasted from 1970 to 1999.-Early life:...

) and have a singing contest with the monkey-robot king Kilroy. Silvia turns out to be the hero of the story, as Bob seems to do nothing more than complain that he has soiled himself ... While Morgan seems to think that this RPG storyline clearly proves that the people who work on X-Play are insane, Adam says that he would enjoy playing a "pants-crapping sidequest".

First Appearance: Episode No. 5121

Performed by: Bob Muffin (voice of Paul Bonanno), Silvia Muffin (voice of Blair Butler), Kilroy (Unknown)

Murderality: A parody of professional video-game players like Fatal1ty
Johnathan Wendel
Johnathan Wendel , also known by the pseudonym Fatal1ty , is a professional electronic sports player, philanthropist, and entrepreneur. Jonathan is considered the world's first prominent and accomplished professional gamer...

, this character is supposedly the top-ranked videogamer in the world, with championships in over 50 different games. However, it seems that the only way he can win is by cheating, as he threw a "live" rattlesnake at Adam during a demonstration match (NOTE: Apparently, the person playing the part of Murderality - a comedy writer from California named Irwin Handleman - had a very unpleasant experience during the shooting of this skit, as he explained in his blog that Adam and Morgan were difficult to work with).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6097

Performed by: Irwin Handleman

Musashi: see Hanzo and Musashi

"Mister Mxyzptlk
Mister Mxyzptlk
Mr. Mxyzptlk , sometimes called Mxy, is a fictional impish supervillain who appears in DC Comics' Superman comic books.He was created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, and first appeared in Superman #30 . He is usually presented as a trickster, in the classical mythological sense, in that he enjoys...

": The infamous DC Comics
DC Comics
DC Comics, Inc. is one of the largest and most successful companies operating in the market for American comic books and related media. It is the publishing unit of DC Entertainment a company of Warner Bros. Entertainment, which itself is owned by Time Warner...

super-villain once tried to trap Adam and Morgan in a "dream world", until they called comic-book aficionado Blair Butler and tricked Mxyzptlk into saying his name backwards (thus banishing him back to his home dimension).

First Appearance: Episode No. 7046

Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno

Myth Crackers!: A parody of the MythBusters
MythBusters
MythBusters is a science entertainment TV program created and produced by Beyond Television Productions for the Discovery Channel. The series is screened by numerous international broadcasters, including Discovery Channel Australia, Discovery Channel Latin America, Discovery Channel Canada, Quest...

television program, meant to debunk various urban legends associated with video games. The Myth Crackers! consist of Nebil Flavian (a character who has also appeared in skits parodying nature shows like Wild Kingdom
Wild Kingdom
Wild Kingdom, sometimes known as Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom, is an American television show that features wildlife and nature. It was originally produced from 1963 until 1988, and was revived in 2002...

) and Don RonJon.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Nebil Flavian (Paul Bonanno), Don RonJon (Guy Branum)

"N" Characters

Chad Namor: A character cut from the official MvC3
Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds
is a crossover fighting game developed by Capcom. It features Capcom's own characters and characters from American comic book company Marvel Comics. It is the fifth installment of the Marvel vs...

roster, he is the second cousin of the more well-known Marvel mutant.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20110215

Performed by: Unknown

"Naruto": see "Uzumaki, Naruto"

Nate: see "Mercer, Alex"

Brock Nathensen: see Hanzo and Musashi

Mr. Nemesis: A guy wearing a mask based on the "Nemesis"
Nemesis (Resident Evil)
Nemesis, also called the Pursuer or , is a fictional character in Capcom's Resident Evil franchise. It first appears in Resident Evil 3: Nemesis, before later emerging in other titles and cameo roles. It is also featured on various merchandise and in the 2004 film Resident Evil: Apocalypse...

character from Resident Evil 3
Resident Evil 3: Nemesis
Resident Evil 3: Nemesis, released in Japan as is a survival horror video game and the sequel to Resident Evil 2, developed and published by Capcom. The game was released for the PlayStation, and was subsequently ported to the Dreamcast, Microsoft Windows and Nintendo GameCube...

, who temporarily worked for X-Play as a production assistant.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: former X-Play executive producer Peter Hammersley

Nigel: see Monkey People

Ninja: see Cyborg Pirate

The X-Play Ninja: see That Ninja

Ninja Morgan: A ninja that Adam meets during his trip to Japan and the "Ninja Restaurant".

First Appearance: Episode No. 5101

Performed by: Morgan Webb

None of Your Business: see Evil Paul

David Nyman: A zombie
Zombie
Zombie is a term used to denote an animated corpse brought back to life by mystical means such as witchcraft. The term is often figuratively applied to describe a hypnotized person bereft of consciousness and self-awareness, yet ambulant and able to respond to surrounding stimuli...

who works for accounts payable as a senior associate in an unnamed office building. He died while being trampled at a Wham!
WHAM!
Wham! were a short-lived British musical duo formed by George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley in the early 1980s. They were briefly known in the United States as Wham! UK due to a naming conflict with an American band....

concert, but was allowed to return to work, and now appears in public service announcements for the American Association for the Undead to better promote understanding and tolerance for his people (hence the PSA's tagline, Zombies ... They're People Too... Dead People).

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

"O" Characters

X-Play Office Monkey: Not to be confused with Spencer the Helper Monkey, this simian (actually Michael Leffler wearing rubber monkey gloves while the camera shoots from a first-person perspective) was originally a gift to Morgan to help around the X-Play studios, but she decided to send it back after it began causing too much trouble ... like flinging its feces at Adam.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

"Ophelia": see "Hamlet"

"Otacon": see "Solid Snake"

"P" Characters

Sleaze Paladino: The alter ego of X-Play supervising producer JP Shub, this "real rock star" is the lead guitarist for the band Thunderdikk
Thunderdikk
Thunderdikk is a hard rock band from Los Angeles, California formed in 2007.-Biography:Thunderdikk is fronted by lead singer, Dikk Thunder. According to Dikk, the band was formed "so people can let loose, dance and get crazy...

... Also, he really doesn't like Guitar Hero: On Tour
Guitar Hero: On Tour series
Guitar Hero: On Tour is a series of music video games based on the Guitar Hero series for the Nintendo DS handheld game system. The series is developed by Vicarious Visions and distributed by RedOctane and Activision...

for the Nintendo DS.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20090701

Performed by: X-Play supervising producer JP Shub

Perry Pate: The leader of Madden Boot Camp, where gamers go to transform from "wanna-be crybaby noobs" and learn "how to play the fundamentals and how to get what it takes to become a champion about Madden NFL 09
Madden NFL 09
Madden NFL 09 is an American football video game based on the NFL that was published by EA Sports and developed by EA Tiburon. It is the 20th annual installment in the Madden NFL video game franchise. This game is known for its realistic graphics and big hits...

" (NOTE: The name "Perry Pate" is a parody of the main character from the Terry Tate: Office Linebacker
Terry Tate: Office Linebacker
Terry Tate: Office Linebacker was a series of short comedy television commercials created by Rawson Marshall Thurber, for Reebok, based on a short film pilot he created in 2000; Tate was first shown at Super Bowl XXXVII in 2003...

series of TV commercials).

First Appearance: Episode No. 20081003

Performed by: Lester Speight

Lester Speight

Lester Rasta Speight is a former American football player who has had subsequent careers as a professional wrestler and then actor...

"Paul Jr.": see The "Teutuls"

"Paul Sr.": see The "Teutuls"

"Pauline": see Kong-Net

Peanut: A Jack Russell
Jack Russell Terrier
The Jack Russell terrier is a small terrier that has its origins in fox hunting. It is principally white-bodied smooth, rough or broken-coated which is commonly confused with the Parson Russell terrier and the Russell terrier with the term "Jack Russell" commonly misapplied to other small white...

puppy that had an entire episode dedicated to him.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Attack of the Show producer Avi Adir's dog Peanut

Tom Peterson: see "Alliance Shopping Network" co-hosts

Marque Phahee: X-Play's resident guitar player
Guitarist
A guitarist is a musician who plays the guitar. Guitarists may play a variety of instruments such as classical guitars, acoustic guitars, electric guitars, and bass guitars. Some guitarists accompany themselves on the guitar while singing.- Versatility :The guitarist controls an extremely...

, whose credits include On the X-Play Boards and the closing theme to X-Play's Holidays for the Homeland Special.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5053

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Mark Fahey

Phil: see Grabnar the Wanderer

Officer Pike: see Warhammer Chainsaw Sword

Mr. Pink: see Reservoir Geeks

Johnny Placement: A creation of the show for their Dirty Gaming Jobs comedy skit, Johnny is first shown as an "exploding barrel" deliveryman within the Half-Life 2
Half-Life 2
Half-Life 2 , the sequel to Half-Life, is a first-person shooter video game and a signature title in the Half-Life series. It is singleplayer, story-driven, science fiction, and linear...

universe (where he makes trouble for the enemy AI by leaving his explosive cargo in places around the base where players can easily find them and - obviously - shoot them until they explode). Johnny is later shown as the fictitious character in Donkey Kong
Donkey Kong (video game)
is an arcade game released by Nintendo in 1981. It is an early example of the platform game genre, as the gameplay focuses on maneuvering the main character across a series of platforms while dodging and jumping over obstacles. In the game, Jumpman must rescue a damsel in distress, Lady, from a...

who places those hammers around the construction site that Mario can use to smash barrels.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20101221

Performed by: Unknown

"Daniel Plainview": A dual parody of the main character from the film There Will Be Blood
There Will Be Blood
There Will Be Blood is a 2007 drama film written, co-produced, and directed by Paul Thomas Anderson. The film is based on Upton Sinclair's 1927 novel Oil!. It tells the story of a silver miner-turned-oilman on a ruthless quest for wealth during Southern California's oil boom of the late 19th and...

and the World of Warcraft
World of Warcraft
World of Warcraft is a massively multiplayer online role-playing game by Blizzard Entertainment. It is the fourth released game set in the fantasy Warcraft universe, which was first introduced by Warcraft: Orcs & Humans in 1994...

series of commercials featuring celebrities discussing the virtues of the character classes they play in the game (here dubbed World_Of_Warcrack.Com).

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080227

Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

Big Earl Plumpkin: A self-described "country bumpkin", this guy loves nothing more than performing karaoke
Karaoke
is a form of interactive entertainment or video game in which amateur singers sing along with recorded music using a microphone and public address system. The music is typically a well-known pop song minus the lead vocal. Lyrics are usually displayed on a video screen, along with a moving symbol,...

to the tune of his favorite country songs
Country music
Country music is a popular American musical style that began in the rural Southern United States in the 1920s. It takes its roots from Western cowboy and folk music...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6048

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Mark Fahey

"Prince
Prince (musician)
Prince Rogers Nelson , often known simply as Prince, is an American singer, songwriter, musician, and actor. Prince has produced ten platinum albums and thirty Top 40 singles during his career. Prince founded his own recording studio and label; writing, self-producing and playing most, or all, of...

": A parody of the famous musician, who (according to X-Play) would rather play with real diamonds and pearls than play Pokémon Diamond and Pearl
Pokémon Diamond and Pearl
are role-playing games developed by Game Freak and published by Nintendo for the Nintendo DS. With the enhanced remake Pokémon Platinum, the games comprise the fifth installment and fourth generation of the Pokémon series of RPGs...

, but does enjoy a game of Prince of Persia: Rival Swords
Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones
Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones is an action-adventure computer and video game developed and published by Ubisoft Montreal. It was released in December, 2005 in North America for the Xbox, Microsoft Windows, PlayStation 2, and the Nintendo GameCube...

while sitting in the bathtub.

First Appearance: Episode No. 7061

Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno

The Princess: see "The Breakfast Club"

The X-Play Prisoners: Two inmates
Prison
A prison is a place in which people are physically confined and, usually, deprived of a range of personal freedoms. Imprisonment or incarceration is a legal penalty that may be imposed by the state for the commission of a crime...

serving jail time for unspecified crimes against humanity. The bigger one is obviously the more dominant and violent of the two, as he gives advice to disgraced Enron
Enron
Enron Corporation was an American energy, commodities, and services company based in Houston, Texas. Before its bankruptcy on December 2, 2001, Enron employed approximately 22,000 staff and was one of the world's leading electricity, natural gas, communications, and pulp and paper companies, with...

executives Jeffrey Skilling
Jeffrey Skilling
Jeffrey Keith "Jeff" Skilling is the former president of Enron Corporation, headquartered in Houston, Texas. In 2006 he was convicted of multiple federal felony charges relating to Enron's financial collapse, and is currently serving a 24-year, four-month prison sentence at the Federal...

and Kenneth Lay
Kenneth Lay
Kenneth Lee "Ken" Lay was an American businessman, best known for his role in the widely reported corruption scandal that led to the downfall of Enron Corporation. Lay and Enron became synonymous with corporate abuse and accounting fraud when the scandal broke in 2001...

on the best games to play in prison, while simultaneously abusing his cellmate (including stabbing him with a shiv
Shiv (weapon)
A shiv is a slang term for any sharp or pointed implement used as a knife-like weapon. However, the word in practical usage is frequently used when referring to an improvised bladed weapon. Shivs are commonly made by inmates in prisons across the world...

fashioned out of a PSP
PlayStation Portable
The is a handheld game console manufactured and marketed by Sony Corporation Development of the console was announced during E3 2003, and it was unveiled on , 2004, at a Sony press conference before E3 2004...

and - apparently - raping
Sodomy
Sodomy is an anal or other copulation-like act, especially between male persons or between a man and animal, and one who practices sodomy is a "sodomite"...

him).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6069

Performed by: Guy Branum and Paul Bonanno

Ratty Puppet: A foul-mouthed groundhog
Groundhog
The groundhog , also known as a woodchuck, whistle-pig, or in some areas as a land-beaver, is a rodent of the family Sciuridae, belonging to the group of large ground squirrels known as marmots. Other marmots, such as the yellow-bellied and hoary marmots, live in rocky and mountainous areas, but...

hand puppet
Hand puppet
A hand puppet is a type of puppet that is controlled by the leg or face that occupies the interior of the puppet. Glove puppets are a variation of hand puppets...

(possibly inspired by Triumph the Insult Comic Dog
Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog
Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog is a character puppet best known for mocking celebrities. Triumph was identified in the early appearances as a Yugoslavian Mountain Hound, hence his distinct Eastern European accent . As his name indicates, Triumph's comedic style is almost exclusively insult comedy...

), known for the phrases "oh snap!", "suck it bitches!" and a drawn out "damn!". During his many appearances on the program, Ratty has shown an ability to control The Force, has revealed his Jewish heritage, and was more than willing to gnaw Adam Sessler's head off at the drop of a hat (NOTE: Ratty's full name has been identified as Ratty Handpuppet on certain episodes, or just plain Ratty the Puppet, but the most consistent spelling of his name has been Ratty Puppet).

First Appearance: Episode No. 5009

Performed by: voice of X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno

"R" Characters

Manual 'The Peach' Ramirez: Featured during a skit where the X-Play COPS pull over "Mario" for a possible DUI
Driving under the influence
Driving under the influence is the act of driving a motor vehicle with blood levels of alcohol in excess of a legal limit...

, this character is a wanted transvestite
Transvestism
Transvestism is the practice of cross-dressing, which is wearing clothing traditionally associated with the opposite sex. Transvestite refers to a person who cross-dresses; however, the word often has additional connotations. -History:Although the word transvestism was coined as late as the 1910s,...

whom Mario mistook for his more-familiar princess
Princess Peach
is a character in Nintendo's Mario series of video games. She is the Princess of the fictitious Mushroom Kingdom, and often plays the damsel in distress role within the adventure series. In 2007, Princess Peach landed on Forbes magazine's Wealthiest Fictional People list, with a fortune upwards of...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080505

Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno

Tad Rando: see X-Play COPS

Ratty the Puppet: see Puppet, Ratty

Raoul: see "Fear and Loathing" Adam and Morgan

The "RE4 Merchant": Supposedly the same character from the popular video game
Resident Evil 4
Resident Evil 4, known in Japan as , is a survival horror third-person shooter video game developed by Capcom Production Studio 4 and published by multiple publishers, including Capcom, Ubisoft, Nintendo Australia, Red Ant Enterprises and THQ Asia Pacific...

, who haunted and annoyed the cubicles of the X-Play offices with his constant queries of "What're ya buyin'?" and "What're ya sellin'?", until Morgan shot him with a gun that - ironically - she had just purchased from him (apparently, the merchant was able to survive the shooting and accepted the award for Game of the Year on behalf of RE4 in the "Best Games of 2005" episode).

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Matt Keil

Rebecca: see Mr. Altair

Redshirt: see Webb, Vulcan

Reservoir Geeks: A parody of the opening scene from the movie Reservoir Dogs
Reservoir Dogs
Reservoir Dogs is an American crime film marking debut of director and writer Quentin Tarantino. It depicts the events before and after a botched diamond heist, but not the heist itself. Reservoir Dogs stars an ensemble cast: Harvey Keitel, Steve Buscemi, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, Chris Penn, and...

, where Adam and Morgan (along with several other X-Play staff members) are wearing dark suits and sitting around a table while discussing how Madonna's
Madonna (entertainer)
Madonna is an American singer-songwriter, actress and entrepreneur. Born in Bay City, Michigan, she moved to New York City in 1977 to pursue a career in modern dance. After performing in the music groups Breakfast Club and Emmy, she released her debut album in 1983...

song Like a Virgin
Like a Virgin
Like a Virgin is the second studio album by American singer-songwriter Madonna, released on November 12, 1984 by Sire Records. It was re-released worldwide in 1985, with the inclusion of the bonus track "Into the Groove". In 2001, Warner Bros. Records released a remastered version with two bonus...

relates to video games (Morgan wishes Adam would stop playing his Game Boy Advance during the conversation, while Adam remains adamant that he is going to "do whatever the hell he wants" with it).

First Appearance: Episode No. 281

Performed by: Joe (Adam Sessler), Mrs. White (Morgan Webb), Mr. Brown (Jason Cheung), Mr. Blonde (Shane Satterfield), Mr. Pink (Matt Keil)

Mistletoe Reuben: see Santa's Lawyers

Rick: see Flappy Jaws

Mr. Roboto: see Mr. and Mrs. Bob Muffin

Rodney: Known as X-Play's "very special intern" (although whether he's actually an intern or just thinks he's one is open for debate), Rodney is the stereotypical "mentally challenged"
Mental retardation
Mental retardation is a generalized disorder appearing before adulthood, characterized by significantly impaired cognitive functioning and deficits in two or more adaptive behaviors...

person. He wears wrestling headgear and enjoys "playing Xerox" (unnecessarily printing blank paper from the office Xerox
Xerox
Xerox Corporation is an American multinational document management corporation that produced and sells a range of color and black-and-white printers, multifunction systems, photo copiers, digital production printing presses, and related consulting services and supplies...

machine).

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play executive producer Wade Beckett

Roger "The Stan Lee Experience": The "5th best thing" to having the actual Stan Lee
Stan Lee
Stan Lee is an American comic book writer, editor, actor, producer, publisher, television personality, and the former president and chairman of Marvel Comics....

, this foul-mouthed, perverted character is trotted out whenever X-Play needs (but doesn't bother to get) the real Lee's insight into the latest Marvel Comics
Marvel Comics
Marvel Worldwide, Inc., commonly referred to as Marvel Comics and formerly Marvel Publishing, Inc. and Marvel Comics Group, is an American company that publishes comic books and related media...

-licensed game. Roger's segments normally consist of him standing in front of a brick wall (as if doing a stand-up comedy
Stand-up comedy
Stand-up comedy is a comedic art form. Usually, a comedian performs in front of a live audience, speaking directly to them. Their performances are sometimes filmed for later release via DVD, the internet, and television...

routine) and describing the details of various "adult" encounters he has experienced (usually involving the wife of Marvel veteran Jack Kirby
Jack Kirby
Jack Kirby , born Jacob Kurtzberg, was an American comic book artist, writer and editor regarded by historians and fans as one of the major innovators and most influential creators in the comic book medium....

), with each encounter somehow leading to the creation of a well-known Marvel character. For example, during the X-Play Spiderman-themed episode, Roger discusses the time that he was working on Howard the Duck
Howard the Duck
Howard the Duck is a comic book character in the Marvel Comics universe created by writer Steve Gerber and artist Val Mayerik. The character first appeared in Adventure into Fear #19 and several subsequent series have chronicled the misadventures of the ill-tempered, anthropomorphic, "funny...

No. 22 - the one where he gets testicular cancer
Testicular cancer
Testicular cancer is cancer that develops in the testicles, a part of the male reproductive system.In the United States, between 7,500 and 8,000 diagnoses of testicular cancer are made each year. In the UK, approximately 2,000 men are diagnosed each year. Over his lifetime, a man's risk of...

- when he passed out whilst performing autoerotic asphyxiation
Erotic asphyxiation
Erotic asphyxiation or breath control play is the intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for sexual arousal. The sexual preference for that behavior is variously called asphyxiophilia, autoerotic asphyxia, hypoxyphilia. Colloquially, a person engaging in the activity is sometimes called a...

with Kirby's wife ... and that's where he came up with the ending for The Infinity Gauntlet (NOTE: The concept of the "Stan Lee Experience" most likely came about as a parody of the "Real Kramer"
Kenny Kramer
Kenny Kramer is an American stand-up comedian and is the real-life inspiration for the character of Cosmo Kramer from the television sitcom Seinfeld.-Pre-Seinfeld:...

).

First Appearance: Episode No. 5091

Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

Don RonJon: see Myth Crackers!

"Rosencrantz": see "Hamlet"

Rubber Bean: see King Bosco and Rubber Bean

Sledge Ryder and the Kha'ak: Sledge Ryder is an X-Play special news correspondent who kept Adam and Morgan up to date on the impending invasion of San Francisco
San Francisco, California
San Francisco , officially the City and County of San Francisco, is the financial, cultural, and transportation center of the San Francisco Bay Area, a region of 7.15 million people which includes San Jose and Oakland...

by an alien race known as the Kha'ak (from the video game X³: Reunion
X³: Reunion
X³: Reunion is a single-player space trading and combat game developed by Egosoft and published by Deep Silver. It is the third installment in the X universe adventure video game series and the sequel to X²: The Threat , which in turn followed X: Beyond the Frontier...

) ... Of course, since the X-Play writers are known to "work blue" from time to time (and the word "Kha'ak" is pronounced exactly how you think it is), the aliens were depicted as ten-story-tall cardboard cutouts of the male genitalia
Penis
The penis is a biological feature of male animals including both vertebrates and invertebrates...

(blurred out to skirt the censors, of course).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6036

Performed by: Sledge Ryder (Paul Bonanno)

"S" Characters

Mr. Sackman: The abusive father of Sackboy, the main character from LittleBigPlanet
LittleBigPlanet
LittleBigPlanet, commonly abbreviated LBP, is a puzzle platformer video game, based on user-generated content, for the PlayStation 3 first announced on 7 March 2007, by Phil Harrison at the Game Developers Conference in San Francisco, California...

. Playing the role of the stereotypical "stage father
Stage mother
In the performing arts, a stage mother is a term for the mother of a child actor. The mother will often drive her child to auditions, make sure he or she is on the set on time, etc...

", Mr. Sackman forces his son into the video-game business in order to satisfy his own unfulfilled dreams of media stardom.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20081106

Performed by: Unknown

"Sergeant Gary 'Roach' Sanderson": see "Cullen, Edward"

"Sandman
Sandman (Marvel Comics)
Sandman is a fictional character who appears in comic books published by Marvel Comics. A shapeshifter endowed through an accident with the ability to turn himself into sand, he eventually reformed, and became an ally of Spider-Man...

": The infamous Spider-Man
Spider-Man
Spider-Man is a fictional Marvel Comics superhero. The character was created by writer-editor Stan Lee and writer-artist Steve Ditko. He first appeared in Amazing Fantasy #15...

supervillain Flint Marko granted Morgan an exclusive interview during X-Play's Spider-Man 3
Spider-Man 3
Spider-Man 3 is a 2007 American superhero film written and directed by Sam Raimi, with a screenplay by Ivan Raimi and Alvin Sargent. It is the third film in the Sam Raimi Spider-Man trilogy based on the fictional Marvel Comics character Spider-Man...

special, where he revealed that - not only was he the one who actually killed Ben Parker - he killed Batman
Batman
Batman is a fictional character created by the artist Bob Kane and writer Bill Finger. A comic book superhero, Batman first appeared in Detective Comics #27 , and since then has appeared primarily in publications by DC Comics...

's parents, blew up Krypton
Krypton (comics)
Krypton is a fictional planet in the DC Comics universe, and the native world of the super-heroes Superman and, in some tellings, Supergirl and Krypto the Superdog. Krypton has been portrayed consistently as having been destroyed just after Superman's flight from the planet, with exact details of...

, assassinated JFK
John F. Kennedy
John Fitzgerald "Jack" Kennedy , often referred to by his initials JFK, was the 35th President of the United States, serving from 1961 until his assassination in 1963....

, created the McGriddle
McGriddle
The McGriddles is a breakfast sandwich sold by the international fast-food restaurant chain McDonald's. Introduced in 2003, it is available in the American, German, Turkish, Brazilian, Canadian, Polish, Japanese, Guatemalan and Singapore markets...

, cancelled Gilmore Girls
Gilmore Girls
Gilmore Girls is an American family comedy-drama series created by Amy Sherman-Palladino, starring Lauren Graham and Alexis Bledel. On October 5, 2000, the series debuted on The WB and was cancelled in its seventh season, ending on May 15, 2007 on The CW...

, and put Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton
Paris Whitney Hilton is an American businesswoman, heiress, and socialite. She is a great-granddaughter of Conrad Hilton . Hilton is known for her controversial participation in a sex tape in 2003, and appearance on the television series The Simple Life alongside fellow socialite and childhood...

in jail.

First Appearance: Episode No. 7067

Performed by: Ed Lamanna

Santa's Lawyers: A pair of elves
Elf
An elf is a being of Germanic mythology. The elves were originally thought of as a race of divine beings endowed with magical powers, which they use both for the benefit and the injury of mankind...

from the North Pole
North Pole
The North Pole, also known as the Geographic North Pole or Terrestrial North Pole, is, subject to the caveats explained below, defined as the point in the northern hemisphere where the Earth's axis of rotation meets its surface...

named Mistletoe Reuben and Crumpet Katz, who appear during X-Play's 2006 holiday special to perform an "audit" against Adam and Morgan for not spreading enough "Christmas
Christmas
Christmas or Christmas Day is an annual holiday generally celebrated on December 25 by billions of people around the world. It is a Christian feast that commemorates the birth of Jesus Christ, liturgically closing the Advent season and initiating the season of Christmastide, which lasts twelve days...

cheer". The two co-hosts are spared the elves' damning legalese
Legal writing
Legal writing is a type of technical writing used by lawyers, judges, legislators, and others in law to express legal analysis and legal rights and duties.- Authority :...

when the Tricycle
Tricycle
A tricycle is a three-wheeled vehicle. While tricycles are often associated with the small three-wheeled vehicles used by pre-school-age children, they are also used by adults for a variety of purposes. In the United States and Canada, adult-sized tricycles are used primarily by older persons for...

of Kwanzaa
Kwanzaa
Kwanzaa is a week long celebration held in the United States honoring universal African-American heritage and culture, observed from December 26 to January 1 each year. It features activities such as lighting a candle holder with seven candles and culminates in a feast and gift giving...

arrives and announces that he has initiated a hostile takeover
Takeover
In business, a takeover is the purchase of one company by another . In the UK, the term refers to the acquisition of a public company whose shares are listed on a stock exchange, in contrast to the acquisition of a private company.- Friendly takeovers :Before a bidder makes an offer for another...

of "Santa's umbrella corporation".

First Appearance: Episode No. 6131

Performed by: Mistletoe Rubin (Joel Rubin), Crumpet Katz (Louie Katz), Tricycle of Kwanzaa (voice of Guy Branum)

Joshua Sark Sr.: see Dante's Hairclub for Demonslayers

"Sasquatch
Sasquatch (comics)
Sasquatch is a fictional character, a superhero in Marvel Comics' universe. He first appeared in Uncanny X-Men #120 and was created by John Byrne.-Fictional character biography:Dr...

": A character cut from the official MvC3
Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds
is a crossover fighting game developed by Capcom. It features Capcom's own characters and characters from American comic book company Marvel Comics. It is the fifth installment of the Marvel vs...

roster, he was the former leader of the super hero team Alpha Flight
Alpha Flight
Alpha Flight is a fictional superhero team published by Marvel Comics, noteworthy for being one of the few Canadian superhero teams. Created by John Byrne, the team first appeared in Uncanny X-Men #120 ....

, but was rejected for being Canadian.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20110217

Performed by: Unknown

Sat'an
Devil
The Devil is believed in many religions and cultures to be a powerful, supernatural entity that is the personification of evil and the enemy of God and humankind. The nature of the role varies greatly...

: The villain of X-Play: The Musical, who tempts Adam and Morgan into signing a contract to create a video game based on their show, by promising them power and fame and fortune (and matching panda bears
Giant Panda
The giant panda, or panda is a bear native to central-western and south western China. It is easily recognized by its large, distinctive black patches around the eyes, over the ears, and across its round body. Though it belongs to the order Carnivora, the panda's diet is 99% bamboo...

). The deal goes horribly wrong, however, when the game turns out to be "possessed" by an evil fetus-like creature ... Realizing the error of their ways, Adam and Morgan destroy the game and give it a one out of five, but not before Sat'an executes an escape clause in the contract, making himself millions of dollars in the process (NOTE: The Sat'an character returned in a later episode, marking the release of Wrath of the Lich King
World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King
World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King, often referred to as WotLK, WLK or Wrath, is the second expansion set for the massively multiplayer online role-playing game World of Warcraft, following The Burning Crusade...

, by offering to help Morgan clear a Level 100 epic quest in exchange for her immortal soul. This version of the character was portrayed by a different actor, and assumed a more traditional devilish look of red skin and black horns. Also, it was revealed that Sat'an had previously revealed himself to Morgan under the name Tammy, when he slept with her ex-boyfriend and then twitter
Twitter
Twitter is an online social networking and microblogging service that enables its users to send and read text-based posts of up to 140 characters, informally known as "tweets".Twitter was created in March 2006 by Jack Dorsey and launched that July...

ed about it the following day).

First Appearance: Episode No. 7015

Performed by: Sat'an (Unknown), Billy the Newspaper Boy (Jonathan Mann, AKA GameJew), Doctor (Mike Shaw), The X-Play Creature (Paul Bonanno)

Scratch: The twin brother of Sniff, who acts about as shady as Sniff does. However, instead of an affinity for sniffing things, Scratch prefers to (obviously) scratch things ... specifically, scratching
Scratching
Scratching is a DJ or turntablist technique used to produce distinctive sounds by moving a vinyl record back and forth on a turntable while optionally manipulating the crossfader on a DJ mixer. While scratching is most commonly associated with hip hop music, since the late 1980s, it has been used...

some mad beats out.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6051

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Jonathan Solin

Screaming Intern: see Interns

Secret Agent Steve: see Special Agent Bob and Secret Agent Steve

Sess Rider: A parody of the television show Knight Rider, featuring Adam Sessler and his talking car "KITT
KITT
KITT is the short name of two fictional characters from the adventure TV series Knight Rider. While having the same acronym, the KITTs are two different entities: one known as the Knight Industries Two Thousand, which appeared in the original TV series Knight Rider, and the other as the Knight...

" ' onMouseout='HidePop("16800")' href="/topics/Copyright_infringement">copyright infringement
Copyright infringement
Copyright infringement is the unauthorized or prohibited use of works under copyright, infringing the copyright holder's exclusive rights, such as the right to reproduce or perform the copyrighted work, or to make derivative works.- "Piracy" :...

), which stands for "Knight Industries Turbo Tires". Our two heroes are presented with the task of critiquing the downloadable content
Downloadable content
Downloadable content is official additional content for a video game distributed through the Internet. Downloadable content can be of several types, ranging from a single in-game outfit to an entirely new, extensive storyline, similarly to an expansion pack. As such, DLC may add new game modes,...

available in Burnout Paradise
Burnout Paradise
Burnout Paradise is the seventh game in the Burnout racing video game series. It was developed by Criterion Games and published by Electronic Arts. It was released in January 2008 for PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 and on February 5, 2009 for Microsoft Windows...

, such as the "Ghoul Stoppers" car and "The Bootlegger"
The General Lee
The General Lee is the modified Dodge Charger driven by the Duke cousins Bo and Luke in the television series The Dukes of Hazzard. It is known for the chases and stunts, especially high jumps, in almost every episode, and for having the doors welded shut, leaving the Dukes to climb in and out...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20090304

Performed by: Sess Rider (Adam Sessler), "KITT" (Unknown)

Lando Sessler: see Darth Fanboy

"Mrs. Sessler": Adam's dear sweet mother (you can really see the family resemblance), who has absolutely no respect for his job as a video-game reviewer, and is disappointed in just about everything that Adam has ever done (NOTE: She speaks with a Jewish accent, although Adam's actual religious affiliations - if any - are unknown).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6092

Performed by: Adam Sessler

Sessler-Bots: Crude drawings of wind-up dolls
Clockwork
A clockwork is the inner workings of either a mechanical clock or a device that operates in a similar fashion. Specifically, the term refers to a mechanical device utilizing a complex series of gears....

made to resemble host Adam Sessler (in a parody of the game Mario vs. Donkey Kong 2: March of the Minis
Mario vs. Donkey Kong 2: March of the Minis
Mario vs. Donkey Kong 2: March of the Minis is the sequel to the Game Boy Advance game Mario vs. Donkey Kong, a follow up to the Game Boy Donkey Kong game, though it is more puzzle-oriented, now that the player controls several Mini Marios with the touch screen instead of Mario himself...

). Adam uses these robots in an attempt to take over the world, attacking such landmarks as the Eiffel Tower
Eiffel Tower
The Eiffel Tower is a puddle iron lattice tower located on the Champ de Mars in Paris. Built in 1889, it has become both a global icon of France and one of the most recognizable structures in the world...

and Epcot
Epcot
Epcot is a theme park in the Walt Disney World Resort, located near Orlando, Florida. The park is dedicated to the celebration of human achievement, namely international culture and technological innovation. The second park built at the resort, it opened on October 1, 1982 and was initially named...

Center, before the Morgan-Bot (a picture of Morgan's face combined with a tank and Transformers toy
Transformers (toy line)
The is a line of toys produced by the American toy company Hasbro. The Transformers toyline was created from toy molds mostly produced by Japanese company Takara in the toylines Diaclone and Microman. Other toy molds from other companies such as Bandai were used as well...

) chases them away.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6110

Performed by: None

Sharon: see Automatic Review Robot 3000

Shirt-No-Eric: see Morgan-San and Adam-San

Shirtless Eric: see Interns

Sigrid: see Valkyries

Silvia: see Mr. and Mrs. Bob Muffin

"Sin-Eater
Sin-Eater (comics)
Sin-Eater is a name given to several fictional characters appearing in books published by Marvel Comics, usually those featuring Spider-Man and Ghost Rider.- Stanley Carter :...

": A character cut from the official MvC3
Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds
is a crossover fighting game developed by Capcom. It features Capcom's own characters and characters from American comic book company Marvel Comics. It is the fifth installment of the Marvel vs...

roster, who also goes by his alter-ego Stanley Carter.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20110216

Performed by: Unknown

Skip [I]: see Mr. Altair

Skip [II]: The head instructor for the Xbox Live
Xbox Live
Xbox Live is an online multiplayer gaming and digital media delivery service created and operated by Microsoft Corporation. It is currently the only online gaming service on consoles that charges users a fee to play multiplayer gaming. It was first made available to the Xbox system in 2002...

New Member Orientation class, which teaches prospective Xbox Live users important information, such as picking a gamertag
User (computing)
A user is an agent, either a human agent or software agent, who uses a computer or network service. A user often has a user account and is identified by a username , screen name , nickname , or handle, which is derived from the identical Citizen's Band radio term.Users are...

and using the Vision camera to "take pictures of your junk."

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080423

Performed by: Unknown

Slappy the Fish: see Slippy the Fish and Slappy the Fish

Slippy the Fish and Slappy the Fish: Real red snappers
Red snapper (fish)
The red snapper, Lutjanus campechanus, is a fish found in the Gulf of Mexico and the southeastern Atlantic coast of the United States and, much less commonly, northward as far as Massachusetts. In Latin American Spanish it is known as huachinango or pargo...

who play "cousins" and are (supposedly) good friends with Adam ... which didn't stop him from deep-frying and eating both of them (NOTE: Another fish claiming to be Slippy made an appearance during Adam's birthday celebration, but the identity of the fake fish - possibly a trout
Trout
Trout is the name for a number of species of freshwater and saltwater fish belonging to the Salmoninae subfamily of the family Salmonidae. Salmon belong to the same family as trout. Most salmon species spend almost all their lives in salt water...

- is currently unknown).

First Appearance: Episode No. 141 (Slippy), Episode No. 5026 (Slappy)

Performed by: None

Elizabeth "Lizzie" Smelter: see Wallace, Clifton

Sniff: A shady looking, paranoid individual whose nose is always covered in white powder (the implication being that it is cocaine
Cocaine
Cocaine is a crystalline tropane alkaloid that is obtained from the leaves of the coca plant. The name comes from "coca" in addition to the alkaloid suffix -ine, forming cocaine. It is a stimulant of the central nervous system, an appetite suppressant, and a topical anesthetic...

, but this is never stated), and who sniffs and snorts anything he sees.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Jonathan Solin

"Solid Snake
Solid Snake
Metal Gear, initially released in 1987, introduces Solid Snake, the rookie recruit of the elite special-forces unit FOXHOUND. Snake is sent by team leader Big Boss into the rogue nation Outer Heaven to rescue his missing teammate Gray Fox and discover who or what the "METAL GEAR" mentioned is, and...

": An obese parody of the popular Metal Gear Solid
Metal Gear Solid
is a videogame by Hideo Kojima. The game was developed by Konami Computer Entertainment Japan and first published by Konami in 1998 for the PlayStation video game console. It is the sequel to Kojimas early MSX2 computer games Metal Gear and Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake...

character, who was given the very dangerous assignment of retrieving a codec
Codec
A codec is a device or computer program capable of encoding or decoding a digital data stream or signal. The word codec is a portmanteau of "compressor-decompressor" or, more commonly, "coder-decoder"...

containing Russian nuclear secrets disguised as a snow globe
Snow globe
A snow globe is a transparent sphere, usually made of glass, enclosing a miniaturized scene of some sort, often together with a model of a landscape. The sphere also encloses the water in the globe; the water serves as the medium through which the "snow" falls. To activate the snow, the globe is...

; due to a clerical error, the snow globe was sent to an office-supply company in Pittsburgh
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Pittsburgh is the second-largest city in the US Commonwealth of Pennsylvania and the county seat of Allegheny County. Regionally, it anchors the largest urban area of Appalachia and the Ohio River Valley, and nationally, it is the 22nd-largest urban area in the United States...

. Discussing his assignment with "Otacon" over wireless radio communication, it was specifically stated that Snake was not to harm anyone and to avoid detection, but his ample girth proved to make the latter objective nigh-impossible (hiding behind walls and under cardboard boxes did little to conceal his figure). Therefore, he was forced to shoot several employees (even though he later lied when reporting back to Otacon and said that no one was hurt).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6137

Performed by: Solid Snake (Guy Branum), Otacon (Unknown)

Sony Gamer: see The Mac Gamer

Sparkle: see "Cullen, Edward"

Special Agent Bob and Secret Agent Steve: Characters from X-Plays machinima
Machinima
Machinima is the use of real-time 3D computer graphics rendering engines to create a cinematic production. Most often, video games are used to generate the computer animation...

series, Splinter Cell
Splinter Cell
Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell is a series of stealth video games, the first of which was released in 2002, and their tie-in novels. The protagonist, Sam Fisher, is presented as a highly-trained agent of a fictional black-ops sub-division within the NSA, dubbed "Third Echelon"...

Co-op Theater (using gameplay footage taken from Chaos Theory
Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory
Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory is a critically acclaimed action-adventure stealth game, developed and published by Ubisoft. Chaos Theory is the third game in the Splinter Cell series endorsed by writer Tom Clancy....

and later Conviction
Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Conviction
Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Conviction is an action-adventure stealth game, developed by Ubisoft Montreal. Key members of the Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six: Vegas team, such as creative director Maxime Béland, also worked on the game...

). The two fictitious agents - particularly Steve - are totally inept, and can usually be found discussing the movie Bareback Mountain
Brokeback Mountain
Brokeback Mountain is a 2005 romantic drama film directed by Ang Lee. It is a film adaptation of the 1997 short story of the same name by Annie Proulx with the screenplay written by Diana Ossana and Larry McMurtry...

or verbally harassing their female contact Stacey, rather than completing their objective (NOTE: In the first edition of Splinter Cell Co-op Theater, the two characters actually have different names highlighted at the bottom of the screen ... Steve - wearing the blue goggles - is labelled "Bob", and Bob - in the red goggles - is named "Keldroc").

First Appearance: Episode No. 5038

Performed by: Bob (voice of Jason Cheung), Steve (voice of Matt Keil), Stacey (Unknown)

Spectre Mifflin staff: Characters from a skit entitled The Office: Mass Effect Edition, which parodies both the popular US television series and the Xbox 360 title
Mass Effect
Mass Effect is an action role-playing game developed by BioWare for the Xbox 360 and Microsoft Windows by Demiurge Studios. The Xbox 360 version was released worldwide in November 2007 published by Microsoft Game Studios...

. It follows the exploits of a Turian regional manager named Krillius and his employees at Spectre Mifflin Inc., whose sole purpose is to "protect the Citadel from legal repurcussions resulting from the Spectre's actions."

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080114

Performed by: Krillius (Paul Bonanno), James the salesman (Unknown), Ashley the secretary (Unknown), Dwayne the assistant to the regional manager (Unknown)

Spencer the Helper Monkey: As the name implies, Spencer is a helper monkey that the staff of X-Play hired out for the day to try and make their lives easier ... unfortunately, it didn't quite work out that way, as the episode ends with Spencer killing Adam and Morgan (off-screen) with a knife.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5075

Performed by: Spencer Monkey

Sam Spook, Paranormal Investigator: A 1950s-style private detective in the mold of Sam Spade
Sam Spade
Sam Spade is a fictional character who is the protagonist of Dashiell Hammett's 1930 novel The Maltese Falcon and the various films and adaptations based on it, as well as in three lesser known short stories by Hammett....

(in actuality, this is a character from the game Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner
Megami Tensei
, commonly abbreviated as , is a Japanese console role-playing game metaseries which was originally based on the novel series Digital Devil Story by Aya Nishitani and has gone to become one of the major franchises of the genre in its native country...

, with creative voice acting supplied by the cast of X-Play).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6108

Performed by: voice of X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno

"Squirrel Girl
Squirrel Girl
Squirrel Girl, real name Doreen Green, is a fictional character and superhero in the . Her first appearance was in Marvel Super-Heroes #8 , in a story plotted and drawn by Steve Ditko and scripted by Will Murray. Her ability to control squirrels is surprisingly powerful and has allowed her to...

": A character cut from the official MvC3
Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds
is a crossover fighting game developed by Capcom. It features Capcom's own characters and characters from American comic book company Marvel Comics. It is the fifth installment of the Marvel vs...

roster, this female superhero (alter ego Doreen Green) was rejected after it was discovered that she had rabies
Rabies
Rabies is a viral disease that causes acute encephalitis in warm-blooded animals. It is zoonotic , most commonly by a bite from an infected animal. For a human, rabies is almost invariably fatal if post-exposure prophylaxis is not administered prior to the onset of severe symptoms...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20110217

Performed by: Unknown

Stabby: Blair Herter
Blair Herter
Blair Joseph Herter is an American television personality.Herter was born in Scott, Louisiana. He previously worked for MTV, appearing on seasons of Road Rules and Real World/Road Rules Challenge series, as well as G-Hole...

's pet unicorn
Unicorn
The unicorn is a legendary animal from European folklore that resembles a white horse with a large, pointed, spiraling horn projecting from its forehead, and sometimes a goat's beard...

, revealed during the review for Wii Fit Plus
Wii Fit Plus
is a fitness video game by Nintendo for the Wii console. The game is an enhanced version of Wii Fit and was announced at Nintendo's E3 2009 media briefing on June 2, 2009. The game was released in Japan on October 1, 2009 and in North America three days later on October 4. It was released in South...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20091022

Performed by: None

Stacey: see Special Agent Bob and Secret Agent Steve

Starkiller: see Emperor

"Ringo Starr": see "The Beatles"

Steroid-Enhanced Morgan: After Morgan takes some Cherry Flavored Children's Chewable Steroids to up her game (just like the pros do), we are left with this muscle-bound behemoth in a wig who throws his (her?) weight around the X-Play offices.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5013

Performed by: The Great Corrado

Norman Stevens: A character cut from the official MvC3
Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds
is a crossover fighting game developed by Capcom. It features Capcom's own characters and characters from American comic book company Marvel Comics. It is the fifth installment of the Marvel vs...

roster, he started out as a background zombie for Resident Evil 3: Nemesis
Resident Evil 3: Nemesis
Resident Evil 3: Nemesis, released in Japan as is a survival horror video game and the sequel to Resident Evil 2, developed and published by Capcom. The game was released for the PlayStation, and was subsequently ported to the Dreamcast, Microsoft Windows and Nintendo GameCube...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20110215

Performed by: Unknown

Reggie Stevens: see E! True Hollywood Story Re-enactment Team

Brad Stevenson: During their review of The Cube, the X-Play staff discovered that the puzzle game's signature blocks were actually controlled by people rolling around inside of the cubes. Brad Stevenson, a self-described "block jockey", granted them an exclusive look inside his line of work.

First Appearance: Episode No. 7062

Performed by: Unknown

"Patrick Stewart
Patrick Stewart
Sir Patrick Hewes Stewart, OBE is an English film, television and stage actor, who has had a distinguished career in theatre and television for around half a century...

": A parody of the famous British actor, who believes that all video games should be exclusive for the N-Gage
N-Gage
The N-Gage is a mobile telephone and handheld game system by Nokia, based on the Nokia Series 60 platform, released in October 2003. It began sales on October 7, 2003. The N-Gage QD replaced the original N-Gage in 2004....

(this is a play on words
Word play
Word play or wordplay is a literary technique in which the words that are used become the main subject of the work, primarily for the purpose of intended effect or amusement...

of Stewart's catchphrase "Engage!" from his role as Captain Jean-Luc Picard
Jean-Luc Picard
Captain Jean-Luc Picard is a Star Trek character portrayed by Patrick Stewart. He appears in the television series Star Trek: The Next Generation and the feature films Star Trek Generations, Star Trek: First Contact, Star Trek: Insurrection, and Star Trek Nemesis...

on Star Trek: The Next Generation
Star Trek: The Next Generation
Star Trek: The Next Generation is an American science fiction television series created by Gene Roddenberry as part of the Star Trek franchise. Roddenberry, Rick Berman, and Michael Piller served as executive producers at different times throughout the production...

). The "Patrick Stewart" character (known for his terrible bald wig and cheesy English accent) has also been portrayed in the role of Professor X
Professor X
Professor Charles Francis Xavier, also known as Professor X, is a fictional character, a Marvel Comics superhero known as the leader and founder of the X-Men....

from the X-Men
X-Men
The X-Men are a superhero team in the . They were created by writer Stan Lee and artist Jack Kirby, and first appeared in The X-Men #1...

films (he is shown in the famous "chess playing scene" with Magneto
Magneto (comics)
Magneto is a fictional character that appears in comic books published by Marvel Comics. He is the central villain of the X-Men comic, as well as the TV show and the films. The character first appears in X-Men #1 , and was created by writer Stan Lee and artist Jack Kirby...

- voiced by Michael Leffler - only they play more "kid-friendly" games like Connect Four
Connect Four
Connect Four is a two-player game in which the players first choose a color and then take turns dropping their colored discs from the top into a seven-column, six-row vertically-suspended grid...

and Hungry Hungry Hippos
Hungry Hungry Hippos
Hungry Hungry Hippos is a tabletop game made for young children, currently produced by Hasbro, under the brand of its subsidiary, Milton Bradley. It was published in 1967 and introduced in 1978...

).

First Appearance: Episode No. 5031

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Jonathan Solin

"Cloud Strife": see Cyborg Pirate

"Sub-Zero": see "Superman"

Mrs. Sub-Zero: see "Superman"

"Superman
Superman
Superman is a fictional comic book superhero appearing in publications by DC Comics, widely considered to be an American cultural icon. Created by American writer Jerry Siegel and Canadian-born American artist Joe Shuster in 1932 while both were living in Cleveland, Ohio, and sold to Detective...

": During their review of Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe
Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe
Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe is a crossover fighting game from Midway Games and Warner Bros. Games. The eighth game in the Mortal Kombat series, MK vs. DC was released on November 16, . MK vs. DC contains characters from both the Mortal Kombat franchise and the DC Universe...

, X-Play uncovered some fatalities
Fatality (Mortal Kombat)
In the Mortal Kombat series of fighting games, a Fatality is a finishing move that can be used against one's defeated opponent at the end of the final match, after the boss character says "Finish Him/Her." The Fatalities are usually lethal, featuring a brutal and morbid execution of the defenseless...

designed for the Last Son of Krypton that were eventually cut from the final build of the game: blowing cigarette smoke
Passive smoking
Passive smoking is the inhalation of smoke, called secondhand smoke or environmental tobacco smoke , from tobacco products used by others. It occurs when tobacco smoke permeates any environment, causing its inhalation by people within that environment. Exposure to secondhand tobacco smoke causes...

in the face of "Sub-Zero
Sub-Zero (Mortal Kombat)
Sub-Zero is the name given to two video game characters from the Mortal Kombat series. The older Sub-Zero first appeared in the first Mortal Kombat game, being replaced by his younger brother in Mortal Kombat II and the subsequent games...

" so that he will - eventually - die of cancer
Lung cancer
Lung cancer is a disease characterized by uncontrolled cell growth in tissues of the lung. If left untreated, this growth can spread beyond the lung in a process called metastasis into nearby tissue and, eventually, into other parts of the body. Most cancers that start in lung, known as primary...

(Second-Hand Smokality), hanging him from a noose
Hangman's knot
The hangman's knot or hangman's noose is a well-known knot most often associated with its use in hanging. For a hanging, the knot of the rope is typically placed under or just behind the left ear. When the condemned drops to the end of the rope, the force is supposed to break the neck...

with a doctored suicide note
Suicide note
A suicide note or death note is a message that states the author has died by suicide, and left to be discovered and read in anticipation of suicide....

(Fake Suicidality), and travelling back in time
Time travel
Time travel is the concept of moving between different points in time in a manner analogous to moving between different points in space. Time travel could hypothetically involve moving backward in time to a moment earlier than the starting point, or forward to the future of that point without the...

to 1976 in order to assassinate the still-pregnant "Mrs. Sub-Zero" and erase the future ninja from the space-time continuum (Time Paradoxality).

First Appearance: Episode No. 20081117

Performed by: "Superman" (Unknown), "Sub-Zero" (Unknown), Mrs. Sub-Zero (Unknown)

Susie: see Cobra and Mongoose

Officer Sykes: see X-Play COPS

"T" Characters

Bill Tanner: see "Alliance Shopping Network" co-hosts

"Jake Tapper
Jake Tapper
Jacob Paul "Jake" Tapper is an American print and television journalist, currently the senior White House correspondent for ABC News in Washington, D.C...

": A parody of the senior White House correspondent, this character was used in a skit featuring footage from Barack Obama
Barack Obama
Barack Hussein Obama II is the 44th and current President of the United States. He is the first African American to hold the office. Obama previously served as a United States Senator from Illinois, from January 2005 until he resigned following his victory in the 2008 presidential election.Born in...

's primetime press conference held in April 2009 (where the President's comments about the potential swine flu epidemic were made to appear as if he were addressing the spread of a deadly strain of the "Madden Curse"); Tapper questioned the President as to whether or not he believed the "Madden Curse" was a type of "enchantment spell
Incantation
An incantation or enchantment is a charm or spell created using words. An incantation may take place during a ritual, either a hymn or prayer, and may invoke or praise a deity. In magic, occultism, witchcraft it may be used with the intention of casting a spell on an object or a person...

".

First Appearance: Episode No. 20090727

Performed by: "Jake Tapper" (Unknown), Unnamed Reporter (Unknown), Unnamed Female Reporter (Unknown), Infected Madden Fan (Unknown), Secret Service Agent 1 (Unknown), Secret Service Agent 2 (Unknown), Secret Service Agent 3 (Unknown)

Billie Jo Tasker: see Unemployed Ninja

Telly The FCC Standards & Practices Vole
Vole
A vole is a small rodent resembling a mouse but with a stouter body, a shorter hairy tail, a slightly rounder head, smaller ears and eyes, and differently formed molars . There are approximately 155 species of voles. They are sometimes known as meadow mice or field mice in North America...

: A prudish rodent with a monocle
Monocle
A monocle is a type of corrective lens used to correct or enhance the vision in only one eye. It consists of a circular lens, generally with a wire ring around the circumference that can be attached to a string. The other end of the string is then connected to the wearer's clothing to avoid losing...

and pimp hat who is always on the lookout for FCC
Federal Communications Commission
The Federal Communications Commission is an independent agency of the United States government, created, Congressional statute , and with the majority of its commissioners appointed by the current President. The FCC works towards six goals in the areas of broadband, competition, the spectrum, the...

standards violations.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5016

Performed by: Unknown

"Terminator": see Kong-Net

The "Teutuls": A parody of the TV show American Chopper
American Chopper
American Chopper is a reality television series that airs on Discovery Channel, produced by Pilgrim Films & Television. The series centers on Paul Teutul, Sr. and his son Paul Teutul, Jr. , who manufacture custom motorcycles. Orange County Choppers is in Newburgh, New York...

(entitled American Console) featuring Paul Sr., Paul Jr., and Mikey as they work on upgrading video game consoles for various celebrity clients (for example, the parody opens with Paul Jr. modifying a Nintendo GameCube
Nintendo GameCube
The , officially abbreviated to NGC in Japan and GCN in other regions, is a sixth generation video game console released by Nintendo on September 15, 2001 in Japan, November 18, 2001 in North America, May 3, 2002 in Europe, and May 17, 2002 in Australia...

for Bob Saget
Bob Saget
Robert Lane "Bob" Saget is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and television host. Although he is best known for his roles as Danny Tanner in Full House, host of America's Funniest Home Videos and Future Ted Mosby on How I Met Your Mother, Saget is also known outside of television for his blue...

).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6110

Performed by: Paul Sr. (Guy Branum), Paul Jr. (Eric Acasio), Mikey (Robert Manuel)

Texas Sess: see "Ketchum, Ash"

That Ninja: A take-off on the classic piece of Metal Gear Solid
Metal Gear Solid
is a videogame by Hideo Kojima. The game was developed by Konami Computer Entertainment Japan and first published by Konami in 1998 for the PlayStation video game console. It is the sequel to Kojimas early MSX2 computer games Metal Gear and Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake...

dialogue, "Hey, you're that ninja!" ... The X-Play Ninja has been known to sneak silently throughout the X-Play studios, causing his own unique brand of mayhem, such as changing the script to reflect more ninja-themed situations and shooting both Adam and Morgan with tranquilizer darts (NOTE: A Post-it note
Post-it note
A Post-it note is a piece of stationery with a re-adherable strip of adhesive on the back, designed for temporarily attaching notes to documents and other surfaces. Although now available in a wide range of colours, shapes, and sizes, Post-it notes are most commonly a square, canary yellow in colour...

seen in the ninja's cubicle would indicate that his real name is actually N. Inja).

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play segment producer David A. Lockhart

"Flash Thompson
Flash Thompson
Eugene "Flash" Thompson is a supporting character in Marvel Comics’s Spider-Man series. Created by writer Stan Lee and artist Steve Ditko, he first appeared in Amazing Fantasy #15 ....

": A character cut from the official MvC3
Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds
is a crossover fighting game developed by Capcom. It features Capcom's own characters and characters from American comic book company Marvel Comics. It is the fifth installment of the Marvel vs...

roster, he hates it when people call him by his first name, Eugene.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20110216

Performed by: Unknown

"Jack Thompson
Jack Thompson (attorney)
John Bruce "Jack" Thompson is an American activist and disbarred attorney, based in Coral Gables, Florida. Thompson is known for his role as an anti-video-game activist, particularly against violence and sex in video games....

": This parody of the infamous anti-gaming disbarred Florida attorney (who has appeared several times on Attack of the Show!
Attack of the Show!
Attack of the Show! is an American live television program shown weeknights on G4, G4 Canada and Fuel TV in Australia. The program is hosted by Kevin Pereira and Candace Bailey...

) made his X-Play debut reading the news during the Gaming Update. Of course, he couldn't help editorializing, claiming (among other things) that video games caused the crash of US Airways Flight 1549
US Airways Flight 1549
US Airways Flight 1549 was US Airways' scheduled domestic commercial passenger flight from LaGuardia Airport in New York City to Charlotte/Douglas International Airport, Charlotte, North Carolina...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20090205

Performed by: X-Play script consultant Ross Beeley

THS Adam: see E! True Hollywood Story Re-enactment Team

THS Blair: see E! True Hollywood Story Re-enactment Team

THS Morgan: see E! True Hollywood Story Re-enactment Team

Thumbless Ted: An avid gamer who lost both thumb
Thumb
The thumb is the first digit of the hand. When a person is standing in the medical anatomical position , the thumb is the lateral-most digit...

s in separate incidents at the 1998 E3 event - first, he was going to try out the new game The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
is an action-adventure video game developed by Nintendo's Entertainment Analysis and Development division for the Nintendo 64 video game console. It was released in Japan on November 21, 1998; in North America on November 23, 1998; and in Europe on December 11, 1998...

, when another gamer grabbed at the N64
Nintendo 64
The , often referred to as N64, was Nintendo′s third home video game console for the international market. Named for its 64-bit CPU, it was released in June 1996 in Japan, September 1996 in North America, March 1997 in Europe and Australia, September 1997 in France and December 1997 in Brazil...

controller and pulled it out of his hand so violently that his right thumb went along with it. Then, as Ted staggered outside, a rabid fanboy was running down the street with a pair of scissors (claiming that he had cut off a lock of Hironobu Sakaguchi
Hironobu Sakaguchi
is a Japanese game designer, game director and game producer. He is world famous as the creator of the Final Fantasy series, and has had a long career in gaming with over 100 million units of video games sold worldwide...

's hair) and accidentally snipped off the other thumb. He later dies after entering a stickshift car, not being able to change gears.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Ted (Michael Leffler), Younger Ted in "dramatic re-enactment" (Robert Manuel)

Ryu Tierzo: Six-time defending sumo
Sumo
is a competitive full-contact sport where a wrestler attempts to force another wrestler out of a circular ring or to touch the ground with anything other than the soles of the feet. The sport originated in Japan, the only country where it is practiced professionally...

champion, who challenges (and defeats) Adam in a match during X-Play's trip to Japan.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5101

Performed by: Unknown

"Colonel Tigh
Saul Tigh
Saul Tigh is a fictional character on Battlestar Galactica played by Michael Hogan. The character was named Paul Tigh in early scripts, and was renamed due to legal issues, according to producer Ronald D. Moore. He is one of the main characters of the show.-Overview and personality:Saul Tigh is a...

": A parody of the character from the re-imagined BattleStar Galactica
Battlestar Galactica (2004 TV series)
Battlestar Galactica is an American military science fiction television series, and part of the Battlestar Galactica franchise. The show was developed by Ronald D. Moore as a re-imagining of the 1978 Battlestar Galactica television series created by Glen A. Larson...

TV series, with an emphasis on his drinking problem (the drunken sailor shanty
Drunken Sailor
Drunken Sailor is a traditional sea shanty also known as What Shall We Do with the Drunken Sailor?It begins with the question, "What shall we do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning?" Each verse thereafter suggests a method of sobering—or castigating, or simply abusing—the sailor.The song...

is heard playing in the background whenever he appears) and the use of the fictitious expletive frak
Frak (expletive)
Frak is a fictional version of "fuck," "shit" or "damn" first used in the original Battlestar Galactica series. It continues to be used throughout different versions of the franchise as an expletive....

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 7034

Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

"Tim": see Dante's Hairclub for Demonslayers

Timmy: The star of the fictional X-Play Orientation Video (Reel 1 of 214), which is meant to help first-time employees get acquainted with their new duties. The skit is portrayed in the style of educational film
Educational film
An educational film is a film or movie whose primary purpose is to educate. Educational films have been used in classrooms as an alternative to other teaching methods.-Cultural significance:...

s of the early 1950s, and shows Timmy performing various tasks on his first day at work in the X-Play offices - holding game controller
Game controller
A game controller is a device used with games or entertainment systems used to control a playable character or object, or otherwise provide input in a computer game. A controller is typically connected to a game console or computer by means of a wire, cord or nowadays, by means of wireless connection...

s for Adam (so he doesn't develop callus
Callus
A callus is an especially toughened area of skin which has become relatively thick and hard in response to repeated friction, pressure, or other irritation. Rubbing that is too frequent or forceful will cause blisters rather than allow calluses to form. Since repeated contact is required, calluses...

es), performing forbidden acts of dark magic
Black magic
Black magic is the type of magic that draws on assumed malevolent powers or is used with the intention to kill, steal, injure, cause misfortune or destruction, or for personal gain without regard to harmful consequences. As a term, "black magic" is normally used by those that do not approve of its...

for Morgan (since she is really a 3826-year-old Sumer
Sumer
Sumer was a civilization and historical region in southern Mesopotamia, modern Iraq during the Chalcolithic and Early Bronze Age....

ian who requires the sacrificial offering of innocent blood to the god Baal
Baal
Baʿal is a Northwest Semitic title and honorific meaning "master" or "lord" that is used for various gods who were patrons of cities in the Levant and Asia Minor, cognate to Akkadian Bēlu...

in order to stay young and beautiful), and participating in the stress-relieving activity of office NERF
Nerf
Nerf is a toy brand created by Parker Brothers and currently owned by Hasbro. The acronym NERF stands for "Non-Expanding Recreational Foam". Most of the toys are a variety of foam-based weaponry, but there are also several different types of Nerf toys, such as balls for sports like football,...

combat.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20090204

Performed by: Unknown

"Tingle
Tingle
is the video game character of the eponymous Tingle series. He was originally part of the The Legend of Zelda series, first appearing in Majora's Mask, released in the year 2000. Since his first appearance, he has appeared in each installment of the series up through Spirit Tracks, except for...

": A parody of the Nintendo
Nintendo
is a multinational corporation located in Kyoto, Japan. Founded on September 23, 1889 by Fusajiro Yamauchi, it produced handmade hanafuda cards. By 1963, the company had tried several small niche businesses, such as a cab company and a love hotel....

character, who was killed by Drunk Link during a demonstration of Link's Crossbow Training
Link's Crossbow Training
Link's Crossbow Training, known in Japan as , is a shooting video game published and developed by Nintendo for the Wii video game console. It was bundled with the Wii Zapper peripheral and was the first title to use it. It was first released in North America and was later released in Europe,...

using the Wii Zapper peripheral.

First Appearance: Episode No. 7124

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Jonathan Solin

TK-431: see Calrissian, Adam

TK-516: see Calrissian, Adam

Adam Toht: see Webb, Indiana

Crazy Adam Trampleton: A stereotypical Southerner
Southern United States
The Southern United States—commonly referred to as the American South, Dixie, or simply the South—constitutes a large distinctive area in the southeastern and south-central United States...

in charge of Crazy Adam's Discount Warehouse and Import Emporium, which offers Japanese import games
Import gamers
Import gamers are a subset of the video game player community that take part in the practice of playing video games from another region, usually from Japan where the majority of games for certain systems originate.- Reasons for importing :...

(such as Zombies Vs. Ambulance, Heavy Metal Thunder and Women's Swim Meet) at "LOW LOW PRICES!!!" (NOTE: This is most likely a parody of commercials for the old Crazy Eddie
Crazy Eddie
Crazy Eddie is the name of a consumer electronics retailer conducting business through the internet and by telephone. The venture is the most recent to be doing business under the Crazy Eddie name, with the most well known being a chain of retail stores that operated throughout New York, New...

chain of electronics stores).

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Adam Sessler

Tricycle of Kwanzaa: see Santa's Lawyers

The TV Host: see "The Breakfast Club"

"U" Characters

Ulala Morgan: Morgan's "homage" to the main character from the game series Space Channel 5
Space Channel 5
Space Channel 5 is a music video game developed by United Game Artists under the direction of Tetsuya Mizuguchi and published by Sega. The gameplay features a system where the player must copy sequences of dance steps performed by the computer...

, which she debuts during her review of Space Channel 5: Ulala's Cosmic Attack for the GBA
Game Boy Advance SP
The , released in February 2003, is an upgraded version of Nintendo's Game Boy Advance. The "SP" in Game Boy Advance SP stands for Special. The SP was marketed at US$99.99 at launch. In September 2004, Nintendo lowered the price to US$79.99...

. Decked out in a purple wig and orange miniskirt, Morgan wanders around the TechTV offices while playing the game (dancing and gesticulating loudly the entire time). Much to Morgan's chagrin, her enthusiasm for the character merely ends up annoying her fellow co-workers (Adam throws a Tux
Tux
Tux is a penguin character and the official mascot of the Linux kernel. Originally created as an entry to a Linux logo competition, Tux is the most commonly used icon for Linux, although different Linux distributions depict Tux in various styles. In video games featuring the character, female...

plush doll at her to get her to shut up, while producer Matt Keil, head writer Blair Butler, and former web producer Leticia Caparaz can't figure out whether she's supposed to be impersonating RuPaul
RuPaul
RuPaul Andre Charles , best known as simply RuPaul, is an American actor, drag queen, model, author, and singer-songwriter, who first became widely known in the 1990s when he appeared in a wide variety of television programs, films, and musical albums. Previously, he was a fixture on the Atlanta...

or a tramp).

First Appearance: Episode No. 140

Performed by: Morgan Webb

Unemployed Ninja: Not to be confused with That Ninja, the Unemployed Ninja is "relieved" of his duties as a silent assassin, so he visits a temp agency
Temporary work
Temporary work or temporary employment refers to a situation where the employee is expected to leave the employer within a certain period of time. Temporary employees are sometimes called "contractual", "seasonal", "interim", "casual staff", "freelance", or "part-time"; or the word may be shortened...

in an attempt to find a new line of work. However, the new jobs that his case worker Billie Jo Tasker finds for him (including washroom attendant, coupon clipper, and MC
Master of Ceremonies
A Master of Ceremonies , or compere, is the host of a staged event or similar performance.An MC usually presents performers, speaks to the audience, and generally keeps the event moving....

for a ventriloquist act
Ventriloquism
Ventriloquism, or ventriloquy, is an act of stagecraft in which a person manipulates his or her voice so that it appears that the voice is coming from elsewhere, usually a puppeteered "dummy"...

entitled Jeff 'n Jesus) do not end well, and the Unemployed Ninja eventually performs hari-kari on himself to avoid further humiliation. As he is dying, Billie Jo reminds him that he could've accepted a hug.

First Appearance: Episode No. 7023

Performed by: Unemployed Ninja (Eric Acasio), Unnamed Sensei (Jonathan Solin), Billie Jo Tasker (Heather Frank), Unnamed Bathroom Patron (Robert Manuel), Miss Bendova (Emily Mollenkopf), Unnamed Prosecutor (Casey Schreiner)

Ralph Urntable: see Wallace, Clifton

Ursula: see Valkyries

"Naruto Uzumaki
Naruto Uzumaki
is a fictional character in the anime and manga franchise Naruto created by Masashi Kishimoto. The main protagonist and titular character of the series, he is a ninja affiliated with the fictional village of Konohagakure. The villagers ostracize Naruto because the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox, a...

": The X-Play staff have listed several reasons for their dislike of games based on the anime series Naruto
Naruto
is an ongoing Japanese manga series written and illustrated by Masashi Kishimoto. The plot tells the story of Naruto Uzumaki, an adolescent ninja who constantly searches for recognition and aspires to become the Hokage, the ninja in his village who is acknowledged as the leader and the strongest of...

(the fact that he's a ninja
Ninja
A or was a covert agent or mercenary of feudal Japan specializing in unorthodox arts of war. The functions of the ninja included espionage, sabotage, infiltration, and assassination, as well as open combat in certain situations...

who wears a bright orange
Orange (colour)
The colour orange occurs between red and yellow in the visible spectrum at a wavelength of about 585–620 nm, and has a hue of 30° in HSV colour space. It is numerically halfway between red and yellow in a gamma-compressed RGB colour space, the expression of which is the RGB colour wheel. The...

jumpsuit
Jumpsuit
Jumpsuit originally referred to the utilitarian one-piece garments used by parachuters/skydivers, but has come to be used as a common term for any one-piece garment with sleeves and legs.-Use:...

, his lame catchphrase "Believe it!", most of them are just average fighting games, etc etc). However, they must have uttered one negative comment too many, as the titular character himself (or a reasonable facsimile
Facsimile
A facsimile is a copy or reproduction of an old book, manuscript, map, art print, or other item of historical value that is as true to the original source as possible. It differs from other forms of reproduction by attempting to replicate the source as accurately as possible in terms of scale,...

thereof) stormed onto the set and challenged Adam to a fight. Luckily, emergency co-host Blair Butler was able to chase him off with a rolled-up newspaper.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6094

Performed by: X-Play production assistant Eric Acasio

"V" Characters

The Valkyrie
Valkyrie
In Norse mythology, a valkyrie is one of a host of female figures who decides who dies in battle. Selecting among half of those who die in battle , the valkyries bring their chosen to the afterlife hall of the slain, Valhalla, ruled over by the god Odin...

s: Appearing during X-Play's review of Valkyrie Profile 2: Silmeria
Valkyrie Profile 2: Silmeria
Valkyrie Profile 2: Silmeria is the second installment in the Valkyrie Profile series. It was developed by tri-Ace and published by Square Enix. It was released for the PlayStation 2 on June 22, 2006 in Japan, September 26, 2006 in North America, and September 7, 2007 in Europe and other PAL...

, these female warriors (Sigrid, Gudrun, and Ursula) are using an online dating service to try and find some companionship before Ragnarök
Ragnarök
In Norse mythology, Ragnarök is a series of future events, including a great battle foretold to ultimately result in the death of a number of major figures , the occurrence of various natural disasters, and the subsequent submersion of the world in water...

. We are also introduced to Harold Fargis, a normal-looking man who is just searching for someone to kill a family of frost giants living in his basement.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6089

Performed by: Sigrid (Emily Mollenkopf), Gudrun (Dana Vinson), Ursula (Jess Reed), Harold (Casey Schreiner)

Morgan von Vebb: A mad scientist
Mad scientist
A mad scientist is a stock character of popular fiction, specifically science fiction. The mad scientist may be villainous or antagonistic, benign or neutral, and whether insane, eccentric, or simply bumbling, mad scientists often work with fictional technology in order to forward their schemes, if...

with a deliberately bad German
German language
German is a West Germanic language, related to and classified alongside English and Dutch. With an estimated 90 – 98 million native speakers, German is one of the world's major languages and is the most widely-spoken first language in the European Union....

accent (NOTE: This character's last name was originally spelled "Webb", but in a 2006 re-broadcast of the Web of Destruction skit, the writers retroactively went back and changed her intro screen so that the last name is now spelled "Vebb" ... no reason for the spelling change has been given, although one can assume that it is meant to better convey Morgan's German-like pronunciation of the letter "W").

First Appearance: Episode No. 302

Performed by: Morgan Webb

"Principal Vernon: see "The Breakfast Club"

Viewtiful Adam: Adam dressed up as the character Viewtiful Joe
Viewtiful Joe
is a video game developed by Capcom's Production Studio 4 for the Nintendo GameCube. It was originally released in 2003 as a part of the Capcom Five under director Hideki Kamiya and producer Atsushi Inaba. Viewtiful Joe was later ported to the Sony PlayStation 2 by the same design team under the...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6008

Performed by: Adam Sessler

"W" Characters

Bootay van Wah: see Shedfish, Fidel

Clifton Wallace: The lead anchorman
News presenter
A news presenter is a person who presents news during a news program in the format of a television show, on the radio or the Internet.News presenters can work in a radio studio, television studio and from remote broadcasts in the field especially weather...

for one of the cities being destroyed in the arcade game Rampage
Rampage (arcade game)
Rampage is a 1986 arcade game by Bally Midway. Players take control of gigantic monsters trying to survive against onslaughts of military forces...

, who is discussing the devastation caused by the three monsters with Dane McKay (their resident professional on wildlife) when Ralph Urntable returns to human form and feigns ignorance of his actions (since he was in the form of a mindless wolf); however, when his girlfriend Elizabeth Smelter changes back from lizard to human form, he accuses her of knowing exactly what she was doing when she was hanging around with that big ape George.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20101220

Performed by: Clifton Wallace (Unknown), Dane McKay (Unknown), Ralph Urntable (Unknown), Elizabeth "Lizzie" Smelter (Unknown), George (Unknown)

Warhammer Chainsaw Sword: In anticipation for the release of Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine
Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine
Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine is a third-person action video game developed by Relic Entertainment and published by THQ. It was released for Microsoft Windows, PlayStation 3, Xbox 360 and Onlive on September 6, 2011 in North America and September 9, 2011 in Europe...

, Blair Herter receives a genuine chainsword in the mail, which he proceeds to incorporate into several mundane tasks (opening a can of soda, scratching his back, etc.) before developing a romantic relationship with the apparently sentient weapon ... Eventually, Blair and his new life partner attempt to cut a panda in half, when the FBI's "Anti Panda Dismemberment Task Force" (Officer Jones and Officer Pike) barge in to confiscate the sword. Blair attempts to resist, so the officers take him down in a hail of gunfire ... until he awakens to reveal that it was all a dream (although the chainsword still speaks to him).

First Appearance: Episode No. 20110921

Performed by: Warhammer Chainsaw Sword (None), Officer Jones (Unknown), Officer Pike (Unknown)

Indiana Webb: Morgan Webb in the role of the famous archaeologist
Indiana Jones
Colonel Henry Walton "Indiana" Jones, Jr., Ph.D. is a fictional character and the protagonist of the Indiana Jones franchise. George Lucas and Steven Spielberg created the character in homage to the action heroes of 1930s film serials...

, as the introduction for the 2010 Golden Mullet Awards is presented in the fashion of the opening scenes from Raiders of the Lost Ark
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Raiders of the Lost Ark is a 1981 American action-adventure film directed by Steven Spielberg, produced by George Lucas, and starring Harrison Ford. It is the first film in the Indiana Jones franchise...

; after retrieving the golden-mullet award/idol from X-Play deep storage alongside Adam (in the role of Arnold Toht) and avoiding the giant boulder (a Katamari ball
Katamari Damacy
Katamari Damacy is a third-person puzzle-action video game that is published and developed by Namco for the PlayStation 2 video game console. It was first released in Japan, and then later in South Korea and North America...

), Miss Webb loses the idol when they are ambushed by Cliff Bleszinski
Cliff Bleszinski
Clifford Michael "Cliff" Bleszinski is the design director for the game development company Epic Games in Cary, North Carolina. He is most famous for his continuing hand in the development of the Unreal franchise, especially 1999's Unreal Tournament, and the Gears of War franchise...

(in the role of René Belloq).

First Appearance: Episode No. 20110111

Performed by: Indiana Webb (Morgan Webb), Adam Toht (Adam Sessler), René Bleszinski (Cliff Bleszinski)

Morgan von Webb: see Vebb, Morgan von

Vulcan Webb: Morgan Webb dressed up in a Spock
Spock
Spock is a fictional character in the Star Trek media franchise. First portrayed by Leonard Nimoy in the original Star Trek series, Spock also appears in the animated Star Trek series, two episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation, seven of the Star Trek feature films, and numerous Star Trek...

costume, as she plays lead guitar in a commercial for the video game Star Trek
Star Trek
Star Trek is an American science fiction entertainment franchise created by Gene Roddenberry. The core of Star Trek is its six television series: The Original Series, The Animated Series, The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager, and Enterprise...

: Rock Band
Rock Band
Rock Band is a music video game developed by Harmonix Music Systems, published by MTV Games and Electronic Arts. It is the first title in the Rock Band series. The PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 versions were released in the United States on November 20, 2007, while the PlayStation 2 version was...

. She is joined by veteran X-Play recurring characters "Patrick Stewart" (vocals) and "Jonathan Frakes" (backup guitar), as well as newcomer "Lt. Commander Worf
Worf
Worf, played by Michael Dorn, is a main character in Star Trek: The Next Generation and in seasons four to seven of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. He also appears in the films based on The Next Generation. Worf is the first Klingon main character to appear in Star Trek, and has appeared in more Star...

" (drums). The game's fictional songlist boasts 238 titles, such as Spock 'n Roll All Night
Rock and Roll All Nite
"Rock and Roll All Nite" is a song by Kiss, originally released on their 1975 album Dressed to Kill. It was released as the A-side of their fifth single, with the album track "Getaway." The studio version of the song peaked at No. 57 on the Billboard singles chart, besting the band's previous...

; Worf (There He Is!)
Whoomp! (There It Is)
"Whoomp! " is a number two Billboard Hot 100 single by the Miami bass group Tag Team.The song sampled a beginning synthesizer line from the 1980 Italo-disco hit "I'm Ready" by Kano. The chorus is almost the same as the song "Whoot, There It Is" released by 95 South a month earlier, however the...

; Khan
Khan Noonien Singh
Khan Noonien Singh, commonly shortened to Khan, is a villain in the fictional Star Trek universe. According to backstory given in the character's first appearance, the Star Trek: The Original Series episode "Space Seed" , Khan is a genetically engineered superhuman tyrant who once controlled more...

Buy Me Love
Can't Buy Me Love
"Can't Buy Me Love" is a song composed by Paul McCartney and released by The Beatles on the A-side of their sixth British single, "Can't Buy Me Love"/"You Can't Do That".-Interpretation:...

; Anarchy for the
Anarchy in the U.K.
"Anarchy in the U.K." was covered by American thrash metal band Megadeth for their third album So Far, So Good... So What!, released in 1988.Notoriously, the song has incorrect lyrics...

UFP
United Federation of Planets
The United Federation of Planets, also known as "The Federation" is a fictional interplanetary federal republic depicted in the Star Trek television series and motion pictures...

; Uhura
Uhura
Nyota Uhura is a character in Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Animated Series, the first six Star Trek films, and the 2009 film Star Trek...

Through the Grapevine
I Heard It through the Grapevine
"I Heard It Through the Grapevine" is a landmark song in the history of Motown. Written by Norman Whitfield and Barrett Strong in 1966, the single was first recorded by Smokey Robinson & the Miracles...

; Seven of Ninety Nine
Seven of Nine
Seven of Nine is a fictional character on Star Trek: Voyager, portrayed by actress Jeri Ryan. Born human, she was assimilated by the Borg at the age of six. Eighteen years later, Voyager left Borg space with Seven on board, after attempts to negotiate passage through Borg space proved only...

Luftballoons
99 Luftballons
"99 Luftballons" is a protest song by the German pop-rock band Nena from their 1983 self-titled album. Originally sung in German, it was later re-recorded in English as "99 Red Balloons" for their album 99 Luftballons in 1984...

; Ferengi
Ferengi
The Ferengi are a fictitious extraterrestrial race from the Star Trek universe. They first appeared in "The Last Outpost", the fifth episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation in 1987, during which they made first contact with the United Federation of Planets in 2364 on the planet Delphi Ardu,...

's Got Back
Baby Got Back
"Baby Got Back" is a 1992 Number One single by hip hop artist Sir Mix-a-Lot, from his album Mack Daddy. The song samples the 1986 electro single "Technicolor" by Channel One. The song's title originates from an urban slang term used to express a favorable opinion about a woman's buttocks...

; Borgs
Borg (Star Trek)
The Borg are a fictional pseudo-race of cybernetic organisms depicted in the Star Trek universe associated with Star Trek.Whereas cybernetics are used by other races in the science fiction world to repair bodily damage and birth defects, the Borg use enforced cybernetic enhancement as a means of...

Just Want to Have Fun
Girls Just Want to Have Fun
Girls Just Want to Have Fun may refer to:In music:* "Girls Just Want to Have Fun", the first major single released by singer Cyndi Lauper on She's So UnusualIn film:...

; Walk This
Walk This Way
"Walk This Way" is a song by American hard rock group Aerosmith. Written by Steven Tyler and Joe Perry, the song was originally released as the second single from the 1975 album Toys in the Attic. It peaked at Number 10 on the Billboard Hot 100 in early 1977, part of a string of successful hit...

Janeway
Kathryn Janeway
Kathryn Janeway, played by Kate Mulgrew, is a fictional character in the Star Trek franchise. As the captain of the Starfleet starship USS Voyager, she was the lead character on the television series Star Trek: Voyager, and later, a Starfleet admiral, as seen in the 2002 feature film Star Trek...

; and Klingon
Klingon
Klingons are a fictional warrior race in the Star Trek universe.Klingons are recurring villains in the 1960s television show Star Trek: The Original Series, and have appeared in all five spin-off series and eight feature films...

Me Softly With His Song
Killing Me Softly with His Song
"Killing Me Softly with His Song" is a 1971 song composed by Charles Fox and Norman Gimbel. It has been covered by numerous artists, most notably by Roberta Flack whose version topped the U.S...

. The tagline for the commercial features Webb stating that "purchasing any other interactive music technology this winter solstice would be illogical."

First Appearance: Episode No. 20101119

Performed by: Vulcan Webb (Morgan Webb), "Lt. Commander Worf" (Tim Jennings), Redshirt

Redshirt (character)

A "redshirt" is a stock character in fiction who dies soon after being introduced. The term originates with fans of Star Trek , from the red shirts worn by Starfleet security officers who frequently die during episodes.-Star Trek:...

(Unknown)

Steven J. Weingart: Publicist
Publicist
A publicist is a person whose job is to generate and manage publicity for a public figure, especially a celebrity, a business, or for a work such as a book, film or album...

to the stars, whose biggest client is the Witch-king of Angmar
Witch-king of Angmar
The Witch-king of Angmar, also known as the Lord of the Nazgûl and the Black Captain among other names, is a fictional character and a major antagonist in J. R. R. Tolkien's Middle-earth fantasy writings. In Tolkien's novel The Lord of the Rings, he is the chief of the Nazgûl , the chief servants...

.

First Appearance: Episode No. 7010

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Tim Jennings

Mrs. White: see Reservoir Geeks

"Young Steve Wiebe": see Kong-Net

"Owen Wilson": A parody of the famous Hollywood actor
Owen Wilson
Owen Cunningham Wilson is an American actor and writer, known for his roles in the films The Haunting, The Royal Tenenbaums, Zoolander, Meet the Parents, Wedding Crashers, You, Me and Dupree, Bottle Rocket, the Cars series, The Darjeeling Limited, Marley & Me, Midnight in Paris, Shanghai Noon,...

who (supposedly) is dating Princess Katpower.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6133

Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

Morgan Windu: see Darth Fanboy

"The Witch": A parody of the female zombie
Zombie
Zombie is a term used to denote an animated corpse brought back to life by mystical means such as witchcraft. The term is often figuratively applied to describe a hypnotized person bereft of consciousness and self-awareness, yet ambulant and able to respond to surrounding stimuli...

character from first-person shooter Left 4 Dead
Left 4 Dead
Left 4 Dead is a cooperative first-person shooter video game. It was developed by Turtle Rock Studios, which was purchased by Valve Corporation during development. The game uses Valve's proprietary Source engine, and is available for Microsoft Windows, Xbox 360 and Mac OS X...

, who ends up eviscerating X-Play correspondent Blair Herter when he tries to hit on her.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20081208

Performed by: Unknown

"Wonder Girl": see Blastdong, Dirk

Lt. Commander Worf: see Webb, Vulcan

Joey Wottanewski: see Grabnar the Wanderer

WWE
World Wrestling Entertainment
World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc. is an American publicly traded, privately controlled entertainment company dealing primarily in professional wrestling, with major revenue sources also coming from film, music, product licensing, and direct product sales...

Adam and Morgan: Polygonal versions of the X-Play hosts, birthed using the WWE SmackDown vs. Raw 2010
WWE SmackDown vs. Raw 2010
WWE SmackDown vs. Raw 2010 , is a professional wrestling video game developed by Yuke's, and published by THQ for the PlayStation 2 , PlayStation 3 , PlayStation Portable , Wii, Nintendo DS, and Xbox 360 systems. It is the eleventh video game in the WWE SmackDown vs...

create-a-wrestler feature. The custom storyline devised for them consisted of Morgan defeating Melina
Melina Perez
Melina Nava Perez is an American professional wrestler currently signed to Women Superstars Uncensored. She is best known for her time with World Wrestling Entertainment under the ring mononym Melina....

for the WWE Divas Championship
WWE Divas Championship
The WWE Diva's Championship is a unified professional wrestling championship in WWE. It is competed for by WWE Divas. The championship was created by WWE in 2008, and was introduced in storyline by then-SmackDown General Manager Vickie Guerrero as an alternative to Raw's Women's Championship...

, only to find her car sabotaged in the backstage area afterwards, causing her to sustain injuries which led to her defeat in the subsequent rematch. It was ultimately revealed that Adam himself was the culprit, as he had rigged the car to explode in order to frighten Morgan into relinquishing her wrestling career and return to her co-hosting duties (ADAM: "Morgan! It was me! I wanted you to lose the title so you can [sic] back and do the show ... ").

First Appearance: Episode No. 20091026

Performed by: None

"X" Characters

"Professor Charles Xavier": see Stewart, Patrick

Johnny Xtreme: A loud caricature and personification of the extreme sport
Extreme sport
An extreme sport is a popular term for certain activities perceived as having a high level of inherent danger...

mentality prevalent among today's young people. His appearances on the show are often peppered with some of his colorful catchphrases (including "EXTREME!", "TO THE MAX!", and "IT'S GONNA PUNCH YOUR BALLS
Testicle
The testicle is the male gonad in animals. Like the ovaries to which they are homologous, testes are components of both the reproductive system and the endocrine system...

OFF!"). As an expression of how "extreme" he is, he occasionally feels the need to break a beer bottle over his crotch; normally after doing so, he encourages the person beside him to do the same, irrationally presenting them with the broken bottle and cheering them on with the phrase, "Yeah! Now you!" (NOTE: In the character's first on-screen appearance, the chyron introducing him spelled his last name as "Extreme"; in later appearances the extra "E" has been dropped).

First Appearance: March 2005 (voice), Episode No. 5031 (on-screen)

Performed by: X-Play co-producer Jason Cheung

"Y" Characters

Yu-Gi-Ho: see Yu-Gi-Oh! Gang

Yu-Gi-Oh! Gang: A group of youngsters who dress and talk like street-tough gangsta-rappers
Gangsta rap
Gangsta Rap is a subgenre of hip hop music that evolved from hardcore hip hop and purports to reflect urban crime and the violent lifestyles of inner-city youths. Lyrics in gangsta rap have varied from accurate reflections to fictionalized accounts. Gangsta is a non-rhotic pronunciation of the word...

, only their specialty is playing Yu-Gi-Oh! card battle games
Collectible card game
thumb|Players and their decksA collectible card game , also called a trading card game or customizable card game, is a game played using specially designed sets of playing cards...

. They eventually recruit Billy the Pokémon fan into their ranks, although just because he's "one of them" doesn't mean that he won't get a beat-down every now and then.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5113

Performed by: Little John (Albert Iskander), Unnamed Accomplice (Eric Acasio), The Yu-Gi-Ho (Alisa Chieves)

"Z" Characters

"Princess Zelda": see "Kratos"

Zombie: see Cyborg Pirate

Zombie Adam and Morgan: During the 2005 Halloween
Halloween
Hallowe'en , also known as Halloween or All Hallows' Eve, is a yearly holiday observed around the world on October 31, the night before All Saints' Day...

episode, the X-Play offices were over-run with a particularly nasty zombie infestation. Morgan eventually ended up getting bitten by one of the flesh eaters and - subsequently - took a bite out of Sessler (although Adam made a valiant effort to escape Zombie Morgan's clutches, fending her off with various stage props - including a fake lightsaber - to the tune of a Benny Hill
Benny Hill
Benny Hill was an English comedian and actor, notable for his long-running television programme The Benny Hill Show.-Early life:...

-esque chase scene, before finally succumbing).

First Appearance: Episode No. 5115

Performed by: Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb

External links

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